Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Just Shoot Me: The Return of H.U.G.S. ❯ When Grandpa's Away ( Chapter 6 )

 

 

Disclaimer: Yugi-oh is the property of Kazuki Takahashi, who is a genius.

 

Just Shoot Me

Chapter 6: When Grandpa's Away…

~*~*~*

“Yami?” Yugi peeked around the corner into the kitchen. His darkness, with his future wife standing attentively next to him, was rummaging through the cabinet.

 

“Yes, aibou?” Yami had his head stuck deep into the cabinet under the stove. Various sounds of glass clinking gently on glass came from within.

 

“Can I help?” Yugi looked suspiciously at the future…girl frie…wi… fiancé … thing, his gentle eyes narrowing as he noticed her gazing speculatively at HIS yami's ass. HIS yami! How dare she look at HIS yami's ass. His fingers twitched, reaching for a nearby salt shaker.

 

“No, no aibou,” Yami wiggled backward, emerging from the cabinet with a cobweb stuck in his hair and a green glass wine bottle in his hand. He waved in merrily at Yugi as he stood up laughing softly. “Spin the Bottle!”

 

Yugi's hand dropped to rest innocently on the counter as he gave HIS yami a smile. Who me? Want to beat your …wench…fiancé with a salt shaker? Never entered my mind. And you would know that, if you weren't so busy looking at …WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!! HIS yami was checking out …HER cleavage! He shifted a bit to edge closer to the knife drawer.

 

“Aibou?” Yami gazed adoringly at Sapphire's all together too attractive and scantily clad bosom.

 

Why couldn't we have found a complete COW when coming up with our “Hey Yami! Here's your wife!” trick? Why did we have to get a…wench…actress with big boobs! Damn fan fics and the writers that write them!

 

Sapphire plucked the bottle out of Yami's hand, and gave him a coy look, “Guess who I want to kiss?”

 

Yugi lunged forward, knocking Sapphire… the wench…back slightly away from his …obviously, hormonally insane… other. “Sounds…” Yugi desperately tried to find a word, any word that wouldn't sound like he was insulting his beloved dark's … wench…fiancé . A small thump at the door gave him an out. “…like everyone's here!”

 

Yami pecked a small kiss on Sapphire's cheek, and with regretful, parting look at her chest, shooed them both out of the kitchen. “Let's get greet our guests and get to the kissing part of the night.”

 

Yugi gripped the bottle, staring at the back of Sapphire's head. “Don't you want to play…uh…pin the tai… ah, um… Truth or… Duel Monsters?”

 

Yami shook his head opening the door, “Aibou, it's a party. We should play party games. Dueling really isn't a party game.”

 

Bakura and Ryou stood on the other side of the door. Ryou was blushing and looking down at the floor. Bakura had a leash wrapped snuggly around his hand, the end of which was attached to a sturdy leather collar that circled Ryou's neck. Ryou glanced up at Yugi and rolled exasperated eyes toward Bakura.

 

“Hello, glad to se…eerk.” Ryou stated only to be cut off as Bakura yanked the leash.

 

“So, gonna marry the girl?” Bakura stomped in, tugging on the leash again to make Ryou follow him. “Why bother, easier to have a bit of fun and let them deal with any bonuses.”

 

Yami glared at the other spirit. “And you've tried this already, have you?”

 

Bakura shrugged and dropped onto the couch, yanking Ryou down to sit next to him. “Let's just say, I'm covered for the next time we go through this shit.” He looked over to Sapphire, who was snuggling next to Yami's side. “Still, she's got good hips, nice tits. How about brains?” He ruffled his hikari's hair fondly, “As my old man used to say, forget the face, fuck the brainy.”

 

“Then how does that explain you?” Yami closed the door, smirking at the other.

 

“What the fuck are you saying?”

 

“Well, face it, you're a pretty boy. You are now. You were then. Even with the scar, most of Egypt wanted to grab you and fuck you silly.” Yami snorted and leaned back against the door. “You actually thought my priests were slow when you came in dragging my father, didn't you? They were all distracted trying to figure out how to shut you up, get you alone, and tie you to a bed.” He shook his head. “Good thing you escaped when you did, or I wouldn't have gotten anything done for months.”

