Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Project Bakura Hood ❯ Chapter 5 ( Chapter 6 )

Authoress Hotaru: We in no way own any of the anime about to be used in our funky, mixed up parody unless you count dvds/manga/ect. We also don't own the random quote from Fairly Odd Parents or anything else for that matter.

Bakura: **eyeballing script while walking about Authoress Dorie's living room** I'm not singing to Ryou…I still have some dignity.

Seto: That's debatable.

Authoress Dorie: **cuddling with a white dog named Lucy** If you don't—Bakura—I'll sick Lucy on you!

Seto & Authoress Hotaru: **cringe**

Bakura: I'm not scared of some demon dog.

Authoress Dorie: She's not a demon dog—you jerk!

Authoress Hotaru/Seto: Um…That's really debatable.

Authoress Dorie: Seto-kun, I have nice warm bed for us if you disagree with Authoress Hotaru and say Lucy's not a demon.

Seto: **torn between telling the truth and having sex, for about a minute** Authoress Dorie is right! She's always right—can we go upstairs now…**eyes barking Lucy nervously**
Authoress Hotaru: That's cheating **pouts but edges away slightly**

Authoress Dorie: No. A way to a man's heart is through his penis….I am going to test out that new whip I bought at Spencer's. **tugs Seto away leaving Authoress Hotaru and Bakura edging towards other exit from growling Lucy**

Authoress Hotaru: We'll fight over the singing later—just get out there! **Pushes Bakura through action/setting door and then vanishes with Authoress' Powers**

 

 

Seto-A-Dale: **appears walking on scene without shirt and with many red lashes over his body** Oh that felt---**pauses when he sees audience** Ahem…I seem to have misplaced my shirt….um…Anyway, with the story of Robin—I mean Bakura Hood, Prince Peg-ass has begun the call of the tournament. Even though it appears a trap, Bakura foolishly enters with the group—minus me—BYE! **runs off scene**

 

**Scene the fairgrounds for the archery contest**

 

Yami: **decked out in full old man get up** Come along, Master Bakura **snorts and tugs Bakura who is wearing yellow/orange puffy outfit with huge false nose onto scene with Malik, decked in red Arabian harem attire followed by pushing Merik who is in Arabian dignitary clothing.**

 

Merik: It's not so bad Bakura. **turns to wink at his “ladies of the harem” who are all the Gay Men/Women decked as men dressed as women from Bakura's Wood. ** Besides…Look whose here. **Points out three figures, two of which cause drooling via the main leaders of Bakura's troupe**

 

Mokuba: How disturbing—Look at the many whores that dignitary brought with him!

 

Ryou: **groans and whispers to Yugi**: How does Mokuba know about whores?

 

Yugi: I'm more concerned with how Malik got to be chief of them all.

 

**The three maids make it to Prince Pegasus's booth, which has had some recent extensions created to one side to seat the dignitary's entire harem**

 

Yugi: **goes in first** Good day, Milord. **curtsies and glares at Pegasus before he and Ryou run to corner**

 

Mokuba: **begins to curtsy**

 

Pegasus: **reaches hands out to touch Mokuba** Don't you look delicious Princess Mokuba? **about to grab ass when Seto's hand appears**

 

Seto: Good Day Milord. **Tries to break Pegasus fingers while Mokuba scurries over to Ryou and Yugi**.

 

Pegasus: Oh it's Seto-A-Dale…Why are you here? **blinks and eyes Seto again** And why are you lacking a shirt? And what's with all the red welts?

 

Seto: **blinks twice** Shut up you pansy. **walks away through mysterious portal**

 

Pegasus: That was random.

 

Merik/Malik & Harem: **start walking down red guest carpet**

 

Pegasus: **in quiet whisper to bowing Merik** Perhaps you will allow your lady to indulge me in the tutelage she undertook to gain such colors in her garments? **smiles lustily at Malik who is turning a slight green**

 

Malik: **grips tighter to Merik's sleeve and presses against him before muttering in a tiny voice** Help me.

 

Merik: You are mistaken, Prince Pegasus. This lady is the most innocent of my harem and the color indicates her newness to her work. In my land, red stands for the pure blood she has yet to shed. **receives odd look from Malik** But for you, only the most experienced will do. **waves hand over to Shadi who is decked in black**

 

Shadi: **scowls darkly**

 

Pegasus: Never mind, my good lord. **visible erection vanishes quickly**

 

*****With the men preparing to shoot*****

 

Yami: I'm so winning this.

 

Bakura: No you're not. Read the damn script! I win.

 

Yami: Doesn't matter. I want my kiss.

 

Bakura: Did it ever occur to you to show highly recognizable face and just take him?

 

Yami: Did it ever occur to you to do the same thing to Ryou?

 

Bakura: I would, but I don't intend to live the rest of my days with five hundred arrows in me.

 

Yami: You're a Yami. You're not alive.

 

Bakura: Right now other parts of me say differently **staring blatantly at Ryou whilst drooling with open mouth which Yami closes**

 

Maiko: **enters with Noah and Rex carrying Maiko's equipment** Hello my dear competition.

 

Yami: **Ignoring Maiko and questions Rex and Noah** Why are you holding his balls?

 

Rex: It was his idea and I'm not getting paid enough for this.

 

Bakura: Where are you bow and arrows?

 

Maiko: Oh…Is that the equipment I need? **removes bow/arrow set from pants Yuy style**

 

Yami/Bakura/Rex: **flinch and back away with disgusted looks on faces** Eww…

 

Noah: No matter how many times I see that, I'll never get used to it.

 

Rex: How many times have you seen it?

