Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Mea Culpa ❯ MEA CULPA PART THREE: Death, Life and Love go Hand in Hand ( Chapter 3 )

MEA CULPA PART THREE: Death, Life and Love go Hand in Hand

Yohji growled, rolling over in bed as he once again heard the knocking at his door. "Go 'way!" He yelled, pulling the blankets over his head. He could hear his door open, then close once again. Whoever was coming in obviously didn't care that he didn't want to be disturbed.

"Yohji?"

'Maybe if I ignore him he will go away...' He thought, tightening his eyes.

"Lazy." The bed shifted under the pressure as another body climbed in next to him. "Yohji, I know you're awake 'cuz you just yelled at me to go away." Hell no, he wasn't going to give in that easily. Yohji might not have known what time it was, but whatever the time... it was just too early. "Fine!" The blankets were pulled out of his hands, eyes flying open as he met a pair of sapphire blue eyes looking back. "Morning Yohji!"

"Omi!" The blond just smiled. "What do you want?"

"It's time for lunch, thought I would come and tell you." Lying down beside the dark haired man, he smiled watching as deep green eyes closed and Yohji breathed out. "It's almost noon, seems like half the house rises early and the other half later in the day." When he didn't respond, Omi reached over laying his hand down on Yohji's cheek. "What are you thinking?" He whispered, cuddling closer to the older man beside him.

He couldn't help but smile as he reached out to pull down the younger boy's hand, kissing the palm. "Just thinking how weird it is to be back with Ran." Yohji finally answered, his eyes once again opening. "Hoping we haven't gotten ourselves into more than we can handle." Blue eyes held his, not knowing how to respond to that, but after a moment Yohji smiled once again. "Don't worry Omi, we are going to be okay. I just got to get used to this... new Ran."

"He is different isn't he?" He caught the whisper, feeling Omi resting his head against his neck. "I don't know what to think yet, but he's still Ran even if he has changed. He's the man we have been worried about and have been..."

"Missing?" Yohji asked then, Omi looked up once again to nod. "Don't worry Kid, I'm here and so is Ken. We will face all of this together, if we don't like it we will go home."

Omi nodded. "The three of us." He said, eyes looking up at the ceiling. 'Not us four, if we want Ran back in our lives... this is what we have to accept. Oh Yohji, if we decided to go, would Ken follow?'

"I know that look, you're worrying again." Omi could only nod, feeling Yohji's hand on his skin pulling his face to look once again at him. "Omi..." He pulled the smaller boy to him, his mouth covering the blonde's. After a moment the younger man's mouth opened, allowing him to enter as arms wrapped around his neck. When he pulled away, sky blue eyes looking into his as a smile crossed his face. "Go downstairs, I'll be there soon."

Nodding, Omi pulled himself out of Yohji's arms and climbed off the bed. Once he reached the door, Omi turned seeing the eldest assassin was still watching him. "Come down soon."

"I will." A nod, then the blond was gone. Yohji lay back down on the bed for a moment. He knew if he fell back asleep he would be in trouble, Yohji never broke a promise that he made to Omi if he could help it. That meant there would be no more sleeping for this man, sitting up he ran a hand though his long brown locks.

The... thing between him and Omi had started, oddly to say the least. One night, a few months after Ran had disappeared, he had come to Yohji needed questions answered. The kid was still upset from their leader's disappearance and Ken's depression... also the shock of no longer being an assassin. No more wondering if he would come home alive or what plans had to be made. Omi had been raised in the business and they had pushed him aside. The blond no longer knew where his place was in the world. That was a bad place for him to be, as Omi needed stability and to know his place, it had been obvious when Weiss had been whole. Now, it was not so obvious, the blond was confused and not liking the thought of being out of control.

Yohji had tried to answer the questions, tried to bring peace of mind to the young blond. He wasn't used to the position he was in either, he was used to Ran being the one that kept them under control and the man was gone. The redhead had been the anchor that kept them from drifting away, he had been the cold logic when everyone else was an emotional wreck. When he disappeared they didn't have that anymore, now they were trying to fill the gap that had been ripped out. So he tried, he talked and he comforted. At some point the conversation had changed from Ran to Ken and Ran then to love. That was when things took a dramatic turning, all Yohji knew was he had woken up the next morning with Omi beside him. It was obvious they had slept together and Yohji hadn't been happy about that, until Omi woke up.

So started this odd relationship they had concocted, this connection of oddities. Unfortunately it had nothing to do with love and everything to do with need, Omi had told Yohji he didn't love him in that way but needed something. So they touched and petted, made out and had sex but there was nothing in it beyond friendship and respect. In a way Yohji was glad the youngest Weiss hadn't fallen in love with him but then again when Omi found someone else where would that leave him?

