X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Carpe Diem ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Xandra presents Carpe Diem, an X fanfiction featuring Sumeragi Subaru and Shirou Kamui.

Summary: Kamui decides to tell Subaru how he feels about him, and to his surprise, it seems to be mutual. This is a lemon which would never happen in canon but hey it's wistful thinking on my part. Written for the S/K mailing list challenge to mark Subaru's birthday on February 19.

Disclaimer: Clamp owns X and all its related characters. I'm just playing with them. No profit is made from this story.

Warning: This story features consensual sex between two males. It's definitely NC-17. If the idea offends you or if it is illegal to read something like this wherever you are, please do NOT read it. Consider yourself sufficiently warned.

Chapter 1

Shirou Kamui was about to give up in despair. His fellow Dragon of Heaven, Sumeragi Subaru was never going to notice any of the little signals he was sending out, but Kamui just didn't know how to express how he felt for him any clearer. Kamui thought that doing little things like asking Subaru to tie his tie or snatching hugs from him after a nightmare would be broad enough hints for getting him to move their relationship a little further along, but the man was just so oblivious! The sheer frustration of the situation had Kamui tearing at his hair.

Kamui sighed as he considered his options. One: he could continue the way they were going, trying to be content with the little gestures of caring from Subaru and generally behaving like a little brother to him, or, he could jump the man. Hmmm, option one was out. Kamui certainly didn't feel like a little brother to Subaru and he didn't want to be one. So that left door number two.

The problem was Kamui didn't even know where to begin. Any experience he had on that front was either painful or confusing. He was usually the one being hit on. Kamui winced when he thought of the way Fuuma had gotten off licking his neck while he was bound. No, that certainly wasn't the way he wanted to handle his relationship with Subaru. Although the thought of tying Subaru up with little red ribbons while kissing him silly certainly had its appeal.

Finally, Kamui decided on just telling the object of his affections the truth. Yes, he really should at least try that before giving up altogether. If Subaru still didn't want him, then he'd accept it, but Kamui wasn't a quitter. He was going to try his secret weapon first - large pitiful puppy dog eyes.

The decision reached, Kamui spent the next few days practicing his best melting glances in front of a mirror. After deciding he couldn't do any better, he began to lay in wait for his target. That, however, proved to be a bit harder than he expected.

Since they were both living together in a moderately nice house provided by the kind-hearted Imonoyama Nokoru at Clamp Campus, one would think they would have lots of opportunity for privacy. But no, Subaru was often out on jobs, and when they were together, there was always the company of the three other Seals in the house. Every time he tried to corner Subaru alone in a room, someone or other would wander in. Kamui was becoming exasperated by the apparently minuscule size of the place.

One afternoon, just as Kamui was concluding that this was a terrible idea, Subaru showed up by the doorway to his room. Jackpot! He thought, knowing that Sorata, Arashi and Yuzuriha were all out of the house that day. Kamui thought Subaru was too, but hey, he wasn't going to complain.

"Did you need me for something?" Kamui decided to open the conversation with the innocent question when he grew a little uncomfortable with Subaru just standing there, looking at him.

Subaru shook his head, a little startled as if coming back to himself after a particularly absorbing thought. He smiled one of his incredibly heart melting smiles at Kamui. "It's nothing much, I just came back and wondered if your sprain was better," he replied.

Oh. It took a moment before Kamui remembered what he was referring to. Kamui had used the "lame" excuse of a muscle sprain on his leg the other day to get Subaru to help him upstairs. That had been inspired, even if it was true. The muscles on Kamui's leg hadn't quite healed from being stabbed through by Fuuma, and often gave him some pain. Subaru had helped him upstairs but left as soon as he could, so it had been a wasted effort on Kamui's part to plot an opportunity for them to be together. Now he replied truthfully, "It's much better though I still feel a small pull. I can't seem to relax the tension." He frowned, and then ventured tentatively, "Could you help me rub some liniment on it?"

Subaru nodded and went to an adjourning bathroom and rummaged in the cabinet. He returned with a bottle of lotion. "Would this help?" he asked dubiously.

At Kamui's nod, Subaru crossed over to where the teenager was sitting on the bed. Settling down beside him, the onmyouji pointed at the leg inquiringly. Kamui obligingly shifted his calf onto Subaru's lap. Subaru slid the cloth of his sweatpants up and began to massage at the muscle.

"Oh," the small gasp flew out his mouth involuntarily. Kamui didn't know how much of this touching he could take before his desire became evident.

Subaru, hearing the sound, misinterpreted and asked anxiously, "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"Oh no, not at all, you're doing it just right," Kamui managed to say. He was hoping he could disguise his shortening breath for a little while longer. Then he thought, no time like the present, here was his opportunity to seize the day. He opened his liquid violet eyes as wide as he could and directed his best endearing look at Subaru, gazing at him hopefully.

