Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Forgotten Memories ❯ The Choosing ( Chapter 8 )

Title: Forgotten Memories

Author: Sardius

Category: Angst/Romance

Pairings: Ken/Aya and Yohji/Aya

Warnings: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss Kruez otherwise I won't be sitting here sharing with you my entertaining stories. O.o; *sweatdrops*

Author's Note: I am actually or should I say extremely scared for posting this chapter up…firstly because I think I will get killed or boiled alive, then I'll probably have to make a run and hide in my room for days to come. But well….which ever sides ur on…have fun reading this chapter. Don't be disappointed though cos it's not the ending.

Thanks for the reviews. As always.

// Character's Thoughts //

Chapter Eight: The Choosing

I starred up at the ceiling hearing the clock ticking past me as I tried to close my eyes and forget all I had said to Ran. What had I been thinking? Forcing him to make his decision like that. Ran can choose who he wants to be with. I should be happy for him whoever he chooses.

// Shouldn't I? //

But you need him don't you? What if Ran does choose Yohji? What then? Can I still live with them like before. Seeing them together knowing Ran once belong to me. That once he used to love me. That he was once mine.

// Is that how Yohji felt when he saw Aya and me together? //

"Damn you Yohji. Why did you had to take Ran away from me." I covered my eyes with my hands, pulling my hair in frustrations. Why did he have to go and betray me like this now? I had trusted him. I had thought he was fine for Aya and me to be together.

But he had lied.

He had lied to me and stole what I loved most.

[Flashback]

"Hey Kenken what's with the face?"

"Nani?"

Yohji had notice I was been quiet the past few days instead of stumbling around the shop and making a mess of things. I had really being worrying over Aya since I had finally confess to him about my feelings. I shouldn't have done so. I should have left our relationship as friends. But stupid me had to blurt out in the middle of the mission when Aya was very close to being dead.

// And now he won't even talk to me. //

"What's between you and that Mr Ice prince?" Yohji nudge me in the ribs as he pushed his sunglasses up with his other hand.

"Oh er…well you should know. After what I said that night…well…he won't even talk to me. What am I going to do?" I grumbled in misery.

Whack!

"Hey what was that for?" Yohji whacked me hard against the head and laughed.

"You baka! Just go and talk to him. If you're going to be here the whole day just sitting here waiting for him to come and talk to you, you might as well forget about it.

Yohji turned away and waved his hand as he departed from the shop. "You better hurry up Hidaka because I might take up the opportunity if you don't get yourself together."

"Eh?"

The playboy shrugged and just grinned at me as I was left pondering what I should do with Aya. I just stood there wondering what he just said, but it had never occurred to me that he had meant every word.

[End Flashback]

I had never realised what he really meant until now.

I had been so foolish. I never knew that Yohji had liked Aya then. That he was jealous of us, of me. Maybe he had even hated me as his friend. And I had just watched away from the distance as he steals Ran away from me. I had thought it would never come to this. That Aya would always be mine. That we would always be there together. Forever.

"Kuso."

I covered myself in the comforter willing myself to sleep. But it did not come and somehow the tears wouldn't stop flowing out of my eyes. I never realised I needed Aya so much. Even if he is not the same person anymore I don't want to lose him. I don't think I can function properly without him.

I need him.

I need him to survive.

I need him to keep me alive.

"I need you so much Aya."

I buried my face against the pillow and cried myself to sleep.

* * * * * * * *

Somehow I had waked up during the night and found myself cuddled up in my bed. It had been strange. I was sure I was still at the balcony and wondering what I should do, what I should do to stop everyone from hurting.

I can't get Ken's voice out of my head.

// I need you. Please don't leave me. //

Why did he have to say that? I don't know what I should do anymore. I don't think I love him, yet deep inside an inner part of me tells me to take care of him. It hurt to see him crying. To see I was the one to cause him pain.

I don't want to hurt him.

But I don't have any choice.

