Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Lost Purpose ❯ decisions ( Chapter 9 )

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Yohji waited until the nurse had left the room, before he sighed heavily. This conversation had almost used up all his strength to pretend. He slowly got up and grabbed his boxers from the pile of his clothes, lying neatly on a stool. Ran had brought clothes. He stepped into them, astonished how unusual apparent optimistic Ran had been for him to wake up again. But, so had he been with his sister, too. He was just slipping off the hospital shirt over his head as the door opened and then closed again. Hesitating a moment before he continued in his task of getting dressed, outwardly calm and composed, his heard rate had speed up, despite the numb state he was in since he had punched Ran. He didn't dare to look, yet. Coward. And he needed a smoke. Sitting down on the bed again after he had buttoned his shirt and jeans, he slipped in his socks and shoes. The silence between them stretched unbearably. Taking a deep breath, he turned his head and stared straight at his visitor, who had caused him so much pain. Ran leaned against the wall beside the door, hands behind his back, face blank of any expression, only his lips tightly pressed in a tight line. Watching him. A bruise was already slightly visible forming on his jaw, due to his pale skin, Yohji faintly mused before he muttered "I want to go home."

Ran nodded, stepped forward and began collecting the things he had brought here, stuffing them into a backpack, while Yohji silently watched. Ran moved with a composed grace around the room, Yohji easily recognized. He found himself wanting to forget everything that hurt and just wanting to be there with the irritable, picky, and overtly stubborn man. But his faith was shattered. And he wasn't strong enough anymore, to put on his carefree and false mask. To chatter and pretend everything was fine. And he wasn't sure, if he was able to forgive, to get over this. So he only moved, when Ran had packed everything away and opened the door, clearly waiting for him to come. Silently he followed him down the hallway, the stairs, to his car. Settled down in the passenger seat, and stared out of the side window, while Ran put his backpack in the trunk. Numbly he noticed Ran getting in, too and hesitating.

"Yohji …"

"Don't. Not now, please." He slowly shook his head. "Not now."

"Okay." Ran started the engine and swiftly merged into the traffic. They headed towards home, while Yohji watched the people, unconscious fiddling with the bandages on his wrists, and noticed the colourful decorations in the windows of the shops, flowing by.

"What day is it?" He noticed on the corner of his vision Ran cast shortly a glance towards him.

"Christmas Eve."

"Oh."

They fell silent again, until Ran parked the car in front of the apartment building. Watching Ran getting out, he sighed again and stepped out of the car, standing in front of the house, waiting. He had no keys. Blinking, as suddenly a hand, holding his keys came into his vision he pointed his chin towards the door, mentioning Ran to go ahead and trailed him up to the apartment. Neko came running as he stepped in and he hunched down, cradling the mewing cat in his arms, before he got up again.

"You want something to eat, or tea?" Ran inquired, discarding the backpack and his coat in the corridor.

"Tea." He followed to the kitchen, and sat down on the table, while Ran set the kettle on the stove and rummaged in the fridge. He noticed, it was well stocked, vegetables and fruits, fish, meat, all things he doesn't usually bothered with. His stomach rumbled.

Ran turned his head and cast a glance over his shoulder. "I can make something. You need to eat."

He shrugged. "You stayed here?"

"I …" Ran chewed on his lower lip. "Yes, I took care of the cat and I slept on the couch."

"Okay." Yohji turned his attention to the cat and ignored the sounds of Ran preparing something to eat, only looked up as Ran placed a mug and a plate with sandwiches in front of him. "I'm sorry, I hit you."

"Don't be." Ran sat down opposite him with his mug, and Yohji suddenly was hit with the memory of a similar situation, of only yesterday for him. He gasped and all of a sudden felt nauseous. Clenching his eyes shut he dropped his head, let go of the cat and took a few deep breaths to calm down.

"Yohji?"Ran suddenly startled him as he stood beside him, a hand on his shoulder. "You ok?"

"No." He shook his head. "No I'm fucking not okay. I'm angry and sad and I'm exhausted and hurt and I'm afraid. God, I'm terrified I can't forgive, and have you walked out on me again." Blinking hastily, he tried to hold back the damned tears, threatening to fall.

