Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Bindings (My Kitsune 5) ❯ Bindings ( Chapter 3 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Binding 3 NYC (11-22-02)
by: Baby Nyx


you let me violate u
you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you
you let me complicate you

help me
I broke up all my insides
help me
I got no soul to tell
help me
the only thing that works for me
help me get away from myself

I wanna fuck you like an animal
I wanna feel you from the inside
I wanna fuck you like an animal
my whole existance is flawed
you get me closer to God.

- Closer: NIN


Never a dull moment with with Kurama. He's
formalizing his proposal now, but, wasn't I the one
who asked first? And then there's this kneeling down
and ring thing.

"Aishiteru baka no kitsune, of course I'll marry
you." Was there ever any doubt?

I took his cheeks between my hands and ran my thumbs
over them, snow flakes made him blink, as they fell
too close to his golden eyes which glowed with reiki.
I tucked one of his forelocks behind his human ear and
he snorted, he knew I would not be able to do that
once he returns to using his demon energy.

I leaned over him and gave him a lingering kiss. I
hope everyone who's spying on us is taking a long good
look at what we are doing. But I will feel strange
telling them I broke up with Shuichi when he's right
here in my arms.

"Is there something wrong Hiei?" I ran my thumb over
his lower lip and pressed in to touch that soft wet
inner part. He parted his teeth then, and sucked on my
thumb.

I shook my head in the negative "Everything is as it
should be." His tounge scraped the pad of my thumb,
his teeth gently ground my flesh to the bone, his eyes
told me he can see right through me. I kissed his lips
despite my thumb's intrusion, a chaste sincere kiss,
it resolved an argument that need not be voiced.

I pulled my thumb away "Now stand up and quit making
a fool of yourself." I snapped at him. He gave me a
half smile and stood up with that languid grace of his
that belied his increadible speed. I bet he can move
as fast as I can, come to think of it, I haven't
sparred with him recently.

I wonder if he would spar with me? Or if I could
bring myself to attack him.

I stepped away from him and went towards the
railings. I'm sure those people with the cameras are
murmuring about our height difference or Kurama's
penchance for boyish men. But who gives a damn.

"I have 3 conditions kitsune." I said as I leaned on
the railing once more.

"Conditions?" I heard the frown in his voice, I
turned around and saw him with his head up to recieve
the snowflakes that are bigger and fatter since they
first fell. I felt his smile broaden and his hands
went out as he opened his mouth to recieve the
snowflakes on his tounge.

I watched facinated, then I shook my head, he's
enamoured with the night. "Kurama." I whispered
indulgently, amused by his antics.

He chuckled and looked down at me, snowflakes melting
on his cheeks and lashes, he looked silly. I sighed,
what else could I do?

"C'mon, you try it." he said.

"What?"

"Try it! Come on." Kurama is still high from the
adoration he recieved a while back, his exuberance is
eating away at the darkness I had been fighting, ever
since that short contact with his mind.

"No." I said firmly.

"Come on!" He held my cheeks and pushed it up so I
was looking at the black and grey sky, painted orange
by streetlight. Snowflakes fell thick and gentle,
white, yellow, and orange. They landed cold and wet on
my cheeks, my eyes and forehead. He lifted my arms
away from my sides and he kissed me, parting my lips,
he left me with my mouth open to the sky.

I gave up and closed my eyes. Stars and crystal
melted on my cheeks once more, tears I stopped
shedding as a child, tears I know I will shed till I
swim in them.


//Of what use is the draught of immortality to me,
Now that we will never see each other again,
And I spend my days shedding enough tears
To float upon their wake.// (1)


Fresh cold drops melted on my tounge, beaded on my
hair and clothes. I contemplated those words that
weren't mine, they must be from the wealth of
literature I found in Kurama's mind.

That damned eye and it's portents of doom!

I refuse to be taken down by it's words! I refuse to
sully this night with those bitter predictions! I will
not let it dampen the warmth of my lover's joy!
I would not have even thought of it if it wasn't for Kurama's hope.