 

“And you can talk, Mr. I-had-thirty-wives-and-I-forgot-how-many-concubines? Don't think I can't remember why you didn't leave the palace much.” Bakura leaned back, looking speculatively at Yami. “Having naked, nubile, young things tossed into your lap had to have been tough.”

 

“About as tough as having to…”

 

“Oh! Look, isn't that Honda and Anzu with the drinks and food?” Yugi, sensing imminent spiritual havoc, yanked his yami away from the door and shoved him aside. If he also shoved him farther away from …the wench…Sapphire, who had been licking her lips and eyeing portions of HIS yami's more southerly anatomy, it was totally accidental.

 

Yami picked himself up from behind the couch, where he had landed, and looked out the window. “They're about two blocks away aibou, aren't you…”

 

“But we need to help them!” Yugi grabbed…the wench… Sapphire and yanked her through the door away from HIS yami. “Come on, let's help them carry those things.”

 

As the door slammed behind them and one set of hurried and one set of reluctantly hurried footsteps could be heard descending down to the shop, Bakura turned to Yami. “I take it things are going well?”

 

Yami grinned like a hungry crocodile, and nodded to Ryou's leash. “Why put him on a leash when I can just yank his chain?”

 

Bakura laughed, “Oh, but the leash is so much fun.” He tugged it lightly, “Isn't it hikari?”

 

Ryou's face broke new ground in being red. The chemically treated tomatoes in the market down the street were envious. Motorists on the street below paused wondering why there was a traffic signal in the Moto's apartment. A passing plane veered slightly off course.

 

Yami shrugged, “Maybe later. First, how is Marik's end coming?”

 

“All set,” The white haired spirit fingered the leash thoughtfully. “Are you sure you want me to do this? Personally, I think Marik would make a much cuter…”

 

“He's the one that knows the spell.” Yami checked out the window. “You're dad really did marry for looks, didn't he?”

 

“Better then marrying for politics.” Bakura leaned back, pulling Ryou over to cuddle next to him.

 

Yami sighed, “Do you know how many homely, shrewish, idiotic, well connected women I had to bed?” He looked fondly out to where his little light staggered down the street carrying a tower of pizza boxes.

 

“Yami Yugi?” Ryou looked guiltily over to where the pharaoh stood starring out the window, lost in thought.

 

Yami looked questioningly over at him. “You've been quiet.”

 

“I just wanted to apologize.” Ryou glanced over to his own yami, “It was very, very wrong to play an April Fools joke on you and both Malik and I want to apologize.”

Yami let a small grin tug at the corners of his mouth, “Malik too?

”

“Well, his yami isn't letting him out of the house. Something about though shalt not ignore your yami when stripping.” Ryou looked guilty, running his finger along his collar.

 

“And what's YOUR commandment?” Bakura tugged at the leash.

 

“Thou shalt only strip for your yami… and leave the chairs alone.” If Ryou's face got any redder, he'd probably have fainted from having no blood in the rest of his body.

 

“Very well, you are forgiven.” Yami nodded towards the door as voices were heard from below. “But you're still going to do your part.”

 

“Yami! Guess what!” Yugi came bounding into the room with a tottering pile of pizza boxes unsteadily balancing in his small arms. “Mokuba was at Pizza Heaven, so he's coming too.”

 

Honda, Anzu and Sapphire followed him, carrying grocery bags, bottles of soda and a cake box.

 

“Look darling, they got us a cake.” Sapphire put the cake box down on a end table, “Isn't that just the sweetest!” She reached over, grabbed Yugi, and kissed him. “I just know you arranged it, you sweet thing!”

 

Yugi struggled free from…the wench's…Sapphire's hold, gasping and franticly wondering if he just caught any …wench-like…diseases.

 

Honda shrugged, “Actually, it was Anzu.”

 

Anzu, glaring at Sapphire, nodded, then smiled brightly at Yami. “I thought you should have one for your special day.” She turned abruptly and hit Honda, “He wanted to get one with a naked girl inside it.”

