Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Lost Purpose ❯ is this a life? ( Chapter 2 )

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"Kudoh Yohji, get up already!"

Yohji woke with a start, groaned and pulled the sheet over his head. "Leave me alone, Mariko."

"Nonsense. It is noon already and I have to go to work. I've cooked lunch for you. You can't stay in bed all the week and not eat. Your fridge is empty. You have to go shopping." His friendly middle-aged neighbor stepped into the room and pulled beside the heavy curtains. Bright daylight flooded the room.

Yohji sighed and shifted to the headboard in a sitting position. "Thank you. You are like a mother hen to me."

"You can't stay buried herein for the rest of your life. You have to go out. Have a life again. Look at you. You are all skinny and boney. When was it, you have shaved last time?" she stood in the middle of he room, hands on her hips and shook her head.

"Uhh, don't know. A week?" Yohji grimaced and rubbed at his stubbly chin.

"Yes. And this was the last time you left here, too. Get up. Get out of this apartment. You need groceries. You look uncared-for. Next week is Christmas."

"Already?" He heaved wary eyes to her.

"Yes, already. I won't having you sit here all alone again this year. Kitsumi and his wife are coming over to celebrate and if you don't visit your friends I want you to come, too."

"Hn."

"Don't `hn' on me Kudoh Yohji. I have a Christmas wish. Don't go out and buy anything silly for me. Go out and find someone for you. Be happy again."

"Mariko, I've already have found someone. He's only not with me. I can't simply switch it off." He sighed. "I've tried, believe me. I just can't. I still love him."

She stepped beside his bed and patted him on the head. "I know. But I won't give up on you. Besides, I don't think anybody would come near you voluntary just now. If I've not seen worse at the hospital at work, I would run screaming seeing you just now."

Yohji grimaced and reached for a cigarette from the nightstand. He lit it and inhaled deeply. "Yeah. Thank you for pestering me. What would I do without you?"

She laughed and turned to the door. "By the way, your answering machine got twenty two messages. I've got to go now."

After he heard the front door close, Yohji slumped down again, smoking. Of course she was right. But, he couldn't bring himself to do something. It was now one and a half year ago, Ran had left him without a word. The second lonely Christmas was approaching. And he was still waiting. Waiting for something, for what he doesn't know himself. For him to return? A reason perhaps? A word from Ran why he left that day. Sneaked out on him.

Stubbing out his smoke, he got up and went to the bathroom. After relieving himself, he stepped to the sink and looked critical in the mirror. She was right, again. His once shining, curly honey golden shoulder long hair was now lifeless and dull around his head, grown back a bit since he had chopped it the night his courage had left him to slit his wrists. The once sparkling green eyes stared dreary back at him. His cheeks were sunken and his once golden skin was now grey and ill looking. He grimaced to his unshaved face and trailed his fingertips over his distinct visible collarbone and outstanding rips.

He really was bony and skinny, from lack of regularly food and too much cigarettes. Only a shadow of his former self he once was so proud of. But he could not bring himself to care anymore. Since Ran left, he didn't go clubbing anymore. He didn't drink anymore. He didn't chase girls anymore. He doesn't do anything, anymore. He felt like dead on the inside since that day.

He only sat in his apartment and brooded, chain-smoked and stared out of the window. Omi and Ken had given up on him long ago. And he feed his cat. Yes, one day shortly after Ran had left him; in the mall, he came by a pet shop and saw a little Abyssinian cat at display. On a whim, he purchased it and took it home. Since then, it was his only steady companion. And it was the reason to get him going, more or less.

Besides Mariko, who pestered him and got him going for groceries and some errands, cooked for him mostly and sat with him and tried to talk sense into him. He assumed he was glad that she moved in to the opposite apartment little over a year ago. She was a nurse and had made it to her duty to look after him motherly. He sighed, stepped in the shower and turned the tabs on, stood in the spray and began to wash.

He had poured his heard out to her someday, and since then she had him adopted. She had insisted on sharing keys to their apartment one day, when she hadn't seen him for a few days, when he was to moody to care to open the door. She chased him around for his laundry, to clean up the apartment, and she talked to him. Sometimes, she pursued him to go out for a walk in the park.

After he had finished his shower and toweled up, he shaved and brushed his still wet hair. Towel slung around his hips, he went to the kitchen to look in his fridge. Empty. Besides a lonely can of beer and the dish, Mariko had placed there earlier. He sighed, remembering using the last coffee two days ago. Only one last can of cat food was left, too. Time to go shopping, actually.

The cat was roaming around his legs as the phone rang. Undisturbed by it, he crouched to the floor and gathered the cat in his arms, while the answering machine picked up the call with: `No one is here. You know what to do.' After the beep, he heard Omi's cheery voice.

"Yohji, its Omi. Please, pick up the phone. … Yohji?" after a while he heard him sighing. "Ken and I want to know if you can come over for his birthday … Please, come this time, okay?" and a little lower "We miss you."

Yohji closed sad his eyes. Perhaps. Perhaps he would go. After a little cuddling with the cat and then feeding it, he dried his hair, dressed and went to the grocery store.

It was a lovely day. Cold but clear without clouds and the sun was shining. After purchasing his goods, he decided to walk back through the park in front of his building and sit a little while on his usual bench, watching the people, as he did so often. He sat there in the sun, smoking and watched the couples walking by, and the parents with their Childs, playing with sticks and balls, strolling through the park.

After finishing his second smoke, he leaned back, spread his arms over the backrest, closed his eyes and let his head fell back. He sat like that, basking in the slightly warming sunshine on his cheeks until something disturbed the sunlight in his face and didn't move away. He slowly opened his eyes. And blinked. And blinked again.

His heard speed up and thumped rapidly in his chest. He couldn't breathe. His throat suddenly was closed, as if someone would throttle him. A familiar pain shot up his gut. His body felt all of a sudden ice cold. He only sat there, unmoving; the blood roaring in is ears, until he remembered to breathe again, watching the person standing in front of him. This all too familiar figure, the piercing violet eyes. He swallowed, hard. However, the only word he could utter was "Why?"