Sighing, he pulled himself out of bed to go take a shower. 'I guess we figure that out when it comes around...'

*

The others were below, Yohji had passed him a moment ago, shooting the redhead a look then heading downstairs as well. He knew where everyone was, and as intrigued he was by what he felt, there was one mind that kept calling to him. When the rest of the voices were like honey this one was like poison, slowing consuming his body and mind. Walking down the hall, the German paused beside one door laying his hand on it. This was Jei's room, Farfarello... the walking madman, the Berserker. The man who had died for them, yet he knew the presence he felt inside wasn't a ghost of their lost member. It was pain, self blame and anger, a raging storm of emotions that were always present in a certain redheads fucked up mind. (( Knock knock my Captain. )) When he didn't get a response he felt it was safe to enter. Deciding it might be safer to stay out of his leader's mind for the moment, he breathed out. "Dark thoughts for a dark mind, Ran?"

Shrugging, he turned, violet eyes meeting the blue ones he knew well, then looked away once again. "I don't know, maybe." He had been slightly shocked when the telepath had called him by his real name. Callan rarely called him Ran... Leader, my Captain, Abyssinian, Asshole? Those were normal, but the last time he had called him by his real name had been Crawford's funeral. "I don't know what to think anymore."

"Yes you do," He answered, walking up beside the man he now called his leader and friend. 'How things change with time...' Once again the slightly shorter man looked up at the telepath before looking back out the window. "I know what things are going though your head. I know your pain and your regrets. I know you're blaming yourself for this and you feel you're responsible."

The redhead nodded, brushing his deep red bangs away from his face. "It's my fault... a guilt I carry every time one of my assassins die."

"Yes, I know much about guilt." He answered, his codename meant 'guilty' though he didn't know how well it fit him anymore. Being around Kritiker and Ran had changed him, but Aya, his Aya was the one who struck the final blow. He had been amazed by her, feeling possessiveness he had never thought possible since the first moment he saw her. Oh, he had seen her before while she was in a coma, but she was awake and alive with a fire in her eyes that almost consumed him. A fire that could rival her older brother's, he had always been interested in that particular redhead. Of course Ran at that point had been adamant about him staying away from his sister.

"If you ever touch her I will not hesitate in killing you." He had said, Aya standing behind him. "She is not one of your toys to play with. I don't trust you and I never will, not with her."

Yes, things did change...

It had been too quiet, Ran didn't like when the German was quiet. "What?"

"Nothing much Captain, just thinking about the first time I met Aya. How you said you would kill me if I ever touched her." There was a momentary flash of a smile on Ran's face. "I'm wondering how I was lucky enough to get out of that bind."

"Aya." Arching a brow, Callan looked down at the man he now called leader. "Excuse me?"

Closing his eyes, he sighed. "She fell for you, I wasn't happy. Aya told me she would love who she wanted to and I had to get over my righteous self and accept you weren't half bad." Deep purple looked up, Callan could see the conflicting emotions he was trying so hard to hide behind his mask, it wasn't working. "That is when I actually looked at you and realized she was right. You weren't Schwarz anymore, you were my teammate and you were Callan. She loved a man who was no better... yet no worse than I was."

"Maybe."

Ran looked away, once again his eyes wandered outside. "We are all killers, murderers." Arms crossed over his chest as a chill shook his body, though he didn't know where it had come from. "We don't deserve to love, but we do. How can I hate you for being like me, I have killed without regret, men, women, sometimes I wonder..." Eyes closed as his head fell forward. 'How much more... how much of this can I take before you break me. How much more will you push on me before I finally drown, till I'm nothing but another one of your bodies in the ground below you?' A tear ran down his cheek, he reached up to brush it away. "Will anyone care when I am gone." He asked.

"I will." He answered, seeing the half smile on Ran's face. "I think Ken would..."

That made the redhead breath out. "Ken... what am I going to do with him?" This comment confused Callan, though he didn't say so. He knew that if this man wanted to say something he would. There was only silence as they stood there, continuing to look out the window and over the grounds. They could see the cemetery partially hidden by forest from where they now stood. "I am what I am, but what if... can they, he accept what I am?"

"Why don't you ask him that?" the German asked. Ran shook his head as he turned away from the window. "I'm sure if you explained everything to them they would understand, it's not your fault for... what happened. How were you to know, how could you have even guessed that you were a... " The man held up a hand, silencing the telepath, but did not speak himself. After a moment Callan made his way to Ran, placing his hand on the man's shoulder. "He loves you and I know you love him. Don't throw that away because you're afraid of what may happen or what they may think. You can only tell them when you feel its time, but don't punish them because you're unsure."

