Utena, Revolutionary Girl Fan Fiction ❯ Swords n' Roses ❯ Swords n' Roses: Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

All warnings, disclaimers, taunting, etc. are in the first chapter. Oh
yeah, this might get moved up to NC-17. It depends on where it goes
from here. The Bishie Staff(TM) is also my creation. It looks a little
like Pluto's time staff, but it doesn't. It's hard to explain. If
anybody wants a pic I made of it, request it in a review. The Bishie
Staff(TM) works the same way as Sakura's wand, 'cept the Bishie
Staff(TM) replaces the wand, and the Bishie Balls replace the Clow
Cards. Anyway, enjoy the story.

*Twitch* *Twitch* *Twitch* *Twitch* Saionji couldn't believe it. He
had a fiancée?! Un-fucking believable!

"Saionji-senpai? Daijobu?" Anthy asked, waving her hand over his face.
Everybody was crowded over the dazed vice president, trying to revive
him. Even his fiancée was staring at him.

"Wow. I can't believe he didn't remember," she said. Nanami looked
back at the lecherous dragon that was sitting on Saionji's chest and
making a scary face, hoping that he could have some fun once he woke
up.

"Y'know...you look kinda familiar." The dragon ignored her. The last
thing he wanted to do was let this opportunity pass him by. She looked
up at the girl who was jabbing her fiancé in the ribs. Utena, now in
her school uniform again, looked at the girl too. That was when she
saw a very long strand of hair coming out of the hat. She scowled,
shoved her hand up into the hat, and yanked the ponytail hidden
inside.

"RA-N-MA!!!!" she bellowed. Yours truly grabbed Utena's ponytail (it
was a bitch to put it back up in its braid so she left it in a tail)
and yanked just as hard to get her back.

"That hurt, kuso!"

"RANMA?!" Everyone looked over at Touga, who'd turned ghostly pale.
Ranma smirked and summoned her Bishie Staff(TM).

"That's right Touga! Remember what today is?"

--FLASHBACK--

It was a clear day on the beach in Los Angeles. The sky was blue, the
birds were singing, and all was peaceful...until Ranma and Mitsukai
went tearing through it in a Dune Buggy, chasing after Carrot Glace.

Ranma called her Bishie Staff(TM) and a Bishonen Ball. She twirled the
huge staff around with her right hand. "MILPHEY! ONEGAI!" She slammed
the Ball with her staff, it snapped open, and the world's most kawaii
cross-dresser [1] came out, starting to chase after the one he drove
insane with his love. Milphey ran towards Carrot with leaps and
bounds. In a few jumps, Milphey had used his 'Glomp' attack on Carrot,
latched onto him, and refused to let go. Mitsukai screeched the car to
a stop and Ranma jumped out. She ran over and stood in front of the
struggling Carrot. She held the Bishie Staff(TM) above her head.

"RETURN TO THE GUISE YOU WERE MEANT TO BE! BISHONEN!" Milphey and
Carrot stared at Ranma, clearly confused. Mitsukai and Thor just
face-faulted from the weight of their sweatdrops. Ranma laughed
stupidly and slammed her staff into the Bishonen Ball that had
appeared to catch Carrot. Carrot started to scream as he was dragged
into the ball. It did no good since he was gone in a matter of
seconds. The Ball dropped into her hand, and teleported into her
backpack.

"Arigato, Milphey-chan!" Ranma tried to glomp him, but Milphey left
for his Bishonen Ball.

"Milphey scares Carrot, Carrot scares you, and you scare Milphey. A
never ending cycle in the circle of life," Mitsukai said.

"Hai, hai," Thor agreed. Ranma scowled at her partners in crime, "oh
DO shut up." Her ears perked when she heard a rustling in the grass.
She quietly snuck over and grinned perversely when she saw the scene
underneath her unfold.

"A BISHONEN TRAINER!"

"RUN!" Touga and Saionji scrambled to their feet and took off for the
woods. Ranma summoned her Sirius ball.

"SIRIUS! GO!" Dota's boyfriend leaped out of his ball and Ranma hopped
on his back.

"FOLLOW THOSE BISHIES!" Sirius sighed reluctantly and tried to fly
with the 130 lb. girl on his shoulders. Of course, this gave Mitsukai
an open opportunity to chase after the two.

"TOUGA-SAMA! SAIONJI-SAMA!" Ranma growled and jumped off of Sirius,
recalling him. She started to run after Mitsukai with her Bishie
Staff(TM). She caught up with her partner and they started to fight.

"They're mine!" Ranma said, whacking Mitsukai with her staff.

"They're mine!" Mitsukai said back, kicking her in the shins.

