Street Fighter Fan Fiction ❯ [MSTing] '12 Months and a year' ❯ Chapter 1b ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

>"Gah…ah…argh…" inhuman sounds escaped from Juni's gritted teeth,
>her whole body trembling.

Joel: Hmm, anyone else starting to see a pattern here?


>As Cammy got up, her surprise turned to apprehension, Juni eyes
>flashed red and noticeably dark aura seeped out of her body.

Tom: <Cammy> The evil that lies within... the inhuman
sounds... *gasp* She's an Inhumanoid!


>/No, it can't be possible, he's dead, I saw it with my own eyes,
>he's dead HE'S DEAD HE COULDN'T BE ALIVE HE COULDN'T!/

Crow: <Cammy as Doc Brown> THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!
HE CAN'T BE HERE!  IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE FOR HIM TO BE
HERE!  I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT HE IS HERE!!!  *door slam*


>"JUNI! DON"T LET HIM GET TO YOU!" Cammy screamed as she
>launched herself to the girl, only to met a backhanded slap.

Tom: <Juni> IT'S MY SCENE, BITCH!   MINE!!!

Crow: <Cammy> Oh, for bloody sake!  Work with me, you
shambolic bint!


>As Cammy landed heavily onto the ground, her eyes widen in horror as
>she saw the Doll agent slowly advancing towards her, her eyes glowing
>menacingly.

Tom: It's the wide eyes of horror versus the glowing eyes of
menace!  WHO WILL BLINK FIRST!?


>"Designated codename: Juni. Online."
>
>Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
>"Six down, six to go."

Crow Yayyy!  We're officially halfway through
the... prologue... <sobs>

Joel: Juni?  She didn't even change her codename?

Tom: Way to let your secret identity get pissed through
your fingers.


>7 & 11

Crow: No thanks, I'm good for Slurpies.

Tom: Does that mean we have to stop reading now?  Store
policy, you know.

Joel: Dream on, Servo.


>There she lay, like a corpse whose eyes remained open even after
>death, on the bed.

Crow: Oh goodie, I was wondering when zombies would start
showing up.

Joel: It's Capcom, zombies are never that far behind.


>Ever so silent since the day she and her companion was found
>in the plains near their village.
>
>The love of his life.

Tom: Wait, did we suddenly switch over to 'Shadow of the Colossus'?


>'s sigh resounded inside the tiny tent set up only for her.

Joel: <laughing> Who?

Crow: Apostrophe S... in a role that will SHOCK you!


>He requested so to the chief and since was seen as a hero among the
>tribe and was reverted almost like a god, the chief fulfilled his
>wish and ordered his men to build a single tent just for her.

Tom: And now we just flipped from Colossus to a random
opening of a Japanese kaiju flick?

Crow: We're just as confused as you are, folks.


>sighed again, his mammoth hand caressing her pale cheek.

Joel: Mammoth hand?  Well, we can rule out Donald Trump then.

Tom: Is... is this like 'Kill Bill' where they bleep out
the protagonist's name only without the bleep?

Crow: Bleep if I know.


>If he did so in the past, she would giggle like a schoolgirl and punch
>his shoulder playfully. But now, she didn't react, not even a single
>twitch of an eye, or her mouth curving upwards.
>
>Nothing.

Tom: <man> Aww crap, did I forget to take the trash out again?


>felt his heart slowly shattering piece by piece. Although he was a
>bulky and muscular man, whom anyone glanced upon would think
>twice about messing with him.

Joel: Wait, men have FEELINGS?  Get out!


>However, he let a single drop of tear slipped by.

Crow: It splashed on the ground with a macho grunt.


>It was too emotional for him, after those long and tiring months searching
>desperately for her and Little Eagle, leaving no rocks unturned, and
>when he found her, she was in a catatonic state, a vegetable.

Joel: Lucky thing he found the right rock.


>As he gazed upon the brunette, it felt to him as if she was a life-size
>model, a mannequin, a do-

Tom: <shudders> Let's just pray this big guy isn't named Buck.


>"Still no change?" a soft female voice spoke behind him.
>
>The giant of a man turned around and met with a familiar face of Little
>Eagle, the daughter of a family that was close to his.

Joel: <Little Eagle> Daddy was right.  You are a WEIRDO.


>They were childhood friends, at least for her; he was in his teens when she
>was just a child.

Crow: He would've found friends closer to his own age but he found
he really enjoyed tea time.


>They were so close that they would confine each other's secret or problem to
>each other.

Tom: <Big Man> Sometimes I wear your panties.

Crow: <Little Eagle> Sometimes I wash them.


>That's how she knew 's love for Julia.

Tom: But it was not to be... he was getting scrubbed from this
time, "Back to the Future"-style.  Soon even his ['s] would
disappear, leaving behind nothing but a manly tear.


>shook his head in resignation, one of his hands rubbing his forehead to
>get rid of the mental tiredness he was feeling.

Joel: <singing> Where the street fighters have no name...


>"No, she's still comatose. There seemed to be no progress at all." His
>voice sounded unnaturally flat.  
>
>Little Eagle stepped forward to hug him; he embraced her back. The
>warmth from her body helped thawed the coldness in him.

Tom: I'm not feeling it unless there's a hair band power ballad involved.

Joel: <singing> Don't know what'chu got... 'till it's gaw-wa-wan...


>She smiled wearily at him, her eyes twinkling with life, a deep
>contrast with Julia's.  "We can only pray to the heavens and wait.
>Maybe one day a miracle will appear." She said hopefully.

Tom: **imitates horse whinnying from off-stage**

Crow: Miracle!  Just the deus ex machina we needed!  Take us away from
the French Revolution!


>wanted to share her optimism, but when he
>looked back at Julia… he just couldn't.

Joel: <Nurse from 'Halloween'> Don't you think it would be
better if you referred to "him" as "it"?


