Comfort

-- This is going to be a series of 'one-shots' -- First person point of view style. The order will be Kurama, Keiko, Hiei, Yusuke, and then back to Kurama, exploring a "Morning After" scenario between Kurama and Keiko.  I have to give credit to ‘Laney’ for the idea; it’s modeled after her ‘Shame and Tears’ series, which is a crossover between BTVS/SG1 and explores a Carter/Willow relationship after much the same scenario.

By Julie -- whirleeq@yahoo.com

~~~~

~Kurama~

She's panicking.

She's fretting about my room, her eyes filled with tears, and I feel like the lowest piece of scum on the Earth.

How could I do such a thing?

Right now, I hate myself.  I knew that they were fighting.  I knew that she had had too much to drink. But when her body was pressed so close to mine last night as I comforted her, I couldn't help myself.

I had loved her for so very long, after all.

Rational thought ended the moment she was receptive to my kiss.

I had ignored the fact that she tasted like sake as I brought her home with me.

Yusuke is going to kill me.

No, he's going to castrate me first, and then kill me.

She's searching desperately for her underwear.

"Kur... Kurama?   I can't... I can't find..."

She can't even talk correctly.

I rise from the bed, feeling ashamed of myself as she averts her eyes from my nakedness.  Her underwear is mixed up in the pile of clothes that belong to me, and I toss them to her.

"Thanks," she mumbles under her breath, still not looking at me.

The silence between us is cold and awkward as we dress.  She looks at me, so very timid, her face still pallid and I hate myself even more.

"Your bathroom?"

"Second door in the hallway on the left."

She leaves, quickly, as if she can't get out of the room fast enough, and my heart feels like it has been pierced by a thousand arrows.  Fully dressed now, I fall back upon my bed, the bed that was so warm with her next to me, and wonder how I could have been such a fool.

I momentarily lose myself in the memory of her lips on mine, and how I fit inside of her body as if she was made just for me, and I moan quietly in pain.

She tasted like a summer's breeze.

I still hate myself for what I did, but I can't find it in myself to regret it.  If Yusuke kills me, then at least I will die having briefly known heaven.

Yusuke.

The bastard doesn't even know what a gem he has or how lucky he is, to have her love.

I would give anything for it, anything at all.

But I will never have it -- especially not now.

My eyes close in pain, and I curse the day I was born as a human.

~~~

She's been gone a while, and I'm concerned.  I should check on her, even though I'm sure my voice is the last thing she wants to hear.

I go to check on her and I pause when I hear the unmistakable sound of her throwing up.

I cannot bear it, and I feel like an ass.

I doubt I'll ever be able to have sex again.

Steeling myself, I knock on the bathroom door, my heart in my throat as my own tears threaten to spill.

"Keiko?  Daijabou?"

"H-hai.  I'll... I'll be out in a minute."

I'm horrified with myself for what I've done, and I know that things will never be the same between us.

That hurts the most of all.

Even though she wasn't mine, I relished the times we spent together.  I was always there for her when Yusuke was not; I was her confidant, her shoulder to cry on, her best friend.

But I wanted so much more.

Yusuke you asshole.  I don't know who I hate more at the moment; me or you.

I'm not surprised to find myself crying as I slump against the wall, my head in my hands.

Keiko's out of the bathroom right now, and she's looking at me; a strange expression on her face.

"Kurama... daijabou?"

'No.  I'm not okay.  You're not mine, you hate me, and today you go back to your detective.  I won't even have your friendship after this.'

"Hai, I'm fine Keiko," I lie.

She looks skeptical, and I know that she doesn't believe me, but I don't care.  I should be asking her if she's okay.

I should be begging her forgiveness.

I want to wrap my arms around her and tell her that everything is going to be okay.

But everything is not okay.

She disappears into the bathroom again for a moment and I let out a relieved breath when she's no longer looking at me with those large, sad brown eyes.

To my utter shock she returns to my side with a washcloth.  She kneels beside me and wipes my tears from my face.

I try to repress the shudder that goes through me at the contact, but I fail.

"Kurama..."

She says my name so softly, so sweetly, I am reminded once again of what I have lost by my actions.

She really is a lovely girl.

"Kurama... it's... it's going to be alright... it... it doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to," she says with a forlorn look in her eyes.

I stare at her in utter shock, and her cheeks turn bright red.

"I mean, I understand you have... Hiei?  I think?  And of course... I... I have Yusuke... at least, some of the time, when he's not so... anyway, we... we can just forget about this.  If... If that's what you want, I mean..."

I don't say anything.  I can't.  My brain is trying desperately to process what she's saying to me, but she's rambling, embarrassed, and won't meet my eyes.

Does she want it to mean something?

Does she have feelings for me as well?

"Anyway... I'm... going to go now... goodbye, Kurama," she says softly, jerking me from my stupor.

She turns to leave, and I grab her, desperate now.

"Keiko... wait," I say, as I pull her down to me.

She smells of tears and vomit and sweat but I don't care, all I care about is that she comes to me willingly.  I pull her into my arms and hold her against me, hoping to never let go.

"Keiko... I... I am so very sorry.  I have loved you for so very long, I couldn't help myself... I..."

And she silences me with her lips on mine, and I don't care about Yusuke, don't care about Hiei, don't care about anything at all but the beautiful, disheveled girl in my arms and once again, I am in heaven.

~End Part 1~

Daijabou – are you okay
Hai – yes