Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ The Butterfly ❯ Of Bathing and Other Matters ( Chapter 2 )

Author’s Notes: Part two of ‘The Butterfly’. This is a gift fic for Lunajl. Loooong chapter… Thanks to my beta, Eternally Faithful. Okay, so let’s get on with this… But first…

Someone said that the POVs were difficult to understand. Here’s how the fic is. All first person POVs will be either Hisoka or Tsuzuki. Third person is everyone else, most likely Watari and Tatsumi interaction. This story is meant to be told as though Hisoka and Tsuzuki are telling the story, Watari and Tatsumi’s POVs are never told in first person because of this.

Someone also asked if I made up the religions and legends in this fiction… Well, yeah, I did. I mainly just took animals from the zodiac and thought about what their characters would be like. Hence you get Kei, Leiko, Ichiro, Tsuki etc. The rest of the stories either came from my imagination or were mixes from other myths or ideas…

Also, the ‘mainland’ is obviously a China-like place, so when I say ‘Mainland style’ that means Chinese. The vows that Hisoka makes are meant to sound like wedding vows. The ‘Desert horse’ is in fact an Arabian, one of the most powerful and best horses in the world.

Also, I am entering a competition that will mean that I won’t be updating as steadily. I have to have three publishable chapters in less than a month so… Ja!

Translations:
(1) “Good morning! How’re you feeling ‘Soka??”
(2) “Thank you very much (for your concern). I am well.”

Soundtrack: Cage by Dir en Grey (The Hymn of Ichiro and Tsuki is Voyage by Ayumi Hamasaki)

XXx

I stared into the face of a monster. It’s eyes were glowing lilac, it’s teeth pointed, it’s skin jet black. No sooner had I blinked however, it was Tsuzuki-domo again. I found myself wanting to question but not having enough courage.

“Gomen ne, Hisoka-kun, for startling you. Are you aware that you have immense spiritual power?” Tsuzuki asked. Tatsumi was riding quite close to us and didn’t seem at all freaked out. It made me fearful. Was I really going to a court of demons?

“Yes. I am an empath. I can feel and sometimes see other people’s emotions,” I replied. I then realized how disrespectfully Id said that. I opened my mouth, words tumbling out about how disrespectful I’d been. I think I may have even suggested punishments for myself. The next thing I knew, I was having my hair ruffled.

“Aw! He’s so cute! Tatsumi, can I keep him?” Tsuzuki pleaded. I blinked, unsure of what was going on. I saw Tatsumi’s small smile though.

“No, Tsuzuki-san. If you want a pet there are plenty of free, able-bodied humanoids to take the position. Kurosaki-san may be ‘cute’ but he isn’t a pet,” The man lectured. I sensed a strange guilt coming from Tsuzuki and also disappointment. I was trying not even to process what Tatsumi had just said because I was too afraid of false hope.

“But he’s the cutest little thing ever!” I didn’t expect to be huggled then. It was strange to say the least. No one… had ever hugged me before… Held me down, picked me up, put a steering arm around my shoulders but never… held me…

“You’re making him uncomfortable. Besides, did ever occur to you that this new pet of yours could, in fact, be uninterested?” Tatsumi’s voice was stern now, his eyes filled with a strange sorrow, no, regret, and a twinge of jealousy. Tsuzuki released me from his grip as we entered the castle. My eyes might have popped out of my head if it wasn’t for the fact I had to close them from sudden fear.

In the centre of the central courtyard there was a hole. A hole so deep hat the bottom couldn’t even be seen. We were riding too close to the edge, it would just take one misplaced hoof and…

“Once a year we release butterflies at the bottom of the well, there are passages through the basements of the castle… It’s an offering to the Butterfly God. This was apparently the place where he was captured in the Dragon’s Net. The hole, the jade mountains and this castle were created when he was destroyed,” Tsuzuki offered. I glanced at the hole again. It was a believable story… I would have liked to have seen the offering…

Tsuzuki reined in his horse at the courtyard at the other side of the hole, dismounting and helping me down, hands gripping my waist firmly as I bobbed down. I knew my face was slightly flushed with fear and I bowed, as much to hide my blush as to show respect. Tatsumi barked at some servants and they took the horses away. Tatsumi then led the way around the side of the castle.

We entered the kitchens through the servant’s entrance. The smell of something wholesome wafted towards me. It was stew or something… Something that actually filled you up rather than the delicate, fancy finger foods of Muraki’s court.

“Ayume-chan!” Tsuzuki called. A homely woman bustled forward. She wasn’t plump, as I expected of a cook, but she had a ‘no-nonsense’ attitude that already had me quailing. Not only that but despite the fact she was no higher or larger than me, she had a presence larger than that of Tsuzuki-domo’s.

“Tsuzuki! I swear! If you’ve just come to raid my kitchens-” She scolded. I knew the shock was written all over my face. How dare she speak to a lord as powerful as Tsuzuki-domo like that?

“Oh, this must be the poor babe Muraki gave you!” She saw me, forgetting all about Tsuzuki and not even acknowledging Tatsumi. I felt I’d walking into a mad house where everything was topsy turvy.

“He’s all skin and bones! Didn’t that evil sorcerer feed you, dear? No matter, you can have some tea and onigiri now. The nikujaga isn’t ready yet,” She mothered me. She cleared a table for us in the middle of a bustling kitchen and made us sit while she made tea.

“Ayume-chan still takes it upon herself to mother children,” Tatsumi remarked. I felt myself swell up like a bullfrog,.

“I am not a child! I’m sixteen!” I protested, then slapped a hand over my mouth. A cup of tea was placed before me but I was too horrified by my own insolence to even look at it.

“Well, you need feeding up Bon,” The gaijin, Watari, said. I looked up at him and he winked, sitting opposite me and beside Tatsumi.

“What’s your name, pet?” Ayume asked as she set a basket of onigiri on the table in front of us. I wanted some, seeing as I hadn’t eaten properly in days, but I knew it was custom for those of higher status to eat first.

“Kurosaki Hisoka ma’am,” I replied. She ruffled my hair, which annoyed me no end.

“You hear that boys? At least someone around here treats me with respect!” She grumbled good-heartedly, grabbing a rice ball out of the basket and shoving it under my nose. I jerked back, blinking at the white, blurry shape.

“Open,” She ordered. I felt my cheeks burn, there was no way on this planet that I was letting her feed me. I tried to take it from her but she shoved it up against my lips.

“Um…Ma’-” She had expertly wedged the onigiri in my mouth. I bit down and chewed before swallowing.

“I don’t think he likes that,” Watari commented, a smile on his face. They didn’t stop Ayume though… If I hadn’t known better I would have said that these three warriors were scared of her…

“Nonsense! I know his type! Believe they have to be all thin and beautiful so they starve themselves or throw up after they’ve eaten so they don’t put on weight and are still desirable,” Ayume informed them. I felt awful. They were talking about me as though I wasn’t there.

Tsuzuki-domo however, offered me the basket. He took one first, so I did the same. I waited for him to take a bite before wolfing one down myself. I virtually inhaled three onigiri before even realizing what I was doing.

“See! He was just uncomfortable with you trying to stick a rice ball down his throat!” Tsuzuki said brightly. Ayume and he started to bicker like a married old couple. I found myself smiling, a true smile… And then…

“We’d better go to the reception rooms to meet Muraki. He’ll be expecting you to be there,” Tatsumi interrupted, draining his cup of tea and standing. Watari and Tsuzuki sighed, standing up and saying goodbye to Ayume-san. I bowed to her, earning a small smile from her and a quiet ‘Ja ne.’ As we walked through the corridors back to the main reception rooms my eyes kept on going to Tsuzuki-domo, who looked pale.

“I don’t see why I have to pretend to like him. He’s creepy and his eyes always seem to wander. I feel like he’s undressing me with his eyes,” Tsuzuki shuddered.