Nodding, they both stood there in silence for a time. Suddenly Ran turned, walking towards the door. "We better go, people will be arriving soon." The German nodded, about to follow the redhead when he felt a hand on his chest. "Callan, thank you."

"You're welcome Ran."

*

Everyone looked up as the doors opened and saw Ran and Callan walking into the dining area. "Aya, Nagi, it's time, people are starting to arrive."

"Where are we gathering?" She asked, standing from her seat. "By the pond?" She saw her brother nod, looking over his shoulder at Callan, her boyfriend shook his head as he shrugged. 'So he tried talking to Ran and it's not helping... I wonder what they spoke about.' Arching a brow, she turned to walking to the kitchen.

(( Yes love? ))

'You going to tell me what happened?' She sent to his mind, placing her dishes into the sink.

(( It's turmoil inside that head, my lovely. He's blaming all of this on himself, as usual, and is pushing people away. All the normal things, though he's afraid that his friends there are going to look at him differently because of what he is. ))

Sighing, she walked back out into the dining room. 'Idiot…' She saw Callan smirk, then break the connection. "Are you three going to be okay?"

The three Weiss looked up at her, Omi just smiled. "We will be fine."

Nodding, She walked over to the three men waiting. "You're welcome to come...though..." She paused, Ran was looking at her. She turned, looking back at the three men. "If you like, anyway," Aya didn't know what else to say so she walked out the door, Nagi and Callan behind her. Ran stood in the doorway for a moment, his eyes downcast.

"Ran?"

Looking up, he meet Ken's gaze, then shook his head. "I..." Pausing, a hand brushed back blood red bangs. "That is... we will be back soon." Turning, he walked away from the three.

"That was odd." Omi looked over at Yohji, nodding in agreement. "So now what Kittens?"

Ken looked from the doorway to Yohji. "I think we should go." The two looked at him, one in confusion and the other with compassion. "I think we should, I mean... yeah okay, so its Schwarz but aren't we supposed to be a team now?"

"No, we are not!" Yohji said then stopped, Ken and Omi were giving him a dirty look. "Fine, yeah okay, let's go." The two youngest assassins jumped up, running for the stairs. "Damn, oh well." Standing, Yohji followed them upstairs.

Callan could tell they were there, though he couldn't pinpoint exactly where. He touched the blonde's mind, knowing that out of the three assassins, Omi tended to be the most open minded one. What he found there was interesting, a need to be here to show Ran that he supported their leader's new life. Also a need to show that they accepted the people in this new life, respect for what they were doing. Callan decided he could really like this young assassin. (( We have company, though I don't know where they are hiding at. )) Aya just nodded, once again paying attention to Persia's speech.

"...for those of us that risk our lives everyday to contain the evil that spreads through this world." The blond woman said, looking up at the people around her. "Our lives are not simple and many of us walk this path knowing there is no escape from it, day in and day out, risking our lives so others may live. For the ones who give their lives up so others may live, that is the heart of what Kritiker is and what it always should be. Someone who is willing to die so that others can go on living, that is true compassion. This man is one of those people, Jei started out as an enemy but in the end gave his life to protect the very people he once thought he hated. He was a good friend and a good assassin... I hope his soul has found peace." Persia stepped away from the head of the grave, walking back over to stand beside Manx. Both she and Manx were looking at Ran, he just nodded, walking over to stand where the blond had been a moment ago.

"I suppose as leader of this group I should say something, though I'm not very good at speaking my emotions." His sister nodded, a small smile gracing her features. "Funny thing is, I feel that I need to say something... not because he was my teammate but because he was my friend. We all know things have not been easy since Shuuichi was killed. Kritiker almost fell apart but we held it together and rebuilt it." He paused, looking down at the grave below him. "I supposed our lives have been shaken up, discovering things about ourselves and others, not to mention I went from commanded to commander. Sometimes I hate the idea of the position I have been put into, but I know that this is something I need to do and I could never turn my back on. I hated a lot of things, and Schwarz was one of those things, seeing we did have a history together and it wasn't the good kind."

Callan couldn't help but smile at that comment. "Isn't that the truth..."

Ran looked up at him, nodding. "We were in a constant battle against one another, all they did was fuel my hatred. Actually, one of the first times I faced Jei alone he almost killed me, so it was an odd twist of fate to find myself putting my life in his hands. He and I, somehow we had an understanding and now he's gone... I can't imagine going on without him. I don't open up to many people, the few I do open up to... there has to be something there, a connection. I consider them my family, like Jei was... like the remaining Schwarz are... like Weiss is."

