Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Just Shoot Me: The Return of H.U.G.S. ❯ Mad Hatter's Tea ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: Yugi-oh is the property of Kazuki Takahashi, who is a genius.

 

Here it finally is! The one shot that has somehow morphed into a mini series. This is a partner piece to Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit. It does fit into the Chrysalis timeline if you wish it too. It would land just after the end of Emergence, just before Psyche starts. It will also stand neatly alone by itself.

 

Just Shoot Me

Chapter 1: Mad Hatter's Tea

~*~*~*

Yami waved idly as Yugi raced down the steps. The evening stock market exchange from the Asian desk flickered across the screen, keeping Yami's attention mostly riveted to the screen. “Take care aibou, the weatherman is predicting high winds and unseasonably cold temperatures.”

 

“Not a problem.” Yugi dove into the coat closet and emerged a second later with his winter coat. “I'll see you later. Do you want me to bring you something?”

 

Yami, eyes fixed on the TV, shook his head. “No. I'm fine.”

 

Yugi smiled fondly at the back of his yami's head, dropped the Millennium Puzzle on the end table and walked out the door. He padded quickly down the steps into the shop and waved goodbye to his grandpa.

 

“Don't stay out too late, now Yugi. You still have that report due tomorrow.” Solomon looked up from a catalog, smiling.

 

“I've nearly got it completed Grandpa. All I need to do is check the spelling and I'll be done.” Yugi wrestled the door open, letting a large gust of wind into the store.

 

“All right.” Solomon ducked as tiny objects from various racks suddenly hurtled toward him. “Call me if you want a ride back.”

 

Smiling apologetically, Yugi stepped outside and quickly shut the door. With a quick, friendly nod at a couple of passing, windblown business men, who were scurrying after some runaway paperwork, he hurried down the street, clutching his jacket around him.

 

The Mad Hatter's Tea House was only a couple of blocks away and Yugi found himself blown there in record time. He laughed, running with the wind against his back, raising his arms and pretending he was flying down the street. As he neared the little shop, he attempted a left bank into the door, only to find himself pushed past. The wind tumbling him onwards like a tiny leaf. “Eek.”

 

Reaching out he caught the edge of the trim around the shop window and held on, looking desperately at the happy, un-windblown people inside. High winds? They call this high winds? What does a tornado rate? Mildly breezy?

 

He was hauling himself painfully forward, trying to reach the other side of the window, and hopefully the door, when a hand grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. He felt himself lifted off his feet to dangle like a kitten in someone's grip. His eyes rolled around and felt his heart drop. “H-hi Bakura.”

 

“Runt.” Bakura growled dropping Yugi on the front mat of the teahouse. In the wind, his normally wild hair whipped and snarled around his face, but couldn't disguise the excited glitter in his eyes. “Where's the pharaoh? Get blown out to sea?”

 

“Yami, remember, you've got twenty three more good things to do.” Ryou was wrapped around his yami's waist, holding on as the wind tried to rip him off and toss him down the street. He smiled weakly at Yugi. “He forgot again.”

 

“One fuckin' month.” Bakura pulled open the door and tossed Yugi through, then carefully disengaged his clinging hikari and nudged him into safety. “Get drunk one fuckin' night and sleep late. Now, I'm Mary Poppins for a month. It's all the asshole pharaoh's fault. ” His voice dropped to a sulky grumble. “Drinking contest. How the fuck did he manage that? Gotta have used magic. There is no fucking way that shrimp could hold that much booze.”

 

Ryou turned and kissed his scowling dark's cheek, pressing the Millennium Ring into his hand. “Thank you Yami. I'll see you at home in a couple of hours.”

 

Yugi gasping for breath, pulled his collar back to something approaching normal. “Thanks, Bakura. I'll call grandpa and we'll drop Ryou off, so you won't have to worry about him.”

 

Bakura snorted and stomped away, still grumbling about shrimpy pharaohs and abnormal liquor capacity. The door slammed behind him causing the cheerful decorations on the door to bounce wildly.

 

Ryou shrugged watching his other saunter away with a wild, nearly feral grin, “He's actually having a great time. He loves the wind. He'll probably pick a few pockets then hand the wallets back to work off his bad luck.”