I felt his warm, strong body behind me, and I can
just forget all of it, the past , the future, who I
am, why I'm here, the people watching and our
pretending they're not there, the silliness of this
act... I can forget everything and all that mattered
were the drops of cold water touching my cheeks my
lashes my tounge.

I don't know how long we stood like that, time became
meaningless.

I felt him pick me up, and then I was seated on the
railings once more. His lips were on mine before I
could get myself into the here and now. I put my arms
around him and pulled him closer, I parted my teeth
and let his probing tounge in.

This, here, now, this is what I want, this is who I
am , this is my purpose, my entire world.

Hmm, he tastes so good.

He pulled away "Okay, what conditions baby?" he said
face barely an inch from me. I sighed and he started
rubbing his nose along mine. I pushed him away, he
dodged and held me closer "By the way, how dare you
put conditions to my proposal." he said as he growled
at me, he snapped a bite at my face, I backed away in
time to save my nose from his white teeth.

"Yaro-!" I tried pulling away but he's insistent "Hear
me out first!" I said.

He loosened his hug. "Okay, I'm listening."

"I want that eye out of you before we get married." I
said.

He nodded grimly "Okay... that's understandable. Are
there more?"

"I want you to wear that suit you wore tonight, you
were... beautiful in it." I saw him blush as he tried
suppressing a smile.

"Flattery will get you everywhere my love. But yes,
that was the plan, I am wearing that suit." he bent to
kiss me again.

"Wait I have another condition." I said trying to
pull away.

"More?" He frowned "Okay, damn Hiei, what is it this
time?" he said. "I swear this isn't how proposals go."


"I have no real last name, they just called me
Jaganashi because of my third eye, so I want to have
yours."

I saw him stare blankly at me.

"When humans get married one of them change their
last name right? Since I don't have one can I have
yours?" I repeated.

A strange stricken look came upon him and it passed
just as quickly, he smiled but his eyes carried a
depth of sadness I understood completely. "I-I'd be
honored, Hiei, you want my name?" he asked.

"I repeated my self twice don't make me repeat myself
again." I reached out and ran my thumb over his lips.

He buried his face on my neck, right over that aching
wound he gave me just a few hours ago "Which one my
love? My human name or my real name?"

"Whichever you want to give me, or you think is wise
to give me. But I would prefer Kurama." He sighed

"Yes love, we'll find a place that will recognize us
and we'll change your surname to Kurama."

I smiled and I rubbed my cheek against his "Thank
you." I whispered next to his ear.

Here we are feeding each others hopes...

He was silent just leaning on me his forhead is a
weight I cherished on my shoulder. I closed my lips on
the snowflakes gathering on his hair, "You alright?"

"You keep giving yourself over and over, it's not
wise to be this completely devoted to one person. What
if I fail you? I don't know what to do with you." he
said in a low whisper.

"Is this because I asked for your surname?"

He snorted and I felt his smile "Yes, but not just
that..."

"Kurama, I will not take Yukina's it is only logical that since I'm marrying you I should have yours." I kissed the blushed shell of his ear and began twirling a lock of his hair between my fingers. "I don't care what happens to me anymore, your all I care about, so don't give me that shit." I whispered in a lower more severe tone.

"Your a fool, and you've made a fool out of me." He
replied in that same whisper, but his arms tightening
around me made a lie out of his resentment.

I have nothing to say to that, I just smiled in
victory.

From the corner of my eye, I noticed movement among
the flock of onlookers peeping from the only window
that had a clear view of us. I looked up and they
scattered, some even pretended to look at the sky or
the city, or anything else outside that window.

Kurama's friends...

They're... hostile to me? Why? Ah...

"Kurama, your friends think I kicked you out of our
rooms with slaps and an unrelieved need."

"Hm! Sorry baby, I was... well, you didn't let me
touch you, I got hungry for you." He looked down on me
and he looked pissed. "AND that damned mark you gave
me is too close to THAT."