Callan smiled, feeling the emotions coming from the three men Ran had only brought back into his life. 'Yes, they know he's speaking the truth.'

"But I don't understand why they stay by my side. I send them out, knowing that they may not come back and they accept this. Yet every time that happens, my family gets smaller and smaller. Once again I end up standing here wondering where I went wrong, why someone had to die because I told him or her to go fight. Then I wonder why they would keep coming back to me, knowing that I will be the reason they die. I don't know the answer to that... the best one I have come to find is that they must love me." Closing his eyes, Ran sighed. "Though I don't deserve to be loved... Jei died because of me and he died for me. For all of that... our past and the now, I am going to miss him. I don't have anything else to say, and seeing that he would have hated the idea of us doing this, I just ask that you all go home."

Persia sighed. "Ran?"

"Please?" He whispered, meeting her eyes. "We have paid our respects to a fellow team member, now just go home." She didn't respond, but nodded as she walked away. Slowly, the rest of the Kritiker members that had come began to follow her till there was no one left but the small group. "I hate doing these things." He finally said after a long moment of silence.

"You did well." He nodded, feeling his sister's arms around him. "It's okay to cry Ran, none of us will think any less of you."

Her brother looked down at her, his eyes were unreadable. "I don't have any tears to cry... not anymore." He whispered, she just nodded as she released her hold on him.

Callan walked over to a grave that was beside Farfarello's, kneeling down. "Well Crawford, looks like you have some company down in hell. Just don't throw a party 'til all of us are there to join you, you know how much we hate being left out."

They stood there in silence then, Aya looked up seeing Omi, Yohji and Ken walked over to them now that everyone was gone. She couldn't help but smile, Aya had guessed if she made the offer that they would come. She had also guessed that Ran would have never asked them, in his mind she was sure he still felt that his old team would still hold hatred for the members of Schwarz. Aya knew her brother was underestimating his friends.

Kneeling down, Ran placed his hand on the grave. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you, my friend."

"You can't save everyone." Nagi answered, breathing out. "You can only do the best that is possible, you're not invincible."

He nodded in agreement. "I know I'm not. I can't offer anyone a life that means anything but death."

"It is stupid to believe that Ran!" He could tell his sister wasn't happy with him.

"Why? " He asked. "Because it is the truth? I'm being selfish... wanting Yohji, Omi and..." He knew he was going into his own desires and it wouldn't be fair to the others. "…and Ken back in my life. I'm dragging them down into this life again and it might not be what they want. Maybe I should just let them go back, I'm fine on my own..."

"No, you're not." The redhead paused, then stood as he looked behind him. That was the last voice he had expected to hear. "Anyway, if we didn't want to be here we wouldn't have come."

"Ken."

Deep chocolate met his purple, the compassion in there was obvious. "You are our family Ran, and I for one would never turn my back on you."

"Same here." Omi replied, Yohji then nodded in agreement. "We were so sad when you left Ran, and now we are happy that we have you back. I know I don't need a week to know my decision... I want to be back with you again."

Ken couldn't help but smile at the blond. "I agree, I want to stay."

They both looked up at the eldest assassin, he pulled his cigarette out of his mouth. "What? You know I would follow you two... I guess I'm staying with you too."

Ran was confused, shocked... even slightly disappointed. He didn't want the three of them to be killed because of him, in a way he had been hoping they would go. But he couldn't deny the feeling of completion as they told him their decision to stay. "But this life, all it means is death?"

Yohji let out a sarcastic little laugh. "And it didn't mean death when we were in Kritiker last time? I guess we are used to the idea that we won't live forever. Might as well go out with a bang." Ken and Omi sighed, as they shook their heads. "What?"

"I think what he is trying to say is, that we want to do this," Ken then said, walking up to Ran. "We want to be here with you, I want to be here with you."

"But..." "No buts, we have made up our minds," The blond said, crossing his arms.

"But...you..."

Ken could only shake his head, kissing the pale cheek. "Everything is going to be okay."

He didn't know why, but Ran believed the dark haired man in front of him when he said those words. Nodding, he looked back at the other two for a moment before meeting Ken's eyes once again. "Okay."

*

Three Months Later:

"Get out of my mind, that's considered cheating!"

"Is not..."

"Aya!" The woman looked over at the redhead and blond haired man sitting over at the table. "Tell Callan he can't read my mind while playing chess!" Aya looked from Omi to Callan, giving him a look he knew all too well. "Ha! Now make your move and keep your gift to yourself."

Picking up a bishop, he moved the piece. "Fibber..." He grumbled.

