X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Ten Reasons to Love Somebody ❯ Break ( Chapter 9 )

Disclaimer: If X/1999 and TB were mine I wouldn't have all those restraining orders from CLAMP…

 

Ten Reasons to Love Somebody

 

IX. Break

 

Subaru glanced from a scratched and crumpled paper into Kamui's frustrated expression. “You forgot to carry the five.”

 

The boy buried his lavender eyes in his hands. “You're kidding,” he groaned.

 

With a light smile, he handed back Kamui's statistics homework, which was received with an irritated frown. As Kamui scribbled over the paper, Subaru turned his eyes to the large, shadowy bird that perched itself on one of the overlooking trees. With intrigue, the creature innocently bobbed its head back and forth, keeping him entertained as Kamui worked. He had become so engrossed with the bird's spectacle that, minutes later, he had not realized that Kamui was speaking to him.

 

“Subaru? Are you with me?”

 

He tore his gaze away from the tree. “I'm sorry—what, what was it that you were saying?”

 

Kamui sighed. “You've really been distracted today. You're sure that everything is alright?”

 

“Yes, of course. There is nothing for you to worry about, Kamui,” Subaru replied.

 

“I wouldn't if it was just that you were distracted…I don't know what it is, but you seem different, Subaru.”

 

He did not know why the conversation was beginning to unsettle him. “Different?”

 

“You look different. It isn't just that your hair is longer than before, I mean…you don't look so pale anymore. Like you've been sleeping better and eating better. And you haven't smoked once since we started.” Kamui smiled at him, although his eyes glittered with concern. “I'm not the only one who's noticed, either. Everyone's saying how great it is that you're healthier.”

 

It was the first time that Subaru had noticed how true this was. Each night that Seishirou came, he made sure that he had eaten something before guiding him to the bedroom. In the other man's arms, he slept with no nightmares or haunting memories. He no longer spent his evenings alone, brooding in his own thoughts while incessantly smoking. In fact, the cravings for tobacco had grown fewer lately.

 

All of this he ignored; it did not seem to make any difference to him as he lived night to night under the Sakurazukamori's spell. Yet everything that was happening was Seishirou's doing, and Subaru could not but wonder if the other man knew that he was becoming healthier and stronger.

 

Regardless of the answer, Subaru tried to reassure Kamui. “Is my change in health worrying you?”

 

He shook his head. “N-no! We all think it's wonderful. It's just that…all of this happened after that night at Sunshine 60—when you disappeared.” Subaru made an effort to say something, but Kamui interjected. “No. I won't ask you for the truth of what happened. But Subaru…when Fuuma was about to blind you, I saw the sakura petals. I knew they were his.”

 

Subaru's eyes widened. “K-Kamui, you saw—”

 

“I won't ask about that, either. I'm only worried that you might be changing, and not in a good way. That everything that's happened is shaping you into a different person.” Kamui averted his eyes. “I don't want that to happen, Subaru. Because I…”

 

As he trailed away, a distant bell chimed over the campus, indicating that the period had ended. Kamui sighed and began to gather his books. “Subaru…just please, stay with us…” He walked away without another word, leaving the onmyouji in bemused silence.

 

He cast his gaze back over the bird, which was ruffling its feathers in the wind. He stood up from the table, and after making certain that Kamui was out of sight, he held out his arm to the tree.

 

The dark bird cawed, and a second later, it had swooped down and fluttered to his offered arm. Its talons sunk deep into Subaru's flesh, yet it did not bruise him or draw blood. He resettled himself back under the veranda and looked at the creature inquisitively.

 

“Do you think that I am changing?”

 

Its single onyx eye blinked at him, and it cawed a second time. From the trees, dozens of lesser birds, no more than ravens, flocked together over them. Subaru watched without surprise as they melded with the shikigami perched on his arm into a familiar black shadow. The afternoon sunlight chiseled out detailed features into the silhouette until Seishirou was sitting beside him.

 

He smirked at him. “Change can be pleasant,” he said, repeating those words from their encounter at Ueno Park long ago. He studied the Sumeragi behind his sunglasses. “Although, for all his inane whining, the little brat had one thing right.”

 

Subaru cringed at the word `brat,' but nevertheless looked at him. “Which is?”

 

Seishirou ran the tips of his fingers through Subaru's silky hair. “You never did have this cut as you said. I do love it when you listen to my advice.”

 

He pushed away the hand, in no mood to be ridiculed. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

 

His arm slithered around Subaru's waist. “Now that's a superfluous question.” He bent forward and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead.

