Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Clear Vision ❯ Chapter Fourth ( Chapter 4 )

Clear Vision

A Seto/Joey fanfic by subaruxkamui4ever

I apologize for the wait. I've been working mad overtime at my job to make sure I have lots of money for Yaoi-Con. I'm so glad I live within an hour to S.F. Also, I'm sorry if I offended anyone by calling Joey stupid (my head is hung in shame). What I meant is that he seems like a simple guy, who wouldn't really angst this much. I also think he's a lot stronger than I wrote him to be. I'm sorry Joey! I'm treating you like crap!

I felt as though there could be no end to the terrible pain that tore through my soul. I foresaw no light at the end of the tunnel. I saw no end at all. I cursed the nightmares that plagued my mind, even now I could still see it, a sad show of terror and heartbreak that was constantly playing itself behind my eyelids. I could stand it no more. Something had to be done. But what? Could I just walk away …? No. Never. As much as it hurt me, I could never abandon him again. No, he would just have to be made to see, wouldn't he? I laid back into the sheets of the bed, his bed, I realized at that moment. It was his bed, wasn't it? Suddenly curious, I sat up and stood on my feet. I didn't think that he'd return too quickly, if ever, so I was safe for a little exploring. Just a little couldn't hurt.

Looking around Seto's room was a lot like looking at Seto. It seemed empty, barren of anything that could stir an emotion or memory inside. It was like looking at nothing at all. But I knew that wasn't the real Seto Kaiba. Anyone could guess that. Walking across the navy carpet, I opened the door that he had run out of so quickly. Thinking of that caused me to remember why he had run in the first place. I had been trying to avoid thinking about that for awhile, but now that it was on my mind, it refused to be ignored. I shut the door and walked back towards the bed, falling face first into the pillows that were strewn across the upper half. I couldn't explore anything. I didn't belong here. However sad it made me feel, it was true. What business did I have here, in this house, with that boy, who knew nothing about me at all? Not only did it break my heart; it also made me angry. Why was I the only one who had to suffer because of what had happened to us? Wasn't the fact that it happened enough? My mind slowly turned to other related things, such as …the kiss. That was most certainly not planned. I had no idea I had done it, until I already had. I felt as though I had been possessed. Possessed perhaps, by the ghost of my old self. By the feelings inside me that still lingered, hoping to be resolved, released. But I couldn't do it without him. And I had already scared him off. I was at the end of my rope, what could I possibly do to fix this mess? And I was still so tired! All I had done for a whole day was slept, and here I was, unable to keep my eyes open. Everything was just so overwhelming. But I had to keep calm. Somebody had to, and it certainly wasn't going to be Seto. No, if I was going to win this thing, which I meant to, I was going to have to calculate each and every move. This was the most risky duel I had ever taken part in. "The game of love," I said to myself, laughing quietly. As I fell into sleep once again, my last thought was that I had, in fact, drawn the worst hand, ever.

"Joey…"

"Please, Joey, wake up."

The words echoed all around me, spilling into my subconscience and encompassing everything around me. Still, I felt as though they were alien, strange words that I had never heard before, words spoken in a lost language. A language I used to know.

"Joey, what's wrong? Wake up!"

Who was Joey? Certainly it couldn't be me. The voice pulled at me, threatening to tear me away from the state of bliss I had finally been able to seek refuge in. I didn't want to leave this place, ever. This was where we could be together, forever, Sethe and I both. I tried to sink deeper into my safehaven, falling deeper, deeper, to the lost and desolated cavern of my soul. Still, the voice penetrated my hiding place, seeking me everywhere, rippling back and forth, all around me.

"Joey, can't you hear me? You're crying, Joey, I'm …sorry. Just wake up!"

No! I didn't want to go back! Couldn't the voice understand? I flew into a rage immediately, like an animal backed into a corner with no foreseeable way out. I lashed out with my voice, offended at the audacity of whoever it was, calling me that name.

"MY NAME IS ZAHRA! DON'T YOU KNOW MY NAME ANYMORE?"

I screamed as loud as I could. The words tore at my throat, and my eyes flew open at the pain it caused. I looked around in a daze, not recognizing where I was at all. I felt a steady pressure on my arms and looked down at them. His hands were curled around my biceps, holding me down as if in fear that I would harm myself. His hands… I glanced up at his face. Not Sethe… Seto. Seto Kaiba. "I do know you…," I said softly as I looked into his eyes, which were stricken with panic. "You're Seto Kaiba." Slowly my memories of this lifetime came back to me. I wasn't Zahra anymore, I was Joey Wheeler, and I was at Seto Kaiba's house…still.

Seto stared at me and gradually loosened his grip on my arms, but kept his hands where they were, waiting for something. His face was not far from mine, not far at all. I thought that I could feel his breath against my face, ever so slightly. Underneath him, I felt very weak, but also very safe. The fact that he had overpowered me, was now in total control of me was not threatening at all, it was reassuring. He was trying to protect me from myself. The sun had gone from the sky hours beforehand, and the silver light of the moon shone into the room and fell on Seto's face, shadowing in places, and in other places illuminating gently. He was not angry, he was worried, it seemed. He saw my gaze had fallen on his face, and he began to speak.

"Joey…are you alright? You've been crying for awhile in your sleep…" He lifted his left hand from my arm, and brought it to my face. His fingers trailed down my cheek slowly, in an attempt to wipe away the evident misery from my face. I closed my eyes at the unexpected contact, but didn't move or make a sound, determined not to scare him away again. "Joey?"

"Yeah?"

"Who is Zahra?"

I took a deep breath. Seto didn't move, still hovering over me, as though I were the most fragile thing in the world. "I am," I said simply. "Zahra is my name, my old name. Zahra was the person you loved, with all your heart. But Zahra is dead now. And so is Sethe. We are all that is left of them now." It was a sad thing to say, but it was true. Still, that was something, wasn't it? We had each other, the same feelings remained, at least…mine did. I looked at him, in his face, his eyes. I was in love with him. But he was not in love with me. And I couldn't live with that.

"Sometimes," Seto began, almost uncharacteristically stuttering, "when I look at your eyes…I feel as though I'm about to fall into something very deep. I waver, and have to catch my balance. Maybe there is something there, between us…but it doesn't matter"

What? It doesn't matter? The shock and pain in my eyes must have been evident, because he quickly sat up, away from me, and averted his gaze. He continued.

"You don't know me at all," He stated icily. "If you really did, you wouldn't try to make me remember. You have no idea of the kind of person that I am and you don't want to. I don't belong with you. I don't belong with anyone…" he trailed off wistfully.

"I'm not the person you love."

AN: Holy crap, what is wrong with this guy? Angst city! Aren't these moments great, though? I can't get enough, it would seem. Well, if you can't get enough either, please review. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this torture. And you're going to be at Yaoi-Con, feel free to come up to me and say whatever. I'll be wearing the Seto/Joey shirt I made ITS FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!! See ya!