Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Behind Blue Eyes: Seto's Story ❯ Day Two: Taking Notes ( Chapter 5 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: kiokukaiba 
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 08.14.2007 | Pages: 5 | Words: 4.9K | Visits: 334 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 08.14.2007 | Pages: 5 | Words: 4.9K | Visits: 334 | Status: Work In Progress
Behind Blue Eyes
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Disclaimer: I’ll let you know when I save up my pennies to buy Yuugiou.
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Recap:
“I don’t hate you, dammit! I l-” We locked eyes, and he never looked so frightened before.
“You what?” A word that begins with the letter ‘L’. It was a positive word. . . so that left ‘like’ and ‘love’. . . and I sure as hell hope it wasn’t meant to be the latter.
- - -
He never answered my question. His only reaction was to roll off of me and onto his side, facing away from me; and then all was silent.
The rest of the night, or early morning rather, went by without any more strange occurrences. . .
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I felt something. The feeling was horribly familiar, and not in a good way. I was drifting somewhere between the black of sleep and the light of morning, and wasn’t able to open my eyes as I wanted to. Something on my wrist? Tugging at my sleeve? My wrist. . . such ugly things my wrists were, crisscrossed with filthy scars. I was ignorant and stupid for making them. . . no, that isn’t what I think. I think I was brave for attempting suicide. . . and stupid for failing. How could I expect to defeat others when I couldn’t even defeat myself? Perhaps that is the ultimate failure. . . unable to defeat even your own self.
A hand! Yes, it was clearly a hand now! Wrapped around my wrist! My scars, someone had seen my scars? Who was it? A bed. . . I was in bed. . . a hand around my wrist. . . no, no, no. . .
“Jounouchi?” I was finally able to ask the question, but the name seemed to foreign to me. Jounouchi. . . in a bed with me. . . with his hand around my wrist. My scars. Jounouchi could see my. . .
“What are you doing?” I opened my eyes slowly, as if these feelings would prove false. Surely he wasn’t really. . . but he was. His hand was gripping my wrist, his face looking down at me with the emotion of. . . pity fear? I hated both, “Let go of me!”
He released my arm, but sat on top of me, straddling my hips, “Where are those from?”
Okay, play dumb. . . just play dumb, “Where are what from?”
“Those scars, the scars on your arm!”
“Which arm?” I tried my best not to make eye contact. My arms. . . my scars. . . my weakness. It was a fit of desperation in which those dreadful marks came about. The blade was cool and sharp against my skin, painful but, so pleasurable. . . and the blood. . .
“What do you mean?” He reached down, roughly seizing my left arm and forcing the sleeve away from my wrist. His facial expressions made it clear that he saw another set of secret slashes, “More?! What the hell is wrong with you?!”
This was a dream, a nightmare! It couldn’t possibly be happening to me. After those years of hiding them. Long sleeves, arm cuffs, coats. . . anything to keep my arms covered. I even wore wrist-bands during physical education in school. I had learned many useful skills during my years of torturous training. . . and one of them was deception as a tool for getting my way. It was worth a shot, if anything. . . I wasn’t a virgin or anything, so what would one more guy be on a list of what could be hundreds? Anything to keep him quiet; anything to keep the world from knowing the truth, “Why, nothing is wrong, Katsuya. . .”
“My name. . .”
“Yes, your name. . . and now forget about those insignificant things and kiss me. . .” Kiss me. . . yes, kiss me. . . am I tempting enough for you? Everyone else thought so. Gozaburo would have me dress in short shorts and showy shirts just to tempt men into business deals. . . can I tempt you into a deal? Temptation, lust. . . disgusting things. . . but there was one who had loved me at one time. . . at least, I believe you loved me at one time. . . didn’t you, Saki? Saki. . . whose lips were as soft as the roses in the gardens. . . and he was so gentle. . . gentle up until that day. There will never be another like Saki. . . my Saki. . .
“What?! Kaiba?!” Oh right, this was Jounouchi Katsuya. . . not my Saki.
“No, no, I am Seto. . . do you want me, Katsuya? You can have me, Katsuya.” I wrapped both arms around his neck. . . a feeling that was, again, all-too familiar to me. . . it had been so long. I can’t say I missed it. . . especially not being embraced in return. Hold me. . . Saki. . .
“Y-You’re trying t-to make me forget a-about your-”
“Hush. . .” I pulled him closer and he quickly closed the gap, crushing our lips together. It was weird and I could feel myself slipping. Is this really what I wanted? This filthy thing that was now laying on top of my body, crushing me against the mattress. . . filthy thing? No, he was clean in this matter; it was I who was the filthy one. . . filthy slut.
His hands wandered wildly over my body, up my shirt, and in my hair, forcing my tongue into my mouth. I could scarcely feel these things. They didn’t matter. This wasn’t what I wanted. . . no, not again. This wasn’t the way to solve anything. . . and I knew that very well. Why, after these past few years, would I revert back to something so ugly and so disgusting as this? Why. . .
I froze. No, this definitely wasn’t what I wanted. He stopped his actions and pulled away. I couldn’t see him, for I had clenched my eyes shut tightly, only opening to wonder what look he was gazing at me with. Hopefully not pity. . . if it were pity, I think I’d die right there.
He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, “You can cry, you know.” I started to cry then. . . tears that, like many things in my life, I didn’t want. I didn’t want to cry in front of him, or even myself. But I did. The tears cascaded down my cheeks as though his words were what created them. He ignored them, continuing to talk, “Why did you say those things when you didn’t want them?”