 

Subaru broke away and indignantly glowered against his faint blush. There was no one nearby, but they were nevertheless in public. He tried to wriggle free of Seishirou. “Get your hands off me! A few hours from now you—”

 

Seishirou closed his other arm around him and pulled Subaru into his lap. “I'm an impatient man.”

 

His face was now scarlet, and he fought harder to escape. “I'm serious! Stop it right now before I—” He was cut short by a long, open-mouthed kiss. Subaru attempted to struggle, but he was firmly held in place.

 

When Seishirou had finished tasting that sumptuous mouth, he smiled at his prey's exasperated face. “Why should I?” he purred with every intention to continue.

 

Unable to break free from Seishirou's lap, Subaru managed to keep him at bay by pushing back his shoulders. “Because we're at a school! And—Seishirou-san!” His patience had run out when, unsatisfied with the answer, Seishirou began unbuttoning the front of his shirt.

 

“And this will need to come off.”

 

However, when the assassin made a move to expose more skin past Subaru's collarbone, he felt a sharp and heavy blow sink into his chest. Subaru was in fact becoming stronger; that single punch had the potential to leave a bruise. He beamed at those irritated green eyes that narrowed in on him with warning. There was humiliation intermingled with frustration in Subaru's expression; if only that had been enough.

 

Despite the surprise and discomfort Seishirou experienced from the attack, he kept his hands fixed on the Sumeragi's shirt. With a quick tug, he split it down the front as buttons flew to the stone floor under his sudden use of force.

 

Subaru gasped at finding his torso exposed. “I-I said stop!” he cried.

 

Seishirou's expression did not waver, and he ran one of his cold hands down the naked skin. “I know.”

 

He bit back a whimper, and his pulse raced against Seishirou's fondling. His resolve was cracking, and a guilty part of him wanted to arch into that touch. Nevertheless, Subaru remembered to maintain his dignity above all else under that veranda. With little recourse, he tried to deliver a much harder blow to the side of Seishirou's face to show him that he was serious.

 

The Sakurazukamori effortlessly caught the fist before it could even graze his cheek. “Violence doesn't become you, Subaru-kun.” Despite his prey's incensed objections, he brought the ensnared hand to his lips and kissed the back of Subaru's hand. He smiled at the inverted pentagram that burned against the Sumeragi's pale skin. “My Subaru-kun.”

 

Without waiting for him to begin a new wave of protests, Seishirou lifted him by the waist and roughly pinned him to the stone table.

 

“No!” screamed Subaru as he felt the assassin's weight settle over him. He feebly raised his free hand over Seishirou's before he could be touched.

 

Seishirou watched that expression shift from irritated to furious at his show of force. Every reaction from the onmyouji he could see before he provoked the emotional response from him. His eye turned to their interlocked fingers.

 

“I believe it was this hand…I'm not sure, it has been nine years, after all…”

 

Subaru momentarily quieted in his struggle. “W-what…?”

 

He pretended to ignore him. “Yes…I am certain that it was my right hand…the hand that you are holding now, Subaru-kun, that I drove through your sister's heart.”

 

The words sent ice water swimming through his bloodstream, and Subaru's eyes welled with emotion. He released Seishirou's wrist as if he had been holding fire. As he stared into Seishirou's forbidding sunglasses, he felt his heartbeat coming to a dead halt.

 

Not quite satisfied with the reaction, Seishirou seized both of the Sumeragi's hands and trapped them over his head. “This hand spilt her blood and ended her life.” He slowly traced his palm over the quivering chest until it rested over Subaru's heart. “Right here.”

 

Tears spilt unbidden from the corners of his eyes. “W-why—why are you doing this!?” Subaru fought to shrink away, but Seishirou held him trapped against the table, powerless as that same hand continued to brush at his exposed chest.

 

Acid was being dripped over his skin at each caress, and he could almost feel his torso being ripped apart and his heart eaten from the inside out. Of all the words, all of the half-truths and lies Seishirou had ever said, this was the frozen dagger that pierced his spirit. This was the reality from which he could not escape, and it was more tormenting than ever because it was Seishirou who was speaking it.

 

The man touching him murdered his twin sister. He took everything from him that was ever worth living for, and in spite of that, his fingers drove desire and lust deep inside. Subaru wanted to scream. He wanted to tear himself to pieces. But all he could do was stare back through hot tears at Seishirou's mask. The Sakurazukamori had not even bothered to remove his sunglasses, to even look on him with his own eyes.

