Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Calico ❯ Chapter Five: A rose by any other name ( Chapter 5 )

Calico

By: Banshee Puppet

Part Five: A Rose by any Other Name

**********

I could still feel his lips on me. His smell was all over me. I always felt so warm in his arms. Ever since Taro died, that man is the only person who can bring me any peace.

I met Ran when I was trying to defeat my Uncle, after he hurt those poor children and killed my brother. I didn't think I'd ever run into him again. In truth, I intended to be arrested and spend the rest of my days in peace, in jail. But then Manx and Birman came and asked me to join Weiss. To save people by killing evils, and also, they told me, if I wanted to find the people my uncle worked for, to stop them from doing this sort of thing again, then Weiss was definitely the place I wanted to be, because they, also, were looking for Kodomo.

"You know all about Kodomo, don't you? You have information on them, that's why they were looking for you. They want their disk back, right?" Birman had asked me.

Well, that's true, but they'd never get it. I told her this. I told her, "I hid it. It's hidden, deep inside of my body. They didn't know which of us had it, me, or Taro. That's why…that's…"

++That's why I cry myself to sleep

I've no more promises to keep

I've only a few true scars

And these memories of you.

No longer bound by a common cause

Vagrant and trailing through

The stars in your eyes

A thousand fragments of my heart

I've protected them with lies

But no one's there,

And I'm still scared

But I'm not angry anymore

If I'm drinking deep, and losing sleep,

If I've found a place to weep

And drown

Then my death will be my own

And now I'm wanted

Now I'm haunted

Now I'm all alone again

I've found you in my eyes,

And covered them with lies.

That's why I cry myself to sleep

I've no more promises to keep

…only a few true scars

And my blue memories…

My broken blue memories…

"Oh Taro, what the hell am I supposed to do now, brother? You're probably laughing at me. And poor Ran…he probably thinks he's falling in love with you…and maybe he is."

Rie sighed. It was true, her brother was dead, but she had been acting well, pretending to be him. A little time alone late at night in a quiet park was just what she needed to clear her head. 'He says he likes me all the time, even though he thinks I'm dead, but he doesn't know me at all. And then he says he likes Taro…' her hand came up to her lips. She'd been so surprised, but she knew, Taro would never let a guy kiss him so, if she didn't want to let the secret out, she had to behave in that way. 'But that isn't me either. The smiles, the gentleness…it's all an act, a show. I thought, if I pretended long enough, his personality would become my personality, but it's not working. At the end of the day, I'm still tired, and I'm still me. The only time I can be myself anymore, is as Calico. Is that what it means to be part of Weiss? How sad. It's totally cruel to have to live like this. But, in the end, it's my own fault. And Yohji knows. I have no idea how he figured it out. No one else seems to notice. Things will get complicated soon. And what I am supposed to say? Maybe I should just disappear. But…would that be…allowed? God, I'm so confused. Someone please…help me. Help me clear my head…

"You'll ruin my reputation if you keep going like this," a voice came from behind her. She knew it as well as she knew her own. And she turned, and gasped. "Taro!!!??"

~**~

Yohji handed Aya a cup of coffee. The poor guy was really shaken. He sat down across from him. It was late, and Omi and Ken were out on a mission. It was a small job, there had been no reason for all of them to go. "Why don't you tell me about it? It's obvious you need to talk to someone, Aya. You can't keep going on like this."

"I…I kissed…" Aya was still trying to wrap his mind around exactly how it happened. Finally, he sighed. "I think I've wanted to kiss him for a while now, Yohji. I just couldn't hold the impulse back any longer. I guess I shouldn't have expected him to react any better, but, even so, I can't help myself when it comes to that guy. But even with that. I can't help but wonder who I thought I was kissing." He stopped. He couldn't bring himself to say more.

"You mean, are you mistaking him for his sister, or are you in love with Takane Taro? You're trying to figure out if you're gay or not, right?" Yohji smirked.

Aya scowled at him. "It's not funny, Yohji."

"No, you're right. It's not funny at all, what…Ran…is doing to you. But you've got to pull yourself together. Think carefully. I'm sure you'll figure it out. Just don't let him keep pulling you around by the balls like this. It's bad for you. It's bad for Ran. And it's bad for Weiss."

"Why don't you like him?" Aya asked rather suddenly. "I see the way you look at him. You'd have to be blind not to notice."

