X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Ten Reasons to Love Somebody ❯ In Sickness and in Health ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: If X/1999 and TB were mine, I wouldn't have all those restraining orders from CLAMP…

 

Ten Reasons to Love Somebody

 

III. In Sickness and in Health

 

Subaru lied doubled over on the couch of his apartment coughing miserably. The back of his throat burned with every rasping breath he tried to take in while he fought down shivers in his veins. Somewhere between his moaning and coughing, he cursed himself for wandering out in the rain the other day and spending hours more out there trembling in the cold, trying to find his way home after running out of the diner.

 

To make matters worse, he had received a fax the night before requesting an exorcism this afternoon. But when he awoke, his body was even more dizzy and drained. He could not make it past the front door without collapsing. It was clear that it was now impossible for him to perform his family duties, much less those of the Ten no Ryu in the state which he had reduced himself. Inevitably, when he recovered, he would have both his grandmother and his fellow Seals to confront.

 

If I recover, he mused with a bitter smile.

 

He did not know why he neglected his health to the extent he had or why he regarded that last thought with such eagerness. What would it be like to crumple under the weight of an illness—to fall asleep and never wake up? In his heart there was a searing desire for everything to end, but only Seishirou could give him death. He knew that the Sakurazukamori was the only man who could kill him, and that was exactly what he wished for.

 

But for some reason, Seishirou would not give him even this. He was being played with, and he hated Seishirou for it.

 

As Subaru curled up on the couch, he came to the conclusion that nothing else mattered. He did not care if he was strong and healthy anymore. Seishirou was the beginning and the end for him so that until that end, he was drifting. And he despised Seishirou above all for this.

 

Subaru cringed against a dull ache that pounded in his head whenever he coughed. With another pathetic moan, he rolled onto his back and stared up at the pale ceiling. It should have been a blank, white color, but as he gazed, he saw spots dancing before his eyes. He whimpered to himself; on top of everything else, he could not have been going delirious. Yet when he blinked, the vibrant dots swirled together into a face that smirked back at him with an all too familiar grin.

 

“I warned you, didn't I?” Seishirou scolded with obvious amusement. “I told you that you would become sick if you kept neglecting yourself, Subaru-kun.”

 

He groaned. “No…not you. Not now…”

 

Seishirou leaned over him. “Yes, me.”

 

“How did you get in?” he demanded.

 

“The front door was open. You weren't trying to go somewhere in your condition, were you?” Subaru said nothing, and he sighed disapprovingly. “It seems it was good that I decided to visit today. I would hate to think of what would have happened to my Subaru-kun if I had come a day later.”

 

Subaru turned away from him. “Leave me alone. Can't you see that I'm not well enough to be played with?”

 

Seishirou toyed with a few tufts of dark hair. “I wouldn't say that. It might be amusing to take advantage of you when you're so vulnerable.”

 

He felt his stomach lurch. “You're shameless.”

 

“Perhaps,” he snickered while sitting beside him on the edge of the couch. “But all I merely said was how I would enjoy taking advantage of you, Subaru-kun. Like this.” He snatched the Sumeragi into his arms and stood.

 

Dread washed over Subaru, especially when he realized that he was being carried to his bedroom. Panic set in, and he struggled against those resolute arms. “No, let me go! Don't you dare touch me!” he cried frantically.

 

“Now, Subaru-kun, don't be difficult,” warned Seishirou. He calmly crossed into the bedroom and laid the screaming onmyouji over the bed. Yet much to Subaru's astonishment, Seishirou gently pulled the sheets over his waist. “All of that shouting can't be good for your poor throat.”

 

He looked up at him with bemusement and relief. “S-Seishirou-san? What are you—?” he shuddered upon feeling a hand pressed over his forehead.

 

“Just as I thought,” remarked Seishirou. “You're burning. How long have you had that fever?”

 

Subaru glared back, seeing through that concerned facade. He bitterly pushed away Seishirou's hand, and fought to get out of bed despite how lightheaded he felt doing it. “I can take care of myself.”

