Tokyo Babylon Fan Fiction / X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Lost Souls ❯ XII ( Chapter 12 )

"I think I need a cigarette," Subaru muttered to himself, sticking his trembling hands in his pockets. They were at the mall, of all places. He'd made the great mistake of admitting he'd left everything behind when he left Seishirou's apartment, since he didn't know for certain what was his and what wasn't. He'd compounded the mistake by mentioning this in front of Yuzuriha, and she had decided it was necessary to take him shopping RIGHT NOW.

He wasn't sure, however, why Kamui had been forced with them. All he knew was that Sorata and Arashi had seemed somehow smug as the three of them walked out the door together.

"Don't be like that," Yuzuriha chirped. "This is the perfect chance for you to quit. Smoking is such a disgusting habit, and you smell a lot better now anyway."

"Smell?" Subaru blinked. Since when did she go around sniffing him? Sure, he was aware of how smoking made others smell...he'd become so aware of that scent by spending time with Seishirou...but it wasn't something he noticed otherwise. It certainly wasn't something he'd comment on.

She just nodded. "Yeah. It makes Inuki want to sneeze, so we're both happier now that you're not doing it."

Oh.

"I'm sorry, Inuki," Subaru said softly, petting the spirit dog.

Yuzuriha grinned widely, looking bouncier than ever. How was it possible for a girl to be so happy, and then somehow become even happier on top of it? Though, Hokuto had been much the same. Maybe it was just the type of girls both were.

He let himself be dragged into clothing shops, finding himself a little disconcerted by how much fashions had changed in all that time. Everything was much more somber, and it was hard to find anything that Hokuto would find "fun". Of course, she was not here to make him wear anything too outrageous, but he felt empty knowing that he couldn't even if he wanted to. Another thing had been robbed from him with time and whatever had brought this amnesia.

"Matching hat and gloves?" Yuzuriha asked with a smile. "I've never seen you wearing a hat, but it's really cute on you!" She had hearts in her eyes as she insisted he try on the whole outfit and model it.

"Oh. I thought...I mean, this is what I always wear, so...you mean...I don't anymore?"

Kamui and Yuzuriha both shook their heads, and Subaru immediately started to put everything back, flushed with embarrassment. Yuzuriha protested loudly, adding to Subaru's embarrassment, and she wouldn't stop saying how cute he'd be in the clothes he'd first picked out. Kamui held back quietly, obviously wary to get involved, but he wore a shy smile when Yuzuriha bullied Subaru into buying the entire outfit anyway. Subaru understood now how rare it was to see Kamui smile, and the sting of humiliation faded when he saw that.

"Don't worry, it looks great on you!" Yuzuriha was enthusing as he walked slowly in front of the mirrors.

"It really does," Kamui admitted slowly. "It makes you look younger though."

"I should pick something else out," Subaru murmured, growing more and more embarrassed.

Yuzuriha jumped all over Subaru for that, insisting that he was being silly, and it was no crime to look cute or younger or anything else Subaru might try to object to. Twenty-five was hardly over the hill, she said loudly, but this had the reverse effect she'd intended. "I almost forgot," he groaned. "I have to look more dignified. At least for when I'm working, I do."

Yuzuriha almost had a meltdown. "Grown-ups always try to make themselves look younger! Nobody is going to think anything about it, and you can pick out different things to wear while you're working, but you need some fun clothes too!"

Too...much...enthusiasm...Subaru felt his resistance fading just so she'd calm down.

The deciding factor though was when Kamui nodded.

All the clothes he bought that day would have had Hokuto's seal of approval...though reluctantly since they weren't quite as bright and attention-drawing. He was still sure these were the clothes she would have picked, if she'd been here. They went to a few different clothing stores, but finally Subaru and Kamui's reluctance wore on Yuzuriha, and they were going to leave--

"He's so cute! Just like when Inuki was a puppy!" Yuzuriha was firmly planted in front of a pet store, practically glowing as she watched the small animals frolic.

Subaru pressed up against the glass, drawn to the display and tormented by it at the same time. He was thinking of all the poor creatures that had been in Seishirou's care...how many had actually been picked up by their owners? How many had met a gruesome fate? He saw the puppy Yuzuriha meant right away and smiled at it sadly. "Be glad you're here and not there," he whispered, feeling his heart break a little as he remembered a similar puppy he'd only played with a few weeks--no, years and years ago.