 

“He forgot to say rabbit, rabbit, rabbit again?” Yugi looked around the little shop, waiting for the waitress to come seat them.

 

 

Ryou nodded. “Went out drinking with your yami and Marik. He didn't even wake up till sunset the next day.”

 

It was a obsessively cheerful little place, with bright yellow walls, bordered with tiny figures from Alice in Wonderland. The chairs were all in different strange shapes, clustered around small tables with bright, colorful tablecloths. Large statues of some of the main Wonderland characters loomed with foreboding cheerfulness in the corners under tall artificial trees. Sitting at a small table with neon purple chairs next to the Mad Hatter was Malik, who's yami stood behind his chair, inspecting the insanely grinning statue.

 

“Oh, that can't be good.” Ryou murmured eyeing the tall yami.

 

Yugi nodded hesitantly, then started winding his way through the various tables to where their friend was sitting. As they approached, Marik turned, imitating the Mad Hatters ferocious smile, causing the two approaching hikaris to cluster together apprehensively.

 

“Hi Yugi. We saw you blow past.” Malik waved. “I was going to sent Marik out to help but Bakura got you first.”

 

“If Yami ever hears about this, I'll never be allowed out again.” Yugi winced, but returned Malik's wave. “No problem. I'm going to have Grandpa pick me and Ryou up, do you want a ride home too?”

 

Marik shook his head as he turned and walked out of the shop. “I'll be picking him up in a couple hours.” He gave his light a disgusted look. “Idiot light, damn near got himself blown into traffic getting the mail.” He ambled away grinning at the customers making them shrink back into their weird uncomfortable chairs as he passed. “Got to go and kill the weatherman.”

 

Yugi, keeping an eye on the unstable yami, sank into his chair. Ryou settled next to him, perching on a purple chair that resembled a mushroom.

 

“He's going to have to hurry. As soon as Bakura is finished with his good deeds, he's going to head over to channel five news to `speak' to the weatherman.” Ryou scooped up his menu, that looked like a playing card and started to check over the selections.

 

“I don't need Isis's necklace to see a sudden shortage of weathermen in Domino City in the near future.” Malik shrugged.

 

“Works for me.” Yugi checked over the menu and made his decision. “The guy on channel 9 is scary. He smiles way too much and shows too many teeth. Yami swears he's got to be an escapee from the Shadow Realm. No normal human has that many shiny, white teeth.”

 

Ryou set his menu down. “Shall we get started?”

 

Malik nodded, “Might as well.” He reached into a pocket, pulled out a couple of crumpled papers and smoothed them out on the table. “I now call H.U.G.S., Hikaris United Group Support to order. Today's topic is … uh…” He peered closely at the paper then nodded to himself. “Don't Summon That Here: Yamis and Their Odd Pets. But first, anyone got any problems?”

 

“No, not me.” Ryou shook his head. “Bakura's working off his bad luck.”

 

“Yami's glued to the TV. He invested some of our allowance into a some kind of stock out of Hong Kong.” Yugi sighed. “He's now watching every financial program on TV to make sure it's going to be all right. I'd have to strip naked, wear a ticker tape and dance on the TV to get his attention.”

 

“Disturbing image there Yug.” Malik looked up as the waitress approached.

 

The quickly ordered their tea and scones, watching as a group of elegantly dressed ladies got blown down the street in a swirl of red hats, boas and purple dresses. One lady that was wearing a diamond tiara body slammed into a police man, sending them both tumbling to the ground in a colorful tangle. The rest of the flock of purple and red continued to blow unhindered down the street.

 

“How's your yami, Malik?” Yugi pulled his attention away from the flying pedestrians.

 

“He's bored.” Malik snickered as the policeman detangled himself and stood up, not noticing that his carefully pressed and starched uniform now had a large purple boa. “He's hasn't come up with any plots to take over the world for weeks. All he does is follow me around and occasionally send someone to the shadow realm. He doesn't even seem to enjoy doing that any more.”

 

“Maybe a hobby?” Ryou tipped his head trying to see around the corner as something that looked like a lady's purple skirt whisked by the window, closely followed by a pair of pantyhose.