“Be thankful it isn’t his hands,” I replied, not meaning for anyone to hear. There was silence for a while then…

“Muraki is an oni, more so than even Tsuzuki. I swear that man has the blood of the Dragon in him…” Watari said, referring to the myth of the Butterfly… Of course, if these were followers of the way of the Butterfly then they would dislike the Dragon, creator of Demons…

“He is worse than the devil himself. He lets his obsessions rule his head. He pretends to the world he’s an angel but his heart is black,” I said. I immediately regretted my words. What if word got back to Muraki about how disrespectful I was? Even worse, I had been speaking out of turn. Before I could apologize however there was a clatter of hooves on stone. I realized we were in the courtyard, before us was the Well of the Butterfly.

I watched as Muraki dismounted and immediately dropped to my knees. The horse he had been riding also kneeled, frothing at the mouth. It’s coat was soaked in sweat.

“I caught the messenger. Another case of the Assassins of Azuma. There seems to be no way to prevent the spread of those vermin across the land. I had to lame my horse to deal with the messenger,” Muraki’s voice dripped with distain. I looked at his horse, he’d half-killed it!

“My lord, may I stand?” I asked. Muraki looked at me, as though just realizing I was there, and his eyes took on the sadistic glint I was so used to. He opened his mouth to speak but was beaten to it by Tsuzuki.

“Of course Kurosaki-san” He said politely. I stood up and looked to the stables to the East. There was a water trough there, just against the wall facing me. I took one look at the kneeling horse and knew that no one would be able to coax the animal over to the trough, so I edged away from the conversation, where Muraki was still ranting about the ‘Assassins of Azuma’.

Tatsumi and Watari were watching me as I got to the trough and began to try to move it. A horrible grating sound echoed through the courtyard, quite effectively ending conversation. I felt their eyes burning into my back but I continued to drag the trough. After another minute of struggling, my slender frame not used to heavy lifting, Watari came over to help. He smiled at me, winking as we positioned it by the horse’s head.

I then moved over to the left side of the animal, getting my shoulder under it’s head and guiding it to the water. It tiredly began to drink. I smiled in relief, gently patting it’s nose.

“It’s lame, doll, leave it,” Muraki ordered. “It should be killed. It’s only use now is as meat… Or maybe it’s hide…” I felt defiance raging in me but I quashed it. I looked sadly at he horse and apologized silently to it. I felt as much a murderer as Muraki.

“No, Hisoka-san. If you wish to help this horse then it is a small indulgence. Go ahead,” Tsuzuki smiled, those wonderful violet orbs were dancing… I nodded, smiling at him. He blushed a little, running his hands through his chocolate hair.

“Arigatou gozaimasu!” I said enthusiastically. The horse’s breathing had slowed a little and I noted it had stopped drinking. I lowered it’s head back to the ground.

I looked around for spare cloth but saw none. I knew it had to be rubbed down, or the cooling sweat could give it pneumonia but… In the end, I slipped off my under-robe, quite aware that both Lords and two manservants were watching me. I began to rub the horse down regardless. When I got to it’s rump I paused. Here were great welds and gashes from where Muraki had whipped it… I dipped the under-robe into the trough and began to carefully clean the wounds. Those that I could, on it’s back legs, I ripped off bits of material to make bandages.

The horse whinnied and tried to lash out in alarm but was too tired. After a while it’s protestations stopped, leaving me to carefully clean the wounds. When that was done to the best of my ability I discarded the makeshift towel and made my way to the horse’s head again.

“Hey boy,” I cooed, stroking his elegant neck. I recognized him as a desert horse from the west. One of the most beautiful and powerful animals in the world… Lamed by a sadistic and careless Lord…

“Come on boy, stand for me,” I urged. There was a tired whinny and the horse got slowly to his feet. I heard Watari’s delighted gasp of delight, Tatsumi’s murmured approval and Tsuzuki’s glee. However… Muraki’s anger, hatred, jealousy overwhelmed it all… I didn’t understand what I’d done… I’d saved him a very expensive horse…

“How? You were not allowed into the stables. As far as I know, you have no experience with horses whatsoever. Who was it? Which stable boy was it that taught you and what did you offer in exchange?” Muraki spat. I felt anger rise in me. How dare he suggest such things! I didn’t ever allow anyone to use me that way. I hated sex. I looked into the horse’s doe eyes, trying to calm myself.

“Reji-san taught me a little while we were traveling. He said I was a natural with horses,” I replied. The next thing I felt was the ground. There was a stinging pain in my cheek as well. Muraki had back-handed me.

“Do not speak of that traitor or with that little respect!” Muraki was advancing on me. I felt fear flood me. What if he disgraced me in front of these people? Would I still be welcomed when they saw how dirty I was? Would they send me back with Muraki?

“T-Traitor?” I managed to choke out, trying to scramble back. Muraki’s eyes darkened.

“Yes, Hisoka-kun. Traitor. He was a spy from the Way of the-” He caught himself. “An organization you’ve probably never heard of. He was trying to kidnap you,” Muraki’s poisonous words pierced me where it hurt most. Reji… He had whished to hurt me as well? Muraki was only three feet away from me now and I tried desperately to get away, my robe was falling open and I had nothing underneath. I fumbled with the ties trying to keep it together.

“Enough,” Tsuzuki stepped in Muraki’s path. The white-haired Lord looked surprised, Tsuzuki looked disgusted. They were standing almost nose to nose. “You will not damage my property. Hisoka belongs to me now,” Tsuzuki’s eyes flashed. I wasn’t sure if I was scared or not, so I remained there, on the floor, shaking. Watari had rushed over to me and was checking my cheek. I pushed him away roughly.

“It’s a bruise, Watari-san. I’ll live with it,” I said quietly. The gaijin shrugged and got to his feet, offering me a hand. I stared at it and then took it. Tsuzuki was still having a staring contest with Muraki.

“Come here doll. If Tsuzuki-san wishes for you to be his pet I better hand over the leash, ne?” Muraki’s eyes were shining again, a smirk played at his lips. I knew that whatever was coming would be painful. Muraki only ever smiled when inflicting pain on others.

“Swear that you will honor, serve and obey, Tsuzuki-domo in everything and strive to accommodate all his needs?” Muraki’s voice was so low, imposing, as though daring me. I swallowed thickly.

“I, Kurosaki Hisoka, swear that I will honor, serve and obey Tsuzuki Asato-sama in everything and strive to accommodate his every need,” I replied, my voice monotonous. Muraki was trembling, his desire to inflict pain on me was reaching boiling point.

“Do you swear on your blood, Kurosaki Hisoka-kun?” Muraki asked. I nodded. Burning seared up my arms and chest, my robe flew open, the ties coming undone. Down my chest and arms blood was oozing out from unbroken skin. My arms were thrown out by an invisible force and my head snapped back. My mouth made a wide, noiseless scream, as my face contorted in pure agony. No sooner had it started though, had it ended and all that was left was the smeared blood and glowing red designs on my skin before they faded back to red painted ivory.

“What did you do?” Tsuzuki demanded but Muraki didn’t answer his question.

“Do you, Tsuzuki Asato-domo, wish to protect and shelter Kurosaki Hisoka-kun? To have him serve you and house with you?” Muraki asked. Tsuzuki looked about to say no but he gave a brief nod. The white haired sorcerer smiled.

“You, Hisoka-kun, are released from my services. You’re lucky too. That cure would have killed you in three months. As it stands, it merely binds you to Tsuzuki through your blood. If you ever try to leave him, you’ll be in pain so intense that you’ll die from it. You must be his servant. You belong to him now the same as Onimidori, or his horses, or his robes,” Muraki explained. I felt sick. Never free… I’d never be free as long as Muraki lived I’d be forced into this stupid servitude.

“But as a goodbye present, I’ll let you keep the desert horse. Although he is lame and useless now. Seeing as you’ll never have an opportunity to ride him anyway, I suppose it’s fitting,” He drawled. The three men from Onimidori looked horrified at this display of cruelty. I trembled.

“Arigatou gozaimasu, Muraki-san,” I whispered. Then Muraki was calling to one of his men, all the sorcerer’s warriors mounted their horses. He mentioned having to sort out Satomi’s funeral… I felt strong arms wrap around me and I couldn’t muster up the effort to open my eyes to see who it was.

