Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Balance ❯ Made Me This Way ( Chapter 17 )

Disclaimer: …yeah.  That.

Balance

Chapter Seventeen: Made Me This Way

I can and will survive whatever I so please!  You do not rule me anymore!

The man in the mirror only nodded, sitting silently.

'I thought you would come to this.  I knew it, somehow…and I did nothing to prevent it…'

He panicked suddenly.  What was it?  What was it that he did not know?  What was it?

What are you keeping from me?

'Keeping?' the man laughed.  'I am keeping nothing.  It is you who keep secrets from yourself.'

He turned, facing away from the man in the mirror.  He felt tears as they brimmed in his eyes-but no, no, no, he couldn't cry.  Don't cry.  Don't show weakness.  Don't give openings.  Don't cry.

Touching his cheek as he felt tears spill over, he felt nothing but dry skin, and was reminded again of the unreality of it all.

He looked around again.

The sky had become white once more.

Colors were gone.

Black was faded to nothingness.

Even the looming grey had ceased to exist.

White.

Nothing…but white.

I have kept nothing from you, he choked out, you who know everything about me already.  What do you have to learn from my words?

'Nothing, really,' replied the man in the mirror.  'It is what your words can do for you that I am thinking of, not what they can do for me.'

You're a liar, he murmured, his voice low.  The man in the mirror shook his head.

'Maybe I am.'  He smiled.  'But it is you who has made me this way.'

I have done no such thing.

'Don't lie to yourself like this.  It's so…unbecoming.'

I hate you.

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Hiei joggled the doorknob.

"Figures," Yuusuke muttered, "that it's got to be locked."

Kuwabara leaned down to inspect the silver handle.  "Looks pretty strong…  Is it safe to break it?"

Hiei rolled his eyes and flipped a switch below the handle itself.  The door swung open.

"Or we could do that," Yuusuke added quickly.  Kuwabara nodded furiously.  "Yes, yes, let's do that."

"Kurokyoui!" Hiei shouted as he threw the door open.  He half expected the room to be empty, even though they had all felt decently classed youki emanating from within it.  Though, aside from the raping and beatings they had heard about so far, Kurokyoui couldn't be expected to associate with youkai of such low classes as the high-B and low-A they had felt recently.

Not really to his surprise, they saw not the classy youkai from Botan's photograph, but a collection of youkai giving off vibes of youki that ranged all the way from low-D to low-A.  Yuusuke blinked at the odd assortment, and Kuwabara carefully sidled towards the door.  Hiei stepped forward forcefully.

"Where is Kurokyoui?" he asked, his tone filled with bitterness.  One of the nicer looking females, a seemingly high-B class, looked up from her spot on the floor with half lidded eyes and shook her head.

"How the hell should we know?" she asked tiredly.  "He hasn't been here for about a week.  It's not like he tells us anything, anyway.  If you want information, go somewhere else, because it's not here."

"We think you know something," said a frightfully calm voice from somewhere near the doorway.  Hiei started, but refrained from turning around.  "It may not seem important to you, but anything you can tell us about Kurokyoui or his dealings here would aid in our mission."

Surely enough, Kurama walked forward silently and stopped, hovering over the girl.  She lifted her gaze, but did not open her eyes any more.  "Now talk," he ordered in the kind of tone that made sure you would speak, for fear of a worse fate than you could imagine.

But the girl only shook her head again, and a pretty redheaded male-low-A class, from the feel of it-stepped forward.

"It'll do you no good to threaten us," he said, just as tired as the girl.  "We don't feel much pain anymore.  Come to think of it, we don't feel much of anything anymore.  Do your worst."

He held out his heavily scarred wrist.  "Would you like to cut it, or do you want to watch me do it?"

Yuusuke recoiled, and Kurama seemed to regain some of his humanity as he turned his head away and tightly closed his eyes.  "Neither," he bit out through clenched teeth.  "Has Kurokyoui been doing that to you?"

"Yes," the girl answered.  All the other youkai in the room seemed to have, at one point, designated all speaking roles to the girl and man before them, which suited Kurama perfectly fine.  At least this group wouldn't challenge them to a fight.  "Him, and his partners.  Miru especially."

Hiei stepped up this time, subtly putting an arm out to detain Kurama.  "Miru?"

The man nodded.  "His right hand woman, I think.  From the way he acts around her, anyway.  I don't know why she's so subordinate to him, she could clearly hold her own in a fight."

"She afraid of him for some reason," the girl said.  "I don't know why, though.  They've never interacted around us more than to exchange the blades and whips and things."

Kurama nodded slowly, something appearing to come together in his mind.  "Yes…yes…  I think I understand.  Was Miru the one to put the eyes and things on the door?"

The man sat beside the girl.  "The what?"