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!" Mitsukai grabbed Ranma's staff and hammered her into the
ground. "MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!!!!!!!!!!" [2] Ranma was
successfully able to pull herself out of the ground and grabbed
Mitsukai's ankle. Mitsukai was slammed into the ground. The two
started to fight viciously, just like Juri and Utena were doing in the
previous chapter, except they were actually fighting. When it came to
bishonen, the winner was the one with their lives. As the two
delivered piledrives, chokeslams, elbow drops, and suplexes, Thor
plodded over to the two Bishonen who decided to watch who would win.

"I've got a proposition for you." The two looked down, wondering what
was talking to them. "We give you guys a 2 year head start. First one
finds you two years from today, gets to catch you. Any day after that,
you're home free." Saionji and Touga pondered the idea...for about a
millisecond.

"Deal," they said simultaneously. They were about to take off when
Thor grabbed them by their pant leg.

"Matte. I want proof of some kind because if Ranma or Mitsukai comes
upon you two years from now, I'll get the shit beaten out of me
because I know you're going to deny everything." The two looked at
each other, back at Thor, sighed and deposited two rings into Thor's
paws. They were bara no kokuin, but Saionji's had a green seal and
Touga's had a red seal.

"There, you have proof," Saionji said.

"Can we go now?" Touga asked. Thor nodded and the two took off. He
turned back to the girls, but facefaulted from what he saw.

"GIVE UP? GIVE UP? GIVE UP?" Mitsukai snapped, clearly exhausted from
fighting, but continued to jump up and down on Ranma's back.

"Never! Never! Never!" The two looked up and saw Thor, but no
bishonen. Ranma leaped out from underneath Mitsukai and grabbed him by
the neck. "Thor! Temee! Where're Touga and Saionji?" Thor held up the
rings.

"Ara? Nani kore?" Ranma wondered. She showed them to Mitsukai and Thor
explained everything.

"Well we might as well take our pick. I get Saionji's ring."

"I get Touga's." The two looked at each other, turned around,
harrumphed, and left to go prepare for their catch.

END FLASHBACK

"Wow. You waited 2 years just for this day?" Juri asked. Ranma nodded,
as she put Utena's hair back into a French braid.

"Yep. It was worth every minute too. How's it look?" She held a mirror
in front of and in back of Utena so she could check her braid.

"It'll do." Ranma mocked Utena to herself before she heard a bellow of
fright. Something green streaked up towards the ceiling and went
through it. Thor fell to the ground with his fingers still pulling his
face down [3].

"What the hell did you just do?" Ranma snapped.

"Good things come to those who wait," he retorted.

"I think you've been reading too much Garfield," Akio said before
turning to Miki, "I thought you were going to go clean my car." Miki
scowled, picked up the cleaning supplies and stomped out to the car.

"Now then," Ranma said, loading a new Bishie Ball, "who should go
first? Touga or Saionji?" Saionji fell out of the hole in the ceiling,
and created a hole in the floor. Everybody leaned over the Saionji
shaped hole and watched him fall, floor after floor after floor,
before landing in the lobby.

"Hmm..."Ranma started to think, putting her Bishie Staff(TM) back in
Hammer Space. Saionji came wobbling out of the elevator and Touga got
up to help him.

"Maybe...yeah!"

"What?" Anthy asked. Ranma whispered her idea into Anthy's ear. She
seemed a little skeptical about it.

"I dunno Ranma. It'd be tough. You have to go through a lot."

"Please? It's always been my dream!" Anthy sighed and shrugged, "I
dunno what they're gonna say. Give it a shot." Ranma looked over at
the two bishies, "how about instead of me capturing you, I get to be
Saionji's bara no hanayome." The two paused, turned around and started
to talk.

"A bara no hanayome? Is she nuts?" Saionji asked.

"Look on the bright side. You'll get a new punching bag," Touga put
it.

"Good point, but still! We already had to go through Utena being a
hanayome, Kozue being a hanayome, Anthy's already the trademark one!
We can barely fit another one in as it is!"

"Saionji! Read my lips!"

"I'd rather kiss `em, but what the hell. Yes?"

"Pun-ching-bag! You get somebody new to slap around."

"But I have to train her!"

"Do I have to repeat myself?" Saionji sighed and turned around, "Fine,
but I won't go easy-"

"WAI! WAI! I GET TO BE A ROSE BRIDE! YATAA! O HO HO HO HO HO!" Ranma
went stampeding off into the author dimension to pack her bags.

"It's gonna be a lllllooooooooonnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg session..."
Saionji muttered. Touga smirked and strolled towards the elevator to
go to their dorm room, "I know just the thing to cheer you up."
Saionji stood there and sulked for a few seconds, but when he heard
the elevator open, he ran out of the room after Touga.

[1] I haven't seen Fushigi Yuugi before, so he has yet to compete with
Nuriko.

[2] Compared to the hosts of BS and HB, Mitsukai is like Karen, and
I'm like Becca. Especially when we fight.

[3] Ever see Pikachu make this face?