Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Return of the King, Baby! ❯ Echidna on Ball Action ( Chapter 5 )

Chapter Five: Echidna on Ball Action

[It's nighttime at the Rusted Beer Hall. Eggman walks outside the Hall, and sees Shadow and Gordon standing outside. He walks up to them.]

Shadow: Damn is it dark. I can't see shit.

Eggman: I think that line sounded better in the original…

Shadow: What sounded how in the what now?

Eggman: Never mind…so, Gordon, any sign of Sauron?

[Gordon looks to Eggman, and holds up a radar scanning thingamajig. On the panel of the scanner, the Eye appears, and it seems to move around a map of Middle-Earth.]

Shadow: Wow. That really cleared things up.

Eggman: Yup.

Shadow: I sense that something bad will happen soon…very soon…

Eggman: Yup.

[The camera cuts to the inside of the Hall. The Hall is filled with sleeping bags. One of them stirs and Knuckles gets up out of the bag, and walks towards the other end of the hall. Rouge is awakened by the noise Knuckles is making.]

Rouge: (groggy) You tryin' to have sex with me while I'm asleep again?

Knuckles: Shhh! I just want to see Mario's ball…

Rouge: His what?

Knuckles: Ball! His ball…you know, the black thing!

Rouge: Black? But Mario is white…oh…the palantir?

Knuckles: You see, I can't pronounce that without the aid of large amounts of alcohol.

Rouge: Didn't Luigi tell you not to play with that?

Knuckles: Shut up…I'm almost there…

[Knuckles stops in front of Luigi's sleeping bag, which is brightly decorated with Goombas. With a quick and over-elaborate motion, Knuckles removes the palantir from Luigi's grasp. Knuckles walks a few feet away and puts the palantir on the ground.]

Knuckles: Man…I had no idea Mario's ball would be this smooth…

Rouge: I think you've about killed the ball joke, now put that back!

Knuckles: Bitch, I know what I'm doing…

[Knuckles grabs the Palantir and looks at it.]

Rouge: Knuckles! You idiot! Put that thing down!

Knuckles: I don't want to…huh?

[Suddenly the palantir turns red and the Eye of Sauron appears in the palantir. Knuckles falls to the ground twitching, screaming silently.]

Rouge: Knuckles?! What the hell is going on?

[As Knuckles twitches around as if he were in a seizure, he hears Sauron talking to him.]

Sauron: (Creepy like) WHO ARE YOU? WHY DO YOU GAZE THROUGH THE BALL OF MARIO?!

Knuckles: (mind numbing pain) JESUS THE PAIN! IT HURTS!

Sauron: (Creepy and somewhat pissed) ANSWER ME OR I SHALL DESTROY EVERY BRAIN CELL IN YOUR HEAD!

Knuckles: (agony) AGGH! IT HURTS!

Sauron: (Pissed) FINE! YOU HAVE FOREFEITED YOUR BRAIN!

[As Rouge watches in horror, flames burst out from the Palantir, consuming Knuckles in a bright flash.]

Rouge: Luigi! Wake up!

Sauron: (Puzzled) WHAT? YOU…WHY IN HELL CAN I NOT FIND BRAIN CELLS? WHAT KIND OF POWERFUL MAGIC ARE YOU USING?

Rouge: DAMMIT LUIGI, WAKE UP!

[The scene cuts to the exterior of the Hall.]

Shadow: My spider sense is tingling!

Eggman: What spider sense?

Shadow: You know, the one I got after being bit by a radioactive and/or genetically engineered spider that gave me super powers.

Eggman: Uh-huh…

Shadow: (singing) Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can! Spins a web, any size, catches thieves just like flies! Look out! Here comes the Spider-Man!

Eggman: Oh shut up.

Shadow: This is my gift, my curse.

[Gordon gestures wildly as the scanner starts beeping.]

Eggman: Oh crap…

[Cut back to the interior of the Hall. Knuckles is writhing around on the ground as flames erupt from the palantir.]

Rouge: Knuckles, let go! Drop it! KNUCKLES! LUIGI GET UP!

[Luigi wakes up with a start and sees Knuckles twitching on the floor. As Luigi gets up, Eggman, Shadow, and Gordon run into the room. Eggman swipes at the Palantir which jumps into his hands. Knuckles collapse to the floor and the flames surround Eggman.]

Eggman: (twitching) AGGH!

Sauron: (Confused) WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?! WHAT IS GOING ON? WHY IN THE HELL ARE ALL THESE STRANGE MEN HANDLING MARIO'S BALL? I AM GOING TO WHOOP HIS ITALIAN ASS FOR THIS!

[The Palantir rolls out of Eggman's hands and rolls across the floor. Sauron's voice echoes across the room.]

Sauron: (Pissed) WHAT ARE YOU FUCKERS DOING?! I'M TRYING TO GET SOME SHUT EYE AROUND HERE! AND YOU ALL START HANDLING MARIO'S BALL! WOULD YOU JUST FUCKIN-OW! AHH! I'VE GOT A SPLINTER IN MY EYE NOW! FUCK IT HURTS! DAMN HARWOOD FLOORING!

[The palantir rolls across the floor as Sauron spews out obscenity after obscenity, until finally, Luigi throws a rag over the stone, and it stops moving. Luigi quickly runs to Knuckles.]

Luigi: You-a bastard! What-a the fuck where-a you thinking?

Knuckles: (burnt and crispy) Gaaaahhh….

Luigi: That's-a right. You-a weren't-a thinking! What-a happened? What-a did you-a see?

Knuckles: I…saw…I saw…a tree…

Luigi: Oh…a tree. Fantastic-a! And-a what-a the fuck am I-a gonna do with-a that-a?

Knuckles: (shrugs) I dunno…

Luigi: Well…what-a else did you-a see?

Knuckles: Not much else…I got some static, then it switched to a scrambled porno channel.

Shadow: God damn it! I miss all the good stuff…