I turned my face away from him. After all, could anyone look somebody in the face after pulling a stunt such as that? No, absolutely not. “You’ll never understand. . .” I choked out the words, and cursed myself mentally for sounding so pathetic. I tried to turn off the waterworks, but there wasn’t a chance. The saltwater continued to flow, “No one will ever understand. . .” I covered my face to try and hide such a betrayal.
“Then tell me what the hell is going on with you so that I can try to understand!”
“I can’t.”
“Why the fuck not?!” He grasped my chin and jerked my face in his direction, “Look at me when I’m talking to you, you little bastard!”
His attitude. . . it was almost like Gozaburo’s when he said that. To treat me that way! Had this been a few days ago, he would have never said that! Jounouchi used to seem so weak compared to me, and now. . . now he is treating me like some sort of bitch!
“I didn’t mean to say that.” He retracted quickly.
“Then why did you?” I glanced up at him, wiping the remnants of the tears that had finally ceased.
“I said it because. . .” He paused for a moment, searching for the answer to a question that I knew he couldn’t find the answer to. “I guess that hearing it so much got it plastered in my head.”
Hearing it so much? His father was the only person he lived with, and the Yuugi clan wouldn’t say something like that. “Is he very cruel to you?
“Who?”
“Your father.” Geez, he really was a stupid dog.
He sighed, “I’m really not around him all that much.”
“But when you are around him. . .”
“He’s usually drunk or something so I don’t really go near him.”
Well, my situation from earlier was long forgotten now. . . so I suppose that my efforts weren’t for naught after all. I sat next to him, but left space in between so that my comfort level wouldn’t reach an all-time low.
“You know I’m not going to take that for an answer, right mutt?”
“Yeah. . . well, when my dad is sober, he’s a pretty good guy, but when he’s drunk, he can be a little. . .” He cast a side-glance at me, and I could see him slowly dazing out, as usual.
“Continue.”
“Oh, uh, yeah. . . he has a tendency to get a little violent.” His voice muted itself towards the end, and his hands rubbed each other nervously in his lap, like a child about to see the doctor.
“I see. . .” He seemed stunned at my answer, but I pretended not to notice, “You don’t have to stay here.”
“Where the hell am I supposed to go?” He leaned close to me, but I knew he wouldn’t do anything.
“Oh, that’s right, you have no money.” I smiled, trying to lighten the mood with my little joke.
The fucking cur tried to punch me! I was able to evade it though, but not by much. I rolled from the bed and to the floor, standing at my full height in the blink of an eye.
“You tried to hit me. . . why?” I glared down at him, like a stern guardian.
“Because you’re making fun of me! You were a lot different yesterday; what the hell happened?!”
“Was I different? I guess that today I’m making up for yesterdays awkward change.” I shrugged. Had I been different yesterday? To be honest. . . I couldn’t remember much of what had happened yesterday. . . I don’t recall being different. Perhaps it was because I cooperated in going somewhere with him? Pfeh, that wouldn’t be something to consider ‘different’.
“Well you need to change back to that so-called awkward change; you were a hell of a lot more pleasant.” He snatched his little notebook off of the night stand beside his bed.
“What are you doing?” I tilted my head in mock curiosity. . . though I was truly a tiny bit interested.
“Writing some notes on what you said and did yesterday. . . oh, and those scars I found this morning.” I frowned sitting on his bed. . . so he hadn’t forgotten after all. . . but I suppose it wouldn’t be easy to forget. He probably felt good about knowing my secret, “What? Did you think your attempt to seduce me had made me forget?”
“I wasn’t trying to seduce you.”
“Then you want to tell me what you’d call that?”
“Not really. . .” I glanced down at his notebook, but he turned it from my view. We finally made eye contact, “What made you yell at me earlier?”
“Something that I was used to, I guess.”
“Well, perhaps that is my reason as well.” I tapped my fingers on my legs during the silence that followed, “Perhaps I should be taking notes on you as well.”
I slid down onto the floor, crawling across towards my bags on the floor. Was it wrong to feel too lazy to actually go to the trouble of standing up just to walk a few feet? I really didn’t see the point in it. . . perhaps Jounouchi was right. . . I was acting differently.
“Stop looking at my ass.” I sat next to my suitcases and glared in his general direction.
“Well, don’t crawl around like that. Crawling on all fours and swinging your hips is like jumping up and yelling for people to check out your ass.”
I tried not to seem freaked out by him being so openly honest, “We’re both guys.”
“So?”
It was time to end the conversation. I unzipped my computer case and removed my laptop. After finding an outlet in the rat-cage of a room, I plugged my beloved machine in and started it up, taking comfort in the gentle hum of the fan. The light of the screen was also a comfort. I felt at ease. This was my environment, right here. . . just me and a computer. . . that was all I ever really needed to be completely content.
“You’re going to take your notes on your computer?” He asked the question as though my actions were strange or something.
“Yes. I’m going to use my computer to type up the paper, so I might as well take my notes on here too.” I began by putting a title on the thing, which was a generic ‘Jounouchi Katsuya’ at the moment. Perhaps a creative streak would bite my ass later and something great would come up. Whatever. He tried to look at my notes (which really didn’t exist yet, but it never hurt to pretend). I pulled the computer to my chest, hiding it from view, “No, no. I couldn’t see your notebook, so you can’t see my computer. Shoo mutt.”
“Fine!” He crawled back across the room to do whatever the hell he was going to do. Finally leaving me to my thoughts.