 

“Like what?” Yugi looked over at Malik, considering the other hikari and his yami. “I just don't see Marik into stamp collecting or anything like that.”

 

“Don't even want to try.” Malik sat back as the waitress brought them their pots of jam tea. “He needs something to keep him busy, not bored.”

 

“Bug collecting? Hours of fun pinning small insects to a piece of board?” Yugi smiled as a plate of scones and sweet cream was deposited in front of him.

 

“He might get ideas.” Malik shook his head. “I just don't want to deal with coming home to find Weevil Underwood pinned to my wall.”

 

“Eee yeah,” Ryou winced, “Maybe he could take up stocks with Yami Yugi?”

 

“I don't want to deal with that.” Yugi rolled his eyes. “I can't get my yami's attention now, why have two sitting around ignoring me.”

 

“How about we sick them on each other?” Malik grinned wider than the Cheshire Cat looming eerily over the back counter.

 

“What do you mean?” Ryou smiled at the waitress and nodded happily as a plate of small tea sandwiches was deposited in front of him.

 

“Well, Yami Yugi is ignoring Yugi. Malik is driving me nuts.” Malik nodded a quick thanks to the waitress as she set a plate of tiny deserts down in front of him. “Let's get Malik to pull Yami Yugi away from the TV and pay attention.”

 

Ryou nibbled on a cucumber sandwich musing, “Might work. April Fools Day is coming up. Get Malik to play a April Fools joke on Yami Yugi.”

 

Yugi grinned, “Yami does love holidays. Let's introduce him to a new one. Anyone got any ideas?”

 

Malik bit his lip and thought as he pushed a cream puff around his plate. “We could all disappear…”

 

“Causing our yamis to go into a homicidal orbit.” Ryou shook his head.

 

“How about we all pretend we never heard of Duel Monsters, yamis or the Shadow Realm?” Yugi mumbled around a mouthful of scone, sweet cream and raspberry jam.

 

“Making our yamis summon shadow beasts to prove their point, causing unknown amounts of chaos and havoc.” Malik frowned, then suddenly his eyes widened. He flipped the papers he had written his meeting notes on and stated laughing. “Oh, I got a good one. It should keep everyone busy.”

 

“What?” Yugi snatched the papers and looked them over. It looked like a story printed on the back. “What is this?”

 

“Fan fiction.” Malik started snickering. “A pretty bad one too. What if we get Malik to make Yami Yugi believe some of the cheesy things in fanfics are happening to him?”

 

“Like Mary Sues?” Ryou sipped his tea, a slight smile tugging on his lips.

 

“Every one and their cousin suddenly appearing with rare, one of a kind items?” Yugi stated laughing, his hand touching where the Millennium Puzzle usually rested against his chest.

 

“I'd say suicide attempts that never work, but the casualty rate of innocent bystanders would be pretty high.” Malik popped a tiny brownie in his mouth. “How about everyone becoming super sluts?”

 

“Let's not leave the girls out.” Ryou rubbed his lip thoughtfully. “I think I overheard Anzu talking about a story that all the girls turned into mindless bimbos. She might help us out.”

 

Malik gobbled his cheese cake and raised his tea cup, “With my yami's magic and a bit of cooperation, I'd say Yami Yugi's TV watching days are coming to an end.”

 

Yugi raised his tea cup to tap gently against the other. “Here's to a truly evil plan.”

 

“Who ever said hikaris were good?” Ryou clicked his cup against the others.

 

“Happy April Fools!” The chorused, then broke out into maniacal laughter.

~*~*~*

I want to say thank you to all my reviewers! I really appreciate you all. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

 

I am still taking ideas for bad things to happen to Yami. They have to be really bad clichés that you stumble into while reading Yu-Gi-Oh fics. I'm going to be poking fun at myself, so I invite you to join the fun. What nasty cliché did you use, were tempted to use, or just wanted to smash your head against the computer when you read it? I won't guarantee I will use it, but I will consider all suggestions.

 

I also found out that if you are having problems reviewing, there is a really easy way to fix it. Go to the leave review page. If nothing shows or shows the same old unhelpful page, hold down the control key while hitting the reload option in the tool bar. It should work. I tried it after nearly pulling my hair out trying to leave a review and now I have no problems with reviews.