 

Honda scooped the pizza boxes out of Yugi's arms and headed for the kitchen, “Hey, it's traditional.”

 

“Traditional.” Anzu growled and, hefting the dink bottles followed after him. “I'll do the punch.”

 

Yugi, still wiping his lips off and wondering how he could quickly run up stairs and disinfect his mouth, grumped over to the couch and slumped down next to Ryou. “Tell me again, why did we hire Sapphire?”

 

Ryou looked nervously at his yami, who seemed to be distracted by Sapphire's curvy bottom, that was presently being appreciated and lovingly …

 

“YAMI!” Yugi catapulted off the couch and decked HIS darkness, in the process, knocking his hand away from …THE WENCH'S… bottom.

 

Yami staggered back at the impact and fell across the coffee table. “Ow, aibou! What is it?!”

 

“Aaah…well… I just remembered.” Yugi looked frantically around for inspiration. His eyes fell on a picture of his grandfather. “Grandpa! We can't have a bachelor party here! What would Grandpa say?!”

 

“I believe he said good luck.” Yami gently pushed his hikari away and sat up, rubbing his shoulder where it had made sudden unexpected contact with an empty soda can that had been sitting on the table. “He left for a cruise this morning.”

 

“A cruise?” Yugi looked suspiciously around at Sapphire. He was sure… the wench…she had something to do with this.

 

Yami stood up and walked over to the entertainment unit and pulled a brochure out. “Remember, this morning? He said he was going out of town a few days.” He handed the brochure to Yugi.

 

It was a beautiful glossy brochure. On the cover was a picture of a old man and woman waving happily from the deck of a large ocean liner to a group of scantily clad teens. On the bottom of the page the company logo, a ostrich with it's head in the sand, was emblazoned in gold. In bright neon letters it read, “ARE YOU IN THE WAY OF YOUR TEEN'S SEX LIFE? Come to Grandpa's and Grandma's Get Away Cruise!” Hesitantly, Yugi flipped it open. A sweet faced girl smiled demurely out at him. Her soft, doe-like eyes smiled guilelessly out at him. She was dressed in a pretty flowered dress with her long brown hair tied back with a matching ribbon. “Always remember them as the sweet little angels they never were.” He unfolded it a bit more and the girl had changed. Now, she looked like a hooker, with hard eyes, a cigarette hanging from her mouth and dressed up in artistically torn goth clothes. A guy dressed in a bizarre cross of gang banger and goth clothes had her pinned to a old brick wall and was groping her while nipping her neck. “You never need to really see what they're really up to. Come away with us! And let them screw their horny little brains out.” He carefully, and a bit warily opened the last leaf. There was a picture of an old man and a old lady cuddled together in a hot tub, a bucket of champagne sat at the tub's edge and the older folk where apparently trying to suck each other's tongues out. “While you DO THE SAME THING HERE!” In small print, it said, “Unlimited, free Viagra for the first 100 lucky passengers aboard!”

 

“GRANDPA!” Yugi looked wildly around, “When did he leave? When do they set sail? We have to get him back!”

 

Yami stepped up and pulled his light into his arms. “Yugi, now don't be selfish. You're Grandpa deserves a little fun.” He turned and grinned at Sapphire, “Besides, we wouldn't want to disillusion the old guy, now would we?”

 

She grinned lecherously back, “Absolutely not!”

 

Yugi felt a shiver of dread go down his spine as Yami stepped away and scooped up the forgotten bottle from the side table. “Well, lets' move right along to the festivities.”

 

Bakura ambled to his feet, pulling Ryou up after him. “Spin the Bottle? Isn't that a bit tame?”

 

Yami, shoving the coffee table aside, snorted. “It's early thief. Leave the exciting stuff till later.”

 

“No stamina pharaoh?” Bakura thumped to the floor. Ryou, being abruptly yanked downward, face planted next to him. “Problems hikari?”