Where to begin? I decided that a list format would be the best way to go about such a thing. I clicked on the bullet icon. His apartment’s condition seemed to be of some importance. I could tell the moment that I walked in that it had just been cleaned, and the ‘lemony-fresh’ scent in the bathroom was proof. He was trying to cover up how he usually lived. Shame. Jounouchi was very ashamed of his living conditions. The couch reeked of cigarette smoked and cheap perfume. There were stains in the carpet that I didn’t want to even begin to guess at.
Then there was his father. A typical drunken fuck that beat on his kid because he was such a sorry sap. I hated drunks. . . though I would admit that getting drunk was, in itself, a wonderful feeling. . . until morning came and it was time for a hangover. What about his mother and sister though? I had met his sister for all of about ten seconds back during battle city. What was her name? Sakuza? Shikuza? Sakura? Ah hell, who gives a fuck about some dumb broads name?
“Why don’t you have friends?” My fingers couldn’t help but stop working. What kind of fucking answer was that?
“Because they die.” I began typing again. I hadn’t mean to have said that. The answer had just come out so naturally. Perhaps he wouldn’t ask about it.
He started scribbling down some sort of nonsense. For fucks sake, this wasn’t a therapy session! Whatever. I returned to my writing, only to find that I really didn’t have much else to say. Hm. . . well, perhaps his father’s abuse is the reason he has become such a tough-guy. . . well, he tries to be one, anyways. It doesn’t take much to knock a drunk man down.
“Seto?” He interrupted again, and I glanced up at him.
“What, Jounouchi?”
“Where is Saki now?”
I pursed my lips. Why in the hell would he bring Saki up? I didn’t want to talk about Saki, “I wouldn’t give a flying fuck whether he were ground up and scattered in my backyard or living it large in fame. . . what’s passed is passed, and he was certainly a part of the past.” It took everything in my power to say that. Saki, my Saki. . . ugh, I wanted to forget him forever. . . but that wasn’t possible.
“Did you love him?”
“Jounouchi, that’s really –”
“None of my business? So that’s a yes then.” He smirked, acting as though he were going to write it down.
“I never said yes.”
“But you tried to keep from answering, a sure sign of guilt. Did you and Saki have a relationship?”
“Why do you want to know? So you can make a laughing joke of me? So my name will be in tabloids all over the world?!” I could feel the heat and blood rising into my cheeks. That fucking little bastard. . . it wasn’t his fucking business!
“Kaiba, no one really cares what sexuality anyone is anymore. It’s alright if you had a relationship with Saki. There’s a guy that has won my heart as well.” He was saying that so openly! I didn’t want to hear about his sick crushes!
“Get a girl.” It was all I could come up with in that instant.
“I. . . don’t want to.”
“I think that this is a good place to end this conversation and pretend that it never happened.”
“I don’t hate you, dammit! I l-”
No, couldn’t be.
“You never answered my question.”
I sighed. Anything to shut him the hell up. “Yes, Jounouchi, we were in a very short-lived relationship. It’s over now, and never got very far. . . and it ended horribly.”
“Yet you enjoyed every minute of it, right?” He smiled at me.
Enjoyed every minute? Every month, every week, every day, every hour, every minute, every second, every kiss, every smile, every hug. . . everything about him, I enjoyed it. I could fee myself smiling, but I didn’t care. I had love him. I loved his existence, and gave my heart very willingly to him. . . even though he was seven years older than me. . . but perhaps the age difference only added to my love. . . I had someone to look after me while I looked after my little brother. . . arms to run to when I was hurting. . .
I could hear myself chuckling like a schoolgirl. . . but it wasn’t a happy laugh. . . it was more of a ‘God-help-me-before-I-lose-my-fucking-mind-oh-shit-I-already-haveR 17; kind of laughter. I wonder if he could pick all of that up. . . doubtful.
“Yeah, I did.” I covered myself for fear of going insane. “I’m acting so weird, I can’t seem to figure out why.” I really was. Ugh, it was awful! I couldn’t find my natural attitude anywhere inside of me. It was the air, I decided to conclude.
“You’re usually an asshole.”
“Yeah, I know. . . but that’s how it should be.”
“How it should be?”
“Yeah, no one wants to go near an asshole.”
“You don’t want people near you?”
“People are dangerous.” He frowned, “They only cause trouble for me.” It was true. All rich and famous people would say the same thing, especially when they’re as naturally good-looking as myself.
He began the scribble into that book of his. About what? About Saki? About my strange behavior? Both things ought to be off limits! Then again, I told him willingly. . . about my love.
“Jounouchi. . .”
“What?” He looked up from his notes.
“You’re not really going to write about all of that, are you?” I stared into his amber eyes, trying my best to stare him down.
“Of course I am, why else would I ask you? Writing about the other persons life is the whole goal of this project.”
“What if she makes us read them aloud?” The thought made me tremble slightly, “Jounouchi, I’d rather keep my personal life just that; personal.”
“I know what you mean Seto, but-”
“Kaiba.”
“Alright buddy, let’s get something straight here; we’re going to be living together for two weeks, and I think we should be on a first name basis. Using surnames is too formal for me.” He lay his notebook on the floor face-down beside him.
“Jounouchi, using first names implies closeness and friendship, which you and I have neither of the two.” I gave the blond the most intense glare I could muster, but he didn’t even flinch.
“Aww. . . come on Seto.” Okay, now he was just trying to piss me off.
“Kaiba.”
“Seto.”
&# 8220;Kaiba!” I leaned forward, clenching my fists.
He laughed wildly, thoroughly enjoying this, “Seto!”
“Dammit Jounouchi!”
He smirked, “Katsuya.”
“Fine,” I sat back and sighed, closing my eyes in annoyance, “Katsuya.”
