Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction / InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ What Revenge Brings ❯ Chapter 13: Dead Inside ( Chapter 13 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

*What Revenge Brings*

Chapter 13: Dead Inside

“Why do you keep running?”

“I do not run.”

“What are you doing now?”

“Leaving.”

“You can’t forgive her.”

She paused, turning to face the man that dared to speak so freely to her.

“Forgive who?”

“Kikyo.”

“Of course I can’t.”

“You can’t forgive her until you forgive yourself.”

Eyes narrowed in suppressed anger.

Yet still she stayed silent.

“Will you ever forgive yourself Lady Kagome? Do you even want to?”

“I do not deserve forgiveness.”

“What you did to your sister could not be helped, Kagome.”

Kagome’s hair shadowed her face, hiding any expression that may have shown itself on her face.

“I could have saved her.” The lost child peeked out from somewhere hidden deep inside of her. Helpless, pleading. Scared.

“Perhaps, but that’s not the way things turned out is it?”

“No.”

“Is there a point to this conversation Miroku?” This was said tiredly.

“Yes, you can’t keep punishing yourself Kagome-sama, you have to forgive yourself before you can fully recover. Before you wounds can heal. Scar over.”

She laughed then, bitterly.

“Wounds Miroku, some wounds can scar over and fade but they remain a part of you. But wounds like these, you can’t heal, you can’t repair, you can’t fix. Wounds like these stay with you forever, it may dim over time, but the pain is a constant shadow. Wounds like these are forever.” Kagome spoke her voice soft but speaking truth.

“Yes, Kagome-sama, that they do.” Violet clashed with gold and she turned to leave again.

“Why don’t you let yourself love and try to heal?”

“I don’t know how.”

“You lie, you still have a heart.”

“What’s left of my heart, is broken and tattered. I have little of my heart to give Miroku, even if there was someone to accept my love.” Kagome’s voice was harsh with a silent agony.

“But you wish for love.”

“Love will only bring pain, love scorns me.”

Her hand was on the door knob now, turning it.

“One last thing Kagome-sama.”

She paused, letting her curiosity take over.

“What?”

“When was the last time you smiled, truly smiled?”

Kagome turned around but the monk was already gone.

And that one question haunted her mind before she answered to the empty room.

“I don’t remember.”

“That’s sad, very sad.” His voice echoed throughout the room.

“Yes. It is.”

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Her conversation with her father’s advisor, Miroku replayed over and over again in her head. She did not run, did she? Running implied that she hid. She did not hide, did she? So many questions replayed, over and over in her head. Troubled eyes stayed downcast as she walked down the bustling hallway, the servants careful to keep away from her. If Kagome had her way there would be no servants. Too many ears and eyes. It was difficult to tell friend from foe.

“I don’t love, I won’t.” Kagome whispered.

‘I want to...’ rang through her head left unsaid.

Covering her face with her hands she just wanted to cry. Miroku was too smart, too wise for his own good. He threw her off balance with his conversations. ‘I’m losing control to often. Just focus on the threat that is Naraku and everything will be fine.’ Kagome thought. She remembered another conversation she had with Miroku.

Flashback

“What’s wrong Kagome?” Miroku asked the pretty 17 year old.

He’d caught her beating on some innocent dummy in the dojo with tear tracks on her face as if she’d been crying. Quickly wiping the tear tracks away she turned to him with a cold look, he was unfazed.

“It’s all right.” he tried to soothe her.

After unsuccessfully trying to break through her barriers for close to an hour he was about to give up when he heard her soft voice speak.

“I thought no one could break me, hurt me so badly.” Her voice was close to breaking. “I was young, I was stupid, I was naive. I was so wrong.” She suppressed her heartbreaking sobs. He too had heard about what had happened with Naraku so long ago. Not any of the detail’s mind you just that she had been kidnapped and tortured along with her sister.

“At least you aren’t dead.”

When she looked at him his breath caught, he’d never expected to see such a look from her. Such a broken look.

“Oh you have no idea how dead I am, inside.”

And then she took to the night sky, her beautiful black, red tipped wings taking her out the window. And he watched and that night as he got ready for bed he cried.

He cried because he saw how dead she was, how broken.

He cried because she couldn’t.

End Flashback

He didn’t know that she had watched as he cried for her. He didn’t know how much she respected him. And he wouldn’t. It was better he not know how much easier he made her life, the talks they had almost always left her near tears. But she was no hypocrite and she knew sometimes all one could do was cry, no matter what she said on the outside how hard she pretended to be.

She was not always strong.

She was not always perfect.

But she could pretend.

Couldn’t she?
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Running swiftly through the gardens that surrounded the palace, the figure cloaked in darkness easily maneuvered it’s way to a grove, hidden deep within the heart of the gardens. Heavily cloaked in shadows they came to a stop before a well maintained grave.