 

Noah: Mind your own business….Hey, weren't you fired?

 

Rex: Yes…Yes… The audience knows I've been fired, but whenever I run out of money, Pegasus just hires me again **shrugs** It's about as funny as Seto Kaiba and Authoress Dorie having sex over and over.

 

Noah: Yeah, Seto having sex with any body is probably a big joke. **snorts**

 

Seto: **appears from no where, grabs Bakura's sword and slices off Noah's heads. Waves sword around menacingly** Anyone else want to comment on my sex life?

 

Everyone: **shakes heads in negative direction nervously**

 

Seto: Good. **disappears after throwing Bakura back sword which the thief promptly throws far, far away**

 

Maiko: **coughs and turns back to Bakura** Really nice attire there, sir. One could say you could blind a mouse twenty meters away.

 

Yami: **snickers**

Bakura: **Growls and starts to miss sword which he wants to use to cut off Maiko's heads and then section them off, selling them as wart remover**

 

Weevil: **in annoying high pitch tone, as always** Everyone **squeaks** Please prepare for the archery tournament **shrills** in honor of Prince Pegasus and the three lovely ladies with him!

 

Ryou/Yugi/Mokuba: **are all covering their faces and ears**

 

Mokuba: Are his balls ever going to drop?

 

Yami: **strides up into position and fires arrow, which somehow, through the mystical Authoress power, misses the exact middle, hitting the second ring of the target** WHAT?! **then he is pulled away by a dark cloaked figure who appears from a wormhole**

 

**few people later**

 

Bakura: **starts to move in position to fire arrow when he notices slouched Yami walking his way**

 

Yami: **mumbling curses under breath**

 

Bakura: So which Authoress got to you?

 

Yami: **grumbles** The malevolent one.

 

Bakura: Oh—Authoress Hotaru…Man you got off lucky. Authoress Dorie wouldn't have let you come back without some form of payment.

 

Yami: **thinks about Seto and Authoress Dorie and cringes**

 

Bakura: **shrugs and moves easily to fire arrow which, instilled with power, hits the target in the perfect middle** Does this mean that I win? **smiles brightly as Yami curses**

 

Yami: Maiko's still got a shot, Bakura.

 

Maiko: **walks past Bakura with complete air of confidence, pulls bow strings and fires, missing target but instead hitting Noah's corpse**

 

Yugi: That was anti-climatic.

 

Mokuba: He's never been very good with climaxes.

 

Everyone: How do you know?

 

Mokuba: Peg-ass's guard man told me.

 

Everyone else: Which one?

 

Mokuba: Espa the cheater.

 

Everyone else: Eww…**looks for figure but finds him MIA**

 

Yami: Where is he? **looks behind him and Bakura at Noah's corpse and then back to stadium**

 

Rex: I think I saw him going into the Whore House when I was leaving.

 

Pegasus: What—that tramp! He really is a cheater!

 

Everyone except Pegasus/Noah's corpse: **blinks blankly** You just figured this out?

 

Pegasus: That does not matter! **points dramatically at Bakura** That is Bakura Hood—The traitor to my crown! Arrest him!

 

Everyone else: When did you figure that out?

 

Pegasus: You don't need a millennium eye to see the familiar white hair.

 

Everyone else: **blinks twice**

 

Ryou: **moves further away from Pegasus** He used logic…I'm scared…

 

Bakura: **Growls darkly as guards surround him with three facing the audience who on their back have the letters T…B…C… etched on in gold**

 

 

Authoress Dorie: Tada! Chapter 5 all done!

Authoress Hotaru: **cheering** We actually had plot in the story!

Authoress Dorie: Wait, wasn't Bakura supposed to sing to Ryou in here somewhere?

Authoress Hotaru: No, I think that comes in next time.

Authoress Dorie: So the opening didn't make much sense.

Authoress Hotaru: Who cares? We still got the chapter done!

Authoress Dorie: And I didn't interrupt **glares at Authoress Hotaru** Unlike some people.

Authoress Hotaru: **snorts** And how did Seto magically appear to kill Noah for his snide remark?

Authoress Dorie: **blinks innocently, which she can't pull off very well** I don't know. The internet?

Authoress Hotaru: Don't you mean the Timmy? **snickers and crosses arms** Besides, my interference was needed. Yami can't die/win before the end of the story.

Authoress Dorie: How would he die before the story ends? I don't get it.

Authoress Hotaru: **sighs** Let's think about this logically. Peg-ass stole Yami's throne. Yami suddenly appears in a trap tournament set up to kill off Peg-ass's main competition, Bakura. Yami dies…Plus if he won, well the fight scene wouldn't have been any fun to write next.

Authoress Dorie: You're giving too much away.

Authoress Hotaru: Sue me; you'll get about 15 pennies.

Seto: Oh we could do more than that.

Authoress Hotaru: And I can make sure that Authoress Dor-chan's greatest secrets about someone else get revealed to that person.

Authoress Dorie: **completely out of loop and jumping up and down excitedly** Who? Who?

Seto: **Sweat drops**

Authoress Hotaru: **sighs and rubs temple** Ma'at help me…

Authoress Dorie: **pleading while holding onto Seto's sleeve and tugging** Tell me…

Authoress Hotaru: I've got class tomorrow. Talk to Yami about it**walks off out of sight**

Seto: **groans as Authoress Dorie tries to drag it out of him** Kobito, you really need to pay more attention.

Authoress Dorie: **blinks** I do…Just not outside the bedroom.

Seto: **grins** Well we could always improve that attention span **saunters off with Authoress Dorie**