Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction / InuYasha Fan Fiction / Fan Fiction ❯ The Quest for the Golden Thing I Can't Say Outside the Fic. ❯ Section one ( Chapter 2 )

First chapter!

Disclaimer: I only own Ainedhelwen, Raukowen, Lissiel, and Vanahuan. Windfola owns herself, Anannhuan, and Anus man. Mr. Rogers/Randy says he owns us because we are his whores. We don't mind, we're virgins! (Tch, yeah right.) We are high, too… much… Coca Cola, not Coke, Coca Cola! Windfola says, "Say beer!", I say, "You're a wenis!" She says, "I am not a wenis, you fuck ducks!" Mr. Rogers says, "You're both duck fuckers. Can I join in?" *MAJORLY BITCH SLAP!*

Opening: In some remote un-named location in Middle-earth.

Elrond: You are going on the Quest for the Golden Dildo! It has legs, I shall set it free! It will go through Tokyo, Feudal Japan (even though I haven't the slightest fuck what those are), and then several places in Middle-earth! I know all there is to know about where and why it goes. I will drop clues. There will be hardships. If one falls behind, you must leave them. No heroism here, folks! Now we will gather people that wish to go on this quest and put them in groups. Those of you that think that the Golden Dildo is foul, stand over here and shut the hell up! Those of you that want to use it for dirty things (DT) with it, stand there and talk all you want. Those of you that want to torment others with it, stand over there. Now you shall go!

Mimms appears and sucks them up her black hole of an ass, then they drop back out in Tokyo and are separated into their groups.

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SECTION ONE

We join the Destroyers, if you did not read the introduction, this will confuse you.

Elrond's might voice: NOW I SHALL SEND YOU ALL CLUES TO WHERE THE NEXT CLUE IS! THEN I WILL DROP YOU ANOTHER THAT TELLS YOU WHERE THE THIRD CLUE IS! THAT THIRD CLUE WILL TELL YOU WHERE THE GATE TO THE NEXT WORLD IS!

Frodo: Lookie! I am the clue bearer!

Legolas: Gimme!

Frodo: Why?

Legolas: It's in Quenya, you nitwit!

Frodo: Oh. Here. *Gives clue.*

Legolas: Okay. It says to find some place that sells Shit and Salamanders.

Ainedhelwen: Eh, what? Give me that! It says, find some place that sells-

Windfola: Shit and salamanders it is!

Ainedhelwen: You are all hopeless. Haldir, why am I surrounded by idiots?

Mr. Rogers: `Cause you fuck ducks in your sleep!

Ainedhelwen: *Bitch slaps.* Shut up you dick faced pimp!

Mr. Rogers: How am I a dick face if I'm a pimp? Your slaps burn.

Note: Ainedhelwen is too long, I'll call myself Ain.

Mr. Rogers: What the fuck kinda name is Ain.?

Windfola: A name like yours, dick face.

Frodo: Look! It's a bird!

Pippin: It's a plane!

Merry: No! It's ANUS MAN!

Anus man: I AM THE MIGHTY ANUS MAN! LOOK AT MY ANUS, FOR IT IS SHINY TODAY! *Shows anus.*

All: *go blind*

Haldir: I can't see! I can't see! *Runs into Mr. Rogers who knocks Inu over and steps on his dick with his combat boots.*

Inuyasha: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!! *jumps up and kicks Mr. Rogers in the balls.* Huh?

Mr. Rogers: I always wear a cup.

Inuyasha: Aw,shit.

Mr. Rogers: *does funky boxing moves on him.*

Inuyasha: *Flies into the sky and into oblivious screaming*

FUCK YOU!!!

Mr. Rogers: All is nice in the neighbor hood full of dumb ass fucks!

Kurama: You're a booby! *waves an old grandma cane.*

Hiei: Where did you get that?

Kurama: Dunno. *throws cane backwards and it bonks Orophin and Rumil on the heads, they fall against each other and kiss.*

Orophin: Yum.

Rumil: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *Hides behind Haldir.*

Haldir: Orophin, you homo! How dare you be mean to my brother!

Orophin: He tastes like strawberries and chicken.

All: *make vomit on Mr. Rogers.*

Frodo: Ha ha!

Sesshomaru: HELLO, YOU NINNIES!!! WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING FOR A PLACE THAT SELLS SHIT AND SALAMANDERS!!!