"Hn, serves you right you insatiable fox." I crossed
my arms and smirked at him.

"Imp, bastard, beast, inhumane monster, demon, son of
a bitch." with each word he leaned closer trying to
force me to back away, but thats not in my nature.

I held my ground and smiled up at him "Most of your
accusations are correct. Try a little harder koishii." He
growled baring his teeth before he crushed me to his
chest and kissed me roughly.

"I'll make you pay for this yet baby." he
whispered his threat while he nuzzled my ear.

"Oh?"

"Ha! Remember you asked for it." he let me go and
stepped away from me "Your mine tonight."

"Hn, make me." He's serious, damn, I wonder if I'll
be able to walk tomorrow? I hopped off the railing and
followed him back towards the ballroom.

He fished 2 flutes of champagne from a passing waiter
and handed me one as we made our way towards a group
of people gathered between 2 tables.

Kurama's arm descended on my shoulder, he held me
possesively close to him as we approached his
acquintances.

"Fox!" A beautiful underfed lady came up to us and
held her arms out. I stepped calmy between them and
raised a brow at her. She wanted to greet my Kurama
with a kiss, I know it's normal in their culture but
that dosen't mean I have to bow to it. "Ah! Pardon me,
I believe we haven't been introduced yet." She smiled
at me and I have to give her points for that good come
back.

"Sam, this is my fiancee Hiei." Kurama said "Love
this is one of the models Samantha Ybris." I shook her
hand but quelled the desire to smirk at her and that
look of dismay that was barely hidden behind her
smiling mask.

I shook Tom and Gio's hands, I think my arm was
getting tired when I've shook the hand of the 8th
person in that group. I don't even remmember half their
names.

I won't bore you with the trivialities we discussed,
but basically I was finally let in on this wedding
thing. But before that, Kurama had a short whispered
discussion with Gio while Fredo detained me most
subtly with questions concerning the show and
my lover's performance.

It was annoying but I rode it out giving my usual one
line replies and squashed attempts of overt
friendliness from the others. I know who in this crowd
were sincere and who was just putting up a show.

I was also... I yawned and shuddered fitfully. I
looked at my flute of champagne and found it almost
empty. I realized then that I have no idea how many
I've had.

Shimatta...

But Kurama was by my side instantly, he's taking
leave for us, I'm so... tired ... we left their
company. I knew I was leaning heavily against Kurama.

"G-gomen-" I managed to say, but another yawn took
the rest of my words. Damn, he shouldn't have given me
that last one.

Then it seemed like air surrounded me, I felt like I
was floating within his youki, safe, secure, and then
warm fragrant waters surrounded me. I forced an eye
open and found myself in the tub, a veil of silver
white hovered over me, a hand poured water over my
chest and gentle fingers stroked my neck. Golden
eyes...

"Sleep beloved, I'll watch over you, I'm here."

He did that on purpose, he gave me that last one to
knock me out. "Don't leave me, don't you dare..." I
took a handful of his hair and with the last of my
will held on.

I felt him kiss my fist and his lips formed a smile
over my fingers, "I'll never leave you." then it was
too dark for anything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke, in the middle of the night because I felt
Kurama's distress.

He had drifted away from me and was sleeping in a
huddle an arms length away under all the sheets,
leaving me with just a corner for my legs. My hand
still held a fistful of his crimson locks. From the
semi light of the windows I can see the rapid movement
of his eyes under his lids and his pale fingers
clutched the sheets to his lips. I reached out with my
other hand but hesitated. He feels... different.

I let his hair go, closed my eyes, pushed my ward
off, and with my single eye visited his dreams.

I was sucked into darkness and fell running on moist
damp earth. I smell blood, the scent of my pursuer is
too close, and... I was numb with pain.

I'm in a cave, lit by luminouscent fungi I knew I had
sown to guide my way in the past. This is my secret
den, I knew because my scent is everywhere in these
caves, I had drawn my pursuer here because the tree
outside will help protect me.

I'm too close to the ground... Ah!