“Good.” He retrieved his notebook once more and pulled his knees toward himself, “Now then, what were we discussing?”
“How much this project sucks.” I put my right palm against my forehead, rubbing at my temples slightly to try and remedy the headache that threatened to begin.
“Oh yeah!”
“Have you seen how thick that packet is?” I pulled the packet from hell out of a bag behind me, “I’ve yet to even read the damn thing.”
“Yeah, Bakura said something about that during lunch on Friday.”
“Bakura?” The name was slightly familiar, but. . . nope, didn’t ring any bells in my mind.
“The evil twin of Ryou.”
“Ryou?” Ugh, another name that was almost familiar. Ryou. . . Bakura. . . Bakura Ryou. . . hmm. . . well that was a bit more familiar.
“The shy boy with white hair. . . he was at Duelist Kingdom, Battle City-”
“Oh, right, Ryou. . . he was fucking weird. . .” Yeah, the morbid one. Freak.
“Yeah. . .” There was an awkward silence. “Anyways! Let’s see what this thing says!” He snatched the papers from my fingers, after much stretching, and held it up, flipping through it momentarily, “Yeah, one of the requirements is family life and childhood. Sorry buddy, but it looks like you’re screwed.”
“So it does. . .” I think my disappointment was evident on my face, “What else is required?” Not that I gave a damn.
“Um. . . it says ‘Students must be sure to include important topics such as follows: Family life, childhood, life-changing events, and any other facts that are of importance in their life. Also include a passage in which the student discusses their current self and what influenced them to become who and what they are today. Plans for the future are also to be discussed.’ Well, looks like we have a lot of work to do.”
I was laying on the floor by the time he finished, covering my face with my hand. That woman was fucking crazy. It were almost as if this project was made specifically to get me to spill the beans.
“Anything else?” I asked, though I wanted ‘no’ for an answer.
“Well,” I could hear him flip the page, “There’s going to be a cookout up at the park next Saturday, says that attendance is mandatory.”
“What the hell?” I uncovered my face, cocking a brow at him. A cookout? What the fuck?
Jounouchi shook his head, blond hair tossing to and fro, “No clue. Heh, if you thought that was bad, you ought to hear this.”
“Oh no, do I really want to hear this?”
“Nope, but I’m going to tell you anyways!”
“Should have seen that coming, damn mutt.”
“There’s going to be a ropes course for everyone to go up on.”
“. . .” What. The. Fuck.
“Says it’s to ‘test our cooperation as partners.’ ” Again, he looked at me as though my reaction were a sort of prize to be won.
“That woman is insane.” I rolled over onto my back, bending my legs at the knees and clasping my hands together over my stomach, leaning my head back to make eye contact with him. Wow, it was so much easier to see without the hair all in my eyes.
He nodded, “Finally we agree on something.”
“Does that ungodly thing happen to list any other random shit?” I had pretty much heard everything now. . . there couldn’t be much else to surprise me.
“Um. . .” He flipped through the pages, “Not that I can tell.”
“Good.” I allowed for my eyes to fall shut. Two weeks with this fool, “Only day two and already I’m miserable.”
“Gee, thanks.” He muttered sarcastically, “You know, you’re a lot different here than you are when Yuugi and the others are around. . . I mean, I know I keep bring that up and all, but you really do. It amazes me, I guess.”
“Is that an issue? I can always go back to being an asshole again.” I huffed an irritated sigh, “I’m only trying to make this experience as pleasant as possible.” I was still kind of tired. . .
“I guess that makes sense. . . and no, it’s not an issue; I like it this way.”
I could feel his eyes on me and I returned to my computer, deciding to check my e-mail, which was likely filled with shit for work. I hated answering the damned things, and being here was going to hinder my response time and allow for the things to pile up and form a cyber mountain. Wow. . . if that wasn’t the most retarded description ever, and on something as insignificant as an e-mail inbox. . . what a waste.
“Are you still writing about me?”
“No, I’m answering e-mails and things of that sort for Kaiba Corporation.” I paused for only a moment, “I’m trying not to get behind in my work.”
“That’s cool. . .” I could hear him sigh, “Are you hiring?”
“Not someone like you.” My retort came at a rather amusing speed.
“Asshole.”
“Thank you.” I smirked, continuing the dreary work.
“Smile again.” The look on his face was just weird. How could I describe it? It was like when a magician performed the impossible and then the child wanted to see him do it again. It was like that, but being that Jounouchi was eighteen, it was just plain creepy.
“Why?”
“Because you have a beautiful smile.” Was he serious?
“Stop saying things like that.” I was beginning to feel even more uneasy.
“Why? Would you rather me lie to you and say that your smile is ugly?” He had a valid point, but. . .
“But I’m a guy! Would you say something like that to Yuugi?” Yeah! Would he say something like that to anyone else?
“Nah, I’d feel like a pedophile if I said that to Yuugi. . . And about us both being guys, I don’t think that has ever stopped you before, judging by your past relations with that Saki guy.”
I frowned, clenching my hands into fists in an attempt to control my anger, “We had a short-lived relationship, but you know nothing about it, so don’t even bother to bring it up.” I tried to keep my fuse from burning up.
“I know that he was your best friend, boyfriend. . . lover perhaps?” I shouldn’t have, but I let my eyes fall downcast as he voice such things. . . yes, he was, he was. . . that wasn’t true anymore though. I could feel my fingers twiddling together against my mental will. . . and Jounouchi kept right on running his mouth “I know that he raped you.”
There are boundaries, borderlines that are never ever to be crossed. . . and the only one who didn’t seem to have the ability to see such boundaries was named Jounouchi Katsuya. . . who’s life was currently at risk by a blinding rage that now engulfed me.