>"Maybe…" he lied. "How's your headache?''
>
>Little Eagle made a face that brought a genuine smile to his own.
>"It sure is a persistent one, I can't seem to get rid of it."

All: D'OH!

Crow: This entire fanfic is an infomercial for Excedrin!

Tom: <Announcer's voice> When you've got a premise
THIS repetitive...


>Even since she was found, she managed to adapt back into the tribe,
>living almost how she was in the past, of course /sans /the memories.

Crow: <singing> Sans for... the memories...

Tom: Are we closing our arguments?  If so, can I suggest <a/ plot>?


>Still, she was fairly healthy, both physically and mentally, until she
>complained of headaches a few days ago.
>
>"Let's go out and eat." She suggested, changing the subject. "Sure,"
>replied as he walked to Julia's bedside and leaned forward to kiss her
>cheek.

Joel: You know, if he just kissed her on the LIPS, the evil spell
would've been broken months ago.

Tom: Poor dope.


>"Get better soon, I will be waiting." He whispered gently her ears
>before getting up and following Little Eagle of the opening of the
>tent.

Crow: <giggles> Wait, her ears got up and left?  What?


>Just as they stepped out, however, Little Eagle suddenly stumbled to her
>knees; her face was a mask of agony, both her hands clutching the sides
>of her head.
>
>"ARGGH!" she let out a bloodcurdling scream.

Joel: Yeah, that was my sister's reaction when she saw the trailer
for the live action Jem movie.


>Immediately, was at her side in an instant.  "Little Eagle, or you all
>right?" he questioned, alarmed.

Crow: <Big Man> All my friends are dying!  It's just like the Europeans
are coming again!


>He received no reply as the girl continued her struggle
>with…something.

Tom: Clearly she's struggling with her tendency to overact.

Joel: Somebody in central casting needs to get canned, like yesterday.


>Before could alert the other tribe members, he heard a noise behind,
>like a bed rattling as though someone was thrashing on it,  He averted
>his sight from Little Eagle and to the bed and saw…Julia standing up.

Crow: <Julia> Who set my alarm?!  Dammit, I wanted to sleep in this
MORNING!  Not this YEAR!


>Little Eagle's scream seemed like it was coming from another planet all
>of a sudden. couldn't believe his eyes.

Joel: So Little Eagle was a Body Snatcher this whole time?

Tom: <Big Man, panicked> They're here already!  You're next!  You're
next...!


>He gingerly advanced towards the girl who was strangely standing rather
>stiffly. "Julia!" he exclaimed as he grabbed her arms. "You are okay!
>You are-" his happy mood was cut short when he saw the blank look from
>her face and how her eyes were glowing red.

Crow: <Big Man> Oh wait, it's after 7:00pm.  That's normal for a
Capcom zombie.

Tom: <Big Man> Yeah, all my dates ask for money up front before
anything more happens.


>/No, it can't be, I heard he was gone, gone forever, so what does this
>mea-/

Tom: It means that Marvel's writers got involved.... AGAIN.

Crow: All deaths must come with pre-written retcons or you're fired.


>felt a hand gripping his shoulder. Turning around, he met face to face
>with Little Eagle once more, only she had the similar blank expression
>on her face and her eyes…

Joel: Her nose, however, glowed red like a cherry.


>"Designated codename: Juli. Online."
>
>"Designated codename: Noembelu. Online."

Tom: Isn't announcing their code names a bit of a breach of security?

Joel: Next we'll get treated to a brainwashee having an argument with
herself.

Crow: "We want a better codename!  Shut up, we'll take what we get
and like it!  We hate you!  We've ruined our life!  That's it, go to
our trailer!  Wahhhhhh..!!"  *slam*


>Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
>"Eight down, four to go."
>
>8

Crow: I wasn't ready for a twelve course prologue, mind if we
doggie bag the rest?

Tom: *burp* May I please be excused from the theater?

Joel: Here, have some Tums.  They should help.


>" And the next contestant to face the Bò Du'c, is Nguyet!" the
>announcer yelled enthusiastically at his microphone.

Tom: <Robin Williams> GOOOOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!!

Crow: Actually, Robin Williams as a fight commentator would've
been hilarious.


>The cheer from crowd was deafening, to say the least.

Joel: What?


>Everyone was eager to watch another contestant face off the Vietnamese
>martial arts champion to claim the title for their own, only to fall
>short and on their face.

Crow: Someone really needs to mop up that ring.

Joel: I'm on break.


>In the Bò Du'c's long fighting career, no one has ever defeated him. He
>was like a juggernaut, plowing down all his opponents with ease.
>Needless to say, he became a fan favorite.

All: <chanting> GOOOOOLD-BERG... GOOOOLD-BERG...


>Everyone wanted to see a confident challenger defeated and humiliated
>by the unstoppable champion.

Tom: An actual competitive fight?  Nuts to that!  Give us total
squashes and keep 'em coming!


>Still, the chance of having their dignity hurt did not deter many more
>to fight him. And it seemed like the next foolish one to do so is a
>female, a teenage one so to speak.

Tom: <crowd> RIP THE GIRL APART!

Crow: <crowd> MAKE FUN OF HER HAIR!

Joel: <crowd, chanting> COOTIES! COOTIES! COOTIES!


>Nguyet walked casually up onto the platform; from the way she walked,
>it seemed as though she was window-shopping instead of facing off the
>Vietnamese champion of martial arts.

Tom: Aww, she's so small... she's more like a McNguyet.


>There was a confident streak in her and the spectators couldn't wait
>to see it crush in the next few minutes.

Joel: So much for rooting for the underdog.

Crow: Even Rocky Balboa couldn't win over this crowd.

Tom: They might cheer for Topper Harley though, especially after
he chooses to dip his gloves in caramel.