The effect on Subaru was instantaneous. A small flush rose up Subaru's neck. Ah, so it worked, Kamui cheered internally. But wait, Subaru looked like he was about to bolt. Kamui wasn't having any of that. Time to engage plan B.

With a quick swing, Kamui brought his other leg up onto the bed and stretched it beside Subaru, effectively pinning him back against the headboard. "More comfortable that way," he murmured as if in explanation.

The Sumeragi's expression was a bit panicked. When Kamui remained looking harmlessly at him, he opted to interpret the young Seal's actions in the most innocent way possible.

After another short while of massaging, Kamui spoke up, "Should I take off my pants?"

Subaru, who had been studiously bending his head in concentration looked up in surprise. He blinked as the full force of Kamui's smoldering gaze fell upon him. Then, not being a total idiot, he realized exactly Kamui was trying. Conflict ruled for a moment, before he released a soft breath. "Kamui," he said quietly in protest, "We can't do this."

"Why not? Don't you like me? Is there something wrong with me?" Kamui demanded, all his insecurities spilling out in his questions. He was still giving Subaru his best beseeching look.

Subaru laid a gentle hand on Kamui's arm, his kind heart not wishing to hurt the young man, who had already undergone so much pain. "It's not you. Please, it's me. I can't take advantage of you," Subaru said resignedly.

"Of course you can! I... I feel very strongly for you." Kamui was too shy to use the L-word, though he hoped Subaru would understand.

Subaru stared at his beautiful leader, his head and his heart engaged in a battle of contrasting emotions. He was frozen in stalemate, unsure of what to do.

Kamui decided to just act and worry about the consequences later. With a quick motion, he leaned forward and captured Subaru's mouth in a kiss.

Subaru was caught by surprise and tried to back away, but the wall was behind him. For an instant, it seemed as if he was going to push Kamui away, but as Kamui applied pressure with his lips, Subaru melted. Almost helplessly, he surrendered to the temptation and closed his eyes, kissing Kamui back, in a deep, can't get enough of you, sort of kiss. Kamui's arms went around Subaru, almost clinging onto him desperately.

After what seemed an eternity, the two broke apart for air. Subaru eyes were glazed over. Deciding to press his advantage, Kamui said, "Will you love me?"

Subaru's lower lip quivered as he considered the situation. His good sense warred against his desire. "I wish I could..." he said regretfully, a pained look on his face. His heart was so damaged, he didn't know if he could ever feel for anyone the way he felt for Seishirou. But, an insidious voice told him that Kamui wouldn't want him to feel the same way.

Kamui brought a finger to Subaru's lips to stop his protests. The years of pain and hurt were etched into his fair features and Kamui's heart sorrowed for him. Then Kamui noticed something. Perhaps it was the way his eyebrows gently arched inward, or the way his expressive eyes gleamed. It was a look of longing. Could he possibly want this too, but was simply too hurt to ever think he could deserve another chance at happiness?

"I don't want you to feel for me the same way that you feel for... HIM," Kamui faltered, not wishing to bring up the person who he knew was responsible for damaging Subaru so terribly. In a rush, he tried to express how he felt, that he'd be willing to settle for second best, if that was all Subaru was able to give him. "It doesn't matter, I'd take whatever feeling you can spare for me."

"No!" Subaru exclaimed. He halted to get a grip on his turbulent feelings. In a softer tone he added, "Kamui, you deserve so much more." Subaru was dismayed at how little his friend prized himself. Didn't he know how precious the gift of his heart was? In that split instant, he made his decision. "If you really want, I'll try my absolute best to give you all of my heart."

The words brought a glow to Kamui's eyes. This was something out of his wildest dreams. "Oh Subaru," he exclaimed in joy. Lips met lips again in a crushing kiss. This second kiss was better, more of a voyage of exploration rather than a hurried affair. Kamui was sorry when it ended, but he really liked the way Subaru was planting little butterfly kisses down his neck to his shoulder.

With total trust, Kamui said, "I want my first time to be with you."

Subaru lifted his head from Kamui's neck to look into those violet eyes in astonishment. "Are you sure?"

"More than anything else in the world," he declared.

"What about Fuuma?"

Kamui winced internally, then decided to be honest. He had no secrets from Subaru. "I still want to save him. It's my fault that he's the Dragon of Earth. But, I can't give myself to him. Every time I'm with him, he hurts me. I just don't want to be hurt anymore, and I DO love you."

Subaru was gratified by Kamui's trust, but uncomfortable as well. Stuttering a little, he said with a growing blush, "Ka... Kamui... I don't know how to tell you this, but I haven't done this before either."