 

The assassin noted how Subaru's skin tightened and shivered under his touch. “Subaru-kun,” he began coldly. “How does it feel to be pleasured by the same hand that destroyed what was dearest to you?” His fingers edged closer to the Sumeragi's waistline.

 

But Subaru could stand no more. Agony bred forgotten hate, which he could not contain in his trembling body. Before Seishirou could degrade him any further, his eyes smoldered up at him.

 

“Damn you…damn you!” His knee shot up against Seishirou's stomach. No sooner had he made contact did the hold on his wrists loosen.

 

Subaru never waited to study the effect his attack had on his nemesis. He had already rolled away, and from his back pocket, he sent ofuda hurling at Seishirou.

 

Seishirou smirked, and before the spell could hit him, he dissolved into a flock of birds. In the blink of an eye, he was gone.

 

Subaru fell to the ground, shaking in fury. His thoughts went dead, buried under the weight of such raw emotion. He felt everything all at the same time.

 

He could not breathe, and he was dizzy as he rose back to his feet. But he knew that he would only be too fortunate if he could suffocate at that very moment. He was drowning in a white blur.

 

At some instants, he was running faster than his legs could carry him, clutching together the opening in his shirt with disgrace. At others he was laying against the earth, trying to sink into hell itself, for only its fires could overcome his rage. Near the end, all recognition had dissolved from him, leaving only a vague consciousness quivering in fear, sorrow, and guilt.

 

Subaru somehow found himself walking into his apartment. However, only seconds after he had crossed into the doorway did he hear the telephone ringing down the hall in his bedroom. The sound beckoned him forward, although he felt as though he was floating rather than walking.

 

When he entered, the recording had clicked on. “Please leave a message after the tone.”

 

He looked down at the device as the red light flashed and a voice called for him. “Subaru-san. It's been over a week. The family is waiting to hear your decision—we must arrange your marriage as soon as time allows. The importance of an heir is…”

 

His grandmother's voice faded in and out with him. He felt a burning pressure massing against his temples as he heard her voice remonstrating him.

 

“…for goodness sake, Subaru-san! Answer the phone! Have you forgotten your responsibilities as the head of this family? We rely on you for our future!”

 

Something finally burst apart everything that held Subaru together. He could feel his blood simmering within while his knuckles turned ashen. Before he could hear another word, Subaru ripped the machine out of the wall. With a growl, he threw it to the other side of the room and watched as it shattered into unidentifiable fragments.

 

His legs gave out, and he fell to the floor. He, too, was breaking. His body was stained with his sister's blood; not an inch of him was left untainted by Seishirou's touch. He did not deserve to breathe. He did not deserve to love.

 

But that was the one inescapable fact—despite everything Seishirou was and everything that he said and did, Subaru was still in love with him. He still hoped that any moment the assassin would enter his room and their previous skirmish would be forgotten. He wanted to lose himself in the illusion that none of his treachery mattered in a heartened hiss. His hatred did not matter because he loved everything that was Seishirou.

 

And it was this that he could not live with. He buried his head against the floor, and in his onslaught of tears, he screamed.

 

He never noticed crimson lines and curves materializing in the depths of his thoughts until a soft voice that was not his own spoke to him. “Sumeragi-san. I have urgent news and must summon you to the Diet Building at once!”

 

Subaru fell quiet, recognizing Princess Hinoto's third eye as the dreamseer whispered into his mind. Against all the torture and panic he was enduring, he slowly brought himself back to his senses. The eye burned brighter every time he blinked. However, Subaru felt only one person deep inside. He already had a foreboding of what was to come, although he did not understand why.

 

Seishirou-san. It involved Seishirou.

 

He knew that it could only be destiny. His wishes would no longer be mere desires.

 

*****

 

Seishirou watched his reflection ripple in the dark waters of Tokyo Bay. A canvas of night had spread over Rainbow Bridge, encompassing him in a shroud of gloom. He was disappointed as he watched the stars glitter against the water; he had hoped that the moon might have glowed over him, but unfortunately, it was absent from the black sky.

 

By his usual standards, it was a perfect night. The deepened darkness was ideal for killing. He had progressed in his art to a level where his victims never sensed him, never felt his hand plunge into their chests until they were lost. He considered the undisturbed expression of the corrupt lobbyist, his last victim, as blood trickled from his hand.

 

The darkness was indeed his friend for what it enabled him to do, but tonight he wanted to see the moon in all the magnificence that he had never quite appreciated. Yet it was to be his only wish unfulfilled this night; his reflection smirked back at him.