"Am not! Why do you feel the necessity to cheat at chess?" The telepath rolled his eyes, as if the answer was obvious.

"It's the only way I can win when I play with you, Kitten."

"Oh..." He smiled then, taking out the bishop with a pawn. "Well suffer, it will make you a better player."

Callan just pouted as once again he lost another piece to the blond. "Checkmate."

"I hate this game." He turned to see his girlfriend laughing at him. "I don't see you playing him!" He growled. "You're one of those damn Angels, you're supposed to be a genius, you play him."

She shook her head, still smiling over at the two. "I'm not the suicidal type."

"So why am I playing him?"

"Cuz you are?" Callan shot Nagi a dirty look. He was sitting beside Omi, book in hand but it didn't look like he was reading it much. The telepath knew there was something between the two but left it alone. "Sorry Callan, but you are."

The German could only sigh, pulling his pieces back over to him. "Okay, lets try this again. One day I will beat you blondie!"

Aya shook her head, looking back down at the paper. She was happy with the way things were progressing, Weiss had been sent out on seven missions since they had come back, all seven had been a success. They also seemed to be getting along with the remaining Schwarz members, well almost all of them. Yohji still seemed to have problems with Callan, but it was getting better. Ken and Ran were doing better as well, the relationship was slow moving but Ken seemed to have enough patience to let things take their course. 'Well how long were they teammates before he had admitted that he loved my brother? I think those two will be fine, they just need to keep working on it. It's just hard... Ran's always so busy.'

(( I agree my love... ))

She couldn't help but smile. 'Ah, so since you can't cheat at chess, you're going to mess around in my mind?' Aya asked, laughter echoed into her mind as she looked towards the three at the table.

(( Captain's mind is closed, he's leaving for a meeting soon. ))

Aya frowned, then sighed. Yes, her brother definitely worked way too much, but it couldn't be helped, not with what he was. 'So?' She knew there was something the telepath wanted to say. 'Callan?'

He looked over at her for a moment, arching a brow. (( He's wearing himself out, he's also not feeling well and he hasn't told you that. )) Aya frowned. (( He hasn't gotten any sleep, he was up all last night with Crashers. ))

'When was the last time he rested?' She asked, setting down the paper.

(( He got a bit of rest yesterday morning... )) Callan looked up as the door opened. (( Oh, concerned lover coming. ))

Ken closed the doors, walking over to sit down beside Aya. "Hey, were is Ran?"

"I don't know." She said honestly. "But I know he's leaving for a meeting soon."

"Damn..." Running a hand though his hair, Ken sighed, sitting back in the chair. It was obvious that the assassin was worried about the older man, then again, so was Aya. She knew he had a tendency to over work himself, and it looked like he was doing it again "Have you seen him lately? I don't think he looks very good, he hasn't been sleeping and I'm worried about him."

"Callan was just saying the same thing." Ken looked over at the telepath, then back to Aya. "He said Ran's sick, but won't admit it. He's just too stubborn for his own good."

Ken nodded. "I know..." That thought was cut off as the German jumped up from where he had been sitting and ran out the door.

'Callan?' Aya stood, Ken doing the same.

(( It's Ran... ))

*

He hadn't been feeling good, and it had only gotten worse, but now wasn't the time to worry about that. Crashers were after one of Estet's groups and he was needed at Headquarters. The next move had to be decided. 'I'll rest later...' He thought to himself, as he put away the files he had been looking at. 'You always say that though... it's always later and that's why you've been up for over 24 hours... always later.' Growling, he told that part of his subconscious to take a long walk off a short pier. Walking over to a mirror, Ran sighed. He didn't look good, actually he looked like he was dead and couldn't stop sweating. That was on top of the fever and short dizzy spells that he had been getting.

"I can't get sick!" He whispered, his eyes closing. But it was all useless, he was sick and there was nothing that could be done about it. 'I'll go to the meeting then come home and take care of this.' It was a good plan, at least he believed it was as he walked for the door. Obviously his body had other ideas, as a wash of dizziness took him over. Grabbing onto a chair he had been passing, Ran closed his eyes tightly. His world was still spinning and wouldn't stop. 'Callan... help...' When his eyes opened once again he was lying in someone's arms, blue eyes wide with concern. "Callan?"

"Hey, you look like shit my friend."

Ran didn't know how to respond to that, his eyes sliding close once again. "Ken?"

"He's here."

A cool hand rested on his forehead, the redhead couldn't help but smile slightly. "You have a high fever, the doctors on his way up here." The man just nodded, Ken looked up at the German. "Let me have him, please?" He nodded, allowing Ken to pull the man into his arms. "You're stupid, you know that?" He whispered, brushing back damp blood red strands with his fingers "You had me worried."

