Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Broken ❯ Breaking the Habit ( Chapter 2 )

Author's Notes: I completely forgot to give you the time-frame of this story, so this is it: Broken is set one year after episode 25 of the anime, so right after those three leaders of Estet tried to wake their overlord. Both Schuldig and Ran have been missing ever since the collapse of the Ani museum.

Many, many thanks to my beta-reader ko-chan who checked this chapter!!!!

Disclaimer: None of the boys belong to me, they all belong to somebody else! I'll return them as neat and well mannered as I found them..

Oh, for those of you who noticed: This is NOT a songfiction, I'm just borrowing the chapter titles from Linkin Park's Meteora because they fit so well.. And because I simply just LOVE the album!

Btw, italics are for mindspeak and bold letters stand for thoughts.

Broken (chapter 2)

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For what seemed to be the hundredth time that day Brad Crawford looked at the small flyer that was lying on top of his papers, its bright green colour once again an obvious reminder that the little paper clearly did not belong there, neither in the room and least of all on the top of his latest, unfinished report. Bold letters told everyone who would bother reading that this night there would be another of those mind-numbing, spirit-crushing dance nights at the local disco. Free drinks for the ladies, no dress-code, enjoy the night of your life.

The flyer was not that big, about the size of a paperback, and it was not even that well printed nor designed. It was just your ordinary "we've-got-50-bucks-and-a-big-party-at-hand-let's-make-as-many-flyers-as-we -can" invitation. They even spelt the name of the club wrong. And yet this stupid paper was still lying on his desk, atop of his unfinished work which had been screaming for attention for the past two hours. It had been in the mail today, together with the usual additional leaflets that seemed to breed in your mailbox for the whole week to come out and block it once the calendar said Friday. He had just been about to throw it away when two words at the bottom of the flyer had caught his attention.

`Find me'

Written in a more than familiar handwriting, just two words, without any punctuation marks. His breath had been caught in his throat then and he'd simply just stared at the paper until somewhere near him one of their neighbours had walked by, nodding his head in polite greeting. He'd barely been able to give the man a slight nod of his head in return, before he'd all but fled back into their spacious apartment. He had no memory of how he had ended up behind the large desk in his study, all he could remember was that he'd not once taken his eyes off the handwriting. It was Schuldig's style, the way the letters were curved, were linked to each other was so unmistakeable that it had never occurred to him that this could be just a misapprehension on his side.

`Find me'

Not for the first time since Schuldig's disappearance Brad found himself cursing the fact that he had not been blessed with another talent, like the one he often had had the opportunity to observe back at Rosenkreuz; that young guy only had to put his hand on whatever surface you asked him to and after a brief moment of concentration he would be able to tell who had touched said object in the last 24 hours, if the person had been holding the object for a longer time he had even been able to tell what clothes the person had been wearing. Would have been quite useful to him now he decided grudgingly, unconsciously running a finger across those two words that had burnt themselves into his brain.

`Find me'

Two words, six letters, two vowels, four consonants, simple construction, could either be a question, a statement, a request, even an order, the lack of punctuation left him to interpret the exact meaning of the message. A distant, not so puzzled part of his brain informed him it was just like Schuldig to leave him hanging like that, without the slightest hint as to what to make of those words. Despite what this incomplete sentence would look like at first glance, he knew Schuldig good enough to know that Schuldig knew his analytical brain would pick up even this small detail and ponder about it until he would have found a satisfactory answer.

`Find me'

For him those words stood out like a beacon, although almost anybody taking a look at the flyer would probably just have overlooked them, they were relatively small compared to the big, bold letters that spoke of the party. Schuldig apparently did not want to be found by anybody but him. He didn't notice the way his lips curved into something that remotely resembled a smile. Out of their own accord his fingers once again brushed lightly over the writing and this time a small sigh escaped his lips.

`Find me'

Without really wanting to he thought back to that evening only two days ago, when the soft, mental voice of his former team member had shaken the foundations of his world view, had brought all those feelings back to the surface he had worked so hard to overcome. For a little more than a year, 381 days to be exact, he had believed, or rather forced himself to believe that Schuldig was gone, that he had really died that night when the ani museum had come crashing down on them. They had never found his body, though, and this fact had always kept him from finally accepting that his lover should be gone forever. The logical part of his brain had always insisted that he was indeed dead and would never come back; and even now his heart constricted painfully when he remembered those first weeks after he and the rest of his team had been released from hospital, had been forced to come to terms with a life with no bond between them, and the man that had always been the link connecting them, in more than one respect..