"It's not that," Yohji sighed. "Things just…can't go on like this. It doesn't matter if you have secrets, you know, but if things go on this way, someone is going to get hurt, Aya. That's all. I don't like the game Ran is playing."

~**~

"B-ut…you…how…I saw you get shot in the head!" Rie sputtered. What the hell?!

"It just grazed me. I passed out from shock, but I'm fine, really!"

It was a poor excuse. But for her brother to be alive again, a good excuse wasn't necessary.

He smiled at her, touched her cheek, took off her glasses. "You cut off all your hair too," he pouted. "And after I went to such pains to grow mine to the same length as your so we could still screw with the family."

"I thought you were dead. I really thought…"

"It's fine now."

Schuldich smirked to himself. This was almost too easy. Her mind was an open book, and all that you could see was Taro Takane.

"Come with me. I want to show you something," he egged her forward. The information this girl had was priceless. He wasn't even trying to find it right now, right now, this game was going well.

But she reached up, touched his chin…

"What happened to your scar?" she asked, tracing a line where a scar should be on the reflection of her face. Damn, he didn't know about that.

"Scars fade," he said off-handedly. "Don't worry about it. Let's go. I want to show you…" He had her by the wrist. He thought she'd just blindly follow, but he started when her heels dug into the ground.

"I should go tell the others I'll be away for a bit, so they don't worry…" she trailed off.

Schuldich now saw something else in the back of her mind. It started as a tiny pinprick, a slowly growing red light. And before long…

'Abyssinian.'

~**~

"He's been gone for a long time," Aya stated, looking out the front door of the closed Koneko. He was worried. Yohji sighed mentally. 'It's already to late to do anything to help you, isn't it Aya?' he thought.

"I'll go look for him, alright?"

"No, I'll…"

Yohji put his hand on the other man's shoulder and shook his head. "Don't," he said evenly. "Right now, work out your feelings. I know this isn't giving you much time, but when Ran comes back, you two are going to have to sit down and talk about this, get things straight, so you need to deal with your own heart right now, Aya. And I don't suppose you can do that while worrying. I'll find him and bring him back, so don't stress out, just think of what you're going to say to him when you see him again."

"…You're right. Sorry."

Yohji chuckled.

"What!?" Aya demanded defensively.

"It's just…not like you to apologize."

"Sorry. I mean…"

Yohji laughed. "I'll be back soon with your boyfriend," he teased.

Aya blushed. "He is not…!"

"But do you want him to be?" Yohji nudged, but left before getting an answer. He knew the answer wasn't that simple. Hell, life wasn't that simple. And he couldn't be the one to make everything start to make sense again for Aya. That's just the way it was.

~**~

The park. It wasn't that he knew where to look for her, precisely. It was more like, he'd seen what direction she'd headed in and took a guess. She wasn't likely to risk visiting the cemetery, visiting her own grave. That was too obvious, and besides, it would have been terribly cliché.

"Unh."

He expected to find Calico. He hadn't expected to see Schuldich as well. His eyes widened. He was suddenly glad that he carried his wire with him at all times. She looked a bit out of it.

Schuldich: he used to just grab onto the mind, find a weakness, and control the person like you control a viscious dog with a muzzle and a good leash. This was something different. Something far more subtle. He didn't know what, exactly but…she was seeing things that weren't there, or…something. All Kudou Yohji could think at that moment was 'shit, this isn't good.'

~**~

Aya leaned against the railing outside his room. It was a cool night, but his mind was very foggy. He tried to think back. The first thing that always came to mind was shoulder-length black hair and spider-web eyes, a peaceful little smile that accepted everything for what it was, and then the determination in her eyes. 'I won't ever allow it!'

But he was surprised at what memory came to him next.

"Don't ask stupid things now!…If you want to die that badly, Abyssinian, next time, make sure you're somewhere that I can't reach you. Now hold on tight. We're going down."

It was the first time he'd met Calico. The determined expression and strong jaw, the steady grip, the bloody hand that carried him down the elevator shaft to safety. He'd felt so impotent then, surrounded by this guy's scent and his strong will. Nobody ever yelled at him like Calico did. That guy, he didn't pussyfoot around him like other people tended to. There was no shy moment of gauging cause and effect, no time thinking about reactions. He just acted and reacted and didn't think much about it. Aya wished he could have such an honest disposition. Because if he was thinking honestly, he could almost feel that warm body pressed up against him, still had the memory of Ran's smell, and the soft lips that had only barely touched his own before the man had pushed away. And Ran, in some ways, he still looked like a little boy, though it was different from Omi's youth. The blonde man would always have that baby face, he knew.

