Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Rishid, Where Do Babies Come From ❯ Rishid, Where Do Babies Come From? ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Heya Y.V with yet another one shot ^O^ these things are like drugs…you can't stop this time staring…..RISHID!!!!! Why Rishid you ask cuz I actually like Rishid yet I don't see many fics about him before I say more I do not own yugi-oh even though everything and one is so ooc in this flames are welcome, for this is stupid just read and enjoy in

ACTION!!

Everything was peaceful here, I'm so glad that Miss Isis decided to remain in Japan it's quite a beautiful place, and we are allowed freedom. Battle city was over and everything remain quiet….most of the times anyways……

"RISHID!!!"

Ugh, bitchmaster aka Malik-sama calls me…I must beckon to him…..beckon…what kind of word is beckon? Oh well I'll ponder it later but now Malik-sama needs me.

"RISHID!!!!"

Eeeeesh all right already, I heard you the first time. I sighed to my self as I walked to the living room "Rishid, I have to do chores today" he spoke. And? Why the hell did you…..oh….lazy bastard. "As you wish…Malik-sama" I said his name through gritted teeth as he hand me a couple of rubber gloves a scrubbie and Ajax.

"I have to watch the toilets today"

……

Bitch……

*2 hours later*

I never want to wash toilets ever again…EVER!!! I dropped myself on the couch my arms were sore my head ached and ugh….the things Malik sama flushes down the toilet, geez has he ever heard of a trash can? I hope Miss Isis comes back soon, she usually had Malik -sama whip…

Ker-snap heh heh

"Rishid…"

I looked up trying not to give my master a death glare "Yes?' I said calmly. You herahpmadite. He looked at me nervously his were averted from me. This could be serious….

"What is it, Malik sama?"

I began to worry now as he look at the floor trying to spit it out, maybe he did something he shouldn't have done……….what am I saying?

"Rishid….."

"Yes, Malik sama"

"Where do babies come from?"

……..

…….

…… ;

…….You have got to be kidding me……

"Malik sama what?" I ask. Malik fidgeted nervously "I said….do you know where babies come from." he spoke again. Holy crap…he's serious. I gave a nervous cough "Um Malik-sama you do not know about the…." what was that term...oh yes!

"Birds and the bees"

"Well, I was going to ask dad but I went Marik and killed him, then there was my obsession with killing that damn pharaoh and becoming the new pharaoh of the world so yeah I never had it explained to me…until now" he finish looking at me intently.

Gulp

Miss. Isis where are you when I need you? I looked around alas she did not appear. Damn her and her ladies day out……

"Well? Where do they come from? I know that there's a guy and a girl but that's it."

I groaned. Of all the ancient scriptures we had, of all the books he read, he couldn't come across a book explaining the mating process…..ah yes father, you must be laughing you head off watching me suffer in that big screen tv you're watching in hell right now. But I am Malik's faithful servant so I must do as he says.

"Malik sama I think you should sit down for this one." Malik eyes suddenly brighten up as he flopped on the couch I looked at him….he must really be anxious….ugh, Rishid just got the willies. I cleared my throat as he looked at me waiting….whoo boy, how should I explained this, hmm maybe I should do it all fatherly like. After all I am his guardian so yeah I'm like a father…er no, father was a evil bastard who never loved me and is now burning in hell heheheheheheheheheee…er like a big brother, yeah that it….

"Malik, it's obvious that you have already undergone some changes"

"I know that know I want to know how does that fit with babies coming from?"

…………………….how can this kid be so evil…..so unstable and still haven't found out where babies came from. I need a beer…..we don't have any…….damn Isis and her zero alcohol tolerance….

I cleared my throat again "Well Malik sama you've already seen that girls are VERY different from boys, like that girl Anzu…"

Oops now I've done it. "ANZU!!! Why did you say her name huh huh? Are you seeing her behind my back Rishid are you? HUH!!!" he snarled now shaking me. Weeeeeee the walls are shaking…my head hurts….I'm losing brain cells…but the walls are shaking…heh cool.