>"Go, Nguyet! Show them what you got!" a small crowd of spectator
>rooted for her, standing out like a sore thumb in the sea of /Bò
>Du'c's/ fans.
>
>Ngyuyet smiled to herself, touched at her people cheering for her. /I
>better not disappoint them. /She thought as she put on a fighting stance
>against her opponent.

Tom: <Nguyet> Hmm, which fighting stance should I go with
today... the chiffon cat's paw or the mackinaw monkey fist?


>Ngyuyet had been training for the past month, developing her fighting
>skills in preparation for the tournament.  After all, she wanted to do her
>village proud.  At least, she thought it was her village.

Joel: <Nguyet> I hung my hat on the village gate, that makes it
my home now, right?


>2 months ago, she found herself waking up in an unfamiliar environment,
>a rundown hut in a rural village in Vietnam.

Crow: Which was far less pleasant than the time she woke up in the
ball pit of a Chuck E. Cheese.

Tom: [flatly] Opinions vary.


>At first confused with her surroundings, her mind was put to ease when
>she learnt that the hut tenants meant her no harm.

Tom: Anyone else envisioning the rope scene from that 'Mad
Max' movie?

Crow: Please, can't we just get beyond Thun...

Joel: NO.


>She was told she was wandering aimlessly in the forest near their
>village. She has scratches on her body due to be cut by the
>vegetation there and was severely malnourished.

Crow: Is Cabbage gonna have to cut a bitch?

Joel: How would you like it if salad tossed YOU?


>What intrigued the villagers who found her was the fact that she
>had a blank expression on her face, as though sleepwalking. When
>questioned, she expressed no knowledge of that.

Tom: So they hired Kenneth Starr to investigate the facts.


>Since she suffered from memory loss, the villagers decided to
>name her Ngyuget.

Crow: See, I would have been the asshole villager that would have
called her Nguyet Forget.


>As she stood on the arena,

Tom: <Announcer> Hey!  Get down from there!  If you wanna
commit suicide, just get in the ring already!


>she took note of her opponent's appearance.  The famed champion really
>doesn't look anything special. He had the build of an average man,
>just a little more muscular. His face was covered with a red luchador
>mask that seemed very out of place in this country, however his fans
>loved it.

Joel: Especially when he answered their e-mails.

Tom: <Strong Bad> Holy crap!  I didn't know I was fighting a
ladying-type!  Do ya want'a my bod?


>His sweaty body glistened under the sunlight and his hairy chest
>heaved in and out as he breathed heavily.

Joel: 'Unstoppable champion', huh?  Then why does he sound
like he's about to pass out?


>/How disgusting to think I have to fight with him…,/ she thought,
>averting her gaze from him for a moment.

Crow: <Nguyet> I've wrestled in some of the finest jello in the
world, I don't have to settle for this!


>The man scrutinized his mew challenger from head to toe.  Seeing
>that she was just a teenage girl, he let out a confident smirk. "Since
>you are a lady, how about I let you have the first strike." He gave a
>mock bow."

Joel: Is this when she pulls out her pistol, Indiana Jones-style?

Tom: We can only hope.


>/How dare he looked down on me!/ Ngyuget fumed as she launched
>towards her opponent with her fist raised.

Crow: Yikes... talk about telegraphing.

Tom: When that failed, she raised a foot and hopped across
the ring toward him.


>The champion grabbed her fist and swung her over his shoulder with ease.

Crow: <Champion> Welp, that was fun.  Time to put you in my
trophy case, mind the glass.

Tom: The next morning, she wakes up in yet ANOTHER random
Vietnamese village.... and the cycle starts again.


>Ngyuget landed gracefully on her feet before continuing her attack,
>this time with a slide.

Joel: And then a tire swing, and after that, a rope ladder.


>The Bò Du'c did not see this coming and with a yell of surprise fell
>forward as her legs tangled his legs.  As he fell forward, Ngyuget,
>launched a quick but powerful jab to his guts.  
>
>The champion lay on the ground, trying to catch his breath.

Crow: He's winded from one jab and a LEG takedown?  Geez,
who'd this guy bone to become champion?

Tom: He's the Vietnamese Homer Simpson.


>Ngyuget decided to press on with her advantage and was about
>follow up with a kick to the side when the headache struck.

Joel: <Headache> I protest!  Kicking a man when he's
down is WRONG!


>/No! Not now! /She cried out in anguish as her head felt like
>someone was slamming a sledgehammer on it. The poundings, it
>getting stronger, the pain, it's blocking out every sense in her
>body…

Tom: Maybe this is a clear sign that Vietnamese kickboxing is
not good for your continued health?

Crow: <giggling> Especially if Wheezy here is the champion.  


>The /Bò Du'c / saw his opportunity, seeing the girl looked dazed. He
>immediately slammed his body to hers, causing the girl to let out a
>gasp.

Joel: Uh, champ?  That's not how you do a bodyslam.


>Pressing on, he kneed her in the guts (/that's what she gets! /)
>before following up with an uppercut, snapping her head back. He
>ended his assault by flipping her over his shoulder and onto the
>ground heavily, where she lay there motionless.

Tom: <Bò Du'c> Yeah, still Minor Circuit champion, baby!
Don Flamenco, YOU'RE NEXT!


>"It appears that the /Bò Du'c /has won again! Although the contestant
>put out a good fight for a second, thanks to his superiority in skills
>and speed,

Crow: <announcer> ...and a congenital brain defect that felled
the challenger moments before she would've achieved certain victory...


>the champion retains his title for another day!" The crowd roar with
>joy at witnessing their idol defeated yet another wannabe; just a
>small group of them sighed in disappointment.

Crow & Tom: <group> Le sigh...

Joel: The round card bikini girl pouted in her seat.


