Trigun Fan Fiction / Vision Of Escaflowne Fan Fiction ❯ D/Chick and County One-Shots ❯ But I Like Your Butt! ( Chapter 11 )

But I Like Your Butt!

- A D/Chick and County One-Shot Rant -

D/Chick: (Sparkly Peace-sign) Hey there folks! Today, we have a very fun romp indeed!

N/Babe: (Pops in with streamers and blue confetti) Did you say rump? I like rumps.

D/Chick: ^^; I'm sure you do…everyone, meet my bestest buddy Naiad Babe!

N/Babe: A.K.A. Lizard (Wink)

County: (Rounds the corner into the kitchen) !!! (Pauses mid-step) O.O

D/Chick: Hey Boy! Nice bod there…(Snickers)

County: (Wearing red and black swim-trunks blushing like a moron)W-who is that? Is that your friend?

D/Chick: Yup, it's N/Babe!! Remember, I told you she was coming over. Why are you in swim trunks?

County: Umm…(Scratches head) …I wanted to go swimming? (Looks at N/Babe bashfully)

D/Chick: (Raises an eyebrow) Uh, County, we don't have a pool.

County: Uhh…(Checks outside the window at the backyard) Well, whaddaya know, we don't!! (Laughs nervously, staring at N/Babe the whole time) I think…I'll go now… (Steps out sideways) Ah ha ha! LATER (Bolts)

D/Chick: That…was weird.

N/Babe: (Turns to D/Chick) Is he always like that?

D/Chick: o.O NO. Is he going through another weird stage?

N/Babe: I thought you said that was a dream…(Tilts head innocently)

D/Chick: -_- Right…ok, well, I guess he felt like showing off…(Rolls eyes)

N/Babe: It's bad to show off. Especially when you're obviously (Holds up an inquisitive finger) I wonder why he was showing off? (Puts finger to lip)

D/Chick: (Rolls eyes again) Gee, I think I'll take a wild guess…ok then, today me and N/Babe are inviting over many-a-hott bishi…for…(Grins evilly) Certain purposes!! BAHAHA!!

N/Babe: (Turns from innocent to sly, cracking her knuckles with a Grinch-like grin) Oh yes…

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*

Gareas: Now why am I here again? (Utterly confused)

D/Chick: (Puts finger to Garu's mouth) Shhh!! It's Top Secret!! (Glances around nervously)

Gareas: -.- Right.

Rioroute: Do we get any food? I'm hungry!

N/Babe: (Snaps and stands over Rio) AFTER NECCESARY PROCEDURES, INSOLENT FOOL!

Rioroute: (Cowers on the sofa) Riiiiiight!!

Quatre: (Beaming with disgusting happiness) Oh, what fun! (Sips on his tea)

D/Chick: (Goes and ruffles Quatre's hair) I really don't know why, but I luv ya!

Quatre: (Gives D/Chick an adoringly-pitiful face) And why wouldn't you love me?

D/Chick: (Leans in at the adorable face) … (Bites bottom lip with a tear in her eye) …(Gives in and throws herself at Quatre) YOU'RE SO CUUUTE!! THAT'S WHY I LUUUVVVVV YOUUUUUUUU!! (Snuggles) Anhyummmm!!!

County: (Peeks into the room and cringes at D/Chick's glomping) Sickening…

N/Babe: (Spots County) Oh!

County: (Sees N/Babe and turns red)

N/Babe: (Waves with a cute face)

County: (Gulps)

D/Chick: Ok! I'm done! (Steps away and does a little dance)

Quatre: (Smothered, clothes rumpled)

N/Babe: Now! (Clasps hands together) D/Chick, if you would please get the tags…

D/Chick: Right-o! (Stretches out hand. A small poof is heard, and a stack of cards lands in her hand) Now then…N/Babe, would you do the honors?

N/Babe: Of course! (Takes the cards grinning)

D/Chick: (Grins back)

County: (Leans against wall, trying to be casual) So…just what does Naiad mean anyways?

D/Chick: Whyyy, a Naiad is a mythical water spirit! Like Dryads are tree spirits, y'know? They're pretty and shiny!!

County: Uhm…right. (Mutters) nerds…

N/Babe: (Walks over to County) Hello there!

County: (Suave smile) Hey-(!!!)

N/Babe: (Slaps a card saying "A" on County's shirt) There you go!

County: (Gapes at card) And just what is the meaning of this!? Why am I being labeled!?

D/Chick: (Helps and slaps "C" and "D" on Rio and Garu) Oh, you'll see…

N/Babe: (Slaps "B" on Quatre's vest) ok! We're all set to go!

Gareas: (Stomps over to N/Babe) NOW WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE!! Just WHAT is going on!?

N/Babe: (Sidles up to County) Well…

County: (Gulps)

N/Babe: …It goes like this…(GRAB!)