I distantly remembered Yohji had come up and started talking to me. He had come home late and I was worried. I had thought he was dating another girl. Someone that was better than me. And I was so upset. I didn't know why I felt that way. I think I was jealous that he went out on a date with someone else that I didn't know. But I shouldn't be thinking about that. Yohji can do whatever he wanted.

// But you love him don't you? //

He had said he loved me that night. I had remembered so clearly. The way he touched me and whispered my name. I couldn't have fought against him. Somehow I think I wanted that too. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted that fire to consume me.

// I had wanted him too. //

And it had felt so comfortable being in his presence. The scent of warmth and security I felt whenever he had his arms around me. His hair brushing softly against my cheek, his lips on my face, his hands caressing me, showing me how much he loves me. I felt like he would protect me forever. He had been so gentle. So caring. And I had craved for that. I wanted all his attentions to focus on me.

But now…even if I do want us to be together, I don't want to hurt Ken.

His eyes as he was pleading for me to stay with him. And it had hurt to see his deep chocolate eyes gazing at me. His hands clutching me tightly as if he never wanted me to go.

// I don't want him to hate me. //

Even as I remembered some of the things about us, it is still hard to know what I really do feel towards him. He said that we were lovers but that love….I don't know where it is. I don't think I can find it. Maybe…maybe if I was Aya…that's what Ken said I should used to be…. maybe then I would be able to find that love again. But still….

I know Yohji is stronger than Ken.

I want to be with Yohji.

But Ken needs me.

I got up and looked at the clock on the side table. It was still 3:08am. I don't think I had been asleep for long. Yohji must have left a while ago. I remembered he was holding me, telling me everything is going to be okay, that he will accept whatever decision I will make.

// Ashiteru…//

I smiled as I recalled what he said to me before I fell asleep….I want to hear that again and again coming out of his mouth. I don't think….

What was that?

A sob. Coming from Ken's room.

I got up and placed my ears against the wall. It seems like someone was crying. Was it…was it Ken that was crying? I could hear the hitch of his breathing and the choking sounds coming out of his mouth as I listened to him cry.

// Don't cry Ken. Please don't cry. //

I pulled myself away from the wall and stood there motionless.

Ken needs me.

I clutched my hands tightly in fist and starred at the wall in silence.

// I will wait for your decision Ran. //

I am sorry Yohji.

// Forgive me. //

* * * * * * *

The sun shined brightly in my eyes as I dug myself deeper into the pillow.

// Go away. Go away. I want to sleep. //

The rattling of the sound coming from the kitchen dragged me away from my dreams as I blinked wearily and stretched my aching muscles.

What's with the noise?

I swore softly and got out of the bed as I grabbed a pair of pants and pulled them on, stumbling towards the shower. I waited till the hot spray warmed my fingers and stepped inside, letting the water soaked up my hair.

Last night I was shocked to see Ran in such a state. It had almost made me so worried as I saw the tears in his eyes. Part of him was wondering what he was crying about and yet afraid to ask him at the same time. I had no idea that he had thought I didn't want him just because I went out and saw Miya.

Yet at the same time I know that Ran might have loved me back.

But that doesn't mean he has made up his mind. Even now I never do know if Ran truly does love me or not. He had never said anything when I made my move on him, but he had never pushed me away either.

I got out of the shower and pulled on a loose fitting shirt and black jeans as I made my way downstairs.

And the sight that greeted me left a shiver down my spine.

Ran and Ken were sitting very closely together having their breakfast. I would have called it a normal day if I didn't catch the smile radiating from Ken's lips. The brunette seems to have ignored everyone else on the planet and just kept gazing at Ran, his eyes full of happiness and laughter.

Omi looked at me and smiled sweetly. "Ohayoo Yohji-kun. You're early today." I could only stare at the chibi and made myself to the counter. I knew Ran eyes were looking at me as I poured coffee into my cup, my hands shaking slightly.

I knew. Somehow I knew.

