Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ In The Shadows, In The Light ❯ Interlude 4 ( Chapter 8 )

Author's Notes: All Weiss Kreutz stuff/characters are not owned by me and all rights apply to the lucky bastards who do own them. I took these boys out to play and let them frolic like they really wanted to `cause that's the kinda sick and twisted little puppy I am. The song snippet is by Enigma and all rights apply to them.

 

Thanks goes to Race for beta-ing this for me. You are a doll.

 

Thanks also goes to kuyashinaki for providing me with the German phrases. Any spelling/grammar mistakes are completely mine.

 

~ indicates character POV

** indicates internal conversation.

 

 

Interlude 4

 

In The Shadow, In The Light - Enigma from the album `Voyageur'

 

I'll follow you, wherever life goes
But I'll always be aside
In the shadow, in the light.

 

 

 

~Yohji~

 

How could Aya have done this to me? I knew he had some emotional issues, but I never realized he was such a mess. Was I really nothing more than a fuck toy to him? At one time, that would have been enough for me. To be able to touch him, kiss him, feel the heat of him; I would have been willing to take what I could get. But not now. After living, working and killing with him and getting to know him as a friend; not just a beautiful creature that made me horny just by looking at me; I wanted more. I wanted to be important to him. I wanted him to care about me like I cared about him. I wanted too much. It was probably more than he could give me. He had warned me that he probably couldn't give me much. That didn't stop me from wanting what he could give me.

 

I motioned the bartender for another drink. When he came and re-filled my glass, I grabbed the bottle from him and snarled when he tried to take it back. Sensing that I would do something violent if he pushed the issue, he left it with me and moved to the far end of the bar. Women had stopped trying to approach me and the men in this bar weren't the type to try and pick up another guy. I knew I was radiating “fuck off and die” vibes. That's why I was startled when I saw someone from the corner of my eye sit on the stool next to me. I was even more surprised when a hand covered my own.

 

I'd have known that touch anywhere. Schuldig. I glanced over at him and pushed the bottle towards him. A glass appeared like magic in front of him and he poured a healthy shot over the ice. I didn't say anything. If he wanted to know what I was thinking, he would just go into my head and get it. Instead, he let the silence stretch out between us.

 

**You didn't hurt him as bad as it looked, ** Schuldig finally offered.

 

**He fucking used me Schu. I was just a tool to ease his guilt, ** I stared at the golden liquid in my glass, relieved that I hadn't done Aya real harm. Mad at him or not, I wouldn't have been able to deal if I had really hurt him.

 

**That's not how he thought of it. **

 

**It doesn't matter; it still doesn't make it right. I thought he cared about me. I thought he was in this relationship because he wanted to be with me; with us. Am I just a fuck toy to him? **

 

Schuldig sighed and took the smoke I had lit from between my lips for a quick puff. **You're not a fuck toy to him Yohji. He does care about you. More than you think. He's just lousy at expressing it. **

 

I drained my glass and threw some money down on the bar. I stood too fast and the world tilted under my feet. Schuldig was at my side in an instant and slung my arm over his shoulder. I was drunk. It didn't help.

 

I still remembered how Aya had used me.

 

~Schuldig~

 

Yohji was hurting even worse than Aya but I had expected that. It was going to take some time for him to get over this little heartache. I admit I was a little jealous at his reaction. It meant he cared more for Aya than just as a steady bed partner; well and good but where did that leave me? I needed to know how Yohji truly felt about me; maybe this was my chance to find out. He'd never been this smashed since we all started seeing each other. It was possible that his defences would be down enough for me to get into his head like I wanted.

 

I know I had told Brad I wanted Yohji sober and alert when I did this but he was so shaken by Aya's actions I questioned whether I belonged in this picture at all. I knew Yohji wanted Aya more than me; neither one of them had worked it out and I was careful to keep that information to myself. I eased Yohji into my car and buckled him up. I slid in behind the wheel and locked the doors. Yohji's rested his head against the back of the seat.

 

I closed my eyes and probed his mind. The alcohol made it easier to go deeper than I had before but I knew I still hadn't entered him like I had Aya. There was resistance to my going further and the harder I pushed, the more pressure increased in my own head. I growled in frustration and backed off slightly. I ran mental fingers through what I was able to access and groaned softly at the feel of his thoughts and emotions.

