Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Carefully Out of Reach ❯ Farther Than You Thought ( Chapter 2 )

Carefully Out of Reach

By Verdorbene Unschuld

Disclaimer: I own very little, extremely little, and Weiss is not included in that very small amount of things I do own. I'm using them for the entertainment of others and my own personal therapy. Think, I'm opportunistic to use anime to escape from real life? Sue me. Wait, on second hand, don't.

Warning: Plenty of angst, sadness, disease, hopelessness…it's depressing, NOT HAPPY. This is also Yaoi or m/m relationships. Aya seems just a tad fucked up, well he's anyway.

Rating: NC-17, there's swearing, there's sex, there will probably be a little violence if I'm in the right mood because it adds a nice side dish to all the angst.

Pairing: YoujixAya

Summary: Something is very, very wrong with Aya but will he let Youji help him? And even if he does, will it be far too late?

A/N: This is for MiniMorr because she's an amazing writer and a great ego boost and because of other things too, like the fact that she has to deal with her muse…who's kind of scary…

A/N #2: Thanks for the reviews and sorry about all grammar mistakes and such, especially to StrawberryPocky, who was very kind despite the fact that my mistakes were her pet peeve.

If I close my eyes and think of every nuance of your face, every facet of your eyes, the exact texture of your skin, the particular softness of your lips, the silkiness of your hair; if I sculpt your image with my imagination, when I open my eyes, you will not be there. Fantasy is not reality, and that is all you'll ever be for me, a fantasy. So very far out of reach. I wish I had a better imagination, even in my dreams I cannot make you love me.

The next day was boring for Youji. Aya came downstairs at about nine-thirty appearing freshly showered. He poked his head into the shop to make sure everything was okay without him to supervise before heading to the back room. Aya came out to the store front around eleven o'clock, telling Youji that the paper for the orders were taped to each bouquet. He paused for a moment, opening his mouth, then closing it, and then opening it again. Youji raised an eyebrow in his direction. "I…," Aya started, "Thank you…for this," he said, waving his arm around the shop. Youji blinked at the redhead; he had never seen Aya so ineloquent.

"Sure Aya, no problem," Aya looked up at him, nodded once resolutely and walked out the door. Youji stopped him with an indignant, "hey."

Aya turned back, frowning at him for being loud and annoying. Yeah, well, the man should be used to it by now. "You know, you weren't given most of this day off to go gallivanting," he stated, smirking at the man.

Aya held up a piece of paper, a list written is his neat precise hand. "Hn," he said, before elaborating, "I'm going grocery shopping. We won't be able to go this evening and who knows if anyone will be up to it tomorrow."

"Don't spend to much time out," Youji said, mother-henning, "you'll need to sleep before we …go out tonight." Aya sniffed arrogantly at him, and whirled, heading towards his car. He only coughed once on the short trip to the Porsche. Youji knew, because he watched.

****

Despite his less than enthusiastic response to Youji's last comment, Aya returned shortly after two. He was coughing more, obviously having pushed himself do whatever he had done. He managed to growl at Ken though, when the man held up a teaspoon and bottle of cough syrup. Aya stormed upstairs, leaving the rest of the groceries and Ken behind in the kitchen. Youji snuck upstairs a half an hour later before going for a cigarette break, knowing he wouldn't be able to once the school girls were in the shop. Aya was fast asleep, curled up around his pillows. The blonde watched him for a moment, coughing and murmuring in his sleep before walking downstairs and outside.

Youji watched Aya out of the corner of his eye. He seemed more out of breathe than usual as he ran through the corridors at Omi's directions over the comm. He was still able to do his job though, Youji thought as he watched the redhead kill yet another guard. They were almost at the target, and then they would be finished. The drug shipment had been destroyed by Ken and this was the last of the ring leaders. Both men were sprayed with blood as the swords master chopped off someone's head. The redhead smirked as the bodiless part flew and knocked a guard out. Aya caught Youji's eye for a second, before sprinting forward, obviously going for the actual target. Youji took out guards, always aware of where his team-mates was. Aya stumbled for a moment but slipped through the guards while Youji kept them distracted. He walked into a side room and not long after, left it, attacking the guards with a renewed vengeance. The target hadn't even had a chance to scream. The remaining guards were finished off quickly, now being attacked from both sides. Once everyone around them was dead, Youji became aware of the smell; Aya must have hit someone's intestines.

