Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Reason to Live ❯ Suicide ( Chapter 2 )

Reason to Live by: Angela (orangeaura868)

Chapter Two: Suicide

Hisies again! This is chappie TWO! Hope you like! Review…and all that junk…yay! So far no flames! Ok…on with the show! ::bounces off leaving Bakura and Ryou behind.::

Bakura: She forgot to do the disclaimer.

Ryou: Give her a break…she's been drinking pixi stix mixed with coke all day.

Bakura: Whatever.

Ryou: Anyway…Orange doesn't own us…or Yu-Gi-Oh.

Bakura: That's a good thing too…she has a corrupt mind behind all that happiness crap.

Ryou: ::elbows him:: Bakura! That's mean!

Bakura: Hey! It's true and I'm just practicing for my part!

Ryou: But I don't want a horrible yami outside of the story! ::whines::

Bakura: ::sighs:: Fine…remember to review!

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Bakura

I continued to stare at my writhing hikari, whimpering in defeat and screaming whenever I pressed against the cuts. The bloodlust I had felt was gone as too was the adrenaline rush. I calmed down long enough to realize that something was wrong. The silence ate at me…it was silence. I couldn't hear my hikari and I actually panicked. I turned around to see him still and unmoving. He had a sweet gentle put pained look on his face and a part of me wanted his furrowed eyebrows to relax and for him to calm down and look like he was peaceful. Some part of me knew this was wrong to think…but I couldn't help it…he would look so much better if he were calm. He'd look even better if his cheekbones would show a little less and if his face weren't bloody. He'd look like an angel in a tranquil sleep.

I regained myself from my considerate thought and worried immediately. I checked for pulse…for breath. I dived into his mind to find conscious thoughts. Pulse was faint…scattered here and there and extremely hard to locate. Breath came in shallow breaths and was also not at a healthy level. As for thoughts…I continued to wait on the receiving side of the link, not daring to call out. I could hear his soft faint thought come.

/I wish the ring never came to me…I wish my yami could be gone, I hate him…I wish that I was d…/

// RYOU!!// I shouted into the link. Dear gods don't let him die! I need him. I need him…I finally realized how much I absolutely depended on him. His name rolled off my tongue, he was not only my light but my Ryou. My light…without light I would be back inside the endless void of the ring. I held him up gently and lifted his body up. It surprised me to find it easy…he was so light. His lithe arms dropped along my sides, grazing my thighs. Damnit! He can't die on me! But he was…I could sense it…bit by bit his soul was fading. It's been so long since I've ever killed. The last time I felt as if the whole world was watching me. I had trembled knowing what I had done. This time I felt the heavens staring down at me…reminding me how damned I was…how cursed I was.

I brought him closer to the sink and ran water. I hurriedly cleansed his wounds of salt feeling like a guilty child who had had his hand caught in the cookie jar. I stared down at my work. I felt pride and remorse at the same time and I knew for a fact that feeling pride at this destruction was horribly wrong. I washed the cuts a bit more, absentmindedly. I was lost in my thoughts, why did I do this? What could possibly give me reason to do this?! I wanted to hit him more now, to yell at him at how weak he was…to threaten him to not die…to beg him if necessary. I resolved that there was only one solution. Immediately I returned to his battered body. The impact of returning brought painful stings all throughout me.

By Gods, he was stronger than I thought if he had endured this. Having taken over his body I returned his spirit into my soul chamber. I lay writhing in complete agony, eyes blurry from blood and tears. I used the last of my energy to return also to my chamber and bringing the body back as well. I had done this often as a spirit. Cut myself from anger then return to my soul room and reappear again completely healed. I used even more of the ring's power to return to the world in Ryou's body. He would live. I came out to inspect my work, he was not completely healed…I didn't have the strength to do that not the will. He would live…but he was still out cold. I sighed in relief at my save. However, his words still cut into my soul, it caused severe emotional pain.

No matter how much I blocked it out…it would linger around taunting me endlessly. The sound of Ryou's voice…I hate him. It lingered and roamed my mind endlessly causing unease everywhere it ventured off to.

He hated me, I admitted to myself that he had good reason. I can't stand rejection…it hurt. This was the most emotional pain I'd felt in a while. I was breaking done and crumbling, all because he hated me. He hated his Yami, he hated me, so I hated him back …that was all I'd ever learned to do. So I hated him…and tossed his limp body off the counter where he could suffer for all I cared. He was suffering already…at least…so he thought. I'd make him undergo the worst yet. He doesn't know the meaning of pain…but he would. I vowed that for every emotional dilemma that ripped through me…I would take out on him. He hated me, after all…he hated me.

