Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Return of the King, Baby! ❯ Magic Mushrooms ( Chapter 7 )

Chapter Seven: Magic Mushrooms

 

[The camera shows a lush forest, and a small path through the forest. As soft music plays, a group of elves slowly walk by. In the middle of the Elvin group is a horse carrying Princess Peach.]

 

G-Man: (voice-over) Take her by the mos-s-st dangerous-s-s road. There is a s-s-ship in the (swallow) Grey Havens-s-s. It waits-s-s to carry her out into the ocean, where you (swallow) will s-s-sink it, with her onboard. The las-s-st time I will ever have to talk with that (swallow) idiot, Princess-s-s Peach of the Mus-s-shroom Kingdom.

 

[As the camera pans by Peach, it shows that she's carrying a bag of the power up mushrooms from the Mario games. She munches on a few of them. Suddenly, everything goes all wavy and colorful, and it becomes apparent that Peach is quite high.]

 

Peach: Oooh! Look at all the preeeeeety colors!

 

[A large frog hops up Peach.]

 

Frog: Ribbit! Ribbit ribbit, ribbit!

 

Peach: Ooohhhh! Frooggiiie…you're all rainbow colored.

 

[The camera shows the point of view of the elves. Everything looks normal, except Peach who is swaying dangerously in her saddle and muttering nonsense. The whole convoy of elves stop, and the elves looks on, confused.]

 

Peach: I'm riding the raaaaaiiinbows!

 

Elf 1: Uhh…okaaaayyy…what are we supposed to do now?

 

Elf 2: I dunno…we were told to carry her out to sea…but she seems…kinda…

 

Peach: The sun is smiling at me! (waving at the sky) Hellooooo Mister Sun!

 

Elf 1: High?

 

Elf 2: Bingo.

 

Elf 3: Hey, I say we let her go on her own. Hopefully she'll get eaten by an Orc or something.

 

Elf 1: But that goes against our direct orders from the G-Man!

 

Elf 2: Meh…I'm not taking her with us.

 

Peach: Ooohh…the flowers are talking to me! Heeeello Mrs. Tulip!

 

Elf 1: Yeah, you're right, screw this.

 

[As Princess Peach continues to mumble on crazily, the other elves walk away, leaving her alone in the forest. The sun sets and it becomes dark. Peach finally gets off her high.]

 

Peach: (looks around) Well…I guess I should go home and bake brownies! (singing) Brownies, brownies, brownies. Yummy chocolate treat! Fun to bake! Fun to eat! Better than a cake! Brownies, brownies, brownies!

 

[As Peach rides off, still singing her brownie song, the scene fades. The scene returns to Black Mesa, now empty with the exception of the G-Man, who is sitting at a small table writing something. All the camera shows is the title of his work, “Why I Kick S-s-so Much (Swallow) Ass-s-s”. Peach walks up to the G-Man.]

 

Peach: Hello Daddy!

 

G-Man: (recognizing the voice) Oh Hell….

 

Peach: I'm back home! You must have been sooo worried!

 

G-Man: Ok, Peach, for the ten thous-s-sandth time…I am not your (swallow) father. How many times-s-s must I tell you that a cabbage gave birth to you, and I, foolis-s-shly thinking that you would be a (swallow) normal child, took you here. Now, why are you not dea- I mean, why are you not s-s-sailing across-s-s the (swallow) ocean with the other elves-s-s?

 

Peach: Well, I was along through the forest. Then Mr. Frog, Mr. Sun, Mrs. Tulip, and I had a nice little chat. Then I came here to bake brownies! I'm going to bake brownies now!

 

[As Peach walks away, once again singing “The Brownie Song”, the G-Man looks on, disgusted.]

 

G-Man: (under his breath) I hope your (swallow) oven blows-s-s up.

 

Peach: What was that daddy?

 

G-Man: I'm not your damn (swallow) father! S-s-stop calling me that!

 

Peach: You seem upset…should I make you a brownie?

 

G-Man: No! I don't want any of your (swallow) damn brownies-s-s!

 

Peach: I'm going to have to give you a time out, daddy.

 

G-Man: A time out? You can't give your own (swallow) father a time out! Not that I am your father, but s-s-still…

 

Peach: So, are you going to behave?

 

G-Man: (barely controlling his rage) Yes-s-s…

 

Peach: (happy) Ok! I'm going to make some brownies now!

 

[As Peach walks away, the G-Man repeatedly bashes his head into the wall.]

 

G-Man: I really need a (swallow) vacation…

 

[A loud crash is heard, followed by an even larger explosion. The G-Man walks over to the source of the noise and sees Peach covered in soot, and a busted shotgun on the floor.]

 

Peach: Ow.

 

G-Man: What happened?

 

[Peach sits down silently. The G-Man grabs her hands.]

 

G-Man: Your hands-s-s…they're (swallow) cold…

 

Peach: I decided not to be immortal!

 

G-Man: Wait…that means-s-s you're going to (swallow) die eventually?

 

[Peach shakes her head, showing that she will die.]

 

G-Man: (doing a victory arm trust) Yes-s-s! Boo-yah!

 

Peach: Well, since I'm going to die, I'm going to spend as much time as humanly possible with you!

 

G-Man: S-s-shit…

 

Peach: Hugging time!

 

[The G-Man tries to back away from Peach's hug, when he steps on the damaged shotgun.]

 

G-Man: (talking real fast) That's-s-s it! I'll rebuild Anduril, Boom-s-s-stick of the West! Then I'll bring it to (swallow) Eggman and get away from…

 

[Peach stares at the G-Man.]

 

G-man: Away from…the…weather…

 

Peach: Okay! I'm making brownies!

 

[As Peach skips off to the kitchen, the G-Man picks up the shotgun, soon to be remade as Anduril, Boom-stick of the West, a formidable and kingly weapon. As the scene fades we see shots of the gun being rebuilt.]