Tokyo Babylon Fan Fiction / X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Lost Souls ❯ XIX ( Chapter 19 )

"Subaru-san...your eye." His grandmother looked so concerned, but she also looked disturbed.

He couldn't bear under her scrutiny, so he sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "It was a small price to pay for that battle," he said in a small voice.

"It's too much for coincidence that it would be that eye."

Staring straight upward gave Subaru a sense of distance from the situation. He found the strength to just tell her the truth, no matter how damning. "Yes. It's not a coincidence that it was my right eye."

There was a long silence between them, and Subaru still refused to look at her. He was afraid of what he would see in her eyes. He was surprised then when he felt her take his hand...surprised that she would leave behind formality and show affection so blatantly.

"Subaru-san, I promised myself I would not burden you with my worry because what you do is necessary to the survival of mankind. These last five years though--" She stopped herself, and he felt her let go of his hand. He looked over at her to see her looking away.

"You mean, since I've been with Seishirou-san."

She took in a sharp breath. "You know how I feel about That Man," she said, her voice full of many emotions. He could hear her anger and distaste, and her disapproval was the glue that bound it together. Still, there was a pleading tone to it, begging for his understanding in this. She was and would always be unbending.

"No, I really don't," Subaru replied bitterly. Though, he was starting to get an idea. She would never accept it, obviously, and would probably never forgive Subaru for being in love. "A week has not cured my amnesia."

She looked at him with wide eyes for a moment before her expression hardened and she replied in a steely tone, "Surely you did not forget that he killed your sister!"

"I had forgotten," Subaru said. "You sat there a week ago, when I knew nothing at all, and didn't even tell me Hokuto-chan would not be visiting. It wasn't until the next day, when the other Seals came to wish me well, that I found out about her death."

"Subaru-san..." her voice was gentler now, offering an apology that would be inadequate to voice.

It was an apology he was not yet ready to accept. Silence grew between them again, and he wondered if it would be irreparable. The temperature in the room seemed to drop further and further...

When she spoke again, it was with ice in her tone. "You let him touch you with the same hands that killed her. I love you, and I support you in everything else you do, but...how could you?"

"I don't know, Grandmother. I honestly don't know, and I don't know if I could explain it to you if I found out."

Seishirou was standing in the doorway, waiting silently. Subaru wanted to reach out to him, but his grandmother's words were echoing in his ears. He had returned to his doubts and his pain, wondering how this could possibly work and how it had worked at all before. No matter what he'd forgotten, he could not forget what Seishirou was and all he had done.

But, could he forgive?

He still didn't know, but he wanted to believe that somehow he could. Otherwise it would kill him to be so in love.

"Subaru-san, I only want you to be happy." Grandmother looked like she wanted to say something more, but she paused, frowning. "I was going to say, you have not been happy for a very long time, but I can not tell you that. When I came in here, that was the closest I've seen you to being happy since you were a child. No matter how I might disapprove, it is up to you to find your happiness. Not me."

"How gracious of you to finally admit that," Seishirou said, finally stepping into the room.

She shot him a look that would have caused a lesser man to run screaming. Thankfully a nurse walked in and innocently stopped what could have been World War III, finally checking on Subaru to give him his medication. A doctor came in a few minutes later, but by that time Grandmother had left. Seishirou stayed by his side, and they heard the doctor pronounce his "bad news" together. Neither were surprised, though Seishirou had given Subaru's hand a comforting squeeze when the doctor had finally come out and said Subaru would never regain sight in his right eye. It was a surprising gesture, but one that he was very thankful for.

When the medication kicked in they changed his bandage. Seishirou paid particular attention to this, asking questions that Subaru just didn't feel like paying attention to. He knew he should, but his head was feeling swimmy and it didn't help that they told him to keep both eyes closed. He began drifting off to the feel of hands deftly replacing bandages and the low buzz of murmured conversation.

He woke up slightly when it was finished and he was laid back down. He looked up at Seishirou, considering him with that skewed honesty that comes with heavy medication. "You're still here," he said gratefully.

"Yes. Sleep now, Subaru-kun. I'll be back later tonight."

"You should sleep, Seishirou-san."

Seishirou just smiled, touching Subaru's arm gently. "We'll talk tonight."

"Oh." Like there was any doubt what they'd talk about. "Are you going to yell at me?" Subaru asked meekly. He thought belatedly that that was probably not something he wanted to ask, especially in that tone, because it made him sound less than mature. It was too late to take it back though.

The smile on Seishirou's lips looked strained. His voice was kind though, as he gently ruffled Subaru's hair. "Go to sleep, Subaru."

"Okay."