>The /Bò Du'c /did a victory pose by raising both his hands with the
>V-sign and yelling "YEAH!" at the top of his lungs.

Tom: Oh yeah, imitate Richard Nixon.  THAT'LL get you
over with the Vietnamese crowd.

Crow: That's so Tet Offensive.


>However, his moment of victory was ended abruptly when the announcer
>exclaimed," What's this, it appeared that the contestant was getting
>up!"

Joel: <announcer> Wait, no, she's down again... but now she's
up... oh my goodness, ladies and gentlemen, she appears to be a SEX
MACHINE!

Crow: Are we absolutely sure that this isn't in Bangkok?

Tom: Guys, stop trying to make the story interesting.


>The champion turned back in surprise just in time to see the girl
>standing up. /Inconceivable! Many people I faced would be down for
>the count! And yet, there she is, getting up /…

Crow: Referee Mario already counted to twenty.  Game's over,
man... err, lady.

Joel: Won't he be surprised when she does a bull rush at him.


>The champion noticed something wrong with her. Her face took on a
>blank expression, unlike just now which was full of life. Here yes
>which were once burning with passion was now ice-cold. That's not
>all; they appeared to be glowing…

Crow: And to top it off, she had a piece of canned spinach stuck
in her teeth.

Tom: (Starts humming the 'Popeye' theme song)

Joel: <Nguyet> THAT'S ALL I CAN STANDS, I CAN'T STANDS NO MORE...


>The champion had no time to react when the girl seeming /teleported/
>behind him. Before he could cry out in shock, the girl grabbed his
>head and with an audible snap, broke his neck.

Tom: Never go in against a Doll when death is on the line.


>As the lifeless body of the former champion crumbled to the ground,
>screams of shock and terror could be heard from the spectator stand.

Joel: <crowd> We came for violence, not... THIS!

Crow: <crowd> Holy shit!  Beer is $15 a cup?  WHAT THE HELL?!


>However they were lost to the lone figure standing in the arena.

Tom: Finally, the Rock has come back to Vietnam.

Joel: <spectators> ROCKY!  ROCKY!  ROCKY!

Crow: Fickle, aren't they?


>"Designated codename: Santamu. Online."

Tom: Which one is going to have their programming snap and
bake their target cookies?

Joel: <Santamu> Oh my!


>Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
>"Nine down, three to go."

Joel: Wow, that pack and a half of brewskis went fast.

Crow: Still hasn't had the desired effect, either.


>9 & 10

Crow: Two prologues for the price of one!

Tom: [awed] And we didn't even need a coupon... wow.


>"What do we have here?"
>
>The balding middle-aged man chuckled to himself when he saw the
>2 girls in front of him shrank back in disgust and terror.

Joel: <middle-aged man> Hi, my name is Larry... *hee hee*...
Larry Laffer.

Crow: Another new sitcom for Jason Alexander?  Seriously?


>He loved it when people do that; after all, he was one of the most
>feared gang leaders in China.

Tom: He keeps the Apple workers in line.


>Anyone who knew the… things he had done to those who dared
>opposed him would tremble in fear when they see him.

Crow: He sends anonymous messages to IRS suggesting they audit?


>"Where did you find them?" He turned to face his right-hand man,
>Wong.  The man was a giant, towering all of the gang members with
>ease.

Joel: Fortunately, he was friendly and often played a pleasant
melody on his recorder.


>He wore a pair of sunglasses, which gave a sinister vibe to him.

Tom: Yeah, him and EVERY ASIAN GANGSTER EVER
CONCEIVED!!!

Crow and Joel: [stare at Tom]

Tom: Sorry.  Pet peeve of mine.


>Fiercely loyal to the Boss, he would not hesitate to eliminate
>anyone who the Boss ordered to be killed.

Tom: <Boss> Wong, kill the lights.

Joel: <Wong> Right, boss.  HYAUUUUGH...!!!

Crow: Unless of course it was an amnesiac chick, he found them
super-hot with their willingness to go along with anything.


>"At the back alley of one of the shop a few blocks down." The
>giant answered with a thundering voice.

Joel: And lightning speed, no doubt.

Tom: <Boss> Geez, tone it down, Raiden.


>The Boss smiled as he strolled leisurely to the 2 cowering Chinese
>girls.  "Hmmm…not bad, they look beautiful and their body…
>perfect.

Crow: Kim Jong-un selects his date for the evening!


>What a stroke of luck! Our prostitution business has been declining
>due to the shortage of workers.

Tom: Yeah, what with over a BILLION people to choose
from, I can see how that'd be a problem.

Joel: Maybe let your workers have more than 25% of the revenue?


>The 2 of you will make-" he was cut off when the short-haired girl
>yelled, '' Dream on you old fuck! My sister and I would not be
>degraded into such low-life as you! /Qu si ba!"/

Crow: <short-haired girl> We have standards!  We'll only be
degraded by young, virile, elite scumbags!


>The Boss smile falter for a second and his right eye twitched. He could
>feel his anger boiling like lava inside him. Never had anyone disrespect
>him!

Joel: Then the boss remembered, he has goons.

Tom: Like goons would work for somebody that just got totally
PWNED!  


>He resisted the urge to slap the girl; he prided himself of a man
>who can keep his cool and temper.


Crow: So he asked Wong to do it.

Joel: <Wong> Sorry, Boss, I only eliminate 'em.

Tom: <Boss> Well, fudge.


>He switched his attention from the hotheaded girl to her sister. The
>girl had bun on her head and long flowing pigtails, one of which he
>caressed in his hand.

Tom: <Girl> Don't mind me, I'm just taking it all in for the Interpol
interrogation and the "based on a true story" movie starring Sandra
Bullock in my future.


>The girl whimpered and huddled into a tight ball, but made no
>attempts to resist.

Joel: Other than huddling into a tight ball, which obviously sends
out mixed signals, right?