 

Far away, he could sense light footsteps beginning to draw close to him. His smile widened, and he removed his sunglasses. He noticed how different the night seemed without them, and briefly wondered to himself how long ago it was that he had decided to wear them. He decided to himself that it no longer mattered, and as the footsteps continued their determined approach, he dropped them into the bay. Seishirou watched the water ripple until they regained a calm, glossy surface.

 

He turned around, and saw Subaru's shadow fall short of him. “Good evening, Subaru-kun.”

 

The Sumeragi froze, hesitating to say anything. “Good evening…Seishirou-san.” His voice was surprisingly empty of emotion.

 

Even from a distance, Subaru could smell blood in the air and saw that Seishirou's hand was stained with crimson. “You just killed someone. You killed them right here…didn't you?” he remarked with contempt. Subaru's eyes lit with pain, but he continued to approach him.

 

Seishirou folded his arms. “Well, I am the Sakurazukamori, after all…” Subaru flinched at the reply.

 

His eyes gleamed at his prey, and without warning, a blinding violet flash consumed Rainbow Bridge. Rising from Tokyo Bay, a strand of lightning soared like a serpent in flight.

 

Subaru glared against the flash and cupped his hands together. A jade kekkai devoured the bridge, and all went silent as they stared at one another.

 

“So our game now ends, Subaru-kun.”

 

“Seishirou-san…” Subaru paused, wanting to force out any of the thoughts that had left him tormented over the past years. He had so much to tell. For every tear that he had shed because of Seishirou, there were countless words that never left his lips, and he wanted to say everything in that silent moment.

 

You shaped everything I am.

You took everything I had.

Please don't do this.

Let me touch you one last time.

I hate you!

…I love you.

 

Perhaps the things that were left unsaid really did matter the most. Subaru did not know. Instead, he reached into his coat, and sent his ofuda flying.

 

Seishirou reacted quickly. Never losing his smile, an inverted pentagram shielded him as he cast his black ofuda into the air. Subaru's spell splattered against his defenses, driving a gust of wind to tear at everything in its path. Seishirou dodged just in time and jumped to the nearest pole that towered on the side of the bridge.

 

At his bidding, dozens of ofuda rushed from his sleeve and circled his vantage point. Smiling at Subaru's annoyed glower, he pounced from the pole and summoned the black cards forward to encircle his prey. The ground beneath Subaru sunk with a deafening crack as ribbons of lightning jagged into the sky.

 

The bridge where the Sumeragi stood collapsed into the bay as the coils which held it snapped, but he had escaped the same fate and leapt to its nearby wreckage. Subaru did not waste a second recovering and threw another wave of ofuda at the Sakurazukamori.

 

“Shuku! YÅ! DÅ! Flight!” His voice enchanted his ofuda to morph into white doves, but Seishirou had raised his defenses once more. As the birds descended at him and drummed against his shield, he did not bother with sending any counterattack. Seishirou's ofuda hung rigid in the air, as if he was not even worthy to receive a response to his merciless assaults.

 

Unperturbed, Subaru continued to send wave after wave of the same spell. “Flight! Flight!” He screamed, propelling more ofuda into the air than he could transform.

 

As each attack collided with his barrier, a darkening black sphere strengthened around Seishirou. When the Sumeragi's onslaught momentarily relaxed, he sent it flying to his opposite. The sphere ignited into scathing black flames whose jaws opened to consume Subaru. However, the onmyouji had responded calmly and swiftly as he countered the spell with a barrier of his own. White and black fire hissed and meshed together, and with a horrible flash, the sky was raining down flames on them both.

 

But this was the least of Subaru's concerns as he noticed sakura petals floating down over him. He looked around to find himself trapped in an illusion. He narrowed his eyes on Seishirou, who loomed over him on a jagged stone. Before he could react, the blossoms melded together as a host of gnarled tree limbs that wrapped over his arms and legs.

 

Subaru winced as the branches snaked around his middle with enough strength to break him in two. Nevertheless, he kept his sad, emerald eyes locked over the assassin and removed a single ofuda from his coat sleeve.

 

In the illusion this was the tree that had been promised his soul. With the card in his hand, he cut his finger and a drop of blood leaked onto one of the branches and sated the sakura's thirst. The tree withdrew, and he was once again free.

 

“Don't use illusions against me. There's no point. I've been held captive by the sakura for so long.”

 

Seishirou kept smiling at him. “`Kamui' told me that I'm the only one who can grant your heart's true desire. And what's more…that it is not what I think it is.”

 

Subaru froze, but only for a moment. The Dark Kamui had told Seishirou of his wish to be blinded; it should have been no surprise that he knew what he did. He raised his eyes to meet Seishirou's as the other man continued to speak.