"All targets eliminated. We're leaving," Aya informed Omi before walking over the bodies towards Youji carefully. It was only when he stood in front of the blonde that he fell, his coat falling open to reveal that the blood he was wearing wasn't just that of the enemies.

Youji paced, observing the doctors and nurses running in and out of Aya's room. He didn't remember driving here, to the Magic School Bus Hospital. He could only recall his own franticness and Aya lying in Omi's arms. He wasn't sure in the blood that dribbled out of parted lips was from the man's sickness or if his lung had been punctured. He only sure that there were a hell of a lot of doctors going into the ICU where Aya was and very few coming out of it.

"I contacted Manx," Omi said, coming back from outside where he had made the call on his cell phone. The boy sounded tired, he probably was. The sun was already starting to rise. Youji could have used the call as a chance to get away and have a smoke to calm his nerve but he didn't. Aya could die the moment he walked out of hearing distance. So he paced.

Omi looked like he wanted to cry. Youji could sympathise, but at the moment he couldn't comfort. He didn't want to touch _anyone_ right now. It was still the mission in his mind and you just don't _touch_ people you care about on a mission. Ken wrapped an arm around Omi, glaring at Youji over the blonde's head. Ken blamed Youji. Ken was wondering where the fuck Youji had been when Aya had gotten shot. Youji was wondering the same thing. How could he not have noticed? He had sworn to himself he would be vigilant but Aya had gotten shot under his watch just the same. How had that happened? Youji stopped pacing and leaned against the hospital wall, trying to tune out the hospital sounds around him and his own churning guilt.

Some unknown amount of time later, a grimfaced doctor walked out of the doors. He looked them over before stating a crisp, "he's alive," and walking away. They watched as he rubbed his forehead wearily and accepted a cup of coffee from the station nurse's hand. More doctors came out, giving little bits of information. He was going to sleep for a while but would be fine. No they could not see him. A visitor might be allowed in when he awoke depending on his situation at the time. They smiled at Omi, because he was cute and little and sad and blonde. And because, unlike Ken and Youji, it was so easy to forget he was an assassin, especially as he didn't have any blood on him, having followed everyone's progress on the computer. No one asked for insurance, no one asked for Aya's ID. They were Kritiker's Weiss, the pet favourite, and no one here could touch them. All the same, they didn't feel very untouchable.

Aya opened his eyes and then closed them quickly as he groaned. He coughed; sending his lungs into a screaming agony he could do nothing to stop. Tears slipped down his face due to the pain as he finally recognized where he was from the smell. He was at the hospital, but why? He remembered the mission in bits and pieces, including the feeling of the bullet punching through his chest. That was, he thought, a pretty good reason as to why he might be here. There was a button beside his hand; one of those nurse assistance ones. So he pressed it and waited. A nurse came running through the doorway, pausing as he stared calmly at her.

"You're awake," she said, panting slightly from her run to his room. 'No shit,' he thought, but kept it to himself. You never knew which nurse might be dealing with your catheter.

"I'll go tell the doctor," she continued and he thought about nodding to her but decided that moving hurt too much to try. After a moment she left, presumably to get the physician, who arrived fairly quickly after that. He took Aya through multiple tests, most which hurt, but it seemed he passed. And thank god for small mercies, the good doctor increased his pain medication on the IV attached to his arm that Aya hadn't even noticed.

The nurse was shooed out and the doctor stared at Aya in considering manner. "Yes?" Aya croaked out, his throat dry. The man busied himself with pouring a glass of water as he started to speak. "It was mentioned that you had a chest cold of some sort before the surgery," he started, glancing at Aya for confirmation. The redhead 'hned'. "It wasn't a chest cold. In your surgery, we noticed an inconsistency. Fujimiya-san, we found a tumour in your lung. I'm sorry for being so blunt, but you have lung cancer."

Lung Cancer. Aya blinked, trying to process the information under the heavy amount of drugs he was on. "How far has it spread?" he asked, unsure if he wanted to know the answer.

"We aren't entirely sure. More tests will have to be done, but your body was already under great stress, we did not want to continue to sedate you. In its own way, that bullet saved your life. This might not have been spotted until it was too late otherwise," the doctor paused, pursing his lips. "I will let you rest now, Fujimiya-san. Once again, I'm sorry."

He was almost at the door when Aya called out for him. "Doctor, I would ask that you do not inform my team-mates of the information you have just given me. I also wish that they not be allowed in this room," he said, looking at the man.