The moment I realized it I was jolted away from a
silver form that darted into the darkness. I ran after
the blur of light and youki, I was fast enough to
catch up to it and see the blood staining his soft
white pelt.

And the arrows...

I looked behind at the menacing prescence that was
following me. I looked ahead and realized I was in
that cave in the Makai under that tree with a Jagan.

I've met that old tree, it had allowed me to sleep
within it's branches to recover my strength after I
had destroyed Kissaki. I know these earthen caves,
this is where it's memories haunt the darkness. I
never entered here because I respected it's privacy,
it was kind enough to shelter me and besides, it had
this habit of burying demons who seek shelter within
it's roots for food.

Somewhere round here, my likeness will be haunting
the dark tunnels, because I had become a part of this
tree's memories.

"You should have ran to the Ningenkai like you did
the last time Kitsune."

A woman's voice. I looked behind and found a parade
of bandits crossing the walls, they walked through the
earth and the roots talking and laughing, I ignored
the illusion and leapt in time to save myself from a
pit. I landed next to a a scaly winged child who sat
peacefully dead, decomposing quietly to feed the tree.
It wasn't an illusion, I tore my eyes off that tree's
victim and almost stopped again, fearing I will bump
into the illusion of a female Youko who was writing on
the earthen wall. I slipped through her and found the
four tails I was pursuing, besides him leaning
casually against a root was Youko Kurama.

He looked the same, but the light in his eyes were
different, they were calculating and shrewed, a minute
shift of youki told me this too was an illusion. The
real one was the wounded kitsune who's skin quivered
involuntarily while it waited to pounce.

A bow sang and the sound of an arrow ripping the damp
air came towards me, I watched my fox wait in front of
a boulder, Youko Kurama raked his hair for a rose,
glaring golden anger at me as the arrow ripped through
me and went for the helpless fox.

"Kurama!" I cried, the arrow hit him square on the
side then broke, it turned into a twig and the silver
fox turned to stone. Fox magic, he had leapt at the
last instant and hid behind that boulder, I turned and
saw the huntress come around the corner.

"Shall we dance?" Faceless, the huntress's voice
turned into a man's, Yomi's voice, he laughed but the
creature still had no face. I realized as I watched
that Kurama is re-living what happened to him before
he got here, and that he questions the identity of his
pursuer.

I found myself in a tool shed in the Ningenkai,
huddled amongst empty sacs of dirt, I was very near
death from the poisoned arrows who's wounds I can't
really feel. I know this poison, if I start to hurt
that means I will get better. If I get more numb than
I am now, that meant I will die. It's cold and the
air smells like Japan in fall, it's colder than it
should be...

Memories of pain took me to another series of caves,
cold stone caves. There was no overwhelming singular
prescence here but rather a chaotic number of class A
and up demons. It's freezing in places and molten hot
in others, the different species of fungi lit it
randomly leaving spots of pitch blackness.

I found Youko Kurama huddled behind a fall of rocks.
Tattered, thinned, blood-stained silver white hair had
escaped from a makeshift hair tie hiding most of his
face, I couldn't feel his youki, and his fingers were
blue, I caught the scent of his dried, caked, blood. I knelt
in the darkness with him, I tried to warm his blue and
stiff fingers but my hands passsed through his.

This is a dream, this is HIS dream, his memories,
this really happened.

I couldn't see well in this dark, but I can see
well enough the bone deep exhaustion that had taken
him and made him sleep despite this form. His clothes
were in tatters and from the gaps I can see wounds of
varying degrees, from mere scratches to ragged
infected lacerations. I can see the long term effects
of a wasting fever, starvation and dehydration. His
fingers and arms are thin and wiry, his cheeks
hollowed and eyes sunken, his lips are dry, blue, and
cracked.

What the hell is this? What the hell happened?

In the darkness of his dreams I felt a pain in my
chest I couldn't name and couldn't bear. It physically
hurt me to see him like this! "Kurama, what happened
to you? Who did this to you? Is this what broke you?"
My voice died on my own lips. I unclenched my hands
from my chest and reached out to him.