Yuzuriha rushed into the store with Inuki close on her heels. Kamui shrugged and followed, leaving Subaru to wonder what had actually drawn them inside. He followed and saw--Yuzuriha was talking to a clerk who held a small black and white kitten in her hands, letting the customers come up and touch it. The kitten was surprisingly complacent, since most cats did not take to being handled by strangers. This one was purring loudly though and drank in all the attention.

"I can bring out a few toys for the kitten to play with, if someone will hold her for a moment?" the clerk was saying as Subaru joined the group.

Two children were jumping up and down, begging for the honor, and the clerk looked at them skeptically.

"Perhaps an adult," she said, looking directly at Subaru. "Would you mind, sir?"

The children turned eyes full of equal parts envy and pleading upon him, ignoring the surprise on his face. He was shocked to be called sir like that, by someone he'd have thought of as older than him. She looked to be about twenty years old--it took him aback completely. So much so that he found himself nodding weakly and taking the kitten instead of protesting like he'd wanted to.

The kitten stopped purring at first, surprised to have found a new and unfamiliar perch. He cradled it to his chest, and it immediately squirmed upward, clawing his shirt to butt its head against his chin, demanding to be petted right away. He didn't have a choice, really. When the children began jumping up and down because they could not reach the kitten, Subaru happily knelt on the shop floor and the three of them petted the kitten. He was not wearing gloves today, a choice he'd made in conscious defiance to habit and the necessity of trying to hide something that had never been effectively hidden. So, he was surprised at how soft the kitten's fur was. Far softer than he'd remembered or imagined all this time. Far softer to feel the short, silky hairs against his fingers than pressed against his face as he'd done so many times at Seishirou's office. No matter how he'd tried to feel like that before, there was no substitute for touching things with his own hands.

Yet another thing Seishirou had robbed him of.

It was hard to keep those melancholy thoughts though, when the kitten was so lovable and friendly. When the clerk returned with toys the kitten perked up, clearly recognizing that this was playtime. To show how well behaved the kitten was, she asked Subaru to set it on the floor, and she also knelt to get close enough with a small stick that had a bright pink feather at the end. The kitten happily chased the feather, and at some point Yuzuriha and Kamui and the children knelt to form a circle for the kitten to play within. Subaru only noticed this when the feather trailed across Kamui's lap and the kitten tore after it, a streak of black and white that didn't quite dodge fast enough and ended up knocking up against Kamui's chest mid-leap. Everybody laughed at the dazed look on the kitten's face. Kamui's eyes locked on Subaru's, both of them surprised to see a smile on the other's face. At the same time they both looked away, watching the kitten as it now chased a small ball with a jingle bell inside of it. The ring of people kept the ball from going wild across the floor, and another circle of shoppers stood in a ring around them to watch.

Subaru caught the ball and rolled it across the circle, absently scratching an itch at the back of his hand. The kitten almost flipped over, standing on its hind legs and pouncing as the ball passed, but missing it by mere inches. People were laughing and clapping, making promises of buying a cat because this one was too adorable to resist.

The kitten got tired of playing eventually, and showed everyone in the store that it was done by jumping up on Subaru's lap and refusing to chase after anything else. The children immediately jumped up and started begging their parents for the kitten--thankfully it appeared that the two were siblings, or one of them would have been going home very disappointed. He picked up the ball of fluff so he could stand, holding it in his right hand so he could use his left hand to scratch the itch that had been recurring this whole time.

He looked down this time, since the kitten was right there. It took him that long to notice that the scars on the backs of his hands...the ones that were usually so faded as to be unnoticeable...were bright white and standing out clearly in the shape of perfect inverted stars. His eyes went wide, then shot up to take in the faces around him. In a break between people in the nearby crowd, he saw who he was looking for.

His eyes locked gazes with Seishirou for a small eternity. Maybe a second, maybe two, but it was long enough for his heart to squeeze painfully and his breath to start coming in short gasps. He felt Kamui place a concerned hand on his shoulder, and he snapped out of it, turning away. He handed the kitten back to the clerk and shoved his hands into his pockets. He headed to the back of the store, pretending to look at the fish, while he blinked back the tears that threatened.

Thankfully, his friends were understanding enough to give him a few minutes.