 

Ryou sat up and glared at his darkness, yanked the leash out of his hands and whacked the spirit. “You can be replaced. I know a nice old lady who is trying to find a home for her cat, Booboo. I'm sure Booboo wouldn't yank me around on a leash.”

 

“Booboo can't do this either.” Bakura pounced on his light and started imitating the kids in the brochure.

 

Ryou writhed beneath him gasping, “Ohh, bad yami, bad yami. Ooooh, yes! Mmmmm. Baaad, bad yami.”

 

“Tell me again, why do I hang out with you people?” Honda stood in the doorway holding a bowl of nachos.

 

Anzu stood next to him, blinking at the two white haired forms wiggling on the floor. “Did anyone think to bring a video camera?”

 

“Really, Anzu, what kind of party do you think this is?” Yami pointed next to the entertainment unit. “It's charging over there.”

 

“Hey! And you were complaining about me and the cake!” Honda slammed the nachos down and stormed back into the kitchen. “Hypocrites the lot of you.”

 

“You're just touchy because Ribbon went to the beach and you're cut off for an entire week.” Anzu called back over her shoulder as she unplugged the camcorder.

 

Downstairs a gloomy voice called, “Anyone here?”

 

“Mokuba!” Yugi bolted out the door to greet the newest guest.

 

Taking advantage of his light's absence, Yami calmly walked up to where Bakura had Ryou pinned to the floor, checked to see if Honda was still in the kitchen, then kicked Bakura in a kidney. “Get to work thief.”

 

“Grurrgk.” Bakura rolled off his light. “Arhhhg, aack bbrrrggg.”

 

Yami shrugged and walked away, “I'm not particularly impressed with your linage either.”

 

“Fuckin' prima dona, pharaoh.” Bakura groaned and tottered to his feet.

 

Anzu peered anxiously down the stairs. “Hurry up! I think they're coming.”

 

“Mokuba said he'd keep Yugi distracted down in the shop for ten minutes.” Ryou hurriedly got to his feet and scampered quickly over to the coat closet. “Did you put the clothes in here?” He reached into a pocket and pulled out a small contact lens case.

 

Sapphire nodded, throwing herself into a nearby chair and arranging herself into a provocative pose. “We took care of that earlier. Did you get the red contacts or the cat eye ones?”

 

“Red.” Bakura grunted, opening the back patio door. He stepped out, looking across the alleyway to the roof of the building next door. “Marik's in place.”

 

Yami nodded and settled next to Sapphire. “Good. Then we're set. Anzu, you know what to do?”

 

She looked nervously over at Yami, “If I do this, I'm off the hook? No sending Mai and me screaming to the Shadow Realm?”

 

“All forgiven,” Yami set the bottle down on the floor.

 

Anzu nodded, “All right.”

 

“Where's Duke? Shouldn't he be here by now?” Ryou settled onto the floor again. Bakura sat down next to him.

 

“He's coming. I saw him when I checked on Marik.” Bakura pulled him closer and draped an arm around his waist.

 

Yugi stumbled into the living room looking lost. He blinked dazedly at his yami, who was cuddling…the wench… Sapphire and nuzzling her neck as she giggled. “Mokuba is feeling…ah.. a bit down.”

 

Mokuba dragged himself in dramatically after him dressed in a black silk shirt; skin tight, black. leather pants; spike heeled, black, leather boots and enough eye liner to make a NFL line backer jealous. His normally young, cheerful face was set in an expression of profoundly bored ennui. “Hi,” he sighed tragically.

 

“Hi Mokuba.” Anzu smiled cheerfully. “Wanna play Spin the Bottle?”

 

He dropped bonelessly onto the couch. “No.” Looked gloomily at his feet. “I just want to sit here and think about my pathetic life.”

 

Yugi stood shifting nervously from foot to foot looking uncertainly at Mokuba. “It's not that bad Mokuba.”

 

A long world weary sigh escaped Mokuba's black lipsticked mouth, “Life is pain.” He looked dully around. “Did anyone bring any booze?”