He also knew that he got a little over-protective when Ran went out on dates, and had taken the role of "unofficial teacher" on all things in the Koneko and on missions. Granted, Calico didn't need much help where missions were concerned. His tactics were somewhat unrefined, but the job always got done. He was just too damn willful was all. Now that he thought of it, the dates, the over-protectiveness, even the first day in the Koneko when he'd gotten swarmed by all the girls. It wasn't over-protectiveness really. It was jealousy. But every time he thought about Ran, and image of a girl with the same face flooded his senses.

"Damnit. That face. If you had a different face then I wouldn't be so confused!" he grumbled. "It's totally impossible to think of one without the other coming to mind."

~**~

"SCHULDICH!" Yohji snapped and attacked before he could think much about it. He just had to get Ran out of there! "What sort of game are you playing at now?" he demanded. But he had to stop, the angle was wrong, Schuldich moved and Ran was in the way.

The girl gasped. "Yohji?" she asked, confused, looking back at the other, she still saw Taro, but he seemed taller, too tall, really. And she remembered the sound of the gunshot and…come to think of it…

"…the scar…" she mumbled. "For it to fade in such a short time…"

"Come on sis! Stop dwelling on such inconsequential things! Let's just go home," Schuldich said, and Yohji's eyes widened. He was…

Ran blinked. Then blinked again. A calm seemed to come over her, as she said very evenly, "You're not Taro."

"Don't be ridiculous. Who else would I be?" Schuldich tried to save the illusion.

"I know you're not Taro…because…because…I am."

The illusion was shattered as red hair filled her vision. Long, red hair. "Who are you?" she demanded.

Yohji had been startled. '…because I am.'

"The enemy," Yohji said from behind her. "A member of Schwarz." He made to attack, but Schuldich evaded. "Not that I'd mind playing with you Balinese, but…another time, perhaps."

He escaped. "Damn," Yohji cursed.

"How…?" Yohji wanted to ask how she'd managed to break the control he had over her.

"When I saw you, I remembered watching the bullet pierce the skull. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even get in the way and take it for him. He was just, dead. But that can't be right, because Rie has to die first. Taro would never die and leave her all alone. That's the promise we made. Besides, the name on the headstone is Takane Rie, and those things don't lie, right? Are you going to tell Aya?"

"Tell him what?" Yohji asked. "That you're the strongest guy without an adam's apple I know? I don't think there's much point to that right now. Worry more about yourself right now."

"Huh?"

"Haven't you even noticed that you're injured yet?" Yohji sighed. He was finally starting to understand her a little bit. This girl…could she ever return Aya's strong feelings for her? As it was, she was broken. Her heart, her soul, whatever you felt like calling the part of a person that could express joy, and pain.

She looked down at the wound in her stomach. "Oh. Only a little. It's okay."

"You're a liar," Yohji scolded as he watched her wobble her way to her feet.

"Uh-huh. Always have been. Taro always said so. Don't worry. I'll patch myself up later."

"You just say that because you don't want the others to know," Yohji frowned.

"Touche."

Yohji sighed. "Alright, sit down here and let me take a look you stubborn fool," he complained, sitting her down on the edge of the park's fountain.

"From you, I'll take that as a compliment," Ran commented snidely.

Yohji chuckled slightly. "Yeah, well, if you think that was a good one. You'll like this one even more," Yohji said, trying to divert her attention. It wasn't too bad of a wound, but it was still going to hurt when he cleaned it. The water in the fountain would have to do…

"Oh? Do tell."

"You're the first girl I've ever met that I've never thought about sleeping with."

"Hah! Ow! Not even once?" she tried not to laugh. Shit, that kind of stung.

"Not even remotely," Yohji returned with a little smirk. "You're too much of a brute. I think you're more of a bear than a cat."

"Well that was just mean." Granted, she would have laughed, if it didn't sting so much. Instead, she just pouted at him.

Yohji shook his head. "When you finally get around to telling Aya the truth, he's going to have his hands full, I think."

"What's that supposed to mean?!? Ow."

"I think it's obvious," Yohji commented blandly. "Anyway, you two really need to talk. I don't care what you decide to tell him, as long as you get things straightened out. The truth would be nice, but it might just cause him more trouble right now. Let's go home…Taro."