>/Looks like she is going to be the easy./ The Boss thought
>approvingly at the girl's submission.

Tom: Oh really?  And what's the other girl going to be.  The
intermediate?  The expert?

Crow: <Boss> Doesn't matter cause I use cheat codes!  
Mwahahahaha!!!


>Her sister launched herself to him, wanting to release his hold on
>her sister's hair, only to be held back by Wong, who grabbed both
>her wrist with an iron-grip.

Joel: <Wong> Let the man do something with that hair, you
owe her that much.

Tom: <sister, sobbing> You'd better be a licensed hairstylist!!

Joel: <Wong> Hey, I'm not just his goon, I'm a client.


>She could only squirm in futile as the other gang members in the
>sleazy "comfort room" laughed at her.

Crow: Surprisingly, the zebra skin couch and naugahyde door
did little to comfort her.

Joel: You can tell this place is out of the seventies, they carpeted
their walls too.


>"Don't worry, you will receive a handsome pay for you services; after
>all, my ladies don't come cheap." He gave both girls a toothy grin.

Crow: <Wong> Actually, they seldom come at all.

Tom: <Boss> *ahem*  That will do, Wong.


>"Besides, you need money, don't you? From your bedraggled
>appearances and less than fashionable clothes, I say that you two
>must be living in the streets, right?" The silence from the girls
>satisfied him.

Tom: <short-haired girl, texting> Um... I can't even.  Dude
everybody in our class wears this shit.

Joel: <sister, texting> For realz.  He's like 1000... so sad
he's like, older than my dad!

Tom: <short-haired girl, texting> OMG dying! XD!!!


>" Just as I thought. Now, if you work for me, you don't have to live
>in the streets no more. You can have a nice place to rest, good food
>to eat, beautiful clothes to wear. Of course, at the cost of your
>virginity…"

Crow: Offer void after ten years or overly saggy tits, whichever
comes first.


>"Rot in hell first, creep, then maybe I will think about it." The
>short-haired girl yelled back despite the pain she received from
>Wong's grip.

Tom: <short-haired girl> I have a fetish for decomposed
sinners!  Nothing else gets me hot!


>The Boss gritted his teeth at her stubbornness. No doubt she was
>going to get some sense whacked into her.

Crow: Fortunately, his sense was only an inch long.

Tom: <snickers>


>As he stared at the 2 girls, he felt as though he had seen them
>before.   As if they had been to one of the underworld meetings
>a few years ago…

Joel: Yeah, one sold cigars and the other sold cigarettes.


>The Boss shook his head at the absurdity. No way this 2 pathetic
>girls be in any criminal organization. They were too young and
>beside, they don't even the mentality of a criminal.

Crow: <Boss, thinking> Why, I'll bet they aren't superstitious
or cowardly at all!

Tom: <Boss> Guess I'm just going to have to sew packets of
heroin into their clothes and send them on international adventures.


>"Enough," he intoned. " Take them to the penthouse to receive their
>training." A few men grinned wolfishly at the 2 girls; they couldn't
>wait to train these beauties.

Joel: <man> Polishing the silver... ironing the linen... dusting
the crystal chandeliers... man, it's gonna be SWEET!

Crow: <Short-haired girl> Ugh.  Can't we just have sex instead?


>One man grabbed the long-haired girl when suddenly she fell
>onto the floor, screaming her head off while convulsing on the
>floor.

Tom: <man> If we turn her upside-down, maybe we could mop
the floor with her hair.

Joel: Yeah, it'd be one loud mop though.


>Looking up in alarm, he saw the other girl doing the same thing.
>Wong had to struggle to retain his grip on the spasming girl.

Crow: <Wong> T-T-They doesn't seem t-t-too keen on the
idea, b-b-boss!


>/What's this? A ploy?/ Just as he finished his train of thoughts,
>the girls cease their actions, their face lifeless as a stature
>and their eye glowing red like an ancient demon.

Tom: Whereas modern-day demons eyes glow a tasteful
shade of turquoise.

Crow: Possession prevented a kidnapping!  Yay, demons!


>"What is the meaning of this?!" No sooner the Boss exclaimed when
>the short-haired girl swung her head back forcefully into Wong's
>face.  Wong released his grip, his hands covering his broken nose.
>The girl then did a roundhouse kick to his head, sending him
>crashing into the adjacent wall.

Joel: <Wong> Going on break, boss.  *thud*

Crow: Wow, he went down faster than an Andore.

Tom: Yet not one brain cell was damaged... it was living safely
within all that bone and empty space.


>Meanwhile, the long-haired girl seemed to lose all her cowardice
>and grabbed hold of the man's arm and twisted it. She was rewarded
>with a loud 'snap' and the cry of pain from the man.

Joel: Yeah!  Way to stick it to the man!

Crow: <long-haired girl> Society owes me!


>As the Boss and the other gang members took a step back in fear
>and shock, something clicked in the Boss's mind.

Tom: <Boss> Oh, he was Luke's father!  Holy crap!


>Those lifeless face, those blank eyes… he desperately hoped they
>were not who he thought they were.

Joel: The target audience for the Kardashians?


>If they were the 'Twin Empresses of Crime", the 2 devils who ruled
>the Chinese underworld a few months back with an iron fist…

Tom: ...One wonders why Don Corneo here didn't recognize
them earlier?

Crow: What, and give away the same plot twist we've had for
the last eight chapters now?  For shame!


>His hopes were shattered when the 2 girls announced their monikers
>as they advanced to his quivering frame.

Joel: They're the Japanese Laverne and Shirley.


>"Designated codename: Xiayu. Online."
>
>"Designated codename: Jianyu. Online."

Tom: <Boss> asl?

Crow: <girls> ...

Tom: <Boss> Eh, it was a worth a shoAAAAAUUUUUGGGGHH...!!


>Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx
>
>"Eleven down. One to go."

Tom: They Were Eleven.

Joel: I forget, which doll is the newcomer again?

Crow: All of them.


>12

Tom: So far, twelve ways to leave your lover.  Though they're fairly
identical with the final dispositions.


>If someone ask her if she was cold, she would gladly snap the person's
>neck in a fit of anger.
>
>The girl huddled into a tight ball, trying to conserve whatever little
>warmth hat is left in her fragile body.

Crow: Wait, are we still following the girls from the last chapter?


>The small fire that she set up in the cave was her only companion;
>unfortunately, It provided a pitiful amount of warmth for her, both
>literally and metaphorically.

Joel: She aspired to be the god of hellfire but had to settle
for roadie.

Tom: And she's burning.... what now?

Crow: The remains of the bear that wasn't buried by the cave-in.

Tom: Phew... oh, wait...


>The girl wore a flimsy parka that was a few sizes too big for her, a
>thick turtleneck sweater and a faded scarf.  That's all she wore to
>face with the harsh Siberia cold.

Crow: So she was naked from the waist down?  What?  It says right
there, "that's all she wore".  A keen and justified observation!

Tom: Luckily the girl's legs were far too hot to ever get cold.


>Why she would do such an insane stunt was a mystery to all
>except for the lone mysterious figure who seek refuge in a cave
>to shelter herself from a sudden blizzard.

Joel: Eh, she just wants to show up David Blaine.


>When she woke up 2 months ago, she found herself in a hospital room
>all alone.  Sitting up in shock from the foreign surrounding, the first
>thing her instinct told her to do was to get the hell out of this place.

Joel: The giant ant threat was looming and she had to escape and find
more direct evidence to convince the major of Lizard Breath to call out
the National Guard.

Crow: Been playing Amiga games again, Joel?

Joel: Cinemaware rules!


>Of course she recognized it as a hospital after a while, a place which
>is supposed to help her . It's just...the smell of disinfectants, the
>sickness and death that lingered ominously in the air, it gave her a
>unsettling feeling, as if she been there before...

Crow: She didn't remember House snarking on her the last time?

Tom: <girl> Oh yeah, that's right, they infected me with gonorrhea
in order to get rid of my flu!


>Landing on her feet, she made a move for the door (which was slightly
>ajar) that would no doubt led to the hallway when she caught her
>appearance on a desk mirror beside her.

Crow: <girl> Oh, Richard!  I'm a complete mess!  I need foundation,
like YESTERDAY!  


>The girl tried to blank out the memory of her face, the trauma she
>suffered to this day.

Joel: Sounds like somebody's ready for a new supervillain identity.


>Her scream alerted a few orderlies to her room and despite their best
>attempts to restraint her; she managed to push past them and escape
>from the hospital, all the while screaming in terror at what she saw.

Crow: <girl> ARRRRGH!!!  THE CONDITIONS OF THIS
HOSPITAL ARE BOTH DEPLORABLE AND UNSANITARY!!!

Tom: Was it... a war-wilf?

Crow: Don't be silly, Pee-dur.


>Her outburst caught the attention of numerous people, but she didn't
>care, didn't want to face their callous gaze...all she wanted to do is
>to get out of here so no one can see her hideous countenance again...

Tom: What's worse, a callous gaze or a hideous countenance?


>She left Russia (she learnt about that much later) and into the
>Siberian wastelands, where it is devoid of any life and more
>importantly, any humans.

Crow: Except for that one crazy lady telling everyone to just
let it go.

Joel: The one who thinks she's a queen and throws snowballs at
people and claims its magic?

Crow: Yeah, Sarah Palin.

Joel: Oh, her!


>Packing a few rations of food and water into a rucksack and
>donning on her current outfit (all of which were stolen. She
>held no qualms about it) and set off about 5 days ago.

Crow: Holy crap, the author is cribbing the first ten minutes
of "Anastasia".

Tom: Then who's Demitri?

Joel: Oh, that's a different Capcom game.


>She spent the previous time planning and engaging in whatever
>illegal business in order to survive, all the while covering
>her face with her scarf.

Tom: <girl> I've got bootleg copies of 'Red Dawn', 'Hunt
for Red October' and 'Rocky IV' here!  First come, first serve!


>And now, here she was, all alone in the barren landscape where
>everything was a beautiful white as far as the eyes could see.

Crow: <singing> Iiiiiiiiiiitttttt's SPRINGTIME, for Hitler, and
Gerrrmanyyyyyyy...


>The girl gulped down a few drops of water from her almost weightless
>canteen. Her rations were running out, about 2 days worth of them left.

Tom: I have a terrible feeling that we're going to be doing a cutaway,
and then... IT'S COOKING!  WITH ZANGIEF!  GATHER AROUND, COMRADES!!

Crow: Eww, his pec sweat is dripping into the borscht...

Joel: Eww, it's borscht...


>Honestly, she didn't expect herself to be still alive; she estimated
>that she would have died in the second day. Must be some dumb
>will to live, though she not sure why.

Crow: <girl> Curse this indomitable human spirit of mine!

Tom: Yet another Code Geass 'fic, eh?

Joel: Codename Geass: Inactive.


>She was a nobody, a nameless individual who had no memory of
>who she was.  What's there to live for?

Joel: Pizza.  Duh!

Crow: Or, the 0.005% chance that there will be a season 2 of
"Firefly".


>All of a sudden, the headache that tormented her mind resurfaced,
>causing her to grit her teeth in pain.  
>
>She rubbed her forehead furiously to get rid of it, but to no avail.
>It just keep getting worse, like a knife edging slowly and steadily
>into her brain.

Crow: But what the hell is she going to be murdering out here?

Tom: Jack Frost?  Frosty the Snowman?  Old Man Winter?  
How the hell should I know!?