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Yay! Was that fun? Don’t you all dare even expect something like this to happen frequently! I just
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Disclaimer: I’ll let you know when I save up my pennies to buy Yuugiou.
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Recap:
“I don’t hate you, dammit! I l-” We locked eyes, and he never looked so frightened before.
“You what?” A word that begins with the letter ‘L’. It was a positive word. . . so that left ‘like’ and ‘love’. . . and I sure as hell hope it wasn’t meant to be the latter.
- - -
He never answered my question. His only reaction was to roll off of me and onto his side, facing away from me; and then all was silent.
The rest of the night, or early morning rather, went by without any more strange occurrences. . .
- - -
I felt something. The feeling was horribly familiar, and not in a good way. I was drifting somewhere between the black of sleep and the light of morning, and wasn’t able to open my eyes as I wanted to. Something on my wrist? Tugging at my sleeve? My wrist. . . such ugly things my wrists were, crisscrossed with filthy scars. I was ignorant and stupid for making them. . . no, that isn’t what I think. I think I was brave for attempting suicide. . . and stupid for failing. How could I expect to defeat others when I couldn’t even defeat myself? Perhaps that is the ultimate failure. . . unable to defeat even your own self.
A hand! Yes, it was clearly a hand now! Wrapped around my wrist! My scars, someone had seen my scars? Who was it? A bed. . . I was in bed. . . a hand around my wrist. . . no, no, no. . .
“Jounouchi?” I was finally able to ask the question, but the name seemed to foreign to me. Jounouchi. . . in a bed with me. . . with his hand around my wrist. My scars. Jounouchi could see my. . .
“What are you doing?” I opened my eyes slowly, as if these feelings would prove false. Surely he wasn’t really. . . but he was. His hand was gripping my wrist, his face looking down at me with the emotion of. . . pity fear? I hated both, “Let go of me!”
He released my arm, but sat on top of me, straddling my hips, “Where are those from?”
Okay, play dumb. . . just play dumb, “Where are what from?”
“Those scars, the scars on your arm!”
“Which arm?” I tried my best not to make eye contact. My arms. . . my scars. . . my weakness. It was a fit of desperation in which those dreadful marks came about. The blade was cool and sharp against my skin, painful but, so pleasurable. . . and the blood. . .
“What do you mean?” He reached down, roughly seizing my left arm and forcing the sleeve away from my wrist. His facial expressions made it clear that he saw another set of secret slashes, “More?! What the hell is wrong with you?!”
This was a dream, a nightmare! It couldn’t possibly be happening to me. After those years of hiding them. Long sleeves, arm cuffs, coats. . . anything to keep my arms covered. I even wore wrist-bands during physical education in school. I had learned many useful skills during my years of torturous training. . . and one of them was deception as a tool for getting my way. It was worth a shot, if anything. . . I wasn’t a virgin or anything, so what would one more guy be on a list of what could be hundreds? Anything to keep him quiet; anything to keep the world from knowing the truth, “Why, nothing is wrong, Katsuya. . .”
“My name. . .”
“Yes, your name. . . and now forget about those insignificant things and kiss me. . .” Kiss me. . . yes, kiss me. . . am I tempting enough for you? Everyone else thought so. Gozaburo would have me dress in short shorts and showy shirts just to tempt men into business deals. . . can I tempt you into a deal? Temptation, lust. . . disgusting things. . . but there was one who had loved me at one time. . . at least, I believe you loved me at one time. . . didn’t you, Saki? Saki. . . whose lips were as soft as the roses in the gardens. . . and he was so gentle. . . gentle up until that day. There will never be another like Saki. . . my Saki. . .
“What?! Kaiba?!” Oh right, this was Jounouchi Katsuya. . . not my Saki.
“No, no, I am Seto. . . do you want me, Katsuya? You can have me, Katsuya.” I wrapped both arms around his neck. . . a feeling that was, again, all-too familiar to me. . . it had been so long. I can’t say I missed it. . . especially not being embraced in return. Hold me. . . Saki. . .
“Y-You’re trying t-to make me forget a-about your-”
“Hush. . .” I pulled him closer and he quickly closed the gap, crushing our lips together. It was weird and I could feel myself slipping. Is this really what I wanted? This filthy thing that was now laying on top of my body, crushing me against the mattress. . . filthy thing? No, he was clean in this matter; it was I who was the filthy one. . . filthy slut.
His hands wandered wildly over my body, up my shirt, and in my hair, forcing my tongue into my mouth. I could scarcely feel these things. They didn’t matter. This wasn’t what I wanted. . . no, not again. This wasn’t the way to solve anything. . . and I knew that very well. Why, after these past few years, would I revert back to something so ugly and so disgusting as this? Why. . .
I froze. No, this definitely wasn’t what I wanted. He stopped his actions and pulled away. I couldn’t see him, for I had clenched my eyes shut tightly, only opening to wonder what look he was gazing at me with. Hopefully not pity. . . if it were pity, I think I’d die right there.
He moved to sit on the edge of the bed, “You can cry, you know.” I started to cry then. . . tears that, like many things in my life, I didn’t want. I didn’t want to cry in front of him, or even myself. But I did. The tears cascaded down my cheeks as though his words were what created them. He ignored them, continuing to talk, “Why did you say those things when you didn’t want them?”
I turned my face away from him. After all, could anyone look somebody in the face after pulling a stunt such as that? No, absolutely not. “You’ll never understand. . .” I choked out the words, and cursed myself mentally for sounding so pathetic. I tried to turn off the waterworks, but there wasn’t a chance. The saltwater continued to flow, “No one will ever understand. . .” I covered my face to try and hide such a betrayal.