“Let’s get him into some clean clothes. There might be some women’s or adolescents’ clothes somewhere that fit him,” Someone was saying. I was too weak to even respond.

XXx

I felt something soft against my cheek. I snuggled into it without thinking. Mmm… Soft and warm…

“Kurosaki-san?” I heard a voice ask. I blinked and looked up. I stared into amused amethyst eyes before sitting up quickly.

“Gomen nasai Tsuzuki-domo!” I squeaked. I had been snuggling into Tsuzuki’s lap which was currently covered in a silk mainland style kimono… Female mainland style…

“You’ve been asleep for six hours. It’s sunset. How’re you feeling?” Tsuzuki asked. I opened my mouth to say I was fine but the words caught in my throat. I wasn’t fine. I didn’t feel like it’d slept at all, I was hungry again, parched and my chest and arms were throbbing. I changed the subject.

“Did you stay with me the entire time?” I asked. Tsuzuki gestured to the surrounding bed. I choked. I was in Tsuzuki-domo’s bedroom? In his bed? Surrounding me were various scrolls, all written in the pictures I’d seen Muraki write with. I felt a longing to know what these documents said, but a slave does not need to be able to read.

“I decided to work up here while you woke up. I didn’t want you to panic or do something stupid,” Tsuzuki said his eyes serious. I didn’t quite comprehend. Like what could I do? Get up and start banging my head against the wall?

“I would have most likely tried to find my way to the kitchens,” I replied, keeping my previous thoughts to myself. He chuckled, standing up.

“Stay here, I’ll be right back,” The Lord walked to the door, slid it open and closed it softly. I lay there, alone in a large bed, staring at the ceiling. I was used to a futon but this was a different kind of bed… It was raised off the floor, covered in silks… It was made for two but one side was pushed up against the wall. There was a ceiling on it, covered in rich red silk, embroidered with golden butterflies. It really was beautiful. There were ‘walls’ on the two narrow ends of the bed made of the same heavy red silk but the drapes at the side you climbed in from, the long side, were made from yellow net and could be tied back with red cords…. It was… a work of art…

The bed sheets were of the same silk, embroidered with the same butterflies, hemmed in orange net, cascading over the side of the bed like a waterfall of liquid gold. There were so many silk cushions that I was propped up to an almost sitting position.

Everything was so soft and beautiful…

“Gomen for the wait,” Tsuzuki said, walking across the room. I looked up and saw him holding a tray. I felt my mouth fall open when he placed it on my lap, sitting on the edge of the bed. I stared at it, a dish of potato, rice and pork… Nikujaga… Was that what it was called? A cup of tea… A chunk of bread…

“What’s wrong? Don’t you like it? I could get Ayume to get you something else?” Tsuzuki offered. I blinked, surprised that I had tears in my eyes. I couldn’t believe that a Lord would wait on his slaves, that two Lords could be so very different. Why was he being so kind to me?

“Arigatou, Tsuzuki-domo,” I whispered before picking up the chopsticks. “Itadakimasu.” I tried to be refined as I could. I also made sure as to not get anything on the beautiful bed. I found myself half way through the meal and feeling slightly queasy. I pushed the tray away. What was wrong with me? I knew I was still hungry…

“It’s okay. I asked Watari to look you over while you were asleep. He says you’re malnourished and you shouldn’t eat large portions or push yourself or you’ll be sick. You should be fine in a few weeks, until then, relax, okay?” Tsuzuki was smiling. Relax? That’s easy for him to say isn’t it? He isn’t the one completely out of place here. He knows what to expect from me but I have no idea how to read him at all…

“H-Hai… I-I guess I should go back to my bedroom. I’m sure you have lots to be getting on with Tsuzuki-sama,” I began to slip out of bed. I became aware that I was wearing a comfortable cream, women’s (again) yukata. It was warm for the cold spring nights. I blushed slightly, wondering if it was Tsuzuki who had dressed me in it… or cleaned away the blood…

“This is your bedroom, Hisoka-san,” Tsuzuki said as though it was obvious. I think I sat there processing what he’d said for about ten minutes before it sank in.

“Mine?” I whispered. Tsuzuki looked worried again.

“Yes, but if you don’t like it we could always change things. Like the colors of the silks and the furniture and everything…” He offered. I knew I was crying now. Why was he being so kind to me? Was this a new twisted mind game? Muraki used to do it sometimes, be kind and gentle before hurting me worse than he’d ever done before…

“Iie… I’m just overwhelmed by your kindness, my lord. No one has ever cared enough about me to do anything like this. You are truly a kind person, my lord,” I whispered. He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. I bit my lip. Was that it? Would he expect me to show him my gratitude?

“It was the least I could do, Hisoka-san. After all, I was stupid enough to get pulled into Muraki’s mind games. I should have freed you before he cursed you,” Tsuzuki’s voice sounded bitter. I felt a surge of emotion for the man. I recognized it as affection… I genuinely… actually… liked… this man?

“If you had freed me that curse would have killed me. At least if I’m here I can live. And life has already improved. You will make a much better Lord than Muraki,” I said earnestly. Tsuzuki looked up at me, the sadness slightly lifted from his eyes. I didn’t quite realize what I was doing but I’d put my hand on Tsuzuki’s.

“You are respected by the people who serve you. Your servants are the greatest test for a judge of character. Those that serve you love you. It is an honor to serve a man such as you,” I then felt my cheeks coloring. I had never complimented someone and actually meant it before… Tsuzuki smiled though and turned his hand, intertwining our fingers. I blinked, watching the twined fingers curiously. My hand, so pale, against the tan of Tsuzuki’s… His palm was rough, a working man’s hand, unlike Muraki’s… I felt a strange feeling in my chest, like nervousness only nicer… I couldn’t explain it…

“You must be tired. You should sleep, ‘Soka-chan,” He whispered. I lay back, taking time to think over that new nickname. I decided that if it was only Tsuzuki that used it, it was okay. He covered me over with silks, allowing me to be comfortable.

“Oyasumi. Have good dreams,” Tsuzuki said, then kissed my forehead. I watched him leave. I stared at the ceiling of my bed and new it now would take me hours to get to sleep. I just wished my forehead would stop tingling…

XXx

Watari slid his arms around Tatsumi’s waist from behind. The man didn’t even pause in his work. The blonde sighed, before deciding to make it slightly harder to be ignored. He licked Tsuzuki’s neck before gently sucking on the man’s earlobe. The older man cleared his throat.

“I still need to sort out the salaries for the infantry,” Tatsumi informed him. Watari ignored this. They went through a similar ritual every evening. Watari began to undo Tatsumi’s kimono.

“Tsuzuki-san could come in and find us,“ Tatsumi tried, referring to the only person the castle who didn’t know of their relationship… Watari smirked, finally he’d managed to get the kimono undone. He slid fingers across Tatsumi’s stomach, earning a shiver from the man.

“Isn’t that exciting though, Tatsu-chan? Tsuzuki could walk in at any time and find us-” Watari was pulled into Tatsumi’s lap, kissed forcefully and undressed. As usual, their sex was explosive, fast-paced and without any room for thought. Well, it would be if Tatsumi could just undo the damn knot that Watari’s kimono was in…

Tatsumi undid the ribbon holding Watari’s hair back, instead. It was something he always did, as though running his hands through Watari’s silky hair was as great a pleasure as the act of sex itself.

It was then, with their robes pooled at their hips, that the door opened and they broke apart quickly. Tsuzuki stood, blinking, in the doorway. He looked shocked.

“Gomen ne!” He managed to get out eventually. Tatsumi was glaring at Watari as though the physician had planned it.

“It’s alright Tsuzuki-san. I’m going to call it a night anyway. I’ll see you both tomorrow,” Watari excused himself. He began to scrape his hair back as he brushed past Tsuzuki. He heard Tatsumi call him and turned, cocking his head to one side, the ribbon in his mouth.