 

Yugi's jaw made a valiant effort to meet the floor. “Mokuba, your only eleven, Kaiba would kill us if…”

 

Mokuba stood up and wandered toward the kitchen listlessly. “Don't worry. Big brother is stuck in a meeting. He won't be home for a week or two.” He lethargically pushed open the kitchen door. “I'll get it myself.”

 

The bell rang downstairs, signaling another visitor. Yugi, still staring at the kitchen door, jerked around. “Uhh… someone's down stairs.” He looked hopefully at his Yami, who seemed preoccupied with the cleavage that was pressed against his side.

 

Honda bolted out of the kitchen, then pointed back to it with a quivering finger. “Guys, somethings up with Mokuba! He's sitting on the floor with a bottle of Grandpa's cooking sherry and talking about the pointlessness of existence.”

 

Bakura snorted, “If I had to drink that shit, I'd be depressed too.”

 

Ryou gave Honda a reassuring smile, “He's at a delicate age.”

 

“Delicate?” Honda yelled. “You call acting like a depressed mortician delicate?”

 

“Anyone up there?” Duke called up the stairs.

 

Anzu walked over to the stairwell, nudging Yugi as she passed, urging him to sit down on the floor next to Ryou. “Come on up. We're just about to play Spin the Bottle.”

 

Feet thumped their way up the stairs. “Cool.”

 

“What about Mokuba?” Honda stepped back towards the kitchen.

 

Yami pulled his eyes off the creamy flesh under his nose and smiled benignly at the brunette. “Leave him alone. I'm sure Grandpa's sherry won't hurt him… much.” He waved a hand to the space next to Bakura. “Sit down. We're just about to play.”

 

“Bu…” Honda looked back and forth between the kitchen and Yami.

 

“Maybe if we are all having fun, Mokuba will come join us!” Anzu smiled perkily at him.

 

Honda nodded and sat down as Duke walked into the room. He nodded at Yami. “Congrats, man.”

 

“Thanks Duke. Come, sit down and we can get started.” He slithered off the chair onto the floor, pulling Sapphire onto his lap.

 

Duke dropped down next to Yugi, giving him a thoughtful look, “You look a bit…out of it.”

 

“Mokuba's in the kitchen. He's drinking Grandpa's sherry and talking about life is pain.” Yugi glanced worriedly at the kitchen door.

 

“Oh,” Duke sat back, leaning against the sofa, “Puberty struck early.”

 

“Huh?” Yugi stared at him.

 

Duke patted him on the head, “Don't worry. It'll catch up to you any day now.”

 

Yugi swatted his hand away. “I'm not a kid!”

 

“ `Course not.” Duke caught up a hand of nachos and stuffed them in his mouth.

 

“No brains.” Honda stretched out on his side, smirking at Duke, “You can tell. His eyes are too close together.”

 

Duke choked and spat the nachos out. “Are not!”

 

Honda snorted disbelievingly.

 

“Shut the fuck up. I want to get to the good part of this party, and we've gotta play this shitty game first.” Bakura reached over and whacked Duke.

 

“With that excellent beginning, let's play!” Yami reached out and spun the bottle.

 

~*~*~*

 

All reviews are loved and adored,

Flames are hated and ignored.

 

Yamifanner: Yep I put in some OOCs, OCs and everything else I could. After all what goods a spoof if you don't add in the things you want to spoof?

 

DemonandGoddess: Poor Sapphire… Just wait till the party really gets started. You haven't met Ruby yet. I'm sure you'll love to hate her too.

 

Teh Kirby: Hey Yami! Teh Kirby likes… Oh never mind ^-^ Thanks! I try to get those little descriptions in when I can. I want ya'll to see what I see when I make these things up. Honestly, this takes so long because I keep having to stop because I'm laughing too hard.

 

Daebird: I suppose anything's better then the camel meat. I keep wanting to write a Yami/Seth fic with them as kids. Can you imagine the chaos of having the two of them in the same building as little kids? With magic? Oh, have you read Memories and Battle Scars over on FF.net? Seth just put in his appearance in that story. It looks like it's shaping up to be a Seto/Seth/Jou. It's VERY angsty, but now that Seth's on the scene I'm hoping for a bit of excitement.