“Then tell me what the hell is going on with you so that I can try to understand!”
“I can’t.”
“Why the fuck not?!” He grasped my chin and jerked my face in his direction, “Look at me when I’m talking to you, you little bastard!”
His attitude. . . it was almost like Gozaburo’s when he said that. To treat me that way! Had this been a few days ago, he would have never said that! Jounouchi used to seem so weak compared to me, and now. . . now he is treating me like some sort of bitch!
“I didn’t mean to say that.” He retracted quickly.
“Then why did you?” I glanced up at him, wiping the remnants of the tears that had finally ceased.
“I said it because. . .” He paused for a moment, searching for the answer to a question that I knew he couldn’t find the answer to. “I guess that hearing it so much got it plastered in my head.”
Hearing it so much? His father was the only person he lived with, and the Yuugi clan wouldn’t say something like that. “Is he very cruel to you?
“Who?”
“Your father.” Geez, he really was a stupid dog.
He sighed, “I’m really not around him all that much.”
“But when you are around him. . .”
“He’s usually drunk or something so I don’t really go near him.”
Well, my situation from earlier was long forgotten now. . . so I suppose that my efforts weren’t for naught after all. I sat next to him, but left space in between so that my comfort level wouldn’t reach an all-time low.
“You know I’m not going to take that for an answer, right mutt?”
“Yeah. . . well, when my dad is sober, he’s a pretty good guy, but when he’s drunk, he can be a little. . .” He cast a side-glance at me, and I could see him slowly dazing out, as usual.
“Continue.”
“Oh, uh, yeah. . . he has a tendency to get a little violent.” His voice muted itself towards the end, and his hands rubbed each other nervously in his lap, like a child about to see the doctor.
“I see. . .” He seemed stunned at my answer, but I pretended not to notice, “You don’t have to stay here.”
“Where the hell am I supposed to go?” He leaned close to me, but I knew he wouldn’t do anything.
“Oh, that’s right, you have no money.” I smiled, trying to lighten the mood with my little joke.
The fucking cur tried to punch me! I was able to evade it though, but not by much. I rolled from the bed and to the floor, standing at my full height in the blink of an eye.
“You tried to hit me. . . why?” I glared down at him, like a stern guardian.
“Because you’re making fun of me! You were a lot different yesterday; what the hell happened?!”
“Was I different? I guess that today I’m making up for yesterdays awkward change.” I shrugged. Had I been different yesterday? To be honest. . . I couldn’t remember much of what had happened yesterday. . . I don’t recall being different. Perhaps it was because I cooperated in going somewhere with him? Pfeh, that wouldn’t be something to consider ‘different’.
“Well you need to change back to that so-called awkward change; you were a hell of a lot more pleasant.” He snatched his little notebook off of the night stand beside his bed.
“What are you doing?” I tilted my head in mock curiosity. . . though I was truly a tiny bit interested.
“Writing some notes on what you said and did yesterday. . . oh, and those scars I found this morning.” I frowned sitting on his bed. . . so he hadn’t forgotten after all. . . but I suppose it wouldn’t be easy to forget. He probably felt good about knowing my secret, “What? Did you think your attempt to seduce me had made me forget?”
“I wasn’t trying to seduce you.”
“Then you want to tell me what you’d call that?”
“Not really. . .” I glanced down at his notebook, but he turned it from my view. We finally made eye contact, “What made you yell at me earlier?”
“Something that I was used to, I guess.”
“Well, perhaps that is my reason as well.” I tapped my fingers on my legs during the silence that followed, “Perhaps I should be taking notes on you as well.”
I slid down onto the floor, crawling across towards my bags on the floor. Was it wrong to feel too lazy to actually go to the trouble of standing up just to walk a few feet? I really didn’t see the point in it. . . perhaps Jounouchi was right. . . I was acting differently.
“Stop looking at my ass.” I sat next to my suitcases and glared in his general direction.
“Well, don’t crawl around like that. Crawling on all fours and swinging your hips is like jumping up and yelling for people to check out your ass.”
I tried not to seem freaked out by him being so openly honest, “We’re both guys.”
“So?”
It was time to end the conversation. I unzipped my computer case and removed my laptop. After finding an outlet in the rat-cage of a room, I plugged my beloved machine in and started it up, taking comfort in the gentle hum of the fan. The light of the screen was also a comfort. I felt at ease. This was my environment, right here. . . just me and a computer. . . that was all I ever really needed to be completely content.
“You’re going to take your notes on your computer?” He asked the question as though my actions were strange or something.
“Yes. I’m going to use my computer to type up the paper, so I might as well take my notes on here too.” I began by putting a title on the thing, which was a generic ‘Jounouchi Katsuya’ at the moment. Perhaps a creative streak would bite my ass later and something great would come up. Whatever. He tried to look at my notes (which really didn’t exist yet, but it never hurt to pretend). I pulled the computer to my chest, hiding it from view, “No, no. I couldn’t see your notebook, so you can’t see my computer. Shoo mutt.”
“Fine!” He crawled back across the room to do whatever the hell he was going to do. Finally leaving me to my thoughts.
Where to begin? I decided that a list format would be the best way to go about such a thing. I clicked on the bullet icon. His apartment’s condition seemed to be of some importance. I could tell the moment that I walked in that it had just been cleaned, and the ‘lemony-fresh’ scent in the bathroom was proof. He was trying to cover up how he usually lived. Shame. Jounouchi was very ashamed of his living conditions. The couch reeked of cigarette smoked and cheap perfume. There were stains in the carpet that I didn’t want to even begin to guess at.