“Leave it down,” Tatsumi said, looking steadily at his work. “I’ll be round later.” Watari felt happiness bubble in him. Tatsumi had quite clearly just chosen him over Tsuzuki! He felt like dancing.

“Aa. Okay. I better tidy up then!” Watari left the room before back-tracking and sticking his head around the door. “How’s Bon?” This snapped Tsuzuki out of his trance.

“Oh, he woke up, ate, then went back to sleep,” Tsuzuki replied. Watari’s eyes narrowed playfully.

“You mean he didn’t jump you for being so kind to him?” The blonde asked. Tsuzuki blushed as Tatsumi’s head snapped up. There was a moment when he met Watari’s eyes but quickly looked away. The physician felt the happiness ebbing away… He’d been chosen as a substitute… He felt like a whore…

“Don’t bother tonight, Tatsumi-san. I’m tired. Tomorrow I will examine Hisoka-san. I’ll check him over for certain illnesses and the like. Good night,” Watari felt worse now, knowing he’d hurt Tatsumi-san but he also felt righteous. It was payback for all the times Tatsumi had said ‘I love you’ and not meant it.

XXx

I feel screwed up. Tatsumi… Watari… At it?

“How long have you been together?” I asked. Tatsumi looked up at me. It’s been a while since I actually looked into Tatsumi’s eyes… Ever since he’d rejected me… I still find it hard to show affection now… Except with Hisoka… There’s just something about him…

“Oh, well, a year…” Tatsumi replied. I felt my stomach sink. A year? Since before… before… Tatsumi and I ever shared that night? When Tatsumi told me of other responsibilities he’d meant Watari… Watari had been the reason that Tatsumi had rejected me…

“Oh,” I replied. What else was there to say? I watched as Tatsumi took a few steps towards me, lifting my chin, pushing his lips against mine. But this was wrong and I think we both knew it. I pushed him away. He looked at me with those cold blue eyes and said the words six months ago I would have killed for.

“I love you,” He said with so much conviction. I just shook my head. It was wrong now. I’d moved on. I’d got over him. And Watari… He deserved the person he cared about…

“I’m sorry Tatsumi-san… You’re just… too late… You have Watari-san,” I tried. Tatsumi just looked shocked. He didn’t seem to comprehend.

“So I have Watari-san, and you have Muraki’s whore. Sounds fair. We both have substitutes,” He said. I stared. I couldn’t help it. This was Tatsumi-san… Acting bitter… Acting jealous… Acting… not like Tatsumi at all… It made me angry. Was Watari just a cheap fuck to him? Did none of my reasons about the death of my entire family mean anything to him? After all, it was guilt more than anything that kept us apart… And how dare he bring Hisoka into this? The poor kid had only been here a day!

“You are the one who has made a mess of his life. Don’t take it out on Watari-san, Hisoka-san or me! I loved you but you pushed me away! Now you’ve pulled Watari in and he’s fallen in love with you! Will you lose another good thing? Will you-” The door slid open. I turned to see Hisoka bowing low. The yukata had slipped off one shoulder and he hadn’t bothered to pull it back up.

“Gomen, but I heard voices so I thought I could find someone to show me around. I can’t sleep,” Hisoka said softly. I looked at Tatsumi who at least had the good grace to look guilty. The boy didn’t look like anyone’s whore with his sleep mussed hair, robe several sizes too big for him and overly polite attitude. He continued blinking owlishly, his eyes still clouded with sleep.

“It would be best to sleep for now. This castle is not a place for wandering about in after nightfall. If you follow this passage down the stairs it’ll take you to the entrance hall. Head to the back left room and you’ll find the kitchen. Ayume-san will get you a sleeping draught or cup of tea,” I said, but my eyes never left Tatsumi. He was squirming.

“I’ll take him. As you said, this castle isn’t for wandering about alone in,” Tatsumi offered. I snorted and turned my back on him.

“I’ll see you in the morning Kurosaki-san,” I said and left the room.

XXx

I woke up in my glorious bed and stretched. I felt like a cat, happy and lazy. Somehow my servitude seemed less distressing when I had a master who I could claim actually felt something for those around him…

I hadn’t heard what had been said last night, between Tatsumi and Tsuzuki, but I had a feeling it was something I perhaps shouldn’t have interrupted. I felt that Tsuzuki was angry, but I wasn’t sure if it was with me. I hoped it wasn’t.

Even so, as I looked around my room, seeing it in the crisp morning sunlight, I found myself smiling. I got up, pulling the robe tighter around me again. It was a little too big and it smelled distinctly of wood but it didn’t bother me. The scent wasn’t exactly unpleasant and the sleeves could be rolled back.

I stood in the centre of the room. On the Eastern and Western walls there were windows, and I could see the sun had already been risen a few hours. The view from the Eastern window was of the plain before the castle, the sea glittering in the background. The other window appeared to have a view of a wall. On closer inspection I realized that it was, in fact, a rock face and as I grew closer I saw that it was actually looking out onto a beautiful waterfall, thundering down into a large lagoon. Maybe it was the jade in the mountains but the waterfall and pool below shone a beautiful aqua color. There were some girls in the pool, washing and splashing each other.

So that’s where I could wash.

I looked around the room again, noticing beautiful oak or cherry wood chests for my clothes, a small table for serving tea, a desk for… well… I assume writing letters… In the far corner there was a smaller chest. I walked over to it, opening it to find all my old things that I had brought with me carefully put away inside.

I took each thing out, looking at it critically, wondering what someone in this House would think about it. The more… exotic… ones from the Desert Lands were probably enough to give Ayume a nosebleed…

I paused as I found a small cherry wood box hidden in my things. It had a butterfly laid into the top in mother-of-pearl, a beautiful scene painted around it of the night’s sky. No doubt this was depicting the tale of the Butterfly God… I opened it, expecting it to be empty but I found myself gasping in delight. Several sharp notes came from the box, playing a tune I vaguely recognized…

“The song is the Hymn of Ichiro and Tsuki. It’s a popular song amongst women as it’s all about true love. I see it didn’t take you long to find it,” I heard someone say from the doorway. I scrambled up, accidentally dropping the box as I rushed to greet whoever it was. I watched in horror as it thudded against the ground, the lid snapping shut.

“Aaah! Gomen ne! Gomen ne!” I cried, stooping to pick it up. However, the person got to it first, handing it up to me. I felt dread set it.

“Tsuzuki-domo!” I bowed, cradling the box. I was pretty sure that he was the owner of the pretty trinket and he would probably be mad at my clumsiness…

“Ohayo! Ikaga desu ka ‘Soka-chan? (1)” He asked in a sing-song happy voice. I opened my mouth and shut it again. He wasn’t mad? He was…

“Arigatou gozaimasu. Genki desu, (2)” I replied. He smiled, nodding and looking genuinely pleased that I was alright. I held out the box to him.

“This is yours, my lord?” I asked, watching his face as it lightened into a smile, so unlike everything I’d previously seen. But something didn’t ring right about it… The smile, it was fake… I didn’t appreciate the false cheer… Was it because he was angry at me or… Someone else? If so, what had I, or they, done?

“It isn’t a man’s kind of trinket,” He replied offhandedly. I found myself folding my arms and… glaring…

“Ahem,” I looked down at myself pointedly. Tsuzuki blushed, rushing to apologize.

“Sorry, sorry. It’s easy to forget-” He tried but another pointed glare prevented him going any further with that one.

“You look very masculine, Hisoka,” He said after a few more failed apologies. He said it with a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. I tried my hardest to look angry but I found myself smiling. No one had ever joked around with me before… Tsuzuki was being my first in so many ways…

“Would it be alright if I went to bathe in that pool I saw from that window? It’s just that I kind of… smell of horse…” I said softly. I wanted to add ‘And god knows what else’ but I didn’t think that Tsuzuki wanted to hear that…

“Uh, sure. You want me to escort you down?” Tsuzuki asked. I nodded, before turning my back on him, picking up a small satchel from the chest that contained all my various potions and soaps that I’d used in the harem. It was always important to be clean… I went to leave the room, expecting Tsuzuki to follow. When he didn’t I turned around, tilting my head to one side.