Pippin: Oh, I've eaten there.

Merry: Yeah, it was good. It's a place called Yusuke's Mom's Kitchen/toilet.

Galadriel: Hi.

Celeborn: *uses a smurfy voice.* Shaddup, stupid bitch!

Galadriel: *laughs like Nelson.* Heh ha! I am the bitch, bitch, bitch, I am the bitch all night long.

Celeborn: You sure are a bitch in bed.

Galadriel: Huh?

Celeborn: Every time I try to get something, you're kickin' me in the monkey nuts! Every time I try to feel you up, you're bitch slappin' me! Every time I talk dirty, you stuff your bloody underpants in my mouth! (<-- Randy's idea.)

Ain.: You two need counseling.

Legolas and Haldir: HELLO! CLUE!

Windfola: Randy is an ass, ass, ass, Randy is an ass. Are you in need?

Mr. Rogers: Stop calling me Mr. Rogers! Call me Pimp Randy Man!

Ain.: Whatever.

Wind (Windfola): You're an ass in need.

PRM (Pimp Randy Man): I have a nine inch dick, nine inch dick, nine inch dick, I have a nine inch dick!

Leggs and Hal (Haldir): CLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUE!!!!!

Ain.: Okay! To Yusuke's toilet!

At Yusuke's toilet…

Wind: *Riding Inuyasha's shoulders* Here it is! Written on the toilet paper!

A singing Ent appears and starts singing, making all except the Elves and the Hobbits fall asleep.

Hal: Ha! We are the ones that gave that power unto you! You cannot harm us with it!

Ent: *grabs PRM by the feet and tries to drown him in the toilet.*

Wind: NO! Don't take Pimp Randy Man! Here! Drown Orophin! We don't give a shit and a half about him!

Ent: Uh… okie.

Hal: What? You're going to drown my kin?

Ent: Uh…

Wind: He's a homo.

Ain.: You did say that, Haldir.

PRM: *does nocturnal emission thingy and wakes up.* F…fu… FUCK!!! *stuffs toilet paper in his pants.*

Galaldriel: THAT HAD THE CLUE ON IT! NOW WE'LL NEVER KILL THE DILDO!

Sesshomaru: You fuckin' nengen.

PRM: I do not fuck engines!

Sess: Urgh. Filthy human bastard.

Wind: He doesn't fuck engines, he fucks ducks.

Celeborn: Ner. You people are boring. Sorry, toots! I'm leavin'. *leaves.*

Galadriel: Wait for you me, you horny fuck! *chases.*

Down the hall, a large blob sits on them and kills them.

PRM: MIMMS HAS SAGGY BOOBS!

Mimms: RAH!!! *grabs Pimp man and runs into another room.*

You hear screams and then…

PRM: OOOOOOHHHH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!! GET IT OFF ME!!! NO!! DON'T PUT THAT THERE, YOU FAT BITCH!!!

Then you hear…

Mimms: Oh! Oh, yes! Give it, give it, give it to me, you sexy man!

Ain.: Poor Randy.

Wind: Save Pimp Randy Man!

Ain., Wind, Leggs, and Hal: *Run in while the others stay behind.*

You see…

Mimms: *Bouncing up and down on him making noises and saying things.*

Randy: Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Mimms: I am fucking!

Randy: Shit, shit, shit.

Mimms: You want me to shit on you?

Wind: *Barfs all over Mimms's jiggling boobs.*

Hal and Leggs: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Need… normal… not… saggy… shitty… breasts… *barf all over Pimp Randy Man.*

Randy: Asses! Fuckers!!! BITCHES!!! YOU'RE DEAD!!! *Throws fat ass Mimms out the window and starts bitch slapping them.* YOU FUCK FUCK FUCKERS!!!!!

Frodo: *Runs in.* we have the clue. We have to throw one of the hardships in the toilet!

Ain. -_- Randy, you dick face. Go get Mimms, so we can throw her in.

Five minutes later.

They throw Mimms in.

Ain.: Where's the next clue?

Another clue drops outta the sky.

Frodo: That was shitty.

Wind: Oh. It says, now we jump in the toilet.

They jump in…

What of the rest of the groups. Where does the toilet lead? Who must they fight next? Will they win? What will happen to them there? What will they do to each other? These answers and more in the next chapter. You will have to wait two more sections for that though.