Joel: <girl> I will attack... the darkness! *nerdy laugh*


>Giving up, she laid on her backpack. "So this is how death felt like."

Joel: Cold, lumpy and no booze.  

Tom: Sounds about right.


>She sighed in resignation of her fate. She wasn't upset; she just wished
>she could have a second chance in life, instead of whatever hell she was
>living.

Crow: Sadly, she simply wasn't enough of a fetishist to join a
'Second Life' community.


>Closing her eyes, the girl waited patiently for her inevitable fate.
>
>It didn't happen.

Joel: <girl> I guess I have to starve first.  Lovely.


>All of a sudden, a jolt of pain sent her body into a mad spasm.

Crow: I think the whole world had that same reaction
simultaneously when they announced "Transformers 5".


>At this point, the girl felt something seeping into her mind.

Tom: <girl, singing> negative b plus or minus the square
root/ of b squared minus four a-c.... why the HELL is this
coming up now?


>It felt as though ice-cold fingers were probing her brains.

Tom: Then she shrieked as they probed something else.

Crow: Classy, Servo.

Tom: Always, my friend.


>Before the girl could express her displeasure of the feeling,
>a flash of light blinded her vision before...

Crow: ...the 8:15 to Vladivostok came barrelling through.

Joel: <girl> Designated codename: Rail Pizza.


>The girl stood up, her skin no longer feeling the bitter cold.

Crow: Yes, brainwashing!  Not only does it prevent crime AND
provide gainful employment opportunities, it'll knock that pesky
hypothermia right out of ya!


>As she stepped out of the cave into the blizzard, one could see 2
>red circles glowing in all the white and a voice intoned.

Tom: <Mr. Freeze, distorted voice> NORA?  YOU'RE NOT NORA.

Joel: GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL.


>"Designated codename: Decapre. Online."

Crow: I call foul, I can't even get cell service in my bathroom
but she gets activated in fucking Siberia?


>Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
>
>"Twelve down. The operation has been completed, Lord Bison. "

Joel: All butterflies have been extracted from the stomach,
Lord Bison.

Crow: <Bison> Excellent.  Now start collecting the bread
from the basket and heaven help you if you touch the sides!

Tom: Oops, check the clock, we've gotta go, guys...

Joel: Hey, good timing!  What's say we go check on our
Halloween party?

Crow: Yeah, without us there, it's probably deader than Bill
Cosby's career.

(Joel picks up Tom and follows Crow out of the theater.)


***


THE HOLOCABANA

    Despite Crow's prediction, the Halloween party was still in full
swing when Joel and the bots entered.  Just then, Gypsy came
saddling up to them.

    "Hey Joel?  I hate to bug you but I've got a little problem..."  
Gypsy began.

    "Oh yeah?  What's the matter, Gypsy?  You not having a good
time?"  Joel inquired.

    "Oh no, the party's great and I'm having a lovely time.  But a
few minutes ago, I got this really bad headache..."  Gypsy replied.

    Crow and Tom immediately snapped to attention upon hearing
this before looking at each other fearfully.

    "Oh, I'm sorry, Gypsy.  Maybe the music is too loud for you?  I
can adjust it if you like..." Joel said, concerned.

    "Joel, we need to talk to you."  Crow suddenly interrupted.

    "It's urgent."  Tom added.

    "Uh, just a second, Gypsy!"  Joel exclaimed before Crow and
Tom practically dragged  him away.  "Ow, hey, what is it?"

    "Joel, don't you see what's happening here?  She's been
brainwashed!"  Tom hissed.

    "What?  Who?"  Joel replied, confused.

    "Gypsy!  She's a sleeper assassin!  She's going to wake up
soon and kill us all!"  Crow exclaimed in a hushed whisper.

    "Right.  I'm going now."  Joel replied as he turned to leave.

    "Just hear us out!"  Tom pleaded.  "Gypsy said she has a
headache, when was the last time a ROBOT had a headache?"

    "Every time we leave the theater?"  Joel replied sardonically.

    "Err... w-well, how often is GYPSY in the theater with us?  
Huh?  Answer us that!"  Crow pointed out.

    "You guys... she's at a party with loud music, she probably
had a few nips at the punch..."  Joel tried to rationalize.

    "Joel, NOBODY is going near the punch as long as Ilona
is serving it!"  Tom snapped back as Cambot panned over to the
punch bowl where a teenaged goth punk girl was slowly stirring it
with what appeared to be a used toilet brush.

    "Fair point... but I'm sure it's nothing to worry about,
guys..." Joel replied as the lights in the holocabana began to
flash red.  "Now make yourselves useful and find out what the Mads
want while I help Gypsy out, okay?"  Joel replied as he gently
pulled himself away from the bots and walked back over to Gypsy.
Tom and Crow looked at each other nervously before reluctantly
leaving the Holocabana to answer the Mads call.


***


DEEP 13

    "Oh, hey guys.  Umm, I was just wondering if you guys managed
to find some Raisinets for your party?  They were all sold out at my
local store and I'm REALLY jonesing for some raisin chocolates right
about now."  Frank pleaded as he wiped a bit of drool from his mouth.  
"If you can send some up through the umbiliport, I'm sure we can work
out a fair..."

    Just then the doorbell rang.  "Oops, back in a sec, guys.  We've
got our first trick or treater!"  Frank exclaimed excitedly as he
rushed over to the door and pulled it open.  

     Piano and clarinet music suddenly filled the air as a strange
bearded man carrying a staff with a hand on top of it stood unsteadily
on the doorstep.  Packets of loose dirt fell from his filthy shirt,
jacket and pants stretched over his enormous knees.  

     "TriCK oR tReAT, sMeLL mY FeeT, g-giVe mE sOMEthInG gOoD
tO EaT..." the strange man asked in a warbled voice.

