Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ My Sanctuary ❯ Mind Of Matter ( Chapter 14 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

There is a sacred place I go when I'm lost. A place I know where I will be found. But there is another sacredness of mine that must never be touched. My sanctuary; my home and my purpose. As my home, it is a scar of sadness that must never be tread upon, a cooperation formed by the living to realize a dream or achieve an ideal. It is there where I first met him.
It was that lonely day, I had thought of myself as worthless. And I became lost, mindlessly searching the darkness of my mind for the part of me I'd lost. I have given up searching for that part of myself and I'd given into the darkness. I lingered in it's coldness, it's unfamiliarity; hugging my knees close to my chest, seeking what little comfort I could grasp. Surround by only shadow, I wept to myself. That's when I heard him, a shy, pleasant voice. He apologized, but for what? I was positive he hadn't been the cause of all my pain. He told me he was concerned about my well-being. But it hurt me to think that there was still a person left to worry about. I could feel that part of me, was the one he meant, but that 'me' no longer existed. He knew that as well, which pained me more. Why hasn't he given up on 'me' like I have? Why does he still search in vain for a person no longer of this world? It was because 'I' had become something precious to him, I had become his sanctuary. Though I had lost everything, I still felt that part of me. It told me...he was my sanctuary as well.
Muraki's head pushed through the tight ring of muscle and Tsuzuki gave another small gasp. It didn't hurt that much any more, it was more of a feeling of being full, of having something inside you that you wanted to push out. Muraki's own length was now completely inside and he repositioned Tsuzuki a little and then thrust deeper. He cried out, but not in pain, in ecstasy - Muraki had touched something deep inside of him that made all his senses reel. Again and again Muraki expertly hit that same spot, at the same time stroking Tsuzuki with long sweeps from the curve of his balls to his aching tip. He felt a warm wetness between his legs and knew that it was his own blood, leaking from a torn body. He had never felt this kind of pain before- he had never even imagined it! He would have collapsed completely except that Muraki put both hands on his hips, holding him up as he drove his own needy member towards its release.
Finally pulling up, Muraki smiled, looking down at the tearful brunet. "You're more beautiful than I imagined." He leaned over, kissing him on the cheek and got up. To Tsuzuki's surprise he had left shortly after getting dress, allowing Tsuzuki to calmly drown in his own blood and agony.
It was a long while before Tsuzuki found the strength to get out of the bed. He walked shakily to the bathroom and turned on the shower, turning the water control to hot. Clouds of steam filled the bathroom and he stood under the nearly scalding water. For the first time in his life he was terrified, because of his captivity and how he was no longer the same Tsuzuki. Hisoka always said he was naive - and he had just proved him right. Slowly he went to his knees, tears running down his face. The boiling water quickly washed him of his blood and semen but was never able to undo the horrible act against him, the shame, the linger inter pain of having been broken and worthless. He gave it to the fact that if he would ever see Hisoka again that he would not be worthy enough to stand in his presence. He was too tainted, too revolting to stay by the only thing sacred and meaningful in his life.
"Tsuzuki?" I called out, trying to find a clue that he might have come here after we were separated. "Tsuzuki?" I yelled again, suddenly seeing a familiar figure. My legs carried me faster, closer to the figure. I came to a complete halt when I had realized Tsuzuki's demeanor. Limply crouching down on the balls of his feet, he hugged his knees close to his chest. His head buried between his arms as he wept silently. "Tsuzuki? Say something, speak to me." I approached him more when I heard a dripping sound. Kneeling down beside him, trying to get a better look, I gasped. A thick rosy liquid was slowly running from him, forming a red puddle beneath him. I saw no visible wounds that had caused all this bleeding.
"I'm sorry." He mumbled in a quit whisper. Immediately, I wrapped my arms around him, one cupping his wet tearful cheek, the other around his head; drawing it to my chest.
"Shhh...it's alright..." I said soothingly in the embrace. Suddenly as if Tsuzuki wanted me to know, I felt everything in one sweep of emotion.
The man in the white coat told me in a quiet voice that he had finally found me, that he had wanted my body and my life. That man smiled a smile deeper than darkness.