"What're your names?" Yuusuke asked suddenly.  "The two of you, I mean.  Or anyone else who feels like sharing."

The girl sighed and shook her head yet again.  "Yes…my name…  That's a funny question, you know…  Now that I think about it, I'm not so sure what it is anymore…"

"Haeru," the man whispered to her.  "Remember, Haeru?  Remember?"

"Oh, yes…and you're Katagi…"

"That's right."

Kuwabara looked down at them sadly.  This Kurokyoui, this bastard, had torn down such once-strong creatures to not even be able to be sure of their own names…he surely must perish.  Yuusuke looked to Kuwabara and a thought passed between them:

He's going to die.

It's going to hurt like hell.

I'll make sure of that.

Kurama took Hiei's hand.  Hiei looked up; Kurama was acting so irrationally…one second, he was sullen and bitter and closed to the world, and the next, he needed the comfort and support only a…friend could give.  Kurama had often called Hiei his best friend; maybe he needed to act like it more.

"Haeru," Kurama said finally.  "Is there nothing…really, nothing you can tell us of Kurokyoui?  Katagi?  How about you?  Or anyone else here?"

Katagi looked up warily, his eyes guarded with an odd kind of bitter hesitation.  "And you aren't going to turn and attack us if we say something displeasing?"

"You have my word," said Hiei, an odd action from the usually quiet bystander.  Kurama nodded.

Haeru and Katagi looked at each other cautiously.  They could trust these new…people…and it might warrant them their freedom.  But, on the other hand, there had been no mention of freedom at any point during the conversation, and there was no reason to believe that these people were planning on stopping Kurokyoui.  Maybe they wanted to join him.

"What assuredness should we have about you?" Katagi asked suspiciously.  Kuwabara took the floor this time.

"You really can't be sure, I guess," he said sadly.  "But I want you to trust us.  I want Kurokyoui to die, as I'm sure you all do, and I want it to hurt.  I'll make sure it does.  But we can't find him very easily, and we definitely can't do it without your help."

Haeru and Katagi shared an understanding look, and she glanced back up to Kuwabara shyly.

"And Miru?" she asked, oddly eager.  Kuwabara paused, unsure as to what she meant.

"She'll pay, too," Yuusuke replied, punching his own fist.  "And anyone else they travel with who bothers you all."

Katagi looked back to the other youkai in the room.  Odd, Kurama thought, he had all but forgotten about them.  Quick conversations passed back and forth, and finally, Katagi turned back to speak again with Haeru.

They appeared to bicker for a moment.  Hiei took the chance to look up once again at Kurama, who had slipped back into his "stoic unshakable" mode.  Hiei would talk to him later, maybe when they stopped for the night…

"Tell us of the markings on the door."

"What markings are these?" Katagi asked again, a small spark of vitality glinting back in his dulled brown eyes.  Haeru, too, seemed to truly wonder about these mysterious decorations that had Kurama so concerned.

Yuusuke pointed to the still open door.  "The eyes!  Don't you see them?  And the words…"

Haeru looked behind him and cringed.  Katagi draped a defensive arm over her shoulders and he also looked away.  Kuwabara shut the door out of consideration for their reactions.

"Yes, the eyes…" murmured Haeru.  "We see the eyes.  Miru's work.  I'm sure of it."

"Miru, Miru, and the eyes… God's eyes…" whispered another youkai this time, a small male sitting curled against the back wall.  He appeared to be only a child, about twenty, if Hiei guessed right.  The half koorime walked back to the boy and knelt beside him, pushing his shoulder to catch his attention.

"Boy," he said coolly, causing the youth to raise his jet colored eyes.  "What about Miru and the eyes of God?"

But the boy only shook his head weakly, nestling it back between his arms and resting on his knees.  Hiei threw up his hands in frustration and, with a jerk of his head, designated the task of interrogation to Kurama or one of the others.

Yuusuke stepped forward, interrupting Kurama.  It was a slight surprise and Kurama was a little put off, but it didn't really matter.  Not really.

"Hey," Yuusuke said kindly, with the sort of gentleness they had thought he used only with Keiko, "what's your name?"

The youkai looked up, tears brimming in his eyes.  Not normal tears, Yuusuke thought.  The little guy didn't look too much more depressed than the rest of them, and that was the kind of depression they were used to.  Like breathing, it was a part of their lives.  These tears looked more like…fear.  Which was odd, because Yuusuke sensed nothing to be afraid of.

Unless…

"No, no," he said hastily, smiling.  "I won't hurt you.  It's cool; I just want to talk.  Really.  I promise."

The youkai raised his head a little bit more, very slowly beginning to open up to the idea of speaking.

"How about this?" Yuusuke proposed.  "If I do something you don't like, you can hit me.  For free.  Right in the jaw.  Or the chest, or the gut, or the nuts, or whatever you want.  Okay?"

