Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Return of the King, Baby! ❯ Running Out of Chapter Names ( Chapter 17 )

Chapter Seventeen: Running Out of Chapter Names

[The camera cuts to Minas Tirith, and the battering ram "Wang", which has now reached the gates of the city. The ram is raised, and crashes into the city gates, but the gates stay standing.]

Jacko: Bash that wood down with our Wang!

Orc General Guy: Wow…

[The camera cuts into the city, where Luigi is riding Yoshi through the streets, shouting orders to the Gondorian army.]

Luigi: To-a the gate! All men head to-a the gate!

[Wang continues to slam into the gates, the wood beginning to crack under the force of the Wang. The camera cuts to Knuckles, at the top of the city. He sees Al leading a small procession of Gondor guys who are carrying Link on a stretcher. Al enters through a large door.]

Al: There will be no long death for me…no slow burial, and an eternity mocked in the funny pages…no, I shall burn, and become as unto a GOD!

[Al turns to his Gondor escort.]

Gondor Escort 1: Sir, what are your orders?

Al: Bring me chads and oil!

[The camera cuts back to the city gates, where what little is left of the Gondorian army waits. The Wang slams repeatedly into the door, which is now creaking on its hinges.]

Luigi: Stand-a your ground! Stand-a your ground!

[Wang slams into the gate again, and breaks through a small part of the gate.]

Luigi: No-a matter what comes through-a that gate, stand-a your ground!

[With a tremendous roar, Wang slams through the gate, blasting it open, and four heavily armed Shrek trolls come in.]

Luigi: Oh-a shit…

[The trolls start slamming the Gondor soldiers into walls, floors, each other, etc. As the defenses break, thousands of Orcs swarm into the city. The camera cuts once again, this time to the dreary pass where Sonic is. In the distance, we can see the tower of…okay, I'm going to be honest, Cirith Ungol looked like a large sexual aid…so, to continue, we can see the Tower of Sexual Aid. The camera pans up a bit, and we Spider-Man crawling along a wall. Sonic walks along, unaware of what is going on. A small rock goes sliding out from Spider-Man's foot, and Sonic turns to see what happened. As Sonic's back is turned, Spider-Man glides down; bitch slaps Sonic, who falls to the ground, and begins to wrap up the hedgehog in a large web.]

Voice: Put him down!

[Spider-Man looks up, and sees Tails, holding Sonic's flashlight, and riding in a massive battle mech.]

Tails: DROP HIM!

[Spider-Man promptly drops Sonic from some four feet in the air, and Sonic hits the ground with a sickening thud.]

Tails: I meant softly! Not drop him like a rock!

Spider-Man: Well, you should have specified!

Tails: Yeah…you will not touch him again!

Spider-Man: You sure? (reaches towards Sonic)

Tails: I mean it!

Spider-Man: Really? (reaches closer to Sonic)

Tails: I'm not kidding!

Spider-Man: I think you are.

[Spider-Man touches Sonic.]

Tails: Dude, I told you not to touch hi-whoa…what are you doing? YOU PERVERT!

[With a roar, Tails' Battle mech runs towards Spider-Man, and sends the spider flying through the air.]

Spider-Man: OW! You little bi-

[Tails slams Spider-Man into a rock wall, and then the mech does some crazy back flip to the other side of the path, and unleashes a rocket barrage on Spider-Man.]

Tails: Die, bitch, DIE!

Spider-Man: (buried under some rubble) You're supposed to be losing to me!

Tails: I would be, but I hate bugs. And do you know what people do to bugs?

Spider-Man: No…

Tails: WE SQUISH `EM!

[Tails lifts the mech's foot up, and slams it into the rubble. There is a faint squishing noise, and then Tails lifts the leg back up. There's a reddish-bluish stain on the bottom.]

Tails: Ewww…that's so gross …dammit, I just cleaned this mech…

[Tails looks to his right, and sees Sonic's body, wrapped up in the webbing. Tails jumps out of the mech, and runs to Sonic's side. He starts to peel off the webbing.]

Tails: Sonic…wake up; come on Sonic, wake up…

[Tails cradles Sonic's body, but nothing happens.]

Tails: Come on, wake up…please…

[Tears start streaming down Tails' face.]

Tails: Don't go where I can't follow! Hmm…that sounds pretty…gay…

[Tails looks at Sonic again.]

Tails: You're not sleeping…you're dead…nooo…

[Tails starts to cry.]

Mech: Orcs approaching! Orcs approaching!

[Orc voices are heard in the distance. Three Orcs come down the path from the Tower of Sexual Aid, and see Sonic's web wrapped body.]

Orc #1: What is this? Looks like Spidey has been having a bit of fun…

Orc #2: Gross.

[The camera shows Tails, further away, hiding in a little outcropping.]

Orc #3: Is he dead?

Orc #1: No…this one isn't dead.

Tails: Not dead?!

Orc #3: Who said that?!

Tails: Nobody…

Orc #3: Good…

Orc #1: This guy was bitch slapped…he'll be knocked out for a while, and when he gets up, Spider-Man will have his way with him.

Orc #2: Gross.

Orc #1: No kidding…take this maggot to the tower…he'll be awake in an hour…then he'll wish he had never been born!

Orc #3: Dun dun duuuuuuuun!

Orc #1: Oh shut up! Just carry him to the tower. Is it that hard?

Orc #3: Is this a trick question?

Orc #1: …

Orc #3: Seriously, is this a trick question? Cause I don't like trick questions…they're tricky.

Orc #1: (leaning over the Orc #2) See if he can't "accidentally" fall of the path on the way back, and plummet to his death.

Orc #2: Accidentally? Then why are you telling me? Wouldn't that be his fault?

Orc #1: AGGGH! Just carry this guy to the tower! MOVE!