 

He was dancing around the idea that he was falling in love with Aya, which was why Aya's actions had hurt Yohji so deeply. I snarled at the thought. I had Yohji first. He should have been having those kinds of feeling about me. I refused to pause and consider why I felt like that; instead I sifted through his thoughts for some of me.

 

Yohji was definitely in lust with me. He cared for me but I couldn't pin him down to stronger feelings. I confused him. Part of him still saw me as the evil, mind fucker he had known when he was Weiss and I was Schwartz. The other part saw me as the lover he enjoyed spending time with in or out of bed. He was trying to see me only as his lover. He wanted to trust me not to hurt him; not to kill him.

 

I retreated from his head. I had gotten both more and less information than I had hoped for. I was guessing that when he finally trusted me not to hurt him, he'd let me into his head. Where I had needed to conquer Aya mentally to get inside his head, I needed to win Yohji's trust to get into his. The task seemed impossible. I'd do it though. I wanted him to trust me like he did Aya; wanted him to feel about me like he did Aya. I shied away again from examining why. I sighed as I started the car drove to the Koneko. What had started out as a nice arrangement to screw two beautiful men on a regular basis had just become damned complicated.

 

~Aya~

 

I waited for Schuldig to bring Yohji home. I sat in the dark kitchen and sipped at my tea without interest. Schuldig said he would help me fix what I had done wrong. I'm not sure why, Yohji mad at me would make Schuldig the number one person he would turn to for sex and companionship. I heard a car pull into the driveway and the engine turn off.

 

**Hit the lights and open the door Aya. I've got Yohji and he's hammered. **

 

I flicked on the outside lights and opened the door. Schuldig supported Yohji from the car to the steps. Yohji looked at me through blurry eyes, the earlier anger and hurt shining through. I moved out of the way and trailed Schuldig up the stairs to Yohji's room. I ignored his protests and helped Schuldig strip him before sliding him between the sheets. I wanted to join him but knew I wouldn't be welcome right now.

 

Back in the kitchen with Schuldig I leaned against the counter and hugged myself tight. The quick fix that Schuldig had done in my head earlier was starting to unravel. The anger and hurt still in Yohji's eyes made my heart ache and the thought of loosing Yohji sent the little tendrils of panic slithering through me

 

**Relax Aya. Give him some time. I said I'd help you fix this and I will, ** Schuldig stepped up to me and pulled me into his arms.

 

I stiffened and tried to push away. Why was Schuldig doing this? He held me tighter until I stopped struggling against him. Once I stopped fighting, I realized how nice it felt to be held when I was so upset. I was once again getting the feeling that Schuldig cared about me.

 

I flinched slightly when Schuldig's hands rubbed over my back. My back still felt tender from the welts and the skin of my ass stung from the cuts. Schuldig moved his hands to my hips and murmured an apology. He rubbed his face against my hair and sighed.

 

**Why are you going to help me fix what I did? It would be better for you with Yohji if he was to stay mad at me. **

 

**Short term, yes it would. In the long run, it would put an end to what we share now and I don't want that. I want both of you. I don't like either of you hurt. You're both mine and I protect what's mine. **

 

I started to protest that I didn't belong to Schuldig and neither did Yohji. Schuldig silenced me with a kiss like I had never received from him. It was full of want and need and countless emotions that I had no experience to name. It staggered me and surprised Schuldig. He pulled away abruptly and turned to go.

 

“Don't retreat into your head from him. You do that and you'll loose him and I'll loose you both. Patience, Aya. You're good with waiting. Yohji will come around. He cares about you too much not to. If he doesn't start to come around in a couple of days, we'll talk about doing something about it.”

 

“He cares about me? How do you know that? Were you rummaging in his head?”

 

“I went as far as I could right now,” Schuldig answered cryptically before slipping out the door. I heard the car start up and drive away.

 

Schuldig had poked around in Yohji's head. I burned with curiosity to know what he had found. I made my way back upstairs and moved soundlessly into Yohji's room. I looked down at him sleeping and couldn't stop myself from brushing back a lock of hair that had fallen across his face. He murmured snatches of sentences in his drunken sleep and I leaned closer to catch what he said.

 

“Schu why…help…hurt me…Ran…not toy,” he whispered sounding broken hearted.

 

I left the room as quickly and quietly as I could. Schuldig said to wait and give Yohji time. It looked like my penance wasn't done. I should have paid more attention to the old adage that cautioned about getting what you wished for. I got the pain from Yohji that I had initially wanted. It hurt far more than I had bargained for.

 

And it was all my own doing.