 

“I thought that your wish was to kill me, is it not?” The derisive inflection in his voice had vanished, and Seishirou closely observed Subaru's every reaction.

 

“No.” The tone in his voice softened, but he willed himself to keep eye contact with Seishirou. “On that day nine years ago…I swore an oath that I would kill you…but…” His hands took the last of his ofuda, and he began to run to Seishirou. He knew that this was the moment he held at the back of his head for so many unfulfilled years. He knew it was time. “That was not what I wanted!”

 

Seishirou flew at Subaru, poised to attack. He aimed the tip of his fingers at his heart with only seconds away from delivering the blow.

 

Tears rushed over Subaru's face. “Because I love you!”

 

Seishirou blanked, and his eyes opened wide at the declaration. His hand faltered with those three words. He never expected it, never saw such a mind-bending confession come at him, so that time might have stopped in his astonishment of Subaru. But it was already too late.

 

His illusion had broken, and the dust was clearing around Rainbow Bridge. The night sky was prying through Subaru's kekkai as it began to dissolve.

 

Subaru lost his breath in horror the instant he opened his eyes to find that his heart was never pierced. Instead it was his hand covered in blood—hot, thick blood. Seishirou was on his knees, clutching at his shoulder and shuddering at the impact. And then, the full terror dawned on Subaru that it was his arm driven through the man he loved.

 

Seishirou-san! His entire body trembled as tears streamed from his eyes. With mortification, he withdrew his hand from Seishirou, but only more blood fell to the concrete. Seishirou collapsed forward, and with a shocked gasp, Subaru caught him. “H-how…how!?” he cried to him.

 

Seishirou looked up at him with the same grin he had always known. “Your sister…at the price of her life, she cast her final spell. Should I kill you…the way I killed her, it would backfire…and I would be the one to die…a mirror image of our past, the two of us here…”

 

Subaru found his voice choking. No, this could not be…Hokuto…Hokuto was never murdered; she had given her life for this spell. For him. And now that he was alone, the only one that he had left was dying in his arms. He felt something inside shatter. “When you killed her…when you left my life, I tried so hard to hate you, to destroy you in my heart. But…” He began to sob. “…I couldn't do it! Even if I was no more than a grain of sand…even if you felt no more for me than for a twig you snapped…I can't let go. I could never let go.”

 

“Subaru…kun…” whispered Seishirou as his face went pale from the loss of blood.

 

“And that's why I wanted you to kill me…so my heart would be free.” He buried his head against Seishirou. “Even if you forgot my death by your hand…even if I was just another sacrifice for the sakura…in my final moment…I would be able to rest forever…with you!”

 

Seishirou's vision was blurring, and he felt himself ebbing away. But there was never any pain. There was only his prey, his Subaru-kun, pressed against him. He had always thought death to be cold and dark, but it was not so. For the first time, he realized how warm he was becoming and how brightly the Sumeragi's emerald eyes illuminated over him.

 

Seishirou raised a blood-soaked hand to caress his face. “Why didn't…I see it from the beginning? Your heart…could never bear it to kill. Subaru-kun…you're so kind. Such a very kind person…” He smiled, truly smiled, into Subaru's eyes. “Subaru-kun…I hope you know… how much I…”

 

But he was unable to finish and fell over, leaving Subaru to his heartened sobs. He clung to his body desperately, wishing to become one with Seishirou.

 

Seishirou-san. His Seishirou-san.

 

“No! Seishirou-san! No…don't leave me alone!” He kept screaming between sobs, no longer feeling the hot tears on his face or the unyielding ground on his knees. “…don't. Please… Sei…shirou. SEISHIROU!”

 

The bridge was crumbling beneath him, and Kamui and Arashi were screaming for him. But all that had ever mattered, all that he had ever loved was Seishirou. If the Earth was to swallow them whole, then he would die too, forever locked in Seishirou's arms so that they would be together…always together.

 

He felt Kamui trying to pull him away. “No,” he whispered. He held on tighter to Seishirou when Arashi joined Kamui in their efforts to separate them. “NO!”

 

In desperation, the two lifted Seishirou's body along with Subaru's. But something was amiss.

 

As she tried to pick up the assassin, Arashi realized that his body was still warm. And Kamui's eyes went wide to find that blood was still seeping just above Seishirou's heart. Despite the collapsing bridge, they halted their efforts and stared at each other in awe.

 

Kamui gaped at the interlocked onmyoujis and spoke barely at a whisper. “He's alive.”