X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Carpe Diem ❯ Chapter 2 ( Chapter 2 )

Xandra presents Carpe Diem, an X fanfiction featuring Sumeragi Subaru and Shirou Kamui.

Summary: Kamui decides to tell Subaru how he feels about him, and to his surprise, it seems to be mutual. This is a PWP lemon which would never happen in canon but hey it's wistful thinking on my part. Written for the S/K mailing list challenge to mark Subaru's birthday on February 19.

Disclaimer: Clamp owns X and all its related characters. I'm just playing with them.

Warning: This story features consensual sex between two males. It's definitely NC-17. If the idea offends you or if it is illegal to read something like this wherever you are, please do NOT read it. Consider yourself sufficiently warned.

Chapter 2

Sumeragi Subaru spent the next few days walking about in a daze. He still couldn't believe he had slept with Kamui. On the one hand, he felt incredibly guilty. He strongly believed he had taken advantage of the younger boy, despite the fact that Kamui had initiated the first move. On the other hand, he felt as if he was on top of the world. The sex had been so much better than he had expected, he didn't know why he hadn't done it before. Okay, he knew why -- he'd always been completely focused on work. Now, he was grateful that Kamui was his first. His fellow Ten no Ryuu was the only person with whom he had ever felt comfortable with, other than the kind veternarian Seishirou-san, and that person had been an illusion.

Subaru shook his head, trying hard to put the thought of his opposite from him. He wished he wasn't always thinking of Seishirou. It just wasn't fair. The man had been such a big part of his life, starting from when he was a nine-year old child under the Sakura tree. The marks on his hands proved that he would never be free of him. The only thing he could do now was try to be stronger and hope his hidden guilty wish didn't overwhelm him at the wrong time. Subaru knew his wish wasn't rational, but then there was no way to rationalize his deep conflicting feelings for Seishirou. He loved and hated him and had done so for so many years that the emotions now had the force of old habit. However, with his newfound desire for Kamui, he felt his heart being torn in two. How could he possibly feel love again?

So, it was that Subaru found himself skirting around trying to avoid Kamui while he sorted his confusion out. Unfortunately, he couldn't quite explain his conflict to Kamui and instead went about stubbornly pretending nothing was wrong, that nothing was changed. The problem was that Kamui was trying to get him alone to ask what they were going to do next. Since Subaru had no idea how to reply him, it meant Subaru had to be adroit in thinking up ways to get away from him.

Subaru hadn't realized how much this was hurting Kamui until one day, Sorata came upon him as he was preparing to leave the house for a job.

"Excuse me Subaru-san, can I talk to you for a moment?" Sorata said politely but in a determined tone that implied he was not going to let Subaru escape this conversation.

Subaru blinked at him with astonishment. Sorata hardly ever addressed him, and usually when he did so, it was in the context of a quip to Arashi about how fortunate he was to be a Dragon of Heaven, since they were all so pretty. Subaru tilted his head and patiently waited for him to continue.

"Have you and Kamui quarreled?" Sorata asked bluntly.

With extreme effort, Subaru stopped his mouth from gaping. The monk was more perceptive than he had given him credit for. Subaru shook his head in denial. "No, no, we haven't," he said, trying to assure him.

"Look, I don't know what's happening between the two of you, but I can see that you're dancing around each other in a way that you never did before. And I can tell Kamui is hurting." Sorata's expression was grim. He didn't like it when Kamui was hurt, and even if it was Subaru doing it, a man he respected immensely, Sorata wasn't going to back down.

Kamui was hurt? Subaru flushed guiltily. He hadn't realized that the teenager could have misinterpreted his need for a little time alone to sort his heart in order. Now that he was aware, he knew the poor boy had probably spent the last few days suffering and wondering what it was that he had done wrong. Subaru knew Kamui's low self esteem was probably working overtime. He heaved a deep sigh. There would be no avoiding it. "I'll talk to him later this evening," he said.

Sorata smiled sunnily. He clapped a hand on Subaru's shoulder, "Good, I'll take Neesan and Yuzuriha out to the movies. That way, the two of you can settle things properly."

Subaru flinched a bit at the familiarity. He wasn't used to people touching him. Then a strange thought flashed through his mind, what would Sorata say if he knew Subaru's problem was because he had enjoyed letting Kamui make love to him? Subaru gulped inwardly, knowing how protective the Kansai monk was of their leader. He definitely wasn't going to let him know about their changed relationship.

Subaru nodded and quickly left the house, his mind still in turmoil over what he was going to say to his friend.

A few hours later, Subaru cautiously returned to the house. Much as he'd like to avoid the issue, there was no putting it off. He could not intentionally let Kamui feel badly about himself. Firming his shoulders, he removed his shoes and called a soft 'tadaima'. The resulting silence puzzled him. Was there no one around at all?