Ding Dong

Malik stopped shaking me, ow my head….it throbs….him and his infatuation with that girl….but she is pretty cute. I am going to kiss whoever rang the doorbell.

*SMOOCH!!!*

"RAPE!!!!!!!!!"

"N-No you don't understand"

"I'VE BEEN MOLESTED BY A OLD MAN!!! HE TOUCH ME IN MY SPECIAL PLACE!!"

((O___________O));;;;;;;

"Yuugi, what are you doing here?" Malik sama ask his arms crossed looking at him with dislike. "DAMN IT I'M NOT A FAG!!! MY YAMI IS!" he cried out now rubbing his lips. "Thousand apologies Yuugi" I immediately spoke bowing my head. I hope the pharaoh doesn't come out and kills me for touching his aibou....I just kissed him…but only because he save me from my psychotic master strangling me

"I just brought Isis groceries over" he began. Malik sama gave him a very frightening look. "And what were you doing with my sister's groceries hmmm?' he ask, acid lacing he word he spoke. I winced, Malik had a sister complex…it wasn't a very nice sight to see.

"Uh she told me too?" yugi said innocently but I knew what Malik sama was planning…it seemed he still has a little grudge against him and Yami….and of currently as of right now….run Yuugi you fool, pump those legs before he crush's your head with a rock!.

…..

No one ever listens to the scary bald guy do they now? This is a job for SUPER RISHID!!!

DADADADAAAAAAAA!!!

I need a life away from super man comics…….."Malik-sama, don't you still want to know about the birds and the bees" I quickly said. "Oh yeah, of course I do!" he exclaimed forgetting Yuugi was there phew, I save the day again.

"Hey you know where babies come from? Can you tell me too…"

…….

……

This is not happening…this is NOT happening…..there is no freaking way Yuugi doesn't not know about babies…on second thought…it not very shocking but still I mean he has his grandpa…..

Lazy bastard

"You don't know either? Hey Rishid will gladly explain it to us both, RIGHT Rishid?" he said putting on a puppy look. I cringed, curse him and his puppy look. Beware the puppy look indeed…..I slowly nodded my head while Yuugi entered our home, he drooped the groceries down and sat on the floor cross leg along with Malik staring at me….I wish they wouldn't do that…..

"ER hrm, now boys, you have feelings that may feel awkward but it all part of growing up and your part in the miracle of life"

Their that should clear something's up and yet…..there still looking at me…with blank faces……I hate my life….how can I explain it to them in a way they'll understand……

*DING*

OF COURSE!!! Why didn't I see it before ^O^ WOOT!! Er hrm I mean……."…….." now if Yugi is so kind…

"Yuugi, may I see your deck for a moment please?" I ask. "ok" he said and took it out, handing it to me. That's one thing I like about Yuugi, he's very respectful to his elders unlike SOME blonde pain in the asses Egyptians, yet I still love him like a little brother but….that doesn't make me his bitch!

……

…..

Shut-up you ( he means the readers)

I meant you (…………)

Now both where looking at me confused "Hey duel monsters have something to do where babies come from?" Yuugi exclaime shock and excited. "Er, no, but they will help me explain" I simply replied while Malik sama gave a yawn. "I'm bboooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrred" he wailed.

How about I bored you're ass a new one Malik-sama…breathe in…breathe out Rishid…remember the anger management classes. I will not kill my master I will not kill my UNGRATEFUL master…..happy place happy place….much better.

I searched through his deck until I found what I needed now to explain the birds and the bees….I wonder why they call it birds and bees? Birds and bees could not mate, if they would then the world would have been taken over by half bee half bird mutants that thrived on human flesh………….ok….where was I? Oh yes babies ^_^

I took out the dark magician and showed it "Now you know that the dark magician is a MALE monster card yes?"

::nod nod::

I then took out another monster card "And this is a female duel monster dark magician girl, right?"