Ran crouched down beside him, the hand on Yohji's shoulder trailing down to his forearm, raising goose bumps on Yohji's skin. "I won't. Do you want me to stay?" His voice sounded unusual softly. "Because I want to stay. I won't leave you ever again out of free will, except you want me to. I swear."

"You swear." It was a statement, no question. "I don't want you to, out of obligation." Yohji shook his still bent head. "Or out of pity. Never."

"I won't." Ran's voice sounded hoarse. "Please, I want to stay with you. Let me?"

Yohji turned his head and was amazed to see a tear running down Ran's face. Ran's face stripped off his emotionless mask, open and full of passion. He recalled a vague memory of warm rain, glittering violet eyes. He reached out and cupped Ran's cheek in one hand, thumb slowly wiping away the wet trail. "You cried, that night. I've never seen you cry before." He took a deep shuddering breath. "Hold me, please." Tugging at Ran's hand, he drew him up and slung his arms around his waist, pressing his face in Ran's chest. "Just hold me."

They stayed like that a long while, Ran's arms around him, stroking slowly over his back, face bent down in his hair and he felt the numb state he was in slowly fade and it was replaced with contentment, peace. "I love you. Stay with me." He murmured in Ran's chest.

"I will," the muffled reply came from above.

Suddenly feeling light-headed, he shifted on his chair and tugged Ran down, so that he straddled his legs. He tilted his head and their lips touched in a kiss, the first in a long time. A slow, careful tentative touch at first, a nibbling and caressing, slowly growing in intensity, until their lips were pressed against each other, hard and demanding, tongues battling and stroking. They broke, hard breathing, foreheads pressed together. "I missed you so much."

"So did I." Ran leaned back a bit, smiling slightly.

Yohji's head was spinning in amazement. Not only had Ran spoken in more than two syllables at a time he had clearly awaited an 'hn'; he also had shown an open, emotional face, he had begged, he had cried, and now he smiled, too. He caressed Ran's face with his fingertips who leaned in the touch, closing his eyes. "You have changed."

"Yes, I suppose, I have." Ran opened his eyes and earnestly looked at him. "Danger of loosing someone you love for good sometimes does that to you."

Yohji grinned sheepishly. "Sorry." Then a though occurred to him. "Damn, I have missed Ken's birthday. And I have no Christmas present for you." He gently showed Ran from his lap and got up. "I have to …" Suddenly the world was spinning around him. He took two staggering steps to the door and clutched the frame "Oh, that is so not good. I…" And then the world around him disappeared.

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He came to, feeling warm and a squashy mattress below him, his head nestled in a soft pillow. His bed. Cracking an eye open, he noticed bright daylight flooding the room. There was a faint tinkle.

"How do you feel? You had me worried here. You passed out."

Mariko. Had he dreamed all this? It seamed so real. God. No Ran. He hadn't come back. No reunion.

A wave of fresh pain rolled over him, choked him. He groaned. "I'm fine." His voice sounded hoarse. "What you're doing here?"

"Looking after you, of course." She placed a tray on his bandstand. "Here, eat. And no fooling around, today. Your body is so scrawny. Sometimes I think I find a smoking skeleton coming in here." She grinned. "Come on. Your friends called. They will be over in an hour."

He shut his eyes tightly and groaned again. "I'm not in the mood for them." He wanted to be alone, walling in his misery. He desperately wanted the dream back. He felt nauseous.

She tsked. "Don't let the food go cold. I'm gone now. Behave, you two."

He opened his eyes again and noticed now, that the cat was not in his bed, as usual. "Where's Neko?"

"Kitchen."She winked. "Give a shout, when you need something, okay?"

"Hn." He stared at the ceiling of his room, vision blurry. As he heard the door shut, he couldn't longer hold the tears back. Alone. A sob broke free. He rolled over and pressed his face in the pillow, sobbing, the now freely streaming tears soaking the fabric. His body shook helplessly. He couldn't bear it anymore.



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