 

Seishirou pressed him back down to the mattress. “No, you can't, Subaru-kun. Or else you would not have become sick in the first place.”

 

Subaru squirmed beneath his weight. “Get off me!”

 

He disregarded the onmyouji's protests. “So I will have to take care of you. You will stay in bed and try to rest. Now you can do that of your own will, or I can tie your wrists to the bedpost. As much fun as the latter sounds, I am sure that you would prefer to recover with some dignity.”

 

Subaru stopped fighting against him, but shot him a look of disdain. Seishirou was the reason that he had done this to himself in the first place, and now that he was helpless, he was only being further humiliated.

 

When he was certain that Subaru was no longer going to try anything foolish, Seishirou rose, and re-covered him with the bed sheets. “Good. Now why don't you relax while I make something for you to eat?”

 

Subaru held in another furious outburst. Relax!? How could he possibly relax while the man who was supposed to kill him was instead nursing him? How was he going to be able to go to sleep with Seishirou close by, capable of doing God knows what while he was unconscious? He buried his head into a pillow and groaned, but was nevertheless relieved when Seishirou stepped out of his bedroom. With the other man gone, he curled himself into a tight ball, resenting himself and Seishirou more with every passing moment. If his throat was not so sore, he would have screamed into that pillow.

 

Meanwhile, Seishirou frowned at the sparse cupboards in the kitchen. Obviously, Subaru had not eaten a full meal in quite a while, which only fueled his decline. He wondered what force drove him to waste away so rapidly. It was one of many things he did not understand about his prey, and it irritated him. He wanted to know all of him so that the Sumeragi could always belong to him in mind and soul.

 

Yet beyond every other reason, he was fascinated with Subaru. He had been ever since that morning in the park, and each and every reaction he provoked from his prey intrigued him more so that he desired to get even closer. And now that Subaru was too weak to shun him away, he had his chance.

 

After rummaging through every corner of the kitchen, he was able to make a bowl of miso soup and rice. That was only half the challenge, however, and he was curious how difficult it would be to have Subaru, who clearly had no will to eat, to finish it all. He smiled, almost eager to see how he might react. As he neared the bedroom carrying the two bowls, he could hear Subaru caught in a coughing attack.

 

“I suppose you wouldn't have any medicine to rid yourself of that nasty cough,” he said at the doorway.

 

Subaru twisted around to gaze at him begrudgingly.

 

“No matter. I'll be sure to stay by my Subaru-kun until he's well.” As he approached the bedside, he was sure that he heard the Sumeragi muttering something less-than-friendly, but chose to ignore it. “I made you some soup. It would be good for you to eat; you must be starving.” Without waiting for a reply, he pulled Subaru into a sitting position and handed him the bowl.

 

Subaru fixed his eyes over the roiling liquid suspiciously. He then glanced up at Seishirou, who was expectantly waiting for him to eat. The scent wafting through the air sent a dull ache of hunger rushing back within him. His fingers reluctantly took hold of the spoon.

 

“I must be,” he answered back softly.

 

The warming breath of the soup suddenly made his head spin, and he realized that he had spoken the truth, not knowing the last time he had eaten. Yet when he lifted the spoon from the bowl, he found that his hand tremored so much that it was impossible to bring the soup to his lips. He sighed, replaced the spoon, and averted his eyes from Seishirou.

 

He was taken aback when he felt the other man's weight on the mattress. Seishirou shook his head while taking the bowl from him. He lightly stirred the soup. “Poor Subaru-kun.”

 

Subaru glowered and opened his mouth to reply, but before words could come out, Seishirou strategically placed the spoon between his lips. He blinked in surprise as the warm broth trickled down his throat.

 

He pulled away resentfully. “Seishirou-san, what are you doing!?”

 

“Feeding you,” he answered back. “Now open your mouth, Subaru-kun.”