"…call me…Ran."

"Hn. Can you walk on your own?"

"Yeah, just…slowly, okay? …What did you mean about the truth causing him more trouble?"

"Right now, he's trying to figure out what he's feeling for Ran. Finding out about Rie and Taro…that's sort of secondary, for the moment, even if he'll probably be angry later. So, I'll keep my mouth shut, as long as you promise you'll tell the others eventually."

"Eventually…" she trailed off. "I will, I'm just not ready yet. Is that okay?"

"Sure. I guess it'll do."

~**~

Aya bit his lip so hard that it started to bleed. There was Ran, standing there in the kitchen not looking at him, and there was blood on his shirt and it was torn. He had gone into the bathroom right away, and now Aya could see a bit of blood seeping through the bandages on his stomach. It was just barely visible through the tear in his shirt.

All he could think at that moment was, whoever did this, 'I'll kill him.'

Aya looked at Yohji, who had just handed Ran a glass of water and some asprin.

"Ah. Thanks, Yohji," Ran said politely.

'Crap. I'm even starting to get jealous of Yohji now?!!!? This is totally ridiculous!' Aya scolded himself mentally.

"Who?" he asked finally, arms crossed over his chest, and clenched tightly there. Yohji could see the strain in his shoulders. He was having trouble containing himself.

Ran just gave him a confused look. "Who?" he asked.

'Is she really that oblivious?' Yohji wondered. He decided to save Aya the pain of elaborating and said, "Schuldich. He seems to be able to control what a person sees now, but I don't know what he wants with Ran."

"I…may have an idea," Ran said a little sheepishly.

"You know why…?" Yohji all but yelled. He hadn't meant to….

"Aa…well, if they're connected to Kodomo, then…it's something…the something that…uh…" he fidgeted slightly, averted his gaze. "It's…what sis died protecting. … …data. I don't really understand it, but…it seems pretty important, if people are willing to kill and die over it. Anyway, it can't be helped right now. And they won't find it, so don't worry."

"We'll talk about that when everyone's together, alright? We should probably give Manx a call, but in the meanwhile, I'll leave the two of you to work out your other stuff. Goodnight!" Yohji said cheerfully, waving as he ascended the stairs.

"He's not very subtle, is he?" Ran sighed.

"You say don't worry but you're still hurt. It's not fair to expect me not to worry about you, Ran, when you obviously have so little concern for yourself."

"I…" he didn't know what to say. "I've always been like that. You shouldn't let it bother you. I get by alright." That wasn't what he'd meant, but…it was, under the circumstances, the kindest thing he could bring himself to say.

Aya strode over to where Ran stood at the counter and pressed his hand with gentle force on the wound. Ran flinched. "This is okay? Don't start lying to me now, Ran."

'But, I've been lying to you all along,' she thought. 'Since the beginning. It may be that you'll never forgive me, Fujimiya Ran.'

Aya sighed after an elongated pause, resting his hand on the counter beside Ran's hip. "You're not going to say anything, are you?"

"What do you expect me to say? It's no good, Aya. Nothing is any good, you know. I know you want to talk, if you can just figure out what you intend to say, and Yohji says we have to talk, and I understand that. I get it. If things keep going this way, we'll only get awkward with one another, and that will cause trouble with work. But what the hell do you expect me to say? You're the one who's confused, right? You're the one who kissed me. Listen, forget it. We can just pretend it never happened. I don't care."

"You don't even…care at all? That's…that's totally the worst possible thing you could say!" Aya hollered. "Because I care so much I think I might die from the pain of it. And I don't even know…

"The reason I kissed you, it…Fuck."

Ran's eyes widened. Aya never cursed. And he looked so lost, so totally helpless. It hurt to see a person as strong as Aya behaving like this. And he was so close.