The first and most obvious place to check was the kitchen. The Seals had worked out a system of leaving notes for each other on a little board in that room. The sounds in the kitchen proved there was indeed someone left in the house, the person he most wanted, and oddly enough, least wanted to see.

"Kamui," he called, alerting the young man to his presence.

Kamui swiveled around startled, dressed in what Subaru thought was the most adorable apron. "Subaru, you're back," Kamui said, stating the obvious. A host of expressions flittered across his face, from joy to uncertainty.

A surge of guilt overwhelmed Subaru for having put doubt in Kamui's heart. It was time to make amends. Walking over casually, he peered into the pot and asked, "Miso? Are the others joining us for dinner?"

"No. Sorata's treating the girls to a movie, but I didn't want to go, and since I thought you'd be coming back, I thought you'd like dinner..." Kamui's voice trailed away. He berated himself for acting like a skittish colt while in Subaru's presence.

Oh yes, Subaru remembered Sorata's good intentions in leaving them alone. "Looks good," Subaru replied with a reassuring smile. Standing so close to Kamui wasn't doing his peace of mind any good, so he said, "I'll just go get changed."

Dinner proved to be more of a strain than either of them had anticipated. Subaru knew he ought to be talking seriously to Kamui but he didn't know where to begin. He had never been very good at expressing his feelings; his one time confessing his love to Seishirou had been an unmitigated disaster. Okay, stop thinking about Seishirou. Subaru berated himself.

"That was very good," Subaru said when he finished. He watched a small flush rise up Kamui's cheeks at the compliment. He was simultaneously elated and dismayed to have the power to affect Kamui thusly. As he sat there staring at the young man, a desire to kiss him and make things better rushed through him.

Subaru clamped down hard on his unruly thoughts and moved to help clear the dishes away. For a short while, the two of them were at ease, the domesticity of the act so mundane and ordinary that it was impossible to be on edge with each other. When that was done, however, the silence grew tense again. Subaru concluded there would be no putting their talk off. "Kamui, can I talk to you?"

Kamui appeared startled that Subaru would want conversation with him. He had gone through a gamut of emotions following their intimacy before settling on regret. He regretted what he had done had changed their relationship. He really didn't want Subaru to run away from his life. Still, if Subaru wanted never to see him again, he would have to accept it. With a quailing heart, he said, "All right, come to my room?"

Subaru nodded. Looking at Kamui's morose expression, he tried his best not to look too grim and attempted a gentle smile at the teenager. He was simultaneously happy and remorseful when Kamui reacted with simple joy to his smile.

Subaru surveyed Kamui's small room on entering. He decided against seating himself on the bed. No, that may lead to a problem. That left the only other choice, a nice wide armchair. Subaru perched on the seat and said hesitantly, "I'm very sorry."

Kamui drew a silent breath at the apology. It was as he had feared, Subaru was sorry for having slept with him. Had it really been that bad for him?

Fortunately, Subaru looking at Kamui's crestfallen expression knew the boy had misinterpreted. "No, no, I'm not sorry we did what we did, I'm sorry that I've been avoiding you for the last week," he said quickly, holding out a hand in supplication.

Kamui came forward to take the hand. "But why have you been avoiding me?" he asked, truly puzzled.

Subaru sighed. "It's because I didn't know how to deal with my feelings. I felt so guilty for taking advantage of you. You don't deserve me. You should be with someone who'll be good for you." Now that his confession was out, Subaru felt so much better. Surely, Kamui would see the sense in it and agree he should try to find someone else, like that nice boy Keiichi, for example. He was so preoccupied with his relief that Kamui's explosion took him by surprise.

"YOU IDIOT!" Kamui uncharacteristically roared at him, all the tension and uncertainty built up over the week released in a sudden burst. "Why didn't you just tell me this earlier? Don't you understand, I don't want anyone else, I want YOU!"

Subaru was taken aback by his vehemence. "Why?"

"I don't know! Why does the heart feel so much for one person but not another? I don't know," Kamui said miserably. Then he added earnestly, "But Subaru, you don't have to feel guilty. What we have is special."

Subaru was unable to resist the appeal that Kamui directed his way. His heart melted. Kamui was right. What they had was special. He knew what they said about opposites attracting, but that sort of relationship was just plain uncomfortable. Subaru knew that all too well. What he had in common with Kamui was really so much better. Kamui was the one person that Subaru had felt comfortable with in all his acquaintance. Subaru felt an immense need to protect him, to make sure Kamui was never hurt. Was this love? Subaru didn't know. His experience was too limited.

Subaru came back to himself with a start when Kamui tentatively perched on his knee. It seemed Kamui had sensed his first thought to flee from the room and was tentatively trying to prevent him. When Subaru didn't push him away, Kamui gently slid a bit further down until he was sitting on his lap.