Dull, empty, golden eyes snapped open in the dark.
Something was coming, the Youko raised himself to his
elbows and his arms shook with fatigue, a glint of
steel sparked life into his eyes and his cracked lips formed a
word without sound.

My name.

He forced himself to his feet, he limped towards the
mutilated corpse of a creature I would not have
recognized and began to feed.

I realized he's been feeding on that mess and that it
was slowly killing him. His spirit, his will, was the
only thing keeping his body alive. I knelt next to him
and tried to taste the poison he fed on, I want to
take his pain and make it mine, I'd rather have his
pain than the crushing emptiness within me.
But even that was denied me.

The prescence I sensed became a dozen in an instant,
I stood up forced my hands away from my chest and
prepared myself to fight whatever it was that was
coming. Whatever it is I will destroy it, it's not
getting pass me, it's not touching a hair of my
kitsune. I found Kurama standing at the mouth of the
cave looking directly at me he was in the prime of his
health, youth, and beauty. He walked towards me
casually, gracefully, and though he made no sound he
hissed like a thousand snakes.

There was recognition, and cold, cold, anger in his
eyes, he smiled then a blast of youki flared inside my
Jagan. I was pushed from his dream with a cry of pain
before my voice was cut off.

I instinctively held the wrists that was cutting off
my air, I forced my eyes open and found Shuichi's cold
emerald eyes boring into me. This isn't a dream
anymore, I'm awake and the hands on my throat are as
strong and as solid as ancient trees. I couldn't
speak, couldn't breath, but I will not hurt Kurama!

I forced my hands off his wrist, closed my Jagan and
bared my neck to him.

I thought I was going to die.

I felt myself falling from consciousness, the edges
of my world was darkening but then the hands loosened
enough to let me breathe. I mastered the need to gasp
for air, I forced myself to breath in deeply and
slowly. He may have loosened his hold but he was still
choking me.

I looked up at the Silent One, and the cold
displeasure coming from Shuichi's eyes made me
cringe. "G-gomen!" I couldn't barely make the word
come out so I tried again "G-" he let my throat go and
made me sit up by grabbing my hair.

I was racked by a coughing fit. I covered my mouth
and held on to the hand that had me by the hair. My
breath came in hoarse gasps and I was eye to eye with
a person I barely knew who lived within the flesh of
my beloved.

And he's furious because I evesdropped on his dreams.

My lungs were on fire as it tried to supply my body
with much needed air. I didn't resist him when he
pushed me over raised my hips and pushed my face to
the bed. I clutched the sheets and readied myself for
an unprepared invasion of my body. I waited and waited
but nothing happened, so I looked behind me and found
the green eyes deep in thought.

He let my neck go, tossed me over to my back and sat
back on his heels to look at me. He may look human,
but his eyes were that of a fox, wild and barely tamed. I
raised my hands over my head, bared my neck in
submission and asked him without words to do with me
what he wanted for my transgression.

What I did was wrong. I should not have looked into
his dreams, those were his memories and the fact that
Shuichi and Youko don't remmeber them means they were
not suppose to remmember them.

I feel like I've only scratched the surface of that
nightmare, his memory of that cave had felt vast and
long, it would have been enough to destroy Shuichi.
His human heart survived because he was separated from
his older wiser self and his older self survived
because the beast within found his place.

The silent one nodded slowly, he's been following my
thoughts but, I don't feel his thoughts within my own.
He put the fingers of one hand over my chest and
leaned over to look down on me, he placed one finger
over my lips.

"Sh." just a breath, it wasn't even a word but I
understood what he wanted, and I understood why.

I have to forget what I just saw, I must not remind
Kurama of those caves, I have to keep my silence or I
will loose the 2 facets of the whole I have come to
love so much.

The wreck Shuichi Kurama was, the cold, unfeeling
Youko Kurama... it made sense now.