`Find me'

Sighing deeply he once again took another look at the flyer. It was a challenge, he finally decided, a challenge that he didn't know if he would be willing to accept. Once again his lover had succeeded in what he knew most people didn't think possible; like the manipulating Mastermind he always pretended to be Schuldig had forced him yet again to deal with his feelings. Feelings he had long thought catalogued and locked away behind his self-control where they couldn't bother him anymore, were kept at bay. The self-control that had enabled him to get through those lonely nights after Schuldig's disappearance, had allowed him to pick up what had been left of Schwarz and continue. The self-control he hoped desperately would help him keep his composure once they met this evening.

`Find me'

I will.

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From where he was standing in the entrance to Crawford's study room he couldn't make out just what Brad was staring at so intensely, but whatever it was it kept distracting Crawford that much that he didn't notice him standing in the door. Something was odd about his leader, ever since Brad had gone to get the newspaper from the mailbox Nagi couldn't shake the feeling that Crawford was tense, distracted, two words Nagi would never have used to describe the normally stone-faced man.

Standing on the tip of his toes for a moment he tried to get a brief look at Crawford's desk, but all he could make out was a green sheet of paper with, as far as he could see, just an ordinary party-invitation. Not really the usual reading matter of their serious manager he thought curiously and once again strained his neck to get a better look at it, but soon discovered that it was just not possible without taking another step into the room. Nagi decided against risking THAT look Crawford liked to use to put someone back in his place and remained where he was, taking a long, thoughtful glance at the man that was sitting behind the desk. Right now Crawford was looking rather tired and exhausted but as he was watching his face changed, his lips curved into what Nagi had seldom seen outside their apartment, and even less often directed at him personally: Brad actually smiled at the green paper.

`That's knew' he thought distractedly and his eyes narrowed as he studied the American's face as best as he could from the distance. Brad was still looking at the paper, kind of a far-away look on his face and Nagi watched rather irritated as Brad let his fingers brush over the piece. Had he not thought it to be impossible he would have sworn that Crawford's gaze held a longing expression, a deep desire for something Nagi could not yet grasp, although something at the back of his mind kept whispering to him that he of all persons should know what was happening in this room. He shook his head and was about to leave Crawford to whatever he might be thinking about, when a small, sad sigh caught his attention. Nagi froze on the spot and was about to enter the room in order to look after Crawford, when a sudden realization left him dazed and motionless for a few seconds.

From one moment to the next he simply knew, knew what this was all about, why Crawford was sitting there on his chair, staring at green papers as if they were the most important things he had ever seen. There was only one person who had ever been able to make Brad smile like that, make him lose that serious look in his eyes, had made him seem more human after all those years of depriving himself of almost any feelings at all. Nagi's eyes went wide and he involuntarily took a step back, one hand reaching out for the wall to find something to hold on to as the painfully familiar feeling of loss threatened to cut off his air supply.

Schu..

Nagi didn't remember how he got back into his room, he didn't notice he had closed the door behind him, nor was he aware of the fact that his eyes were bright with unshed tears as he was lying down onto his bed, burying his head between the pillows and drawing a shaky breath. He didn't know what Brad might have found that had brought up memories of their redhead, but whatever it was he didn't want anything to do with it, not again..

Schu..

He lay still for a few moments, listening to the muffled half-sobs he was making, trying desperately to force back all those painful memories. God, he missed him. It had happened a year ago and yet even just the name of him was enough to make him want to hurt somebody just as badly as he himself was hurting. Everything had changed that day when their plans had gone wrong. After Schuldig's disappearance he had found himself spending almost two weeks non-stop behind his computer, trying to overcome those horrible feelings by occupying his mind with everything he could find. As long as he simply did not think about him everything was fine..

Brad had repeatedly tried to talk with him about what had happened and how they would organize their lives without.. him, but they had never got very far. Although Brad had not shown it Nagi had always known how bad he had to be feeling and it had been very hard for both of them to keep their own feelings down so that they would be able to go on. Somehow they had managed though, both of them keeping an unspoken agreement to keep their feelings at bay. And he'd really come to terms with himself, had finally accepted that Schuldig was gone and would never come back. At least that was what he had been pretending to think for the past months.. Another soft sob escaped him and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force back the tears he felt gathering behind his eyelids.

Not now, please..

It took him a long time to find his composure and get his impassive face back. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, gathering his wits and getting to his feet. If he was feeling that bad now, how much worse had Brad to be feeling right now? He took another deep breath and decided that he would briefly check on him before he'd get back to work. He left his room and tiptoed back to Crawford's study room, casting an attentive look at its inhabitant…who was not there. Nagi frowned slightly and looked around the room, searching for him. The room was empty. Nagi's gaze came across the desk and a green paper lying atop of Brad's work, silently calling for his attention.. He knew he shouldn't do this, but his feet had carried him towards the desk before he even knew it. On top of the desk there was a green flyer, an invitation to a dance-club-party..

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tbc..