County: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! (Jumps straight up into the air, grabbing his butt with a deranged face)

N/Babe: ^^;

Everyone: o.O

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*

D/Chick: Ok then!

Bishonen: (Lined up in order, backs facing D/Chick and N/Babe. Many threats/negotiations/deals were made before they submitted ^^;)

N/Babe: (Holds up a finger) Today we will be inspecting…your back ends…(Grins)

Gareas: (Whips head over his shoulder) AND JUST WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?

D/Chick: (Shrugs) N's idea. Besides, it sounds like fun!

Gareas: (Crosses his arms and pouts) Well, as long as you keep the deal…

D/Chick: (Taken aback) Me, go against you? NEVER.

N/Babe: Awright! (Rubs hands together and leans down in front of Garu's butt) My… what a tiny ass you have! (Gives a good spank)

Gareas: YIPE!

D/Chick: Ok then…(Marches over to County) Now, let's see (Bends over to get a closer look)

County: (Stiff as a board, sweating nervously with a red face)

D/Chick: Well…

County: (O.O)

D/Chick: Hmm…(Scratches chin)

County: (-.-)

D/Chick: …It's all right…I guess…

County: (Snaps with a growl) JUST WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "ALL RIGHT"!? (Whips around, fists balled) I HAVE A VERY FINE ASS, THANKYOU!!

D/Chick: (Already moved on to the next person) Hmmm…lemme think…

County: -_- How did I know?

D/Chick: (Staring at Quatre's behind) My…(Cringes) Maybe if you had better pants, then it would be passable…otherwise, the butt fails.

Quatre: (Hangs head)

N/Babe: (Comes up beside D/Chick) Huh? (Cringes) Ohmigosh, it's the awful Nerd Butt!! Those baggy butt-pockets (Grabs Quatre's loose pants and tugs them around) are not appealing, Oh Great Arabian Prince.

Quatre: Oh…ok (<<< not sure how to respond ^^;)

D/Chick: (A light bulb flashes above her head) I know! (Holds up a finger) Come here, N's, lemme tell you the plan…

*The two girls whisper back and forth, a smothered giggle here and there*

N/Babe: (Claps hands together) A marvelous plan indeed!

*Five Minutes Later*

Quatre: (Wearing Garu's pants, looking uneasy at their tightness)

Gareas: (Standing with no pants. The boxers are blue-plaid)

D/Chick: (Grinning insanely) Splendid indeed!

N/Babe: (Slaps Quatre on the butt with a triumphant grin) Aww, now you have a good butt!

Quatre: o.O

Rioroute: (Looks annoyed) Hel-looooo?? I'm feeling a little LEFT OUT HERE, people! (Pouts)

D/Chick: (Shakes head) The only willing one.

Gareas: (Shivering) C-can I h-have m-m-my pants back n-now? (Clutches arms)

N/Babe: (Slings Quatre's pants over her shoulder) ^^; Well, these are the only pair available…shame (Feigns innocence)

Gareas: -_- I am NOT putting those hideous things on my body.

Quatre: Hey!

N/Babe: Ok! (Pinches Garu's cheek *cheek as in face-cheek ^^;*) Suit yourself!

D/Chick: (Observing Rio's butt) Hmmm…(Steps around, getting different angles) N's?

N/Babe: Ai?

D/Chick: (Waves hand over without moving her gaze) I need some help…I can't decide what it is on The Scale.

Gareas: "The" Scale?

D/Chick: The Butt Scale, of course…it's a one-to-ten dealy.

Gareas: (Obviously disgusted) Did you make this up?

D/Chick: Nope, thank goodness ^^; N's, any day now…

N/Babe: Oh! Sorry! (Goes and stands next to D/Chick)

Rioroute: (Grinning like an idiot)

N/Babe: (Observes) Gosh…(Rubs chin) This is a tough one, alright…Although I'll have to say…

D/Chick: … (Determining on her own)

Gareas: … (Anxious for results ^__^)

Quatre: … (Shifts, uncomfortable in the Pants)

Rioroute: … (Smiling stupidly, humming a show tune)

N/Babe: … (Suspense) … (Suddenly grins evilly) I, Naiad Babe of the Divine Waters, declare this butt of Rioroute Vilgyna to be a…NINE POINT FIVE!!! (Loads of blue confetti falls from the sky along with triumphant music in the background, N/Babe standing proud)

Quatre: (Gasps) 9.5!?!?

D/Chick: (Claps gleefully) 9.5!!!

N/Babe: (Looks at her work with crossed arms, bobbing head) 9.5…

Gareas: (Looks like he's about to faint) 9.555555555!!!!!!!!