"Don't leave me," Kamui said in an appeal that encompassed the present and extended into the future until the end of time. With Subaru's support, he knew he could do anything. But, he also knew his friend had been hurt badly in the past, just as badly as he was hurt by his own guilt over his choice to be a Dragon of Heaven. With both of them so injured, Kamui wondered if they would ever be able to heal and be whole.

Sympathy flickered in Subaru's green eyes. He understood that Kamui was deathly afraid of being abandoned. All the important people in his life had left him, from his mother to Kotori to Fuuma. In a way, his presence was a balm to Kamui's injured psyche and he would do his best not to wound him further if he could help it. If it meant staying with him in the here and now, then he would do it. But what of the future? Subaru shied away from thinking of it. Wondering what he was committing himself to, Subaru said softly, "I'll try never to leave you, but I don't know if I can promise forever." He enfolded his arms around Kamui, holding him close.

Kamui leaned into the intimacy. If that was all he was able to get from Subaru, then he would have to accept it and be content. It was nice to be held, to be wanted without any expectations of his status as the Kamui.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you. Forgive me?" Subaru asked, all contrite.

"I can never blame you for anything," Kamui murmured, his head resting comfortably on Subaru's shoulder.

The two sat, taking comfort from each other's nearness and warmth. Suddenly a thought struck Kamui. "Just think of all the time we wasted while you angsted needlessly," he grumbled.

Subaru had the grace to look ashamed. "Hmmm, what can I do to make things up to you?" Subaru asked.

Kamui shifted a bit on Subaru's lap. He could tell his friend was thinking of leaving him to his lonely bed tonight. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Stay with me tonight."

Subaru considered his request for a moment, trying to be certain that this was what Kamui really wanted. Then he nodded and leaned forward to kiss Kamui.

The kiss that followed was even more sweet for the fact that they hadn't done this in a week. Kamui suppressed a tiny moan that was threatening to escape from his lips. "That's a very good start," he said.

Subaru thought hazily that making up certainly had its merits. Taking a firm hold of the smaller boy, Subaru hefted him up and staggered over to the bed before plopping him down on the soft mattress. Lips met again in a searing lock. Subaru's fingers were surprisingly nimble as they began to undo the buttons on Kamui's shirt.

The shirt was quickly removed and Kamui felt Subaru's hands slide down his naked torso to slip into his jeans. Kamui groaned audibly. The form fitting clothing was now definitely too tight for him. He fumbled at the fly button and quickly slid out of the article of clothing.

A whole week of having kept his libido under wraps was now having a rather profound effect on Kamui. He wanted Subaru and he wanted him now. Anxious fingers came around and began to unbutton the fastening on Subaru's top. But his hands were batted away and Subaru moved back.

Subaru began to unfasten his shirt very slowly, all the while drinking in the sight of Kamui lying back on the bed, violet eyes heavy with passion. Kamui's hands, now unoccupied, shyly slid down his abdomen, down to his rapidly hardening member. Subaru's eyes widened as Kamui began to rub himself sensuously.

Kamui almost laughed aloud at the poleaxed look on Subaru's face. Slowly, carefully, he began to play with himself, trying to gauge the effect on Subaru. Ah, he could tell Subaru was definitely turned on.

Subaru sat back on his heels to enjoy the sight. He couldn't believe Kamui was capable of being such a tease. His body tightened to almost the point of pain as he watched Kamui. The boy was getting more and more aroused as his hand began to pump his shaft. Then Kamui stopped and looked at Subaru questioningly.

"Don't stop Kamui," Subaru gasped. "Come for me, I want to see you come. God, I can't believe how much I want you..."

Subaru's encouraging words were all that Kamui needed. He closed his eyes and began to bring himself to the edge. He could hear Subaru's breath quickening along with his, but it soon didn't matter, so lost was he in his pleasure. "Subaru, I'm going to..." he all but cried out as his orgasm washed over him. Even as it hit, he felt Subaru taking him in his arms and claiming his mouth in a devouring kiss. His hips thrust up against Subaru, rubbing against the hard evidence of his lover's desire in a final effort to prolong his pleasure.

It took a while for Kamui's eyes to flutter open to meet a pair of intense green ones gazing intently back at him.

"Do you know you're the most erotic creature that I've ever had the good luck to meet?" Subaru whispered.

Kamui smiled lazily. "I'd say the same for you."

Subaru's hands were wandering all over Kamui's currently oversensitive body. He smiled when Kamui began to make little gasping sounds, his head thrown back as he called Subaru's name throatily.

"What are you doing Subaru? I can't... yet...." Kamui broke off as Subaru's hand came between them to grasp his rapidly hardening arousal. "No, no, I want you in me this time."

Subaru was caught off guard. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, absolutely. I want you to feel what I felt the other day. It was wonderful your gift to me. Now I want to do it for you too," he declared.