Then there was his father. A typical drunken fuck that beat on his kid because he was such a sorry sap. I hated drunks. . . though I would admit that getting drunk was, in itself, a wonderful feeling. . . until morning came and it was time for a hangover. What about his mother and sister though? I had met his sister for all of about ten seconds back during battle city. What was her name? Sakuza? Shikuza? Sakura? Ah hell, who gives a fuck about some dumb broads name?
“Why don’t you have friends?” My fingers couldn’t help but stop working. What kind of fucking answer was that?
“Because they die.” I began typing again. I hadn’t mean to have said that. The answer had just come out so naturally. Perhaps he wouldn’t ask about it.
He started scribbling down some sort of nonsense. For fucks sake, this wasn’t a therapy session! Whatever. I returned to my writing, only to find that I really didn’t have much else to say. Hm. . . well, perhaps his father’s abuse is the reason he has become such a tough-guy. . . well, he tries to be one, anyways. It doesn’t take much to knock a drunk man down.
“Seto?” He interrupted again, and I glanced up at him.
“What, Jounouchi?”
“Where is Saki now?”
I pursed my lips. Why in the hell would he bring Saki up? I didn’t want to talk about Saki, “I wouldn’t give a flying fuck whether he were ground up and scattered in my backyard or living it large in fame. . . what’s passed is passed, and he was certainly a part of the past.” It took everything in my power to say that. Saki, my Saki. . . ugh, I wanted to forget him forever. . . but that wasn’t possible.
“Did you love him?”
“Jounouchi, that’s really –”
“None of my business? So that’s a yes then.” He smirked, acting as though he were going to write it down.
“I never said yes.”
“But you tried to keep from answering, a sure sign of guilt. Did you and Saki have a relationship?”
“Why do you want to know? So you can make a laughing joke of me? So my name will be in tabloids all over the world?!” I could feel the heat and blood rising into my cheeks. That fucking little bastard. . . it wasn’t his fucking business!
“Kaiba, no one really cares what sexuality anyone is anymore. It’s alright if you had a relationship with Saki. There’s a guy that has won my heart as well.” He was saying that so openly! I didn’t want to hear about his sick crushes!
“Get a girl.” It was all I could come up with in that instant.
“I. . . don’t want to.”
“I think that this is a good place to end this conversation and pretend that it never happened.”
“I don’t hate you, dammit! I l-”
No, couldn’t be.
“You never answered my question.”
I sighed. Anything to shut him the hell up. “Yes, Jounouchi, we were in a very short-lived relationship. It’s over now, and never got very far. . . and it ended horribly.”
“Yet you enjoyed every minute of it, right?” He smiled at me.
Enjoyed every minute? Every month, every week, every day, every hour, every minute, every second, every kiss, every smile, every hug. . . everything about him, I enjoyed it. I could fee myself smiling, but I didn’t care. I had love him. I loved his existence, and gave my heart very willingly to him. . . even though he was seven years older than me. . . but perhaps the age difference only added to my love. . . I had someone to look after me while I looked after my little brother. . . arms to run to when I was hurting. . .
I could hear myself chuckling like a schoolgirl. . . but it wasn’t a happy laugh. . . it was more of a ‘God-help-me-before-I-lose-my-fucking-mind-oh-shit-I-already-haveR 17; kind of laughter. I wonder if he could pick all of that up. . . doubtful.
“Yeah, I did.” I covered myself for fear of going insane. “I’m acting so weird, I can’t seem to figure out why.” I really was. Ugh, it was awful! I couldn’t find my natural attitude anywhere inside of me. It was the air, I decided to conclude.
“You’re usually an asshole.”
“Yeah, I know. . . but that’s how it should be.”
“How it should be?”
“Yeah, no one wants to go near an asshole.”
“You don’t want people near you?”
“People are dangerous.” He frowned, “They only cause trouble for me.” It was true. All rich and famous people would say the same thing, especially when they’re as naturally good-looking as myself.
He began the scribble into that book of his. About what? About Saki? About my strange behavior? Both things ought to be off limits! Then again, I told him willingly. . . about my love.
“Jounouchi. . .”
“What?” He looked up from his notes.
“You’re not really going to write about all of that, are you?” I stared into his amber eyes, trying my best to stare him down.
“Of course I am, why else would I ask you? Writing about the other persons life is the whole goal of this project.”
“What if she makes us read them aloud?” The thought made me tremble slightly, “Jounouchi, I’d rather keep my personal life just that; personal.”
“I know what you mean Seto, but-”
“Kaiba.”
“Alright buddy, let’s get something straight here; we’re going to be living together for two weeks, and I think we should be on a first name basis. Using surnames is too formal for me.” He lay his notebook on the floor face-down beside him.
“Jounouchi, using first names implies closeness and friendship, which you and I have neither of the two.” I gave the blond the most intense glare I could muster, but he didn’t even flinch.
“Aww. . . come on Seto.” Okay, now he was just trying to piss me off.
“Kaiba.”
“Seto.”
&# 8220;Kaiba!” I leaned forward, clenching my fists.
He laughed wildly, thoroughly enjoying this, “Seto!”
“Dammit Jounouchi!”
He smirked, “Katsuya.”
“Fine,” I sat back and sighed, closing my eyes in annoyance, “Katsuya.”
“Good.” He retrieved his notebook once more and pulled his knees toward himself, “Now then, what were we discussing?”
“How much this project sucks.” I put my right palm against my forehead, rubbing at my temples slightly to try and remedy the headache that threatened to begin.