Slowly I touched his cheek, he remained still looking
at me like I was a strange new thing that shouldn't be
trusted. But... because of this one we have found
happiness.

"I've been wanting to see you, I wanted to
thank you. I owe you everything."

He cocked his head to one side and his weight focused
on the five fingers on my chest was lifted. He was
letting as little of himself as possible touch me, he
didn't want me to see anymore of his memories.

For our happiness, I have to forget what I saw and I
have to swear to avoid touching his thoughts.

He nodded again.

A willfully forgotten past... they have created this
reality for themselves so we can be happy. Those....
those caves have stripped him of the ability to smile,
even the desire to live.

The... the Youko is curious about what happened to
him, but they had decided to give this burden to his
care, because... because of me? I looked at him and
his steady eyes confirmed the story. So what we have
is in my hands now, he's given me that choice.

"But, I want you too, all of you." I replied in a
hushed voice, I fear making him angrier but, I am a
selfish bastard.

He produced a growl no human could have created,
then he slammed his fist into the pillow next to my
head, I went very still. He growled again as he glared at me
then I watched a hand rise slowly in a fist. I
instinctively covered my head with my arms and tucked
my knees to my chest.

"Alright! I will do as you want! I'm sorry!" A hand
grabbed my wrist and that strength bruised me. He
forced me to look at him, he's hurting me but his eyes
pleaded with me.

I could have forced my will on him, I could have
fought him but that would have escalated into
something near irrepairable. I ... I can't fight
Kurama in a real argument, I will not hurt him, he can
hurt me as much as he wants I don't care but, I can't,
will not-

He raised a fist again I closed my eyes and braced
myself for a punch that never came.

Gentle fingers stroked my cheek, it made me shudder.
I opened my eyes slowly, he's... he's begging me to
cooperate, he wants to keep fooling himself.

I sagged under him, I pulled my wrist away from him
and covered my face. "You win." I said from behind my
sore wrist.

He grabbed my lower leg and lifted me up till I was
almost upside down, I yelped he's holding me tight enough to
hurt me. His piercing eyes didn't leave mine as he
took the scent of my sex, his warm breath as it
touched me there sent gooseflesh down my thighs. He
parted my cheeks with his other hand then laved,
dipped and sucked my entrance until it was wet and the
rest of me was a cold, shivering mess.

All of this was happening too fast, it almost feels
like he's taking from me what I would have freely
given.
He positioned me on my side, my leg still in
his tight grip and raised over his shoulder. He didn't
prepare me with care, he just spat on his hand to
slick himself before he began pushing into me.

He wasn't gentle either, the pain seared me but I
gritted my teeth and bore it quietly. This is my
punishment for eavesdropping, I couldn't look him in
the eyes but I knew his eyes never left me.

I refuse to feel the searing pleasure his thrusts are
now giving me, he's in me so deep! He's hitting me
hard and fast I... I want him to hurry up and get
done...

Kisama! I'm shutting him out! This isn't rape but I
feel like a stranger is taking advantage of me. I need
to focus on him, this is Kurama, this is still Kurama.

I opened my eyes to look at him and found his eyes
heavy with carnal lust, he licked his lips and angled
himself so that every thrust sent white sparks of
ecstasy through out my body. It made me sob with
pleasure, my entire body arched into his dance.

I accepted it, I accepted his ways, I opened myself
to him and gave him my smile along with my heart. If
he was selfless enough to bear that nightmare for us
then I can do no less for him. "Make me yours, ungh!"
it's too deep!

He just blinked at me but I sensed his satisfaction,
he is pleased with me.

I couldn't believe how happy that made me, a flood of
warmth filled me, washing away the cold that had
surrounded me. But then he held his hand out over my
eyes and I was suddently dizzy, I caught a glimpse of
a small purple flower.

My world turned dim, I was left with the sound of his
flesh slapping against mine several times before a
guttural groan told me he found his completion. The
sight of his emerald eyes smiling approval was the
last thing I saw inside my mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(1) fr. Taketori Monogatari by Murasaki Shikibu