"It was wonderful for me too," Subaru replied. His hands ghosted over Kamui's skin, trying to remember all the spots where he was sensitive. It appeared that his memory was good because he soon had Kamui moaning and squirming against him.

"Kamui, do you have anything I can use?" Subaru asked, remembering the need for that little essential detail that would make things easier and better.

Kamui was barely able to nod before reaching over to a side drawer and fumbling through it. He dropped a large tube of moisturizing cream onto the bed. "We ought to thank Imonoyama-san for stocking our rooms so well," he said with a mischievous grin.

Subaru's answering smile brought a shiver down Kamui's back. It simply promised a world of wicked pleasure. Kamui didn't think he had ever seen Subaru smile like this before, totally free and unrestrained.

Subaru leaned forward and kissed Kamui on the forehead while gently easing a slicked finger into him. He could feel the young Dragon of Heaven opening his legs wider as he sought to relax from the unfamiliar sensation. A second finger soon followed and Subaru tried a scissoring motion. Kamui's panting gasps informed him that he was doing something right.

Kamui reached up to tug at Subaru's arms. "Enough," he panted, "I want you now!"

Only too happy to oblige, Subaru brought his hands to hold Kamui's hips still, while he slathered more cream on himself. Carefully, he pressed forward, trying to gauge if he was hurting his lover.

Kamui wasn't having any of that, he felt too urgent to allow Subaru to take things slowly. With a firm push down, he seated himself to the hilt, a small cry bursting from his lips at the sensation of painful stretching.

"Why did you do that?" Subaru asked unhappily as a small tear slid from the corner of his lover's eye.

"I want... I want you!" Kamui replied hoarsely. "Now move," he ordered even as he began to push himself against Subaru to get the motion that he craved.

Subaru hoisted Kamui's legs up around his waist and did as he was told. It was hard to concentrate on anything except pleasuring his partner. Being on top was different, it was wonderful to feel Kamui accepting him and being the one who was driving him wild. "Open your eyes Kamui, I want to see your eyes," Subaru asked breathlessly.

With an effort, the younger man opened his eyes wide to direct an intense lavender gaze into Subaru's brilliant green orbs. In them, Subaru found his passion reflected back at him, and it was the most incredible emotion he had ever experienced.

Subaru soon developed an easy rhythm, rocking harder and harder against Kamui. Every thrust was met with equal fervor. Wanting to heighten the sensation for Kamui, Subaru brought his hand down and began to gently stroke Kamui's hardness in rhythm. He was amused to see Kamui bite down on a corner of his lip at his surprise over how good it felt. Subaru leaned forward to plant little kisses down his enticing neck. Suddenly a sharp pain at the curve of his neck and shoulder alerted him to Kamui repaying him for his teasing. "You bit me," Subaru gasped, astonished.

"I'm going to so enjoy seeing you with a mark tomorrow and know that I put it there," Kamui whispered in a seductively low voice into Subaru's ear.

Subaru merely laughed throatily. He was rather pleased by how responsive Kamui was. The younger man was now clutching at him wildly as he neared his climax, all the while encouraging Subaru to speed up his movement. Subaru could practically hear the throbbing pulse of Kamui's heart; he was so close to him. With a loud cry, Kamui stiffened and reached the pinnacle of his pleasure. The thought of having brought Kamui to gratification sent Subaru to join him over the edge as well.

It was a long while before any of them spoke. Little tremors were still running through Subaru when he heard Kamui say softly, "You're not going to make me wait for another week while you feel guilty before we do this again, I hope?"

Subaru had the grace to look sheepish as he apologized, "No. I'm glad you're so understanding." With one hand, he turned Kamui's face to his and kissed him. Subaru slipped himself out of Kamui and pulled his lover into a spooning embrace before slipping into a pleasant slumber. Whatever the future held didn't matter in that moment. They were two people sharing something special, and Subaru knew, nothing would ever take that away from them, not even death or the Promised day.

~~~~~

Notes: Yes I know the ending sucks! But this is a PWP! There is no plot! Okay I've worked out all my desire to write S/K lemons with this chapter, so this is it as far as my solo efforts to get this pairing together. I will of course be writing lemons for Paradigm Shift since Aishuu and I have just about promised everyone that we would do it. Erm, I see Kamui as a tease and very aggressive here, which he can be even if he's on the bottom. Hope neither of them was wildly out of character. Much appreciation goes to MD for offering the suggestion of making Subaru more skittish and Kamui perch on his lap and the cuddling scene in the earlier part of the lemon. Also thanks goes to Krystalrose for being my grammar-nazi.

Thanks for reading. If you liked this story, I'd appreciate it if you told me. More of my fanfics can be found here: http://www.midnightrevolution.org/quicksilver/xandra/xandraindex.htm