“Oh yeah!”
“Have you seen how thick that packet is?” I pulled the packet from hell out of a bag behind me, “I’ve yet to even read the damn thing.”
“Yeah, Bakura said something about that during lunch on Friday.”
“Bakura?” The name was slightly familiar, but. . . nope, didn’t ring any bells in my mind.
“The evil twin of Ryou.”
“Ryou?” Ugh, another name that was almost familiar. Ryou. . . Bakura. . . Bakura Ryou. . . hmm. . . well that was a bit more familiar.
“The shy boy with white hair. . . he was at Duelist Kingdom, Battle City-”
“Oh, right, Ryou. . . he was fucking weird. . .” Yeah, the morbid one. Freak.
“Yeah. . .” There was an awkward silence. “Anyways! Let’s see what this thing says!” He snatched the papers from my fingers, after much stretching, and held it up, flipping through it momentarily, “Yeah, one of the requirements is family life and childhood. Sorry buddy, but it looks like you’re screwed.”
“So it does. . .” I think my disappointment was evident on my face, “What else is required?” Not that I gave a damn.
“Um. . . it says ‘Students must be sure to include important topics such as follows: Family life, childhood, life-changing events, and any other facts that are of importance in their life. Also include a passage in which the student discusses their current self and what influenced them to become who and what they are today. Plans for the future are also to be discussed.’ Well, looks like we have a lot of work to do.”
I was laying on the floor by the time he finished, covering my face with my hand. That woman was fucking crazy. It were almost as if this project was made specifically to get me to spill the beans.
“Anything else?” I asked, though I wanted ‘no’ for an answer.
“Well,” I could hear him flip the page, “There’s going to be a cookout up at the park next Saturday, says that attendance is mandatory.”
“What the hell?” I uncovered my face, cocking a brow at him. A cookout? What the fuck?
Jounouchi shook his head, blond hair tossing to and fro, “No clue. Heh, if you thought that was bad, you ought to hear this.”
“Oh no, do I really want to hear this?”
“Nope, but I’m going to tell you anyways!”
“Should have seen that coming, damn mutt.”
“There’s going to be a ropes course for everyone to go up on.”
“. . .” What. The. Fuck.
“Says it’s to ‘test our cooperation as partners.’ ” Again, he looked at me as though my reaction were a sort of prize to be won.
“That woman is insane.” I rolled over onto my back, bending my legs at the knees and clasping my hands together over my stomach, leaning my head back to make eye contact with him. Wow, it was so much easier to see without the hair all in my eyes.
He nodded, “Finally we agree on something.”
“Does that ungodly thing happen to list any other random shit?” I had pretty much heard everything now. . . there couldn’t be much else to surprise me.
“Um. . .” He flipped through the pages, “Not that I can tell.”
“Good.” I allowed for my eyes to fall shut. Two weeks with this fool, “Only day two and already I’m miserable.”
“Gee, thanks.” He muttered sarcastically, “You know, you’re a lot different here than you are when Yuugi and the others are around. . . I mean, I know I keep bring that up and all, but you really do. It amazes me, I guess.”
“Is that an issue? I can always go back to being an asshole again.” I huffed an irritated sigh, “I’m only trying to make this experience as pleasant as possible.” I was still kind of tired. . .
“I guess that makes sense. . . and no, it’s not an issue; I like it this way.”
I could feel his eyes on me and I returned to my computer, deciding to check my e-mail, which was likely filled with shit for work. I hated answering the damned things, and being here was going to hinder my response time and allow for the things to pile up and form a cyber mountain. Wow. . . if that wasn’t the most retarded description ever, and on something as insignificant as an e-mail inbox. . . what a waste.
“Are you still writing about me?”
“No, I’m answering e-mails and things of that sort for Kaiba Corporation.” I paused for only a moment, “I’m trying not to get behind in my work.”
“That’s cool. . .” I could hear him sigh, “Are you hiring?”
“Not someone like you.” My retort came at a rather amusing speed.
“Asshole.”
“Thank you.” I smirked, continuing the dreary work.
“Smile again.” The look on his face was just weird. How could I describe it? It was like when a magician performed the impossible and then the child wanted to see him do it again. It was like that, but being that Jounouchi was eighteen, it was just plain creepy.
“Why?”
“Because you have a beautiful smile.” Was he serious?
“Stop saying things like that.” I was beginning to feel even more uneasy.
“Why? Would you rather me lie to you and say that your smile is ugly?” He had a valid point, but. . .
“But I’m a guy! Would you say something like that to Yuugi?” Yeah! Would he say something like that to anyone else?
“Nah, I’d feel like a pedophile if I said that to Yuugi. . . And about us both being guys, I don’t think that has ever stopped you before, judging by your past relations with that Saki guy.”
I frowned, clenching my hands into fists in an attempt to control my anger, “We had a short-lived relationship, but you know nothing about it, so don’t even bother to bring it up.” I tried to keep my fuse from burning up.
“I know that he was your best friend, boyfriend. . . lover perhaps?” I shouldn’t have, but I let my eyes fall downcast as he voice such things. . . yes, he was, he was. . . that wasn’t true anymore though. I could feel my fingers twiddling together against my mental will. . . and Jounouchi kept right on running his mouth “I know that he raped you.”
There are boundaries, borderlines that are never ever to be crossed. . . and the only one who didn’t seem to have the ability to see such boundaries was named Jounouchi Katsuya. . . who’s life was currently at risk by a blinding rage that now engulfed me.
- - -
Yay! Was that fun? Don’t you all dare even expect something like this to happen frequently! I just