 

He warily kept his jaw locked, and his first impulse was to knock away the spoon or perhaps spill the bowl over Seishirou for intending to degrade him like this. Yet Seishirou lost his grin when he said those words, and he was hesitant to do anything.

 

“Subaru-kun, the soup is getting cold,” prompted Seishirou.

 

In spite of himself, Subaru pressed down his misgivings that this was another cruel game, and he silently obeyed. He was somewhat startled when Seishirou placed his hand over the small of his back, but his muscles slowly relaxed as he was carefully fed spoonful after spoonful until the bowl was empty.

 

Seishirou then took the second bowl filled with rice and a pair of chopsticks. “Now you need to eat something more substantial.” He paused, watching Subaru finish another coughing fit. “Are you feeling any stronger, or would you like me to feed you this as well?”

 

Subaru did not answer right away, instead searching Seishirou's mismatched eyes for the answer to a question that had been burning in the back of his mind. At last he forced it out to the surface. “Why are you doing this?”

 

“You already know the answer.”

 

Subaru frowned. “Because I can only die at your hands?”

 

“Correct.”

 

“Because I…I `belong' to you…”

 

“Also correct.”

 

He sighed. “But if that's so, then it can't be very enjoyable for you. You can't toy with me when I'm sick.”

 

Seishirou leered. “Always so considerate. But I told you already: you will always be mine to play with. In sickness and in health, Subaru-kun.”

 

He looked down, neither angry nor sad. “In sickness or in health,” he repeated before opening his mouth to allow Seishirou finish feeding him.

 

Soon after he had eaten, Subaru no longer felt so disoriented, but his fever still held fast. When he lied back down to rest, he found it impossible to fall asleep. Chills ran in and out of his bloodstream, but as much as he wrapped himself in the blankets, he could not keep warm. The best that he could do was slip into a quasi-dream world where his body was so exhausted that it could hardly move, dragging his mind down with it. He remained very much awake, but his state of mind was lapsing into delirium.

 

It was because of this that he did not notice Seishirou was sitting on the bed, hovering over him, until he felt fingers brushing at his messy hair. “Is there something wrong, Subaru-kun?”

 

“I'm…cold,” he confessed wearily.

 

“I see.” Seishirou slipped beneath the covers with him, and wrapped an arm over his waist. “Is that better?”

 

A plaintive whimper was the only sound of protest Subaru was able to make while trying to shift away. However, he was too weak, too drained, to so much as push at Seishirou. If the fever did not keep his face crimson, he would have been sure that he was blushing. He was surprised, however, how warm he now felt with Seishirou holding him.

 

“It really was fortunate that I came when I did. Or else it might have been too late.” He emphasized a second time.

 

“And what…would you have done…if it was too late?”

 

“Naturally, I would have been upset to lose something of value.”

 

Subaru opened his eyes lazily, daring to hope. “Which is?”

 

“A good deal of fun.” As he said this, he expected the Sumeragi to flinch with pain or perhaps curse at him, but instead was surprised to see that Subaru was in danger of laughing. He blinked; Subaru was no doubt growing delirious. He stroked the onmyouji's back. “What's so funny?”

 

“I think…I'm hallucinating. That this may all be a dream,” he answered sleepily.

 

He was definitely delirious. “Then is it a good dream, Subaru-kun?”

 

Subaru lightly smiled. “I don't know yet…I haven't seen the end…but maybe it's better if I don't.” He burrowed his head into the pillow. “No, I don't want to see the end.”

 

“Why is that?” Seishirou queried, but when he received no answer, he concluded that Subaru was finally asleep. Their conversation had been senseless anyway, he told himself, but at that moment he was so curious for an answer that he contemplated waking Subaru up.

 

Disappointed, he contented himself with watching Subaru's frame rising and falling as he dreamt. All dreams had to surrender to time; it was inevitable.

 

He remained staring at his delicate prey, as if by observing long enough, he might understand all the things he could not about Subaru.

 

He watched for hours.