"I'm sorry." Tired violet eyes opened, it felt better now that he was in his lover's arms. "Kritiker?"

Ken shook his head. "We called them, told then what happened. They are going to have to do without you Ran, you can barely focus right now."

"But Crashers..." Gentle fingers pressed against his mouth, quieting any further protests.

"I don't care, I'm more concerned for you right now. They can handle this on their own, you need rest now hush till the doctor gets here."

He knew there was absolutely no point in arguing with his lover in his present condition, his eyes closed once again as he laid his head against the cool cloth that covered Ken's body. Ran fell into a light sleep, but the fever made it hard for him to actually rest. His dreams seemed to be random and erratic as he would fade in and out of the sleep he knew he needed. There were moments that he could hear Ken's voice gentle and soothing, finger running though his hair calmed him more. At one point something damp and cool had been set on his forehead, it helped with the heat his body was giving off. 'Ken... why do you love me so much? All I cause you is problems...' He breathed out, cuddling deeper into the man's hold.

'He loves you because you are you... for no other reason. He loves you because you see him for who he is and not the mask that he wears. In his eyes you're not a problem...' His subconscious shot back, though it was odd that his subconscious would sound like the telepath's voice. Or was it Callan who had said that? He couldn't tell, and at that point he didn't care because the words had been true.

"Well, he did a number on himself." Ran forced himself out of the daze he had put himself into, the voice he had heard a moment ago was unfamiliar. As his eyes opened, he was met with an older man standing above him, then realized he had been put in his bed at some point. "Welcome back." The man said, smiling down at him. "I'm one of the doctors down at Kritiker, they sent me up to see what kind of damage you had done to yourself."

"Damage?" He was confused now, wasn't he sick?

The older man nodded. "Yes, you're very ill, young man." Ran breathed out, okay so he was sick. "You never should have ignored your body, it was telling you things and you should have been listening." He opened his mouth to speak, but the older man shook his head. "I know, you didn't have time. None of you ever have time, and that's why I always end up patching you back together again. Well, if you won't listen to your body you are going to listen to me. I've given your sister some medication to give you. I want you on bed rest for the next two weeks... no complaints and not one-foot in Kritiker. Do you understand me?"

Ran frowned, whom did this man think he was... tell him what to do. He sat up, ready to tell the doctor exactly what he thought of his idea when once again everything began to spin. "Gods..."

"Exactly." The man responded. "Bed rest for two weeks, the instructions are on the bottles." Aya nodded, as the doctor looked back down at the redhead. "You're lucky to be alive, pneumonia can kill if not treated..."

He shut out the doctor's voice, not wanting to think on it anymore, he was too tired and too sick. Giving up, he accepted that he would just have to listen to the man as he fell back into an uneasy slumber.

"Time to wake up." Ken whispered, running a hand down the hot flushed cheek. It had been two days since the doctor had come to take care of the stubborn redhead and he didn't look any better thought he said he felt better. "Ran, I brought some soup. Aya says you need to eat it."

Shaking his head, the blankets were pulled up to cover his face. "Not hungry!"

Ken sighed, setting down the tray on the bedside table. 'Who would have thought that Ran asks like a stubborn 2-year-old when sick.' Shaking his head, Ken pulled back the blankets so he could climb in beside his poor lover. The blankets came down as Ran looked up to meet his eyes, then cuddled against the younger man's body. Ken just shook his head, smiling. "You feel any better love?"

"No." He said, burrowing his head between Ken's shoulder and chin. He felt one hand reach up, running gently though his hair while the other ran up and down his back. "Mmm, better."

A small laugh escaped his lips as he continued to relax the redhead in his arms. "You're going to have to eat Ran, you can't take the medication unless you have something in your stomach." There was no response from the man but a light sigh. "Don't you want to get better?" He breathed into his ear.

"Yes…"

"Then why are you being such a baby?" The arm around his waist tightened, he could tell the older assassin was pouting.

"Not a baby!" He grumbled, then pushed away from Ken's body.

`Yeah he's pouting.' Ken shook his head, smiling down at the man while he cuddled against his side. "You are acting like one." He whispered, running a hand down the pale chest. He was always amazed that the difference between them. Ran was like cream, or vanilla where he was darker, like honey or butterscotch. Whatever the combination, everyone admitted they looked good together. He vaguely noticed that Ran had begun to run his hand though his hair, looking up deep purple met his warm brown.

"You were off in your own world..." He whispered, his voice still rough from the sickness. "I didn't want to bother you."