“My lord?” I asked. Tsuzuki was blushing slightly.

“Don’t you want a robe or something?” He asked. I blinked, then smiled.

“Why bother? The sun is warm today, I might as well sun myself on a rock. I can put this robe back on to return up to my room. It’s not like I have anything you don’t… At least I hope not?” I couldn’t help but laugh a little at Tsuzuki’s face, which had gone the color of a tomato. I’m not sure what it was that gave me this newfound confidence with the man… I felt like I didn’t need to be respectful because he knew that I respected him already… The only time I felt afraid was when I felt I should repay his kindness…

“Would it be wrong of me to ask to wash with you?” Tsuzuki asked. Oh, that made me nervous too. I wasn’t sure if Tsuzuki wanted me in that way or not… That made me unsure of where I stood…

“It is not my place to deny, my lord,” I replied. There, that would get me out of answering properly! I was pleased with myself until we got to Tsuzuki’s rooms (through ten minutes of corridors might I add… In silence too…) and he turned to me again.

“I’m not like Muraki, Hisoka. I’m not going to feel you up. I’m not going to even speak to you unless you want me to. You can tell me to go away if you want to be alone. You can tell me I’m too old for you. You can spit in my face if you want. I won’t hurt you,” Tsuzuki promised. I looked at my hands. Tsuzuki wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want him to…

“It’s okay, Tsuzuki-san,” I said, smiling at him. “You’re a nice person. I don’t mind talking with you, or bathing with you. And you aren’t too old for me! I’ve seen lords that are over forty with brides as young as fourteen!” I exclaimed as I waited for him to get his soaps. He returned a few moments later and I noticed that he had a robe with him. I guess that not everyone is as comfortable with nudity as I was… Not that I’m preaching about the beauty of the human body or anything but… Harem boy… I pretty much have seen everything…

“I’m twenty-six, you’re sixteen. That’s ten years extra experience of the world. That’s a big difference,” He said. I felt slightly indignant at that statement.

“Yeah, I’m sure you’ve experienced loads more than me. Yeah, I’ll bet you’ve tried to force off fifteen warriors twice you size, knowing you’re going to fail and that if you do you’re going to be forced into humiliation. I’m sure that you’ve hidden in fear because you know that if someone finds you you’ll be beaten within an inch of your life. I’m sure you’ve watched as your closest friends have been killed one by one or as your parents decided that you were a monster and sold you as though you were worthless. I’m sure that you’ve been through a whole lot more than me in those ten years,” I found myself saying bitterly. I knew there were tears in my eyes. It was like I had been waiting to tell someone this for years but never had the chance… A chance to spill my heart out to someone who actually cared…

“Hisoka…” He breathed.

“I’m sure you’ve been raped again and again because you still scream and beg them to stop. I’m sure you’ve been hated for no reason. I’m sure you’ve groveled and begged for your life. I’m sure you’ve cried yourself to sleep every night for three years just because you know that when you wake up it will be by a man roughly forcing himself on you. I’m sure you’ve got loads more experience,” I found myself falling to my knees in the middle of the hallway. When had I become so weak? This was stupid… I sobbed into my hands, rubbing my eyes like a child but Tsuzuki’s apologetic face soon swam in my vision.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you… I-I… Do you need to talk about it?” He asked. I swallowed the sticky saliva that always seems to get in your mouth when you cry… I wiped my eyes and stood, using the wall to support me.

“Mmm… Let’s get to the baths. I… I need to get it together,” I said. I intended to talk to Tsuzuki but I didn’t want it to just come rushing out. As we walked through the halls I pieced together my life story, going through every sad little detail in my mind. Would Tsuzuki truly understand? Would he think less of me?

We came to the pool, and I watched as Tsuzuki set down his wash things on a rock near the water and began to undress. I found myself watching a little too intensely so I turned and emptied my satchel onto the ground, sorting through the various pots, deciding what I’d like to smell like today. I chose lavender… For some reason the color had been in my head since yesterday…

When I began to undress Tsuzuki was already immersed up to his waist in water. There were some girls still over by the waterfall, giggling and waving shyly, hiding their bodies in the water. I shook my head, slowly lowering myself into the water. It was freezing. I immediately felt all the hairs everywhere stand on end.

“Fuck! It’s cold!” I hissed, much to Tsuzuki’s amusement. He proceeded to grab my head and dunk me. I lost my footing, realizing that this pool got really deep, really fast and felt dread rising in me.

Why on Earth didn’t I tell him I couldn’t swim?

I flailed frantically under the water until I felt slender arms wrap around me. When I was pulled to the surface I found myself already glowing. One of the girls was towing me to the side, her breasts pressed against my back.

“Tsuzuki-sama! Don’t drown the poor thing! She obviously can’t swim… Say, is she going to be your wife?” The girl asked. I felt my feet touch the bottom and I turned to say thank you to her. She smiled and ruffled my hair.

“You’re cute… In a boyish way…” She giggled. I heard Tsuzuki try to stifle his laughter.

“No, Hisoka-san isn’t going to be my wife. To be honest I don’t think he’d have me…” Tsuzuki said, looking mock-saddened. I folded my arms across my chest.

“I don’t think it’s a case of what I think anyway. I’m stuck with you whether I want to be or not,” I said, reaching up to the rock where my soap was. I pulled it down, lathering it up in my hands before scrubbing the odd bits of dried blood off my arms and chest.

“KAAAAWWWWAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIII! You two would be soooooo cute together! Cuter than Watari-san and Tatsumi-san!” The girl squealed. I raised my eyebrows. So those two were lovers? That would explain some of the deeper emotions I felt lying between the two… But I think that Tatsumi might be in denial or something… His feelings for Watari-san were deeply repressed and covered over with a fake love for another…

“Yeah. Right,” Tsuzuki was also washing himself now. He looked sad, as though talking about Watari and Tatsumi troubled him for some reason. Interesting…

“Yeah! Bon, come here,” She ordered. I was very aware that all of us were naked. I wasn’t expecting to be in close contact with a girl like this. It as a little nerve wracking to be fair. I’d never… you know… with a girl… So I wasn’t sure if I was attracted to them or not…

She grabbed my shoulders, pushing me into Tsuzuki. He nearly overbalanced, grasping my shoulders as I tumbled into him, my arms flailing. I ended up pressed up against him, my arms round his neck, his round my shoulders and my thigh pressed… against something I’d rather not think about.

“Oh, you two would be so cute together!” She squeaked but I pushed away from Tsuzuki violently, moving as far away as I could. He just looked into the water. The girl was still rambling on about ‘cuteness’ and various other things until…

“Tsubaki. Enough,” Tsuzuki barked. I, meanwhile, decided to wash my hair, ignoring the fact my heart was beating double speed. Why was everything in my life so complicated? Why?

I scrubbed at my hair until it felt heavy with soap suds and then bent forward rubbing away all the lavender smelling foam. As I brought my head back up I noticed that Tsubaki and Tsuzuki were staring at me. I just stared back.

“He really is adorable! Let me play with him!” Tsubaki said but I was already getting out of the water. What was with that girl? She was crazy…

“I’m not a toy,” I grumbled, finding my butter lotion and sitting down on a rock in the sun. It began to dry out my body, and soon my hair wasn’t dripping great droplets of water everywhere.

“Oh, but you look like a porcelain doll! You’ve got such pale skin and those eyes are inhuman! Even your voice, it’s soft but beautiful. You’re a doll in every way!” Tsubaki said, as though she was saying something wonderful to me. I clenched my fists, trying to ignore the creeping sensation going through me.

“Don’t call me that. I’m a person, not a plaything,” My voice was low, warning her not to talk to me again. Tsuzuki must have sent her on her way because he soon left the water to sit beside me, wrapped in his robe. I picked up the butter lotion and placed it on the rock in front of me, getting some on my fingers before rubbing it into my arms.

“What’s that?” Tsuzuki asked, picking up the small tub and sniffing it before placing it back down.