"If that is what you want…" the doctor trailed off uncertainly.

"It is what I asked for," Aya assured.

***

"Is he alright?" Ken asked, pushing up from his chair as the doctor walked over to them. They had watched the nurse run into Aya's room and then to the doctor. The doctor had then stridden quickly into the room. None of this had helped make them feel any better. Omi was already sniffling, trying to keep the tears back.

"He's fine," the doctor assured, "and awake. He has also requested his solitude."

"Yeah, he does that a lot," Youji muttered heading towards the door. The doctor stopped him, "you will respect his wishes or you will be asked to leave the hospital, is that understood?" Some people clung to those close to them; others pushed them away after hearing the news Fujimiya had. The doctor was going to give him what he wanted. Youji glared at him until Omi interceded, saying that they were just concerned and would they please be notified once Aya was having company. The doctor nodded and walked away, speaking to a nurse for a moment as she sent dirty looks Weiss' way.

Ken and Omi sat back down, wondering aloud why Aya wouldn't want to see them. Ch. Youji could answer that, it was because it was _Aya_. He walked away, heading outside for the cigarette he had been craving for hours, ignoring the furious look shot his way by Ken. Aya wasn't dead. He wasn't going to be added to the long list of dead trailing behind him. His own carelessness had not caused Aya's death. He hadn't killed Aya. He took a deep drag from his cigarette and heaved a sigh of relief.

****

Aya stared up at the ceiling of his hospital room. It was so white, pure white, just like the walls in the room. Just like everything in the room. Except for him, he was not white. He laid there, blatantly un-white in the pure white room. His room should be black or red. This white scared him, he would only destroy it was his touch. He'd turn it a disgusting and sickly grey, or make blood pour out the cracks. He didn't belong here, along with everywhere else. He had lung cancer. He was, in all likelihood, going to die. Not in a blaze of mission glory, no quick death. He would have his wish; he would not have to deal with his hair getting in his eyes for a while. Chemo would take care of that. He should have been more careful with what he wished for. He turned his head to stare at the pure white wall to his left that he didn't deserve. No white for him. He closed his eyes as he whispered a few words, each one signally a tear to slip unheeded down his face, "Aya-chan, I'm sorry…"

*****

Youji was back in time to watch Manx walk into Aya's room. He noticed how no one gave her a problem about going against Aya's wishes. Ch. He just wanted to see the man, to see with his own eyes that the man was alright. Why couldn't Aya understand that? Youji sighed and wished his mind would stop thinking.

Aya knew it was Manx that had walked into the room by the sharp sounds of her heels hitting the floor. He turned his head from the white wall to the woman standing beside his bed. She too, did not belong in this room.

"You have been made aware of the situation, I presume?" he said with a calm he didn't feel. He was very, very close to either causing someone serious harm or crying in a corner. And he disliked both options, immensely. She nodded and looked at him…with pity and that was it. He couldn't take it any more, he wanted to start screaming, wanted to leave here now.

"And am I to assume that I am off active duty?" he continued, voice sharper now with rage and despair.

"For the moment," she clarified, sounding subdued. Aya snorted in derision. Lies, lies, lies, he wanted to scream and throw things at her with each accusation. He took a deep breath. Manx looked at him again, appraisingly, most like wondering what the hell he was going to do. She should be fucking wondering, he thought savagely.

"Aya," she said, tears welling up in her eyes. He turned his gaze back towards the ceiling. She could say nothing that could help him. Nothing. Why would they paint the room white? It was hospital, didn't they get blood on the walls and such. How did they wipe it all away and have no stains?

"Aya," Manx said again, sounding more professional. He turned back towards her and she smiled grimly at him. "Due to the lack of cancer of any kind in your family it has been concluded that smoke inhalation from explosions along with second hand smoke are the causes of your disease. Persia feels that part of responsibility lays on Kritiker and therefore, you're entire medical treatment will be paid for by the organization. In consideration to the amount of work you have put into the company, you will also receive a monthly salary. You're sister's care will continue to be provided and we have moved Aya-chan. She is now in a room where you will have your own bed should you be in need of a prolonged term in the hospital."

"Thank-you," Aya said, feeling truly grateful. He had been worried about whether they would continue to protect Aya-chan. There were still a lot of people who would not mind hurting Abyssinian, even if Abyssinian no longer worked anymore.

"You'll have to leave Weiss, Aya," Manx said regretfully. "The only contact with Kritiker should be the checks and the Magic School Bus Hospital."