Ryou

I seemed to float around in that endless dark void. I didn't seem dead…I seemed to…fade. As if I was getting darker and blending in with the shadows around me. Slowly I began to see faces dancing around me. They were here too, they had all been consumed by the black void. I strained my senses searching for similarities. This place had no smell, no touch or feel…I could barely see the few faces that remained. I felt diminished…like I was blending in and would become a face like them.

What would Yugi think? What would all the people who knew me say? Would they even care? How would this effect everyone else? I couldn't help but think this way. I felt so low, and everyone else seemed to matter more than me. I was worthless. That's what I've been told to believe and in this black oblivion it seemed the easiest thing to do was to believe that your own death would not disturb the world at all. I was worthless.

I closed my eyes…they were useless. I excepted my fate…so I had died by Bakura's hand. So I had served him in all my years since I received him. So what. It was over now and the past wasn't relevant. I was in a spot where time did not matter or did not exist. I was in a dark abyss. What use was the past, present, or future? Abruptly, I heard a voice calling my name. //RYOU!!// It called me through the mind link. I dismissed it as a figment of my imagination that latched onto the idea of life. The idea that Bakura would save me. I knew it wasn't true though…Bakura never spoke my name, ever. It was all a trick.

I relaxed and gave in to the shadows…feeling myself fade felt good in a way. I was going to go to a long peaceful sleep…when suddenly the shadows were no more.

I squinted my eyes in the blazing light and instinctually placed my forearm up to block the brightness. A mysterious voice met my ears and spoke to me.

Child…your time has not come yet…return!

I almost cried as I heard that…no! I didn't want to live my appalling life any longer. Would angels be so cruel as not to grant me that simple wish? I closed my eyes and felt my body shift. I was in another void…this must be Bakura's soul chamber. I cursed inwardly that he would go so far to save me. In this case it was terribly unmerciful of him to let me live. It was a pity that he needed me. I really hated him. I collapsed down and went back to my sleep again, not having the strength to do otherwise. I cried though…my life was miserable…it really was.

Bakura

I rambled on and on in my weakened state. I felt intense anger and hatred…but I had used up all my energy, I returned to my ring and slept just like my hikari was doing now. Before leaving I looked down at the face of my hikari, completely dismissing the intense feelings of worry as an error. I could not possibly care for his twisted emotion of pain…so long as he is alive. He would be out could for quite awhile and I needed my rest. So saying I returned to my room and dragged his soul out…leaving myself alone to sleep. Everything had been fine…the momentary feel of distress was gone. It had been another day in which I amused my self greatly…nothing more. I felt like the events had not ended though…as if there would be still much more to come. Whatever…I didn't care.

Normal

Bakura franticly looked for a way to save Ryou as the hikari slipped farther into the darkness where he could never be found again. Bakura pauses awhile, the answer known…he disappears into Ryou's body where he begins the rescue work.. Time passes completely unnoticed by both as they could find no interest in it. Bakura emerges outside in his own self-created body admiring his handiwork. He is relieved greatly that Ryou did not die although he controls himself not to show emotion. He disappears again to rest. The job was done. Ryou would be left to suffer more. Death was slipping from his hold and loosening its grip. There would be no deaths now, today.

Ryou

I woke up again much later. The sun was beginning to set, closing the chapter to the misery I had suffered upon reaching my home early this afternoon. I shuddered at the very thought of the pain of it all. It sent flashes dancing before my eyes forcing me to recall every gruesome detail of the battering I had taken. I experienced every hit, kick, and cut dozens upon dozens of time. I t was always like this. I would be left traumatized for many days after. Forced to recall every part of the physical and mental abuse that was bestowed on me by my loving yami. I cried thinking about how close to death I had been, close enough to almost blend tight in with the other departed souls. I wanted my death; he could not deny me that one right that I had thought about so fervently. I had decided to give my heart and soul, and the angels seemed to not take it. I cursed at the angels that I had asked to make this easy. I cried out to them desperately.

Have I not suffered enough? Have I done something wrong? Is this my punishment?! I had never done anything to deserve this, never have I done anything selfish or sinful. What could possibly make you detest me? I was meant to be happy, I am so far from it! The rain…you weren't crying tears of sadness, they were tears of mirth. Do you humor yourselves watching me suffer, watching my pain?