“Oh, it’s a butter lotion that makes your skin softer… It smells nice…” I said, blushing slightly. Tsuzuki was still looking puzzled.

“How’s it made?” He asked. I shrugged, smearing some onto my skin. One would think that it would be greasy, but it sank into my skin easily. The smell of lavender wafted towards Tsuzuki who was smiling.

“Why are you putting it on? It makes you seem more feminine… And who is going to be touching you so intimately that your skin needs to be so soft?” Tsuzuki’s voice was teasing, and I couldn’t help but dab some of it on his nose. He looked down at it, going cross-eyed and I laughed. He wiped it off with his sleeve and mock-glared at me… Which didn’t work… It was like a puppy trying to look like a wolf…

“I don’t want to smell like a girl,” He said. I raised an eyebrow but continued to rub the lotion into my legs and torso. If I’d looked up I might have noticed the girls giggling or Tsuzuki practically drooling… I was lost in my own little world though.

“Ah! There you are! I thought I told you that I needed to look him over!” Watari appeared from the door to the castle. Most of the girls squealed and began to get out, covering themselves up. I wasn’t quite sure what the big deal was… They hadn’t done that for me and Tsuzuki.

“Heh…” Watari rubbed his neck. “Don’t worry, I haven’t got 003 with me today,” He said. I frowned. 003?

“003 is a runt owl that Watari has. It’s very fluffy and cute. The girls however think that Watari is a sorcerer of the West and that the owl is his familiar. It doesn’t help that 003 is a bit of a skirt chaser. He is always trying to sit on the shoulder of pretty girls,” Tsuzuki explained when he saw my puzzled look. Meanwhile, Watari had sat next to me and was sniffing the butter lotion.

“How did you make this? It smells great! I want some!” Watari said, handing the tub back to me. I sighed.

“I don’t remember how it’s made but I have another jar in my satchel. It’s got a different scent, satsumas I think. You can have that one,” I told him. He grinned and then lay down on the ground, looking up at the sky.

“Beautiful day, ne? How about going for a ride later?” He asked. Tsuzuki nodded enthusiastically but I remained silent, still massaging the lavender butter into my skin.

“Hisoka-san?” Watari prompted. I looked up and bit my lip.

“I still hurt from the last ride, Watari-san. Please excuse me from this excursion,” I said softly. Tsuzuki smiled encouragingly at me and then scooped some of the butter onto his finger tips.

“Here, I’ll do your back,” He said. I immediately felt the heat rise to my face. Tsuzuki really liked to push the boundaries…

“U-um…” I managed to say before I felt strong hands on my back. My eyes closed and I suppressed a shiver. I kept on reminding myself that this wasn’t Muraki; that Tsuzuki had promised never to hurt me… I breathed in the calming scent of lavender and calmed my nerves.

Tsuzuki’s hands were carefully loosening the muscles in my back, which were hard as rocks thanks to bad beds for most of my life, riding a horse and various other problems I had. Not to mention the fact I’d strained most of my muscles yesterday dragging that 50 liter trough across the courtyard…

“Mmmm…” I head lolled forward as Tsuzuki massaged my shoulders. I was beginning to fall asleep. I don’t know how he learned to be so good at that, slowly easing all the tension out of my muscles and then… I shuddered, my whole body trembling.

“Whoa… You really were stressed out…” Tsuzuki remarked. I sighed happily, falling back onto his lap, ignoring for the moment that I was his property and just enjoying being relaxed for a change.

“How did you learn…” I yawned. “To do that?”

“I went to the mainland a while ago. It’s where I got a lot of my clothes, silks and trinkets. There was a lady in the town I was staying in who massaged people for money. Of course, she probably did more than that, but I got her to teach me a few things… At the time I was in charge of looking after my father and his muscles were always really tight from the armour and things he had to wear,” Tsuzuki explained. I nodded, the sun was warming my skin nicely. I heard Watari and Tsuzuki talking for a while as I dozed, drifting in and out of consciousness. When I finally woke up Watari was soaking wet, dragging himself out of the water, fully clothed and Tsuzuki was in stitches, pointing and laughing.

“That wasn’t funny,” Watari pouted. Tsuzuki just carried on laughing. I had to admit, the look on Watari’s face was pretty funny.

“Ah, Bon, you’re awake. Lemme just check you over…” Watari rushed forward. For the next fifteen minutes I was prodded and poked, Watari seemed really interested in my stomach. He kept on going back to it.

“Bon…” He started, he was frowning. I tilted my head, slightly edgy about the fact his hand was on my stomach.

“This may seem a strange question but… Do you ever bleed? You know, monthly?” Watari asked. I blushed. What was he talking about? Was he talking about that woman thing? Of course I didn’t…

“No,” I replied. Instead of reassuring him though he started to poke my stomach, feeling across my abdomen.

“What about during sex? Anything strange?” He asked. I swallowed, how did he know everything? Why was he asking these questions?

“Muraki said that it was good that he didn’t ever need to use lubricant,” I whispered. Watari nodded, standing up.

“Bon, you have a very rare gift. I’m not sure how exactly it works, because it’s obviously very different to a woman but I believe that you have the ability to have children. Your hips are slightly wider than that of another boy your age. Not that much wider though… You’ll still have the problem of a child pushing up against your ribs but-” Watari was rambling on but I’d zoned out. The ability to have children? No way… No… All those times I’d bled… Had they been miscarriages? Had Muraki known and that was why I’d always be beaten? Was that why I had bled from…

“Watari, quiet,” Tsuzuki said softly. I felt tears in my eyes. It made me hate Muraki more. He’d beaten children out of me, using the fact that I was ignorant to it to keep it a secret… Was that why the girls were always trying to get me to try their contraceptive potions?

“It’s just a little too much to take in… May I… I want to go back to my room now,” I whispered, slipping the robe I’d slept in back on, gathering my things together and fleeing into the castle. I got into my room and closed the door, breathing deeply. I dropped the satchel on the floor and flung myself on the bed.

I was crying for all the other murders Muraki had committed through me.

XXx

I woke up a few hours later having had cried myself out. It took me a while to realize why I’d woken up. Then it started, the stinging pain in my arms and chest. My back arched off the bed as I writhed in pain. What was going on?

I stumbled to my feet, looking around for some clothes. I picked up the first thing I saw, a green kimono. I didn’t see any more details on it, just slipping it on and trying to stagger down the corridors. I wandered for what seemed like hours but must only have been about ten minutes. I had given up trying to walk and had sunk onto the ground; the pain had become so intense…

“Kurosaki-san?” I heard someone said. I looked up, aware that sweat was beading on my brow, I was shivering, I must have looked pathetic… It was Tatsumi-san… I made a feeble effort to say something but my mouth was dry and all that came out was a choked gasp of pain… I reached out my hand to him but ended up falling sideways as the pain grew more acute.

“Kurosaki-san! What’s wrong with you? Were you attacked? There’s no blood…” Tatsumi stooped down, glancing up and down my body searching for injuries. I tried to say something but my brain had shut down as well as my vocal chords… Everything was clouding over and pain was all there was…

“Tsuzuki…” I think that was me… Maybe…

“Of course! He’s gone out riding with Watari! That baka. The curse…Can you sta- No, I don’t think you can, can you? Looks like I’ll be carrying you then…” Tatsumi put an arm around my waist and put my arm over his shoulders, supporting me. I couldn’t even lift up my head to say thank you.

I was dying.

It hurt so much.

The world was falling away…

To the sound of screaming…

XXx

Tatsumi hadn’t expected the kid to start screaming or struggling against him. Hisoka was thrashing and lashing out, great screams of agony coming from his mouth. The advisor nearly dropped him a number of times until they got to the courtyard.

“Saddle my horse!” Tatsumi ordered an idle stable boy. Said boy jumped up and started to saddle the horse, eyeing Hisoka suspiciously. The boy was whimpering now, and Tatsumi wasn’t sure of that was a good sign or not. Either the pain was lessening or Hisoka was slowly slipping out of consciousness or even worse, into death.