He nodded painfully; having already decided to cut ties anyway. "I'll just not come back. And they'll think it some weird Aya-thing because, hey, I've done it before. And they'll expect me to come back and I just won't," he said, shrugging as much as he could.

"Aya…" she said, looking guilty and a little surprised that he would be so acquiescent.

"I just won't," he repeated glancing up at her before looking away. "I want to leave here," he said quietly, plucking at his IV.

"Your things have already been moved and I have some street clothes for you. I figured you would want to leave as quickly as possible. The doctor's going to write you a prescription. I thought we would 'send you down for x-rays' and you just…wouldn't come back."

Aya nodded again, keeping all thoughts hidden. Gods, but Kritiker worked fast, but then, he knew that. It was only when she started to walk out, when he realised that this would most likely be the last time he saw her, that he said something. Let some of the sorrow and regret and the what-ifs out. "If they ever figure out that I'm not coming back…would you tell them I said goodbye?" he asked her.

"Sure, Aya-kun," she said, starting to look unprofessional again.

"And Manx," he called out again before speaking softer, "would you tell Persia thank you for me. Thank you," he repeated the last word, locking eyes with her until she got the message. Her eyes widened and she sighed, getting teary-eyed.

"They're going to miss you," she claimed, coming back to place the bag of clothes under the blankets.

"I know," he stated solemnly, a little warmed by the declaration because he hadn't been sure, not really.

Her arms were around him and then gone again before he realised it. "They won't be the only ones," she whispered, looking at him sadly for a moment before grinning, "that's from Birman too. She said she'd kill me if I didn't squeeze in a hug during our chat so you can blame it on her." With that she left, walking out the door.

She put the normal amount of strut in her step as she walked out, heading for the nurses station. Manx nodded at the doctor as she passed him before taking a cup of coffee from a nurse. She knew Weiss wanted to talk to her but they could just wait. She needed a few minutes before she could lie straight to Omi's face.

*****

Youji watched as they wheeled a drugged up looking Aya out of his room. "Hey, wait a minute," he called out loudly but they didn't even pause. Instead, Manx appeared in front of him, looking annoyed.

"Calm down, Kudou. There's no reason to panic," she reprimanded, her hands on her hips.

"Where the fuck are they taking him?" he asked, watching as they pushed the injured man into the elevator.

"He's going for a cat scan; he'll be back soon," she huffed; moving her hands from her hips to cross over her chest. Youji had never seen her fidget so.

"A cat scan," Omi piped up, "isn't that a little after the fact?"

"They're just being thorough," she said, which wasn't quite a lie. Youji didn't look like he particularly believed it, but wasn't going to make a scene and be kicked out of the hospital. Manx smugly walked back to her conversation with a nurse.

****

As soon as they were in a private room, the doctor unhooked Aya from everything. He handed Aya two prescription bottle. "Take these as it says on the front and come see me in two days. And for god's sake take it easy," he seemed nervous. Aya couldn't blame him. The man left quickly and Aya picked up the bag Manx had given him, dumping the contents on the bed. He didn't like how slow he was moving. Aya changed into the pair of jeans and a t-shirt, mourning the loss his old coat as he put on the hip length black leather jacket. The woman had given him a large stack of cash, which he pocketed. There was also a set of keys, a fake card of identification with the name Arishima Hideo on it and his picture and a note. The keys joined the cash as he read the slip of paper:

Take a cab, your Porsche is already waiting for you. The keys are for your new apartment, the Ivory Towers. You're name is Arishima Hideo and there is a complete file folder in the apartment. All your belongings have been transferred. Good luck and goodbye.

Aya sighed, and popped the note in his mouth, mangling the writing beyond repair with his saliva before spitting it out in the garbage. The Ivory Towers, Kritiker had been kind to him. They were expensive and close to the hospital and he appreciated it. He walked out and went to the main entrance where he found a phone to call for a cab. By the time Weiss figured out he was leaving, he would be long gone.

*****

TBC

Sooo…absolutely NOTHING happened in this chapter. Well…except for you finding out that Aya's sort of dying and leaving Weiss but none of the good stuff…you know sex and more angst!!!! Well it's coming folks, hopefully next chapter or the next at the latest. Who knows. Anyway, I will be back….

And yeah, I know, I'm not being original with the titles and I don't like this chapter so don't be surprised if in a few days from now something new is up.