Smiling, Ken laid his head on his lover's shoulder. "You wouldn't have, I was just thinking about you." That got Ran's attention. "You know I love you, I just feel like saying it though."

He smiled then, kissing the tanned forehead. "I love you too, it's just hard to find time..." His voice trailed off. "

I know." He answered. "You're busy, we are all busy and we never have time for one another." The redhead nodded. "But we have two weeks! How about we make this a vacation of the sorts?" He saw the odd look. "What I mean is, we can use this time to be together. We can talk and work things out that haven't been figured out yet."

He couldn't help but smile at the man in his arms. Ken was so cute when he was trying to make senses of that thing he called a brain, but he was always honest. "I think that's a great idea, anyway, two weeks with you in my bed should make me feel much better."

"Good." Cuddling against the man further, he knew that he should make him eat but he was too comfortable at the moment to disturb what they had. 'Oh well, so Aya will kill me... it's worth it to be held in his arms.'

*

Two weeks had done wonders for Ran, he was no longer high strung and actually looked rested. Unfortunately they should have guessed it wouldn't last. "A month!" Aya sighed as Ken confronted her brother. "A whole month?"

"Or longer, it depends Ken."

He could have killed them, he could have maimed them... right now he was having fantasies of taking his Bugnuks and doing interesting things to their guts. "Or longer... and I can't come?"

"I'm sorry, Ken."

He was angry, he was ready to kill, unfortunately there was nothing he could do. Persia had told him that the decision they had made hadn't been the best one. Now Crashers was in a tight spot. Because of that Ran would have to go down, figure out what happened and bring back the team, which was now down one seeing Bishop had been injured. "But this isn't..." He stopped, closing his eyes. 'What? Fair? Nothing is fair stupid, we are assassins! We kill people for a living and you're mad because he has to go and take care of one of his teams? Damn it, I must be making him feel awful.' Ken sighed, then just nodded as he looked backup at Ran. "I'm sorry, I understand just... promise me you will be safe?"

"Ken I don't have to go for three days, they have to get to the safe house in..."

"Just promise me." He said once again.

Ran nodded, pulling the man to him. "You know I will."

The promise hadn't made him feel any better, now he stood in Ran's doorway as the redhead worked on something behind his desk. He was supposed to leave the day after tomorrow and Ken didn't want him to go, he wanted him to stay here with him. The two weeks his leader had been ill had opened a lot of thing for them, though they had still yet to sleep together. 'Is that all I can think about, how much I want him in my bed?' Sighing, he looked down. 'We are closer now, I know he loves me and he knows I love him. There shouldn't be any questions in my mind, no doubts, but I want him. Gods, Ran. Do you know how much will power I am using just so I won't pounce you next time we lay together? Now you're telling me I won't be with you for a month!' A growl brought him out of his thoughts as he looked back over at his partner. "What's wrong?"

Ran couldn't help but jump slightly, he hadn't realized Ken had been standing there. "Just this paperwork, I'm getting a headache." Though the dark haired man didn't respond, he saw him walk over to the desk, closing the folder. "Ken?"

"You need a break." He whispered, sitting up on the desk in front of the redhead. "How long have you been in here working?" Ran shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. "Too long... come here baby." Sighing, he gave into Ken's request, laying his head down on the man's leg. A moment later, gentle hands began to massage his head and neck. "You're going to make yourself sick again, I don't want that and I'm sure that you don't either."

"Hm, true." He whispered, relaxing against Ken.

Ken smiled, he loved any reason he could find to touch Ran's body, then again sometimes he didn't need a reason. "Damn, you're tight... I can see why you have a headache if you're this tense." The man just made a noise, but didn't respond. "You know, this would be much nicer if we could lay down." He whispered. "Maybe on a bed?" That made him look up, Ken arched a brow waiting for his response.

"Ken... I mean that would..."

"Yes?" When he saw that he wasn't going to respond Ken sighed. "Okay, fine." Pulling himself off the desk, he straddled Ran's legs looking into the startled violet eyes. "I love you." He whispered. "I adore you and I want you." The redhead opened his mouth to speak, unfortunately Ken felt this was a perfect time to kiss the older assassin. As the kiss continued, Ken could have sworn he had heard the door open, but Ran was just too delicious to ignore. After they pulled apart, he looked down at the man below him. "Did you hear something?"

"No..." He whispered.

"I'm glad I'm nothing... are you two done now?" Ken jumped out of the redhead's lap as Ran stood looking at his sister. "Hi!"

"Oh, hi... yeah what do you need?" She looked over at Ken who just nodded, walking out of the room.

"So this is what you're doing in your office, huh? You're lucky it was me and not, let's say, Persia?"