“Here’s your horse, sir,” the boy said, handing Tatsumi the reins. The man nodded, then tried to figure out how to get Hisoka onto the horse. He settled with draping the boy over the horse’s neck while jumping up and then cradling the boy in front of him, securing him when he took up the reins.

Tatsumi took off at full speed across the plains, hoping he’d find Tsuzuki along one of their favorite hunting trails. Perhaps the man would be at that spot on the beach where they liked to fish? Tatsumi only hoped that they hadn’t decided to take the mountain trail…

The beach was deserted and Tatsumi reined in his horse quickly, heading in an almost U-turn round to the mountains beside the castle. Hisoka has lying on the horse limply now, only the odd moan or whimper escaping him…

“Tsu… ki…” He managed to get out. Tatsumi tried to ignore the poor boy’s callings. He was probably only calling for Tsuzuki because he was the one that the kid knew best… Tatsumi knew there was more to it than that… It was a horrible awakening for him, when the previous night Tsuzuki had defended an almost complete stranger…

“Tsu… ki…”

Tatsumi looked up at the mountain path and then at the sun. If Tsuzuki and Watari had set out at noon they would only be a little way up the mountain at the sedate pace they usually rode at…

Tatsumi urged his horse up the steep hillside, trying to keep both himself and Hisoka safe while traveling at this high speed. Trees and boulders whipped past them, the wind rustling through his hair. He somehow just knew that Hisoka was in serious trouble…

He saw them, laughing and joking, letting their horses wander whichever way they wanted. Tatsumi called out to them and at the same time Hisoka slipped off the side of the horse. It reared, trying to avoid trampling him, throwing Tatsumi off it. He felt the rock hit his head and something wet falling down his face.

“Watari-san…” He called before darkness took him. At least he’d saved Hisoka for Tsuzuki…

XXx

“TATSUMI!” Watari and Tsuzuki called at the same time. They looked at each other and then yanked at their horses’ reins, galloping over before dismounting. They rushed to Tatsumi’s side, where there was blood slowly pooling around his head.

“Tatsumi? Tatsumi!” Watari was yelling, as though that was going to wake him up. Tsuzuki looked over at Tatsumi’s horse, which was pacing up and down, looking nervous. He calmed it, then saw Hisoka on the road, he was lying there; still.

Tsuzuki ran forward, checking Hisoka over. What had happened? Why did the boy decide to come out to ride with them after all? Had he been trampled by the horses?

“Watari, Hisoka’s here. Is he hurt too?” Tsuzuki called over. Watari seemed to snap out of a daze, running over to Hisoka and feeling the boy’s neck. Watari nodded.

“He’s alive,” He confirmed before feeling the boy’s torso, arms and legs and nodding again. “Nothing broken. We have to get them back to Onimidori this instant.” Watari’s eyes were burning with worry… He obviously didn’t want Tatsumi to die thinking that he had hated him… Tsuzuki sympathized with that…

“Right,” Tsuzuki picked Hisoka up and slung him over the horse. He then helped Watari get Tatsumi on his own horse, unfortunately the warrior had to be put on the horse arse-up. It was so undignified, but they had nothing to tie him to the saddle with, so Watari deemed it would be better for him to be alive and on the horse than dead and having not looked like a complete twit.

“Back to Onimidori?” Tsuzuki mounted his horse. Watari nodded, taking Tatsumi’s horse’s reins and then mounting his own, setting off at a trot back to the castle.

XXx

I woke up on horseback. The pain had gone. I opened my eyes and was met by a view of Onimidori… When had I left the walls?

“Hisoka?”

I jumped, it was Tsuzuki. I blinked up at him, before promptly slapping him across the face. He looked completely shocked as I burst into tears and ended up crying into his chest. He looked to Watari for help but the gaijin didn’t seem to have anything to say.

“It h-hurt so bad…” I breathed. “I-I would h-have died! I-if Tatsumi-san hadn’t f-found me!” I sobbed. Tsuzuki brought my face up to look at him as we entered the gates of the castle.

“What happened?” He demanded. I took a deep breath.

“I-I went upstairs and slept. I woke up and I was in so much p-pain. I staggered down the hallway and then Tatsumi found me and figured out it was the curse… I g-guess he must have figured out that it was M-Muraki’s curse?” I stumbled over my words through the sudden trembling that was passing through my body. It really hadn’t been my week…

“And Tatsumi has paid for his kindness…” Watari said quietly. I looked over at him and then saw there was a third horse, over it’s rump Tatsumi was slung, his head bleeding. I cried out and immediately jumped off the horse, out of Tsuzuki’s grasp.

“Bon!” He cried out but I was already at Tatsumi’s horse. I don’t know what I wanted to achieve but even so. This man had saved me. I really wanted to help him. I looked at his pale face and felt the tears threatening to overwhelm. I was only a burden…

I was worthless… I was nothing better than a whore… Why do these people do anything for me? Why should a great man like Tatsumi-san suffer because of some stupid curse? My life was worth so much less than his…

“Tatsumi-san…” I said, as though about to say something else. I just hung my head. “Arigatou… Gomen ne…” I whispered, touching his forehead. His eyes opened then and he smiled at me.

“It’s alright, Kurosaki-san…” He coughed then… “Do you know when I’ll get my sight back?”

I looked at Watari whose eyes had gone wide in shock. Tsuzuki was staring at me, no, not at me, through me… I could tell, I could see it in their eyes… They were blaming me…

I felt like running away from everything. It was all too much. Not only had I been given to someone, I’d also been put through so much already… The knowledge of my miscarriages, Tatsumi’s vision, everything that had happened over the past week, it was all too much.

I wished I had never been born.

I sprinted, up the steps of the castle, through corridors and hallways until I reached a quiet room. I had no idea where I was. There were scrolls everywhere; some were collected together in albums. I didn’t particularly notice much else before I sank to the floor, exhausted.

Perhaps if I wished hard enough, I could erase my existence?

XXx

“Watari… You think you can fix it?” I asked. Watari just stared numbly at the wall in front of him. I looked at my feet. His eyes were gone…

“Should I be able to see light and shadow?” Tatsumi asked suddenly. Watari’s head shot up, as he rapidly replied.

“You can see light and shadow? Can you tell the difference between this-” He placed his hand just above Tatsumi’s eyes. “-and this.” He took the hand away. Tatsumi nodded, then winced as his head gave a nasty twinge. I looked at Watari. This was good news, right?

“You might not be totally blind… You might regain your sight over time…” Watari said, practically crying from joy. I felt the same. It would be a shame to retire Tatsumi because of blindness… But one couldn’t have a warrior that couldn’t see, nor an advisor who couldn’t watch out for lies.

“That’s good… I would like to see your face again, Watari-san,” He said softly. I smiled at Watari’s bittersweet laugh, as he took Tatsumi’s hand and pressed it against his cheek.

“Are you still there Tsuzuki-san?” Tatsumi asked.

“Hai!” I answered.

“Kurosaki-san… He kept on calling out for you… Did he get to you in time?” He asked. I felt my heart give an uneasy twinge. I hadn’t even looked for Hisoka after he’d taken off… I had barely even given it a moment’s thought.

“He called for me?” I asked, surprised. Why would Hisoka call for me? It was quite clear that he spent time with me because I was his lord… Not the fact he liked me… Although I liked him, I liked him quite a bit… He was beautiful, spirited and appreciated the little things…

“All the way… I think he’s quite taken with you,” Tatsumi’s voice was light but I heard the hidden message. He was giving permission. He was saying it was alright. It was okay if I wanted to be with Hisoka…

But was it okay by Hisoka?

I’d only known the boy a day and yet here I was, considering being with him… What if he didn’t want it? What if all he wanted now was to be left alone?

“Go find him,” Watari said softly. I stood up, dashing to the door.

“I’ll be back later so don’t get up to anything on the medic bed!” I said in a sing song voice. There was a deep chuckle from Tatsumi and an outraged cry from Watari as I dashed down the corridor. I needed to find Hisoka, now he could be in his room or…

There was the muffled sound of crying. I crept forwards, it was the library. I pushed the door open a little, just enough to see the boy was huddled up on the floor in the middle, open in front of him was a book. He was sobbing over it.