The admission caught Kamui totally off guard. "What!" the exclamation burst from his lips before he could stop it. "What about the Sakurazukamori?" Realizing what he just said, Kamui clapped a hand over his mouth as if that would retract his words. He didn't want to remind Subaru of his former love.

An endearing red blush washed across Subaru's cheeks. "I know what everyone thinks, but it's not true. We never did anything like THAT. At least, if we did do anything, I was unaware of it."

Oh. That put a new spin on things. A twenty-five year-old virgin. No wonder Subaru was so skittish whenever Kamui tried to make advances. "But you know how…" Kamui asked uncertainly, "right?" He hoped Subaru wasn't that much of an innocent. Kamui certainly wasn't. He learned enough at school and from fellow male conversations to be reasonably well informed on the how-tos of sex.

"Yes, in a general academic sort of way." Subaru looked shyly at Kamui, not sure how his admission would be taken.

"I'm very happy," Kamui said with a grin. "Shall we discover everything together?" Kamui slid forward, rubbing his crotch against Subaru's. The act brought a gasp from Subaru. Looking at him tenderly, the older Seal claimed Kamui's mouth once again, tongues reaching for each other playfully.

Kamui's hands slid up to unbutton Subaru's shirt, desperate to feel his skin. Subaru seemed eager to help him, shrugging off the material when all the buttons were off. Kamui pulled back and looked at his would-be lover. Lying there with his chest rising and falling rapidly, Subaru was beautiful. Kamui reached out a hand to touch that delicate fairness. As if echoing his thoughts, Subaru murmured, "You're beautiful."

Was he? Kamui blushed. He didn't think he was particularly pretty though he had enough compliments on his appearance. It was Subaru whose looks were ravishing. Unable to resist, Kamui sank his head down to lick one of Subaru's pink nipples. Again and again, he worked at it, licking and sucking until it hardened. The effect on Subaru pleased Kamui, as the onmyouji began to moan softly and arch closer into Kamui's mouth. He decided to spend some time on the other one as well, and moved his mouth over, but not wanting the first to feel deprived, kept his fingers rubbing and circling over it.

Hands tugging at his shoulders made him stop. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked puzzled.

"Oh no," groaned Subaru. "You're doing everything right. I just wanted things to be a little more fair." With that, he reached over and pulled up Kamui's T-shirt, removing it with a swift gesture. He then commenced kissing the back of his ear, alternately blowing and nibbling at the delicate skin there. Kamui shivered in reaction.

"I want to be yours," Subaru whispered into the delicate shell of Kamui's ear.

Kamui stiffened, aware of the gift Subaru was giving him. "And I am yours as well." The mutual declaration was the most liberating thing Kamui had ever experienced. All his life he had been alone and now he realized he wasn't. Here was someone with whom he could have an equal relationship, with whom he could share his heart and all his secrets. It wasn't like what he felt for Fuuma at all. Yes, the attraction was there but he always felt dominated and lost whenever they encountered. Fuuma overwhelmed him, while Subaru didn't. Subaru made him feel that he was a person important in his own right, not some mythical being who had to bear the fate of everyone on his shoulders. It felt good. Kamui slid his arms around Subaru, wordlessly hugging him and not ever wanting to let go.

In that special connected way, Subaru understood Kamui needed that comfort and held him for as long as he wanted. The warmth of the human contact relaxed Kamui. Slowly he began to rub a little up and down against Subaru. He could feel Subaru's desire hardening through the barrier of their clothes. The small smile on Subaru's face in response was enough to make Kamui bolder.

Getting off the bed, Kamui slowly began to peel away his pants, trying to make the strip as seductive as possible. He didn't do very well, not having had any practice before, but Subaru didn't appear to mind, his eyes widening as inch after inch of skin was revealed. Kamui's boxers were next, and for a moment, he stood there, letting his lover look at him. "Now your turn," he said as he reached forward to help Subaru.

Subaru was more than willing to let him, his breath shortening whenever their hands touched. Then as if it had been too long, his lips sought Kamui's again in a searing kiss. When it was over, Kamui was intrigued by the cryptic Mona Lisa-like smile on Subaru's face.

Kamui tilted his head in puzzlement, but Subaru wasn't going to share. However, he was content. It was just one of the aspects that fascinated him about the onmyouji. He knew Subaru's smiles were for him alone.

Now that they had reached the point of no return, Kamui was a little hesitant. He wasn't sure where to go from here. A little blush heightened the colour in his cheeks. He coughed uncertainly.

Subaru blinked, wondering what was the matter, then it hit home to him as well. He reached over to the lotion bottle on the side table and handed it to Kamui. "I think it'd be easier if we use this to stretch me," he said and leaned back.