"What do you want?" He grumbled, sitting back down.

She pulled out a small envelope, handing it to him. "You're leaving tomorrow night instead of Wednesday morning." She answered. "Crashers has made it to the safe house in Kanazawa. They are waiting for you."

He nodded, looking at the information inside. "Anything else?"

"Persia wants you to come in to speak to her before you pick up the van." She answered, brushing back her hair. "I think it's something about you taking her place again." Her brother sighed. "You know she hates being the so-called Persia, anyway she always comes to you for advice. You might as well be running Kritiker."

"Aya..." She held up her hand defensively then shrugged as she left the office. Sighing, he set down the envelope, resting his head in his hands. 'How much more can I take before you break me?' He thought once again. 'How much more before I drown, before I destroy myself... just want to...'

It was too much, and in some ways it wasn't enough. Ken knew this and he also accepted this, he also could have killed Aya when she walked in on them. 'He was responding, and I could have had him... damn it!' Growling, he turned going down the hall to Ran's room. Aya had told him plans had changed, tonight would be the last night his lover was home. "Something is going to happen tonight, one way or the other!" He growled. 'I have loved him too long... I wanted him and he left, disappeared, and now I have him back. I'll be damned if I'm going to wait again!' Walking up to the door, he knocked waiting for the man to respond. After a moment the door opened, Ran looked up at him slightly confused.

"Hi, what's wrong?"

He could only frown. "What's wrong? You and I have to talk and that's what's wrong!" It was best if the redhead thought he was mad at him, Ran hated leaving things up in the air, especially if he wouldn't see Ken for a while after. He could see that Ran was startled, trying to figure out what he had done. 'Come on baby, it's not what you have done, it's what you haven't.' Placing a hand on the door, he sighed. "Can I come in?"

"Oh, yeah!" He stepped back, opening the door so Ken could enter. "I'm sorry... but I think I'm confused?"

The door closed as Ken turned, looking at him. "Confused?" He just nodded. "Oh, on what we need to talk about?"

"Yes."

"It's simple really... I'm frustrated and you're the cause of that." He answered, he could see the conflicting emotions in those jeweled eyes he loved so much. 'Poor Ran, he really is confused.' Ken decided to take pity on his lover's mind. "Remember earlier?" He asked. "I told you I wanted you! Did you think I wasn't serious?"

"I..." His back connected with the door as Ken ravaged his mouth, after a moment he lightened the kiss, nipping at his lower lip. Ran shuddered, his mouth opening to let the younger assassin in. Eyes fell closed as he was surrounded in the warmth and familiarity of this intimacy that they shared. Tanned hands worked their way down, pulling up the shirt Ran wore as the kiss broke. "Ken..."

Shaking his head, he nipped at the pale neck below him. "I love you and you drive me crazy." He whispered, once again wrapping his arms around the other man's waist. "We have to deal with this now Ran, tonight! I don't think I can wait till you come home to me."

"What?" He paused, he couldn't think... what did Ken mean? "I don't understand?"

The dark haired man couldn't help but growl in frustration. "You know what I mean Ran! This thing between us, this tension... I am going to explode if we don't do anything about it. We have to admit that there is something between us! I need to have you Ran, this is getting stupid!"

"Something between us..." The younger man nodded as he attacked the fastening on the redhead's pants. "Oh gods… Ack... Ken!" He jumped as a hand slid into his pants. "Woah, okay hold on... stop, wait!" Ken looked up, he could see that he was just as confused as Ran was. "Ken..."

Pulling away, Ken walked over to one of the opened windows, this gave Ran time for his thoughts to catch up to him. 'Sex... he wanted to sleep with me. Gods, I'm an idiot... okay, I knew it would come to this I just need to talk to him and everything should be fine.' He looked up, ready to say something when Ken turned.

"Did I do something?" He asked. "Is there something about me that... makes you not want me?"

"No, Ken it's nothing like that." Ran answered, walking up to him. "I'm sorry, this is all my fault, I didn't understand. There is nothing that could ever make me not want you."

Thinking for a moment, Ken nodded, once again wrapping his arms around the pale waist. "Then why won't you sleep with me?" He whispered, feeling unwanted and broken hearted.

"I do want to sleep with you."

Rich brown eyes looked up, seeing that he was speaking the truth. "Then you feel the same?" Ran smiled, nodding. "You want me?"

"Yes." Ken smiled, kissing his neck before meeting his eyes once again. "I need you Ran, I wasn't joking. I can't wait anymore... not when you're going away and you don't know when you will be back. I need you tonight, please."

He nodded, his lips brushing over his lovers. "Tonight." He breathed, kissing him.