“Why? Why was I born? Was it just to hurt others? Is that what I am? I’m a monster… I hate myself… I hate everything!” He pushed the book away from him, it slid across the floor and stopped at my feet. He saw me then, as I stooped to pick the book up. It was the Tales of the Butterfly God, or Book of Rules as all holy books were called.

“Do you hate me Hisoka?” I asked, closing the book and sitting down beside him. I kept my voice distant, but I knew my eyes betrayed me. He looked at me, those beautiful green eyes so full of pain and anguish and spat in my face.

“You’re no better than him! You’re just playing games with me to get what you want as well!” He yelled. I carefully wiped my cheek. He was really crying now, I didn’t know what to do or say. Was he really comparing me to Muraki?

“’Soka-chan…” I began but his arm went to hit me. I caught it, holding onto it so he couldn’t try to hit me again.

“Don’t call me that!” He screamed. I nodded, hoping that by agreeing with him he’d calm down. It didn’t work…

“You want to own me just in a different way! You’re trying to manipulate me just as much as he is! Why else would you be giving me all of these things? Why would you dote on me so much if you weren’t just trying to bed me!?” He demanded. I sighed, catching his other hand as he tried to hit me again.

“Would you rather I let you live in the stable with the dogs?” I asked. He hung his head.

“Just kill me…” He replied. I sighed, looking at his bowed head sadly.

“Is that truly what you want? If it is, I will grant it…” I said, hating myself for it. Something so beautiful should not be killed. I knew I would hate myself for it forever if I killed him… But I would have no one else do it… Muraki had given his life to me…

“Is what I said true…? Are you just trying to manipulate me?” Hisoka asked. I let go of one of his hands and it fell to the floor with a thud. I put my hand under his chin, getting him to look up.

“I’m not trying to get you to bed me Hisoka. I’m not trying to manipulate you. I’m just trying to… to make up for what happened to you and to give you everything you’re worth…” I knew I was stumbling over my words. Hisoka was looking into my eyes, searching for something. I don’t know what… Was he picking up on my emotions? He said he was an empath…

“You do want to bed me. You want to own me. I can sense it in you. You’re just as possessive as Muraki,” Hisoka accused. I bit down on my lip. How could I explain it to him? I didn’t want him for sex, but I desired him… I wanted him to be mine but at the same time I respected him. I doubt he could understand that…

“Hisoka…” I began, but I knew before I’d even started that it was pointless to even try to talk to him. Instead I just slowly moved forward. He didn’t pull away as I brushed my lips against his. I was surprised when he kissed back, just a gentle brush but enough…

“I understand… I think…” He whispered. I wasn’t sure what to say… What happened now? This was moving too fast… Everything seemed to be happening at once…

“What do we…”

“We wait and see…” Hisoka said softly, carefully moving away from me. I allowed him his space, waiting to see what he’d say. “It’s all a bit much for me right now… I understand how you feel… Give me time to figure out… how I feel… ne?” He asked. I nodded, before handing him back the book he’d been crying into before.

“Oh, I was just looking at the pictures,” He said, trying to give it back. I frowned, and he obviously sensed my confusion.

“Do you really think Muraki taught his slaves how to read?” Hisoka asked. I tilted my head. He had a point really… Well, it was about time that Hisoka learned!

“Do you want me to read it to you?” I asked. Hisoka smiled at me and nodded, handing the book to me. I wondered if it would be too much to ask if I made to hold him while reading. Luckily he moved to sit in between my legs, the book open on his lap. I leaned against the bookcase, my head resting on his shoulder as I read to him.

“This is a tale of Ichiro the Butterfly God and his lover, Tsuki the Protector. Shortly after Ichiro became the stars in the sky, Tsuki found him, crying all alone. When Tsuki asked what was wrong, Ichiro replied ‘All my beauty has gone. I am ugly and alone. I shall never walk upon the Earth again, nor fly among the trees. I shall remain here, hating everything until the day I die’,” I read. Hisoka smelled lovely. The soft scent of lavender, mixed with the boy’s own natural scent was going to my head. It was a scent that I could spend forever breathing in.

“Tsuki didn’t believe that Ichiro was ugly. He thought that the defiled and destroyed form before him was the most beautiful and pure thing he’d seen. Ichiro’s struggles had only enhanced his beauty… Tsuki did the only thing he could think of doing, he became a large orb in the sky, shielding the main body of Ichiro from the Dragon, who kept on trying to see Ichiro in his state…” I was idly fiddling with the spine of the book. I knew Hisoka was completely immersed already in the story of the butterfly… Perhaps he felt a connection with the tragic story of the God of my upbringing?

“When Ichiro realized that Tsuki was protecting him he knew that the other demi-god loved him dearly and found that he himself, returned the affection. Ichiro and Tsuki made love, and stars rained down upon the planet. Those who caught those stars were granted the power of great fertility. Even the men. These men became the wives of the greatest of Emperors and Lords, bearing them strong children,” I knew that Hisoka was listening carefully now. This story dealt with the whole male pregnancy issue. Really, it was the only explanation for why some men had… that stuff… and some men didn’t…

“And Ichiro and Tsuki’s child, who was called Lindu -or Rindu seeing as most of us can’t pronounce ‘L’ seeing as it’s a sacred letter of the Gods- and she was the most beautiful thing either of them had seen. Lindu later married another woman, the daughter of Tsuki’s greatest enemy, the Tiger whom had estranged himself from the Dragon when hearing of her cruelty. The story goes on then to describe Lindu’s adventures with her wife and the son of the Dragon, who turned his back on his mother’s cruel ways…” I closed the book, which roused Hisoka from his thoughts. He smiled up at me and got to his feet, dusting himself off and taking the book off me. He walked across the library gracefully and slid the book onto a shelf, having to stand on his tip toes to reach the shelf.

I finally took in what he was wearing. It was certainly nothing I had given him. It looked like a normal kimono from the front, except at the back it only had a net back down to the waist, where a dragon had been expertly stitched on the back. It had been tailored to fit his frame, going slightly in before his thin hips and accenting the length of his legs and the color of his eyes.

“I’m sleepy. Let’s go to bed,” Hisoka said innocently, stretching. I sniggered.

“I thought we were taking it slow?” I teased. He blushed and whacked me across the back of the head.

“Hentai!” He accused, flouncing off. I had to jog to keep up with him as he walked through the corridors, obviously lost but not going to ask me for my help.

“Come on, don’t have a hissy fit,” I whined. He stopped then and poked me in the chest.

“I do not have ‘hissy fits’,” He replied. I smiled and kissed his forehead in a patronizing way.

“Of course not!” I chirped in a ‘I know better’ kind of voice. I heard his growl of frustration as he trailed behind me as I let him to his room.

xXx

End Notes:

Hii-chan’s personality will return to normal don’t worry. He’s just having a difficult time of it right now. You know, it’s only been a day since he arrived and it’s been quite a difficult one for him…

Muraki lovers don’t worry, Muraki is a main character in this story and will be appearing again. (The next chapter in fact). I also want to thank those who left such amazing reviews because they really meant a lot to me. Through this fiction I feel like I have a chance to showcase my writing skills off, seeing as it has an ambitious plot. (I was certain I wouldn’t be able to pull it off actually ^^)

I have inserted a soundtrack at the top of the page too. That’s a recommended listening thing. Or basically, if this WAS an anime, that’s the kind of background music, it would have. Ayumi Hamasaki’s Voyage was chosen as the Hymn because it has a music box opening and a pretty tune. I have no IDEA if it actually fit’s the tale of Tsuki and Ichiro at all…

Oh and the butter lotion stuff… It really does exist. I have some ^^ It’s really nice… It’s all squishy!

And one more thing (man, my author’s notes are getting far too long…) everyone check out the mochi scanlation site for some lovely yaoi/Shounen-ai love stories (especially Soshite Koi). AND everyone buy ‘The Demon Ororon’ because it’s the best manga EVER! (Ororon is so cute!)