"You... would let me be on top?" Kamui asked.

"I don't want you to be hurt, it's the least I can do for you," Subaru replied softly, spreading his legs around Kamui.

The trust Subaru showed was the most erotic thing Kamui had ever experienced. He quickly opened the jar and spread some of the lotion on his fingers. He caught his lover's lips again in a kiss while he slowly slid his finger inside him.

Despite bracing for it, Subaru gasped at the invasion. Kamui took the chance to thrust his tongue deeper into his mouth while his finger searched for the right spot within Subaru. He knew it had to be there somewhere. He angled his finger as he slid it in and out, the lubricant easing the way. Suddenly Subaru thrust his hips forward, and Kamui knew he had found it.

Carefully working a second finger in, Kamui continued stretching Subaru while trying to make this as pleasant as possible. Subaru had his eyes closed and was soon moaning, unconsciously moving in rhythm to Kamui's thrusting fingers. Subaru's hands crept down between them and began to tentatively touch Kamui length, softly stroking it in tandem.

Kamui didn't think he was going to be able to withstand the pumping much longer and pulled his fingers out. Subaru opened his eyes in disappointment. He smiled when he saw Kamui rubbing more lotion on himself.

"Are you ready?" Kamui really wanted him to be sure.

"Yes, I want you," Subaru said and hoisted his legs up higher over Kamui's shoulders, giving him full access.

Kamui pressed forward and entered heaven. The stretching had eased the way somewhat, but Subaru was still very tight. Slowly he inched forward, until he was seated fully inside him. He was hot and tight. Kamui had never felt such a wonderful sensation in his life before. He turned his head and kissed the smooth skin of Subaru's inner thigh. "Are you alright?"

Subaru nodded. It wasn't as bad as he had thought, uncomfortable, but there was a certain rightness to how Kamui fit within him. Kamui began to move, first slowly then harder, trying his best to hit the same place that had Subaru panting heavily earlier. It didn't take him long to succeed. Subaru's hands were soon reflexively clutching at Kamui's shoulders as he tried to bring him closer. The sounds of harsh breathing filled the room.

In and out, the thrusting took on a life of its own. Kamui's perceptions narrowed to focus entirely on the act. All he was dimly aware of was the need to get Subaru to climax first before he lost it. He reached a hand between them to rub at the head of Subaru's wet member. Then he began to move his hand up and down in time with his thrusts, urging his lover to greater heights of pleasure.

"Oh god, Kamui!" Subaru exclaimed and bit down on the back of one hand as he tried to stop himself from moaning too loudly. He rocked back and forth with Kamui. The friction from Kamui pumping at his shaft while his insides were being stimulated was too intense. He couldn't hold back his orgasm any longer.

The pleasure of having pushed Subaru to release overwhelmed Kamui as he felt the hot spurts of liquid splash between them. He groaned as Subaru's inner muscles clamped tightly on him as he continued pushing quickly in and out a few more times, before finally succumbing to his own climax.

Kamui collapsed half on top of his lover, too exhausted to try to move away. "That was incredible," Kamui said when he managed to find his voice again.

Subaru's arms went around him in a fierce hug. He put his chin on top of the smaller boy's head and stroked at his hair. "I'm glad it was you," he said earnestly.

As he lay there letting Subaru hold him while he drifted off to sleep, Kamui knew this moment was transient. Any future they might have together, hinged entirely on the outcome of the Promised Day. But, he knew that here was another person that he would now give anything to protect and he hoped he was up to the task.

~~~~~~

Author's Notes: In case you've not figured it out, this story takes place sometime during X 11 and before X 12. I took far too much time writing this story. It was harder than I thought, all that purple prose! But really, while I think Kamui and Subaru look incredibly good together, I'm dismayed that these two may never GET together, not if Clamp has anything to say about it. *cries over the X storyline* So this story is dedicated to all Kamui/Subaru fans out there who may like something to happen between them. And yes Kamui is seme. I do think that if there were ever anything to happen between these two, they'd be equal enough to take turns being seme. Also I think that in healthy relationships, the one on the bottom can often have a big part in controlling how things go, as I've tried to illustrate in this story. Carpe Diem is latin for "Seize the Day", an old adage made well known by famous poets like John Donne and Andrew Marvell. So anyone who liked this story please review. Does anyone want to read the sequel? I have a chapter 2 to this fic as well.

Credit goes to Krystalrose for beta-ing this fic. *sighs in satisfaction* Ah, there's nothing like getting an S/S fangirl to check out an S/K lemon. *snicker*

More of my writing can be found at: http://www.midnightrevolution.org/quicksilver/xandra/xandraindex.htm