The youkai nodded, his mouth curving from a defeated frown to an indifferent line.  He raised his head off his arms.

"What's your name?"

He shrugged.  "They call me Kiokure…"

Yuusuke nodded.  It was easy to see where that name had come from; the critter was about as nervous as Koenma in the face of battle.  But, wait…

"'They'?"

Kiokure nodded this time.  "Kurokyoui and Miru, and their group.  They call me Kiokure because they say I'm weak and I can't give them the screams they want."

Kuwabara spat on the floor.  That was sick…

"…Oh," Yuusuke whispered.  That was sick…  "But what's your name?"

The youkai laughed hollowly.  "My name?  I don't really have a name.  You can call me Kiokure; I don't mind."

Yuusuke shook his head, and Kuwabara nodded at his friend's decision.  Kurama and Hiei had melded into the far wall, observing with a detached engagement.  Haeru and Katagi almost smiled at Kiokure's openness.

"I think I'll call you…Kankou.  Is that okay?  Or would you prefer Kiokure?"

"No," said Kankou softly, "Kankou is fine…  I…thanks…"

Yuusuke smiled in a very Yuusuke sort of way.  Kuwabara smiled, as well, in an equally characteristic manner, and it seemed to put the others at ease a slight bit.  Kankou relaxed his muscles, at least.

"Anyway, Kankou.  What do you know about Miru and the eyes on the door?"

Kankou shut down instantly.  Every bit of his willingness from just moments ago had vanished, and his just loosened muscles bunched up again as he curled in on himself.  Yuusuke was tempted to fall over in exasperation, but didn't think that would help matters at all.  Kuwabara considered slipping over to join Hiei and Kurama against the wall, but then remembered that he was a little afraid of Hiei, and opted to meld into the wall opposite them, instead.

Yuusuke sighed softly, instead, laying a hand on Kankou's shoulder.

"Okay, Kankou.  I get that you don't want to talk about it, but just think for a second."

Kurama snickered at the irony of it all.

"If you help us now-just a little-we can get Kurokyoui, and maybe you can even get in a few shots.  I really don't know how things will work out, but maybe.  And you can tell us what to do.  Beat him, kick him, cut him, make him suffer…whatever you want.  We'll do it.  But we really need your help.  And I think that whatever you can tell us about Miru and the eyes of God will be a huge, huge clue."

Kankou raised his head a fraction of a centimeter, his eyes losing a tiny bit of their dullness.  Yuusuke smiled.

"Yeah, that's it.  Now, what can you tell me about Miru and the eyes of God?"

Kankou choked a bit.  "Well…she's obsessed, really," he started softly.  Yuusuke had to strain to hear him, and Kuwabara missed most of the words.  "Real religious.  In…weird ways.  She keeps telling us to be good, because the eyes of God are following us."

Yuusuke could practically feel his eyes swirling.  "But…she rapes you."

Kankou shook his head.  "No, she won't do that.  She'll cut us because she says God craves blood sacrifices from weak creatures who shouldn't be alive anyway.  But raping is wrong unless…well, I really don't understand her reasoning.  Something about 'unless done in the most careful of ways to the most deserving of bastards.'  That's all I know."

Kurama stepped forward and knelt beside Yuusuke.  "That sounds like the kind of crazy creature Kurokyoui would surround himself with.  Odd, though, her choice of name for herself…"

The raven haired tantei nodded.  "Well, not really…  She's trying to pull herself closer to God, I think.  With her obsession with watching.  You know."

Kurama nodded.  "I suppose…but still, this is all getting rather suspicious."

"How so?"

"Well," the kitsune mused, "I've never heard of a religion like the one Kankou described for Miru.  And youkai don't usually make up religions until they become extremely intelligent and extremely powerful."

Kuwabara stepped forth, as well.  "You mean, like the S class?"

Kurama nodded.  "Precisely.  But I know for a fact that Kurokyoui is only low S class, and to create her own religion of such intricacy, Miru would have to be mid or high S.  Very strong and very intelligent."

Yuusuke nodded slowly.  "So why hasn't she attacked Kurokyoui by now?" he reasoned.  Hiei, suddenly appearing beside Kurama, nodded as well.

"Yes.  It seems as though we are gaining a new prime enemy, aren't we, Kurama?"

The redhead laughed softly.

"Oh, I don't know, Hiei.  I still want Kurokyoui to die."

"And I want him to suffer."

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Youki: demon energy

Youkai: demon

Miru: to watch

Haeru: to shine

Katagi: spirit, character, trait, temperament, disposition

Koorime: ice apparitions, Yukina's race

Kiokure: nervous, timid

Kankou: kindness

Tantei: detective

Kitsune: fox