I knew I have lost.

I gulped down my coffee in a rush and grabbed my car keys. I didn't even turn around to see them. God…I don't want to feel this pain again. This longing. This wanting. I don't want him to tell me. I don't want to know the truth.

Ran came chasing after me onto the street where I parked my seven and grabbed onto my sleeves.

"Yohji. Please….I need to talk to you."

// No. I don't want to hear it coming out of your lips. Don't tell me. //

I couldn't face him as I muttered. "There is no need Ran. I already know." I gripped the car key in my fist, digging it into the palm of my hand.

"No! You don't understand." Ran tried to pulled me to face him but I struggled.

"Damn you! I don't want to hear it! What can't you understand?" I shouted at him.

I stood there starring onto the shops across from us, my back still facing away from him. I removed Ran's hand away from my arm and opened the car door.

"You said you would accept my decision. You said!"

I froze. I didn't know he had heard me last night. I had thought he was asleep. I turned around and to my dismay I saw his amethyst eyes filled with tears sliding down his cheek. So much pain in those deep purple orbs. I could lose myself in them forever.

"Ran."

Ran collapsed in my arms and clutched his hands onto my shirt. But all I could hear was the sobbing coming out of his lips and the words he kept repeating against my ear.

"I'm so sorry… Sorry…. Sorry… Sorry."

God what have I done? I had said I will accept whatever decision I had made and I had just threw it all in his face. I tightened my arms around his slim pale body and whispered soothingly in his ear.

"I'm so sorry too Ran. It's okay. Please….please don't cry anymore."

Ran looked up at me and smiled. He brushed his fingers softly against my cheeks and to my surprised he raised up to kiss on the lips.

I only stood there numbed in shock at what just happened.

"Ashiteru Yohji. Always."

"Ran?"

He had never initiates any of his feelings to me before. I don't understand. Doesn't he love Ken? Didn't he choose him because he realises he loves him more than me.

Ran silenced me by placing his fingers on my lips.

"I am sorry Yohji. Please don't hate me. I am only doing this for the best."

I grabbed his hands into mine and forced him to look into my eyes. "What are you talking about? Don't you love Ken? Don't you want to be with him? Why are you saying this to me!?"

But Ran only shook his head sadly and smiled. "You are stronger Yohji. I…I am sure you can find someone that is better than me." He looks away from me, his eyes hidden by the red bands covering his forehead.

"I am doing this because I have to…because.." I leaned down as he whispered so softly the words I hated coming out of his lips.

"…because Ken needs me…so I have to do this."

And I had understood what he meant.

The redhead then released himself away from my grasped and faced away from me.

"Ran! You can't do this to yourself. You don't even love him! I won't let you do this!"

"I have made my choice Yohji. And I won't back out on my words."

"Ran…don't do this." I pleaded.

But Ran was already walking away from me, his words stabbing painfully into my heart.

"I choose Ken, Yohji. I choose Ken…. .Forgive me."

I closed my eyes holding back the tears sliding down my cheeks.

// I hate you Hidaka. I hate you. //

* * * * * * *

TBC~~~~~

Please DO NOT kill me! Sorry…most probably because I had an emotional crisis last night and yeah…I guess that's why I made this chapter so sad! It is for the best. Ran is only choosing Ken because he knows Ken needs him…but really he does love Yohji. I was wondering if you all thought I was going to get Ran to choose Yohji…well not really….so sorry if I disappointed some people.

Nekojita I know what you are going to say. Can you see I am running now? Please don't kill me. I know I know….you are going to slices me up to bits…but hey the story hasn't finish yet….and you do want me to finish it right so…err…don't kill me yet!

Just to let everyone know that THIS IS NOT THE ENDING!!!! So yes….still a few more chapters to go…maybe 2 or 3….so you can still keep on voting! Hee…

Thanks for everyone's support and reviews. Very grateful and appreciated it heaps. I will post the next chapter asap. Many thanks.