Is this what hurt Tsuzuki, Muraki? I glared angrily at the thought of Muraki tainting my sacred sanctuary. I knew Tsuzuki felt my anger as well and he cried deeper, grabbing me sleeve tightly in a bloody hand. Now that his hand was moved, I could trace the source of the blood. My eyes widened; only the area between his upper thighs were stained in red. Before I knew it, I was weeping too, holding onto him tighter now. "I'm sorry, Tsuzuki." I whispered Upon hearing footsteps in the darkness approaching us, I darted my eyes in that direction. Who could it be? Only me and Tsuzuki knew of this place. "Who are you?" I yelled. The footsteps stopped and I could now make out the person. It was...me. Green furious eyes, with sandy hair, and a menacingly scary frown. "What do you want!" I snapped viciously.
"I want you to leave!" He hollered extremely loud. I could see his vain clearly popping from his head and fist.
"I won't!" I exclaimed, clenching Tsuzuki harder.
"You must go! You never belonged here, living my life, pretending to be me, and hurting my friends!" He yelled back.
"Friend! Why should I give this life to you, when you can't even admit you love him." I looked at Tsuzuki in my arms. He had fallen into a silent, sleep like trance. "Besides I can't leave, Tsuzuki." I murmured, pressing my head into his hair.
I could tell he finally snapped, "you must leave! It's your fault he's injured!" He ran over to me and jerked me away by my hair. "This is my life and my choice, I don't need you to decide for it me!"
"I'm not doing anything for you!" I forced my hair from his grip, violently pushing him away. "I'm doing this for Tsuzuki! Because you can't do a damn thing on your own!" Without realizing it, he had punched me in the face.
"I can protect him!"
"From what! From Muraki? Well, you've seen how that’s ended up." I protested intimidating him.
"All this was your fault! If you hadn't abandoned him-" He pointed at me menacingly.
"My fault! You have no one but yourself to blame! It's your dumbass that thought you could protect him by leaving him alone! The only reason I'm here is because you can't protect him. That's why you ran away! That's why you disappeared, and that's why you gave up. You were so scared of not being able to protect him that you put the blame on some one else. With you gone, he couldn't blame you for letting him down. You had an excuse for abandoning him. But the truth is there is no excuse for weakness. You can't face the fact that you were too weak and too helpless to save him when he needed you most! That's why I'm here, to fix the crap you messed up!"
"Shut up!" I noticed he had broke into tears and was turning red from all the yelling and anger. "I left...I left because it was the only way to save him. I was no longer there to hurt him to let him down. He was safe...from me."
"Than you were afraid you wouldn't be able to protect him from yourself!" I laughed, throwing back my head.
"I knew I would be the one to hurt him most and I have. He risked his life to save mine and all I could do was run away. I was afraid to face him, to admit." He stared at Tsuzuki mercifully. "But I never knew it would do this to him..."
"Liar! You new all along of the outcome of your actions. You knew Tsuzuki would be the one to take the ultimate punishment." I smirked proudly for some reason. I knew there was no way I would be giving up my life to him. "Admit it. You set him up."
"Fine. Then I admit to it, to everything. To running away because I was scared and weak, to knowing the resolution of my actions, to giving life to you as an excuse." He smiled softly and I froze instantly. Why was he smiling? It confused me as to why he would be happy at a time like this. There was still essence of tears below his eyes as he sniffled slightly. "It's my fault, okay. I admit to failure, to letting him down. But I only did the things I did because I love him so much. And it is because of the heart that we are driven to do such drastic things." He approached me closely, are eyes now directly in front of each other. "If you will allow me to, I would like to tell him that in my own words." He said in a serious tone that made me quake.
"Well, Hisoka..." I smiled. "Tell me how it works out." I winked and slowly started to fade.
"Won't like to witness it for yourself?" He asked.
"No. I've already intruded so much." I waved to him.
To my surprise he jerked me by my wrist and pulled me toward him. "I insist." And before I had known it, I was carefully dissipating into Hisoka's body. I hadn't realized it much, but we were both in the same. He told me he wouldn't be able to face Tsuzuki unless he was whole. I was the part of him missing and he was mine. Though we were two completely different Hisokas’, we were still one whole. I was relieved to find out I wouldn’t be forgotten again. Searching within the lonely darkness again for the part of me that no longer found use of me. I had a purpose now, I had found what I was looking for. Only thing left to do was to find what he was looking for. We had a pretty good clue where we should start; Muraki.
To Be Continued...
A/N: I don't know why but I love dramatic stuff like Hisoka's internal conflict with himself and overcoming them. I hope you all liked and will be keeping alert for the next chapter!-see you then!