Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Return of the King, Baby! ❯ The Separation of Knuckles and Rouge ( Chapter 6 )

Chapter Six: The Separation of Knuckles and Rouge

[It's morning on the next day. Shadow, Eggman, Gordon, Luigi, Duff Man, Knuckles, and Rouge are all in the Beer Hall.]

Luigi: Well-a, at least the-a idiot didn't tell-a Sauron about-a Sonic and-a The- Ring…

Knuckles: Hey! I resent being called an idiot! It's offensive to my people and the struggles we've been through!

Shadow: Dude, your people are all fucking dead.

Knuckles: Uhh…well, it still offends their spirits.

Luigi: You-a two, shut-a up. Because of-a Knuckles grasping-a the ball of-a my-a brother, we-a now know that-a Sauron intends to-a attack Minas Tirith.

Eggman: Oh. Well, that kind of sucks.

Luigi: Sauron is-a afraid of-a the coming of the-a King of-a Men!

Shadow: There's a King of Men?

Eggman: Yep. And guess who it is?

[Shadow stares at Eggman for a moment, who starts to smile.]

Shadow: You have got to be shitting me…

Eggman: No shit, just 100% pure King of Men!

Shadow: (turning to Luigi) How did he get to be the King of Men?

Luigi: Well-a, he's-a one of-a only three men, and-a Duff Man is-a already a king, and-a Gordon can't-a talk, so we are-a stuck with-a Eggman.

Shadow: That is just rich. Dammit, Gordon, you need to talk once in a while. You can't go all "Silent Bob" on us!

[Gordon says nothing. As the silence continues, Megabyte and Cervantes walk in.]

Megabyte: Hey! Wassup?

Rouge: Well, while Knuckles was handling Mario's ball we discovered that Sauron intends to attack the city of Minas Tirith, in an effort to prevent the coming of the King of Men, who we just found out is Eggman.

Megabyte: You have got to be shitting me…

Shadow: That's exactly what I said!

Megabyte: You mean this round lard tub is the King of Men?

Eggman: I resent th-

Megabyte: (cuts Eggman off) Why the hell can't we have someone else be the King of Men? Dammit, Gordon, you need to open that damn mouth of yours and speak in English! None of this "Silent Bob" type crap.

Shadow: Stop saying everything I sai-

Megabyte: (keeps on rambling) And what the hell is so scary about Eggman that makes Sauron fear him? That he's going to eat him?

Eggman: That's mea-

Megabyte: (cuts him off again) This is so damn typical! Everything always goes to hell when we have kings around!

Duff Man: Hey! That offends Duff Man! Oh yea-

Megabyte: Shut up! All of you! This pisses me off so much! Come on, can't we get a good king around here? Or must we live in fear of Eggman's Beer Farts of Death?

Eggman: I told you that was an accident! How was I supposed to know I had just sat on your head?

Shadow: Nasty…

Megabyte: I don't even have a nose and it still smelled awful…

Cervantes: Arrr…

Luigi: Okay…we-a need to-a go to-a Minas Tirith-a and-a warn the-a Steward. If-a the beacons are-a lit, Rohan needs-a to ride to-a war.

Duff Man: Where was Gondor when Duff Man was in trouble? Oh yeah!

Shadow: Don't you mean when your people were in trouble?

Duff Man: Duff Man stands by his previous statement! Oh yeah!

Luigi: I-a must-a ride to Minas-a Tirith.

Shadow: (under his breath) Good riddance assmunch…

Luigi: I-a heard that-a one…

[The camera cuts outside. Luigi is walking to the stables, followed by Knuckles and Rouge.]

Knuckles: Where am I going?

Rouge: Minas Tirith. We've only told you, like, a thousand times.

Knuckles: Oh yeah…Minas Titty.

Rouge: TIRITH! It's called MINAS TIRITH!

Knuckles: Oh…and why do I have to go there again?

Rouge: (getting annoyed) Because, you are an asshole and you just had to grab the palantir and look in it.

Knuckles: I can't help it. I just have to get my hands on large, round, smooth o-

Rouge: I don't even want you to finish that sentence. In fact, I don't want you to ever grab any more strange balls you see.

Knuckles: Fine, I won't do it again. Now, can I please stay here?

Rouge: Knuckles, Sauron thinks you've got the Ring.

[A shocked look crosses Knuckles' face.]

Knuckles: He…thinks…I've got it?

Rouge: Yes!

Knuckles: Oh shit that is not good…

Rouge: Exactly. He's going to send his whole army after you. We have to get you out of here.

Knuckles: And you're coming with me? You know, for the pre-death sex?

[Rouge looks at Knuckles and doesn't answer. She heads towards the stables, leaving Knuckles standing there. The camera cuts to the inside of the stables, where Luigi is strapping a saddle onto Yoshi.]

Knuckles: Rouge? Aren't you going to come with me?

Rouge: I can't Knuckles…I can't go with you…(seductive) but, I can give you a little surprise…follow me to this stable.

[A drooling Knuckles follows Rouge to a stable. Both are hidden from view. Muffled voices are hears for a few seconds. Suddenly, there is the sound of shattering bones, accompanied by Knuckles' screaming. He wanders out of the stable, his right leg completely smashed. Luigi grabs Knuckles and puts him on Yoshi, and they ride out of the stable. The camera turns to Rouge, walking out of the smaller stable, obviously pleased with just having shattered the echidna's bones. The camera follows her as she runs through Edoras, and up a watchtower.]

Rouge: (yelling) HEY ASSHOLE! I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU!

[As Knuckles turns to look, Rouge throws a rock at him. The rock hits Knuckles square in the head, and he falls off Yoshi.]

Luigi: (echoing across the plains of Rohan) Oh-a shit! Can't you-a stop-a being an ass?

Knuckles: Aggh! My spleen!

Luigi: She-a hit you in-a the head! Nobody has a spleen in-a their-a heads!

Knuckles: Well, I do.

Luigi: Whatever…