    "Hey Torgo!  Happy Halloween!  I really like your Pig-Pen
costume!" Frank said as he cheerfully greeted him.

    "i'M nOt pIg-pEn, yOu DoLT... i'M a z-zOMbiE... yOu kNoW... b-
bRAins...!!"  Torgo replied indignantly.

     "Frank!  What's that horrible smell... oh, it's YOU."  Dr. Forrester
held one hand over his mouth and waved his other hand at Torgo to
ward off the stench.  "Ah geez, you're tracking dirt in all over the
floor!  When was the last time you showered!?"

    "He's cosplaying as the undead, you know, a zombie."  Frank
pointed out.

    "Who can tell?"  Dr. Forrester grimaced before a realization struck
him and a sinister plan came to mind.  "Say, Frank... aren't YOU
playing a zombie hunter or something right now?"

    "Ehh, kinda.  I'm cosplaying as photojournalist, Frank West!  The
original, not the new one!"  Frank added quickly.  "But yeah, I guess
he sorta hunts zombies..."

    "And what's Torgo cosplaying as again?"  Dr. Forrester said,
inwardly praying that Frank would connect the dots for once.

    "A zom... OH!"  Frank's eyes lit up!  "Oh geez, this is gonna be
my first kill!  The first kill is always the most precious!  I can't
just use my bare hands for this!  I... I need a SPECIAL combo weapon!
Be back in a jiffy!"  Frank exclaimed as he ran off-camera towards
his room and the sounds of grinding metal and duct tape tearing could
be heard in the distance.

    Dr. Forrester sighed.  "You might as well go, Torgo.  When Frank
gets into a project, he could be in there for days.  Here, have some
candy...."  Dr. Forrester picked up a handful of caramels from one of
the large bowls of candy and tossed them at Torgo, a few of them
sticking to his clothes.

    "tHaNk yOU vErY MuCh..."  Torgo replied before holding up a
small wooden box with a slot in the middle.  "woULd yOU liKe tO
mAKe A DoNAtiON?  ThE MaSTeR woULd aPPrOvE..."

    "Fine, fine!"  Dr. Forrester snapped as he reached into his
pocket and dropped a dime into the box.  "Now, beat it before I
get the hose!"  he threatened as Torgo quickly spun around and
wobbled off.  

     As Dr. Forrester slammed the door shut, he scowled as he
noticed the dirt Torgo left on the floor.  "FRANK!  Get in here
and..." he was drowned out by another loud squeal of metal.  "Oh,
never mind, I'll do it!"  he sighed as he went to get a broom and
dustpan, only to pause as he noticed a commotion on one of the
monitors.  Turning up the volume, he saw it was coming from
the Holocabana feed.

    "Joel?  What the sam hell is going on down there!?"


***


THE HOLOCABANA

    "AHHHHHHHH!!!"  Tom and Crow screamed in terror as
Joel struggled in vain to remove his head from Gypsy's mouth.  
Her usual cheerful yellow eye had turned a scary blood red
colour, which combined with her Elvira costume, made her look
that much more terrifying yet sexy.  

     "Somebody help!  She's killing Joel and it's turning me on!
And that makes me REALLY uncomfortable!"  Crow cried out to the
other party goers.  Unfortunately, they had only been programmed
to provide ambiance and engaging conversation to the party and
were thus oblivious to Crow's pleas.

    "Oh lord!  She's GUMMING him to death!  Wow, that's hot... uh,
I mean... Oh, the HUMANITY!"  Tom wailed.

    Suddenly Joel's body went slack and Gypsy finally released
him as he dropped to the floor, unmoving.  She smacked her lips
before slowly turning to face a horrified Crow and Tom, her one
eye glowing menacingly and spoke in a flat monotone.

    "Designated codename: Eggplant Wizard.  Online."

    "RUN AWAY!  RUN AWAY!!!"  Crow cried out in his best
Graham Chapman impression as he fled through the doors, Tom
wailing as he followed suit.  After the Holocabana's doors closed,
Gypsy began to chuckle and her headlight returned to its natural
yellow colour as she leaned down to whisper to Joel on the floor.

    "You can get up now, Joel.  We fooled them!"  

     Joel's eyes popped open and he grinned at Gypsy as they
shared a laugh.  "I know we're being cruel but sometimes it's just
so easy..."  Joel remarked as he rose back to his feet.

    "Hey, they started it!"  Gypsy snapped before facing Cambot.  
"Yesterday, right before my big date with Richard Basehart, they
secretly reprogrammed him to talk like Gilbert Gottfried and when
Richard started ranting about some aristocrats, I thought I'd die
of embarrassment!" she explained.

    "Well, I think it's safe to say you got them back.  By the way,
how's your headache doing?"  Joel replied with a smile.

    "Oh, MUCH better.  Seriously though, thanks for helping me
out, Joel."  Gypsy replied, grateful.

    "Anytime, Gypsy."  Joel replied before the party's music was
interrupted by Magic Voice.  "Commercial sign in 15 seconds..."  

     "Shoot, I'd better head back to the bridge for now.  Have a
good time!"  Joel said as he walked out the door while Gypsy
nodded and resumed her mingling with the holographic guests.

    "Commercial sign in 5... 4... 3... 2... commercial sign
now." Magic Voice chimed in before suddenly turning husky.  "Hey
Cambot, it's time to play with me... care to connect my dots,
la la la la?" she purred.

    The picture seemed to tint a bright red as Cambot quickly
faded to black.


TO BE CONTINUED IN '12 MONTHS AND A YEAR'  PT. 2...


Hiya!  I hope you're enjoying this MSTing so far!  As with my
other multiple part MSTings, there's lots more fun and weirdness
to come, so don't skip it or you'll only be missing out on some
great riffing and skits.  ;p