Rioroute: (Starts crying like a Miss America, waving and laughing) Yes, I would like to thank my repairer, and my bestest buddy Garu, and…

Gareas: @_@ (Drooling)

D/Chick: (Claps for Rio) Hooray! Yipee!! Yahoo!!!

Gareas: @_@

N/Babe: (Congratulating tone) Go go, Rio-kid!

Gareas: @_@

Quatre: (Still turned around)

Gareas: @_@

D/Chick: Eh…Garu? Garu? (Thonks his head) Halloo? Anyone home?

Gareas: @_@ Deal.

D/Chick: ^^; Oh, yes, the deal! You may go ahead!

Gareas: (Snaps out of trance) OK!

N/Babe: Huh?

Gareas: (Sidles up to Rio) Hey there…

Rioroute: (Still crying) YES?

Gareas: (GRAB!)

Rioroute: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! (Jumps into the air, grabbing his violated rear)

Gareas: (Hunched over in cackling) AH HA HA HA HAAAAA!! THAT WAS AWESOME!

D/Chick: ^^;

Gareas: (Runs up and picks D/Chick straight up off the ground) THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOUUUUUUUU!!!

N/Babe: o.O You said he could do this?

Quatre: (Patting Rioroute on the back *what a gentle soul*) Are you alright?

Rioroute: O_O I think.

D/Chick: (Being rattled by Gareas's glomping) Eh, well, it was the only way to get him to cooperate…

N/Babe: (Crosses arms in disappointment) I can't believe you allowed that perv to touch your property!

Rioroute: (Jumps up, fists balled) HEY! Whoever said I was-

N/Babe: (Screaming in D/Chick's face) HOW COULD YOU STOOP THAT LOW!?!? I MAY JUST WELL DISOWN YOU, FILTH! (Spins around to Garu) NOW, LOOK, YOU, WHATEVER YOU DID TO DERANGE D/CHICK'S MIND, UNDO!! YOU ARE SO SICK, YOU-

Gareas: (Yells right back, being the rash one) HEY, SHE LET ME, AND DO YOU THINK I WOULDN'T TAKE UP A CHANCE LIKE THAT!?!?

Rioroute: WHAT ABOUT ME PEOPLE!?!? WHOEVER SAID I WAS HER (Points to D/Chick accusingly) PROPERTY!? AND WHO SAID YOU COULD GRAB MY ASS!?!? (Points accusingly at Garu)

Quatre: (Stands up, preparing to be the voice of reason) HOLD ON A SEC!

Everyone But Gareas: (Stop screaming and pause in mid-air all at once) O.O

Quatre: Well…uh…hello? (Waves hands in front of the disgusted faces)

Everyone But Gareas: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Gareas: (Somehow not grossed out about the tight pants *gee, wonder why*) Hey, nice package there, Oh Great Arabian Prince! (Grins in approval)

Everyone But Gareas: (Facefault) DOINK!

Quatre: ^^; That was weird.

D/Chick: (Snaps back up) Hey, where's County?

*The Bathroom*

County: (Cowering in a ball on top of the closed toilet seat) VIOLATION! (Grinds teeth) That Super-Wench better keep her hands off of me from now on! She is not a mere female pervert, she is THE Female Pervert! (Clenches fists) ARGGGG!!! (Waves Fist of Rage about) … (Sighs) It's to be expected…she is a friend with the wench, after all…still…(Checks the lock on the door again, muttering) Damn Naiad wench…damn Dryad wench…DAMN ALL THE FEMALE PERVERTS!! DAMN THEM ALL!!

El Fin ^^; -

D/Chick: (Situated on the disgustingly purple One-Shot sofa, attacking a carton of ice cream) So, County dearest, just what did you think of Naiad Babe of the Divine Waters? Hm? (Chews on her plastic spoon)

County: (Pouting) She's a disgusting, two-faced perverted wench. Acting all sweet and sugar! (Scoffs) She's as low as you! Grabbing multiple butts! Damn her! Damn you!

D/Chick: ^^; Bitter, Boy?

County: (Rolls eyes) A tad.

D/Chick: (Chomps down on her spoon again and cracks it) oh… (Frowns) So much for that…(Starts licking the ice cream straight out of the carton)

County: -_- Disgusting.

*The Phone Rings!*

D/Chick: Eh? (Picks it up) Yo zippo-hippo, gimme the schweed (Hits Speaker-Phone button)

Wolfwood: (On the line) o.O Is that you, D/Chick?

D/Chick: Uh, yah.

Wolfwood: -.- Why must you answer the phone so weird?

D/Chick: (Hears a click) Oh! Hold on Wolfie, someone's on the other line…

*Beep!*

D/Chick: YO ho, how's it schpankin'?

Folken: BEATS ME! WOLFWOOD, THAT IS!

D/Chick: (o.O) AHHHHHHHH YOU'RE GROSS!!!

EL Fin ^^; -