I cursed the heavens silently, experiencing each word and filling each with emotion. I already knew that hell wasn't for me, and neither was heaven…what wrong would ending pain be? My death would mean nothing to anyone. I could see it already, my funeral…empty…no one to mourn me, or... some of Yugi's friends would cry at the ceremony only to forget all about me within a week. I meant nothing, I was worth nothing. I am convinced now more than ever that I know what to do…that I was righting a great wrong by my actions. Bakura would be locked away, what definition of justice I could never find. He was sleeping now…so now was my chance. No worries, or regrets. Suddenly I felt so strong and brave…I could do this! It would seem such an easy way to solve things. Don't stop me now tenshi…I want so much to have it be done.

I opened my eyes, blinking repetitively to rid it of the dried flakes of crimson blood. I looked around, I was in the kitchen. How perfect, the fates were on my side…they had made things a whole lot easier considering that I doubted that I could even walk. I looked around at the blood pooled together coming from my head…my cuts were slightly healed and the fire was gone from my chest. My ribs seemed completely healed. I recoiled realizing that Bakura had gone so far as to save me. I trusted even more that Yami's words were true. My head wound must have opened up…it was still aching and I pained me to focus clearly. I seemed fine, I shivered…my skin reacting to the cold of the coming night air. The sun was making its way down…and the sky was an array of colors. The deep orange shade surrounding that brilliantly bright ball of yellow sun. Spectacular purple clouds crowding around it in a desperate act to be closer to that natural phenomenon.

I stood up shakily giving each action time…but still keeping in mind to hurry so that nothing could possibly stop me. This was it…each breath counted…each sense tingled with excitement; trying to get their own fill of the outside world. Memories coming in full blast…every little thing was a memory that was important. Life was slipping away from me at my own command as I balanced myself against the counter.

Perfect, again everything was looking up for me. This was where the knives were. I opened it slowly and carefully basking myself in the suspense of the moment. This was it…I kept hearing it over and over again in my head. I reached in for an extra sharp one. I held it in my hands giving my full respect to the shiny, deadly metal that I held within my grasp. It reminded me so much about Bakura's dagger…except this knife was welcome. I gripped it hard and grasped it out and twirled it slowly. My eyes took in that metal sheen that allured me to hurry up.

This was it.

Here I go.

Goodbye.

I brought the knife down hard against my upturned wrist. It cut immediately on contact. I failed to feel the pain…only realizing that what I had hoped for was to happen. Thank you…I was dying by my own hand. To die free from my abusive yami…to escape on my own…not to die serving him…that feeling of triumph far overpowered the pain. I brought it down on my other wrist. The vibrant red poured out…running in rivulets down my arm and dripping onto the already stained kitchen floor. I dropped the knife. It was finally done and I felt so accomplished…I couldn't help the smile from flashing briefly on my lips as I felt myself slipping away and fading. My ties to the world were ripping away…slowly and gently disappearing along with me. I laughed! Good lord, I actually laughed! I felt strangely happy. The frightening thoughts and devilish nightmares slipped away. All thoughts of being scared and hiding escaped me and for the first time in who knows how long…I was happy. I would die happy! Alone, yes, but nonetheless I would be happy.

My realistic side found this odd. I could easily think of this as a dream come true when years ago I feared death so much. Things have changed…I have changed. It doesn't matter now. Nothing does.

I'm happy.

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Orange: Wow…I don't know about you people…but I think that is really bad…deep…but still bad. ::shudders when comparing to better writers::

Ryou: Cheer up! I know you promised a happy ending so I won't bother you for a while!

Orange: I could have made it a lot longer though! However…I have a trip to Cancun coming up and I wanted to give you people SOMETHING.

Bakura: ::grunts:: I can't believe you're killing off Ryou!

Orange: I never said/wrote that he died!

Ryou: Thank goodness.

Bakura: Whatever…remember to review.

Orange: Oh yeah! Thank you my first four reviewers! ::bows down:: In return I'm sending a Ryou plushie to each of you! ::throws:: Arigato: Seaoknarnar, sansty-san, and my two unsigned ones…Tokyo and Saffron_Starlight…thank you so much and gomen for not being able to write for awhile. (tokyo is actually Chaos and Death)