Yura, Princess of Hell

Small hands traced the inscription almost lovingly. Dark golden eyes peered out at what was Yura’s burial site. Although when she escaped Naraku’s grasp she didn’t have Yura’s body, that didn’t mean she couldn’t pay her respects to her deceased sister. Praying, silently for a few minutes and then she took to the sky soaring above the gardens, the clouds, not seeming to feel the cold iciness of the wind crashing against her skin, she felt nothing.

And she couldn’t help but think to herself. When was the last time she was truly happy? She truly smiled? When was the last time, she felt anything besides, pain, anger, amusement, sorrow and annoyance? And the sad thing about it was, she still couldn’t remember. Not one time came to mind. Miroku was right. It was a very sad thing.
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From the cover of darkness two large red eyes peered out at her from behind the foliage surrounding the small figure. Dead were the eyes in the body made of clay, bones and ashes. She was one of a kind, a true masterpiece. Urasue had really outdone herself with this one, Naraku was very glad, as he watched his latest masterpiece maneuver through the gardens of hell. Very glad, he’d taken the proper measures with little Yura’s body. Now Kagome would get a blast from the past.

And he was sure, so sure of himself that Kagome wouldn’t be able to bring herself to kill this creation of his. For how could a guilt-ridden Kagome bring herself to kill her sister. Again. And not just any sister. Little Yura.
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Upon her arrival back at the palace she was bombarded by her two brothers screaming and crying. Something was horribly wrong. Her brothers would not dare show such weakness while there were witnesses. Of course those witnesses being there guests. With narrowed eyes she sought out the source of their problems. Landing on a small figure, a child.

And she almost joined them.

She fell to the floor. Shocked. Scared. And just a little nervous.

“Yura.” The name came out in a whisper, quiet, hesitant.

Everyone else just stood there watching, unsure. They had seen as Yura died in the disc Naraku sent and were confused as to why she was alive now. Even the normally verbose Kuwabara, Yusuke, Goku and Jakotsu were quiet. All carefully watched Kagome’s expression. There was none. Hiten and Bankotsu were taken to Jigoku and he formed a barrier around the guests and his own entourage. This was something Kagome had to do on her own. He knew it.

“Yura.”

“Kagome.”

&# 8220;How?”

“Naraku.”

“Necromancy. ”

Yura, her beautiful little Yura. Reduced to this a walking corpse, a zombie that lives by feeding off of the soul of others. With no true thought, conscience, feelings that are her own. A puppet. But she couldn’t think of Yura like that, no matter how hard she tried. But how could she not. When Yura stood there in front of her, soullessly. Unfeeling.

“You killed me Kagome.”

“I know.”

“Do you regret it.”

Silence.

“I will pay you back for that Kagome.”

“What?”

“Now it is your turn to die.”

And then she attacked.

Eyes widening in surprise Kagome barely dodged the attack dished out by her younger sibling. She evaded attack after attack, defending herself, fending her off. But never attacking. Not once did she lift a finger to fight back, to do any damage to Yura.

“She’s not fighting back!” Goku exclaimed, worried.

“No, she’s not.” Hiten said softly watching as the puppet Yura attacked Kagome viciously.

“She’s just defending herself, does she want to die?” Jakotsu was enraged.

“She will not allow herself to die until Naraku’s demise.” Jigoku answered.

“Not like you care.” Bankotsu muttered bitterly underneath his breath.

“Why doesn’t she kill her, if that’s not really her sister?” Kuwabara asked.

Everyone was silent.

“Because she can’t bring herself to kill Yura a second time. Because she can’t bring herself to do any damage to Yura or herself. The toll on her is excessive, and she is so close to her breaking point, where she just won’t care, about anything, or anyone. She pushes so hard for perfection, but she knows it’s all pretend. She knows, she’s slowly killing herself more and more inside. She’s already dead.”

Everyone turned to Miroku who was watching the fight carefully.

“She’s scared, to live, to kill whom she loves.”

“Kagome.” Hiten and Bankotsu were very worried now.

Panting Kagome dodged another attack unaware of the conflicting emotions arising behind the barrier. ‘God, Yura, Please don’t make me kill you a second time.’ She pleaded silently in her head. It was now or never Yura was bringing her sword in an upward arc hoping to slice her down the middle. Quickly Kagome drew her sword and stabbed her sister through the chest, falling to her knees, tears not falling from her eyes. They wouldn’t. And she watched as large crimson eyes closed, leaving one single tear trailing down Yura’s face.

“The tears I cannot cry are the ones that hurt most.” Kagome whispered a quote read to her as a child.

“Kagome, it’s not your fault.” Hiten said softly.

Looking up at him with tears threatening to fall but not quite making it she replied, “She trusted me to keep her safe, Hiten.”

“How is it not my fault?”