"Damnit Taro! Why does it have to be you? If you just…." Aya pushed the glasses up to the top of his head. He wanted to protest, but he couldn't bring himself to cause the red-head any further trouble. He touched Ran's face, ran calloused fingertips over the soft skin, couldn't tear his gaze away from those haunted eyes. "If only, you didn't have this face, then maybe I could get a grip on whatever this feeling is. But this face is…exactly the same…as the person most like myself. I'm totally lost. I don't even know if I was kissing you…or kissing your sister. I…damnit! I feel like I'm going insane. If you just…had some other face…"

Ran shoved Aya forcibly away. "And how the hell do you think I feel!?!" he demanded angrily. He knew Aya was hurting because of his own decisions, but that didn't take away the sting of his words. "How the hell do you think I feel having some guy infatuated so much with some memory or some dream that he can't even see through it to see me! How the hell do you think I feel, having to look into the mirror every morning and see my twin's face! I can't even see myself at all! All I see is…" The tears were streaming down his face now, and he knew, under that halo of hair that hid his face, Aya, also, was crying. He could see the way the man's shoulders quivered slightly. "All I see is…my sister's face. It hurts like hell. So much pain. I want to gouge out my eyes sometimes just so that I don't have to look at this face anymore. God! Stupid, stupid guy. What do you expect me to do? This is the only face I have, and I have enough trouble with it without listening to the same problems from you. Living like this, is just…far too painful." He sighed, calming down a bit. "Maybe it's time to end it."

"What are you saying?" Aya panicked. That sounded too much like a wistful thought of suicide to him and he thought he was going to vomit, knowing he'd caused Ran pain.

"I'm saying, maybe it's time to call it quits, Aya. I should leave Weiss. Go somewhere quiet where I can disappear, and stop this futile revolution the two of us seem to be trapped in. So…I guess that's it. I guess we're done talking now."

He looked so sad as he pushed off the counter and headed towards the stairs with the intent of going to bed. He was surprised when he found strong arms wrapped around him again.

"Don't," Aya said. "Just…don't. Because if you quit now, it would be too much like giving up. Besides, isn't now the time when you need help the most? You don't really think Schuldich will just back off after one attempt, do you? That's not how Schwarz works."

"That's…my problem."

"I won't let you leave," Aya said, and Ran had never heard him sound so determined, so strong, so…well, to be quite frank..stubborn. "I want to stay by your side, and if you're in trouble…I want to help you get out of it. It's not like that thing people say, about wanting to protect the people you love, or anything; don't get the wrong idea. I've seen you work and I know you're quite capable of protecting yourself…even if you are extremely reckless…"

"Hey…"

"I just want to stay near you, that's all. Even if you'll never accept me because I'm a man, just now, when you said you were going to leave, that I'd never get to see you around again, never get to fix your bad arrangements again, I thought, 'I don't want that.' And if that means I'm gay, or something, then I don't care."

"Because you're a man? Don't say stupid things. You're just Aya," Ran sighed. "If I cared about anything beyond that, don't you think I would have done a lot worse than just push you away."

Aya's eyes widened. He suddenly understood what his problem had been. He kept thinking about Taro and his sister. He kept thinking about the twins, but, the person in his arms now was just… "And you're just Ran, only Ran. I'm sorry that I forgot."

Ran stiffened when he felt Aya's face nuzzle against the back of his neck. "Stay."

"Aya…" Ran trailed off, not knowing what he intended to say. He'd had a sentence, but it left his brain when he tried to turn around. The red-head stopped him.

"If you turn around now, I'm going to kiss you," he had said. "I won't be able to stop myself."

Ran stopped trying. "Aya…I'm tired. I want to go to bed now. Let go?"

"Stay," Aya repeated, and the realization hit the blonde suddenly. It wasn't 'stay here in the kitchen.' It wasn't 'we aren't done talking yet.' It was 'don't leave Weiss. Don't leave the Koneko. Don't leave me.' What he was asking of Ran was very simple. He was asking him to stay.

"You'll wake me up in the morning, right? The way you always do? I don't want to miss breakfast," Ran said.

Finally, Aya let go. "I'll wake you," Aya returned.

"Well, goodnight then, Aya," Ran said, reminding himself not to turn around before he headed upstairs to his room and his bed and the warm covers that awaited him.

Aya wiped his eyes on his sleeve. This guy was making him fall apart at the seams. He wasn't acting like himself at all, but he'd give up every ounce of pride and dignity he had if it meant that Ran would stay. It seemed so obvious what the answer to the question that had been plaguing him all evening was now. He sat down at the kitchen table, and smiled only slightly, shaking his head and pushing his hair from his eyes. "I've been such an idiot," he told himself softly. 'I never knew Taro or his sister, not really. I only met her once, and I didn't even know her name. I still don't know it. So, obviously, the person I was kissing, was Ran,' he thought. 'Then the person, also, that I'm falling in love with, is Ran, and no one else. Ran is just Ran. It's such a simple thing, I can't believe I didn't realize sooner. It's just…a rose by any other name…'