::nod nod::

So far so good, now for the embarrassing part about using duel monster cards as a example. "Now that we know the basic Dark Magician is a boy and Dmg is a…girl"

::nod nod::

"ok then when two Duel monster like each other they go in an act of courting aka going on dates"

"Question!"

"yes Malik?"

"why, I thought duel monsters just destroy each other"

"Well, Dm and DMG like each other, so there"

"……."

"Now" I started making the cards move…oh ra, I'm making the cards move….what next?"

"hey dm thank you for the great time"

"Don't mention it sweet cheeks"

O.o

o.O

-_-;; eh heh heh…..great now I'm making their voices oh well, at least they understanding it…sorta….

(Menawhile with Yuugi and malik)

Malik-O.o what the hell is Rishid doing? What does this have to do with babies?

Yuugi- O.o what is he doing with my cards…is he raping them too?

(back to Rishid)

STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!!! Must….remain…in…control…breathe…breathe… ;.there, better. "Now DM and DMG have been going out for a long time and Dm thinks it's time for him to pop the question" I explain and slightly bend the dark magician card.

"YOU FIEND WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?"

I quickly straightened it out anyway……"DMG will you marry me" I said as DM. I slightly cleared my voice "OH YES DM I WILL" I now said in a high pitch girly voice (lol can you imagine Rishid with a girly high pitched voice?) Then I pressed the two cards together making kissing sounds. I looked up seeing Malik and Yuugi look a bit disturbed by what they saw.

Hmm perhaps I'm enjoying this too much

……

…..

NAH!!

"Question"

"Yes Yuugi?"

"How was their wedding?" he ask. Kid come on you're killing me "Very nice" I said, he wasn't going to get anything else from me.

"Question"

I'm am getting tired of these question… "Yes…Malik….sama…?' I said through gritted teeth. What does this have to do with babies?"

"First they court, then they married then they have SEX!!!" I shouted out. Malik and Yuugi eyes widened; finally something they know about.

"What's sex" they both said in unison.

………….

̷ 0;……….

Father you must be enjoying yourself….lucky bastard. I sighed to myself "Sex is how babies are made" I said calmly.

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…………….HOW ??"

GULP

The question I fear…the process.. I quickly took out a polymerization card "This" I said and met with confused glances. They fused together?" Malik ask. "well, yes and no erhm they fuse into one being…they er…fuse at the bottom…of their bodies…at the front…" I saw Malik eyes widened along with Yuugi's.

"So our…"

"Yes"

"is suppose to..?"

"yes"

Well that certainly shut them up.

"To create a baby, which will grow inside DMG stomach for nine months, and then you have a baby and that's how babies are made!" I finished I wouldn't bother going into the labor process, I'll let them find that out when they're married heh heh. Both boys just stared at me I expected this reaction but I felt smug I actually got through it so WOOOOOOOT!!

………

……..

…….

Silence …utter silence…..then…

"hey what happens when two girls get together?"

What?

"how about two guys? Will they still make a baby?"

((O__O))

"No.."

"why--"

"just no!" ehg things kids come up these days, just horrifying I tell you.. "their now you know" I spoke no more questions just then I heard a knock. "Who is it now" I grumbled and opened the door.

"Anzu-san what are you doing here?" I ask.

All of the sudden I saw a blond whirl past by me grabbing the girl and taking her upstairs "ANZU I WANT TO SHOW YOU WHAT RISHID JUST TAUGHT ME AND YUUGI"

Oh my god this is not happening, if I close my eyes and sing a tune it will all go away….lalalalalalalaladoodoodoodoodoodoo….

"Hey Malik can I show her too?"

"ME FIRST!!!"

"Geez you guys, can't you share?" I heard her say, completely having no clue of the evil I just unleashed wait a minute….{[O]}O{[O]};;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo

MALIK-SAMA COME BACK!!!

The things I do for family…….

End

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O__o…..eh incredibly stupid but Rishid's a fun character to write so flames are welcome and tell me the truth should I change this to r or leave it at the pg-13 rating? Thanks 4 reading see ya

Y.V.