Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Fellowship of the Ring (Almost) ❯ The Doors of Moria ( Chapter 8 )

Chapter Eight: The Doors of Moria

[The Fellowship is now walking away from the burning wreckage of the Hippie Car. Unknown to them the Nazgul are (still) trailing them and are responsible for the destruction of Yoda's car.]

Sonic: Whew. That was close.

Shadow: Let's not tell Yoda about this.

Tails: Agreed.

[The Fellowship wanders off towards the doors of Moria.]

Amy: How do we open this?

[This refers to the immense door that blocks the way into Moria.]

Knuckles: We punch it down!

[Knuckles runs screaming at the door. He punches it with all his strength. There is the sudden noise of bones shattering.]

Knuckles: Ow.

Rouge: Uhh…is it normal for your hand to make that noise?

Knuckles: Nah, that's the sound of every bone in my arm and hand shattering.

Shadow: Doesn't that hurt?

Knuckles: Like Hell. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

[Knuckles runs around in circles screaming. Rouge shakes her head in despair. Cut to the Nazgul on the mountain behind the Fellowship. Boris has rejoined them.]

Boris: …And then he says "No coupon" and then I say…

Arthas: Just shut up already.

Boris: NIET! I'm not "shutting up" until I finish my story!

Arthas: No, seriously. It's getting annoying.

[Meanwhile back where the Fellowship is trying to open the door, Tails is tossing rocks into a nearby lake. Knuckles is still running around screaming.]

Tails: I got it to skip twice! Beat that Gordon!

[Freeman bends down, grabs a rock and throws.]

Tails: (Tails' jaw drops)…234…235…236…237…238…crap.

[The rock has hit something solid and sinks. The something solid begins to shake and moan. It rises up out of the water. The something is none other than…umm…let me think this one over for a while…a mutant X-Box with squid tentacles! Yeah. Scary.]

Tails: Crap! Guys? We have a slight problem.

Sonic: (Turning around from the door) We have no probl…oh shit.

[Back with the Nazgul]

Kerrigan: Guys? Something's happening down there.

Boris: How is my story not important?

Arthas: You have the damn Visine! Shut up already!

Boris: American pig!

Arthas: I'M NOT AMERICAN!

47: SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU!

Kerrigan: Guys? Hello-o?

[Back to the Fellowship. They have just about killed the X-Box squid demon. Suddenly it rages up the shore, straight at the Fellowship.]

Amy: (Oblivious to what is happening around her) Hey! I found out how to open the door!

[Amy pulls a handle. The doors swing open, screaming the Fellowship run in.]

Amy: Guys? What's the problem?

[Amy turns around and sees the X-Box squid demon coming straight at her.]

Amy: AAHHH!!

[Amy runs into the door. She wobbles a little, and then runs into the caves. The squid runs straight into the doors, causing the entrance to collapse, locking the Fellowship inside Moria.]

Sonic: Ah, shit.

[Back to the Nazgul.]

Arthas: I am not gay!

Boris: But you dress like a pansy!

Arthas: I'm covered in skulls! How is that dressing like a pansy?

Kerrigan: You idiots! We lost them! They're in Moria!

47: Damn this sucks. Alright, we go back to Minas Morgul and get something better to ride than these horses. Dragons or something…

[47 waves vaguely at the horses, which are in fact pretty pathetic looking and worn out ponies, about half the size necessary for the Nazgul.]

Boris: PANSY!

Arthas: I'll disembowel you if you don't shut up! I just wear my hair long! NOT GAY!

Kerrigan: Can we move quickly? I need to be conquering Terrans by the end of the week.

[The Nazgul ride out. Near the gates of Moria, the Two Evil Mofos arrive.]

Megabyte: What do you suppose happened here?

Cervantes: Arr!

Megabyte: Is there anything else you can say?

Cervantes: Arr!

Megabyte: This is going to be a long trip.

Cervantes: Arr!

[Megabyte shakes his head in despair.]