Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Comfort ❯ Keiko ( Chapter 2 )

~Keiko~

I feel sick.

My head feels like there’s a jackhammer inside of it, I’m covered in sweat, and I’m naked.

Wait a minute.

Naked? 

I wake with a start, and quickly regret it, as my head pounds all the more.

With a groan, I return to the mattress and bury my face in the pillow.  Almost on instinct I move to spoon against the back of the warm body next to me.  A part of me wants to cringe, because I’ve once again apparently forgiven him without question, but the better part of me is tired and achy and only wants to get back to sleep.

Yusuke.  You are such a royal pain in the ass.

I yawn and nuzzle my nose into the back of his long, silky hair.

Long, silky hair?

There is about a five second delay before I shoot straight up once again, and this time I am paying absolutely no mind at all to my headache.

Oh.

Oh NO.

Not… not possible.

I mean, Oh god, I suppose it’s possible, but just not with me possible.

Besides, isn’t he gay?

He’s starting to stir, and I don’t know what to do.  Oh gods. 

Memory soon kicks in, and I lose all the remaining color in my skin.

Oh gods, he’s going to hate me.  In my drunken haze, I absolutely hung all over him.

No wonder he brought me home – I probably didn’t give him any alternative.

He’s sitting up now, and giving me the strangest look.

I’m so sorry, so very sorry Kurama.

I don’t know what to do.

Yusuke is going to throttle me.

Oh gods… it wouldn’t be so bad, I guess, that is if it wasn’t Kurama and I hadn’t entertained those kind of thoughts about him for so very long and if there wasn’t Hiei and there wasn’t Yusuke and if Kurama wasn’t gay and if –

He cleared his throat.  Here I am, pacing the floor like an idiot, and he probably can’t wait for me to leave.

He’s probably worried that Yusuke is going to throttle him.

I need to find my clothes.  I need to get dressed.

I need to breathe.

Where the hell are the rest of my clothes?  I can’t… I can’t find…

Oh gods, I’m just going to have to ask him.   I swallow the lump in my throat as I look at him.

“Kur… Kurama?  I can’t… I can’t find…” 

I finally manage to find my voice.  It sounds cracked and hesitant, even to me.

Oh god, he’s getting up. 

Wow.

I turn my head.  I don’t want him to see me leering at him.  That would be beyond humiliating.

But… wow.

He tosses me my underwear and I mutter a ‘thanks’ under my breath.  We quickly dress, and the silence between us is deafening. 

Will he hate me now?  Will he think me a slut?

I suddenly feel very queasy.

“Your bathroom?”  I manage to ask, somehow, and not toss my cookies right on the spot.

I will never, ever, ever drink that much sake again.

“Second doorway on the left,” he answers, and I am out of the room like a shot.

I find the bathroom quickly, and splash water on my face.

It is not enough to keep me from being ill, and I once again silently vow to never, ever drink again as long as I live.

The worst part about it was that…

If I didn’t…

I can’t help myself as another wave of nausea hits again, and I am once more praying to the porcelain god.

God, if I didn’t love him.

The truth hits violently, and I try to deny it, but I can’t.

I love him and I have loved him for years. 

And if I was being completely honest with myself, I drank that much on purpose, knowing full well that the alchohol would lower my inhibitions.

But I always had Yusuke, and Kurama was always so painfully unreachable.

Like a beautiful diamond, far too exquisite to garnish my humble hand.

That, and up until now I was near POSITIVE that he was gay.  I mean, Hiei’s around him almost constantly.

What’s up with that?

I shake my head and fall backwards against the wall as I consider my options.

Option number 1:  Leave now, and go back to Yusuke.  That is, if I can even find him.

Somehow that option is not very appealing.

I frown and reconsider.

Option number 2:  Pretend it never happened.

Okay, it has potential, but I can’t help the tight pain in my chest that occurs at the thought.

Option number 3:  Come clean with Kurama.

I swallow the lump that once again is plaguing my throat.

I’ve hidden how I’ve felt about him for so long, how can I come clean now?  Even under these circumstances?  And anyway, didn’t he look rather disturbed as I left his room?

He’s probably heart sick that we slept together.

Okay, so scratch option number 3.

“Keiko?  Dajaibou?”

He’s knocking on the door now.  I splash more water on my face, as I gather my wits about me.

“H-hai.  I’ll… I’ll be out in a minute.”

C’mon Keiko; get it together.

I finally steel myself enough to open the door.

I am so not prepared to see Kurama crying in his hands.

“Kurama… dajaibou?”

“Hai, I’m fine Keiko.”

He is so not fine.  Well, he is fine, but not fine.

Oh gods, I’m not making sense even to myself.

I better leave.  I better just give him an out now, and hope he doesn’t hate me forever, and just leave.

Absentmindedly, I walk back into the bathroom and grab a washcloth.  As I use it to wipe his tears, I am wondering to myself ‘why am I even trying?’

It’s so obvious that he’s beside himself with horror at what we’ve done.

I just want to find the nearest hole and crawl into it.

Oh yeah… better offer him an out first.

"Kurama... it's... it's going to be alright... it... it doesn't have to mean anything if you don't want it to," I say, and I immediately curse myself as soon as the words leave my lips.

That was NOT what I was supposed to say, dammit.  I was supposed to say, ‘let’s just forget about it’, and leave it at that.

Oh gods.

He’s giving me an ‘are you insane?’ look. 

"I mean, I understand you have... Hiei?  I think?  And of course... I... I have Yusuke... at least, some of the time, when he's not so... anyway, we... we can just forget about this.  If... If that's what you want, I mean..."

Great. Now I’m stammering.

Better to get this over quickly.  Even if my heart feels like it’s being squeezed by a vice.

“Anyway… I’m… going to go now.”

Oh no Keiko, you WILL not allow yourself to cry.

I say that over and over like a mantra in my head as I turn to leave –

and I am struck completely dumb with shock when I feel him grab me.

“Keiko… wait,” he says, as he pulls me down to him.

I’m so confused -- I don’t know what to think.  But he’s holding me so tightly I can’t even breathe.

“Keiko… I… I am so very sorry.  I have loved you for so very long, I couldn’t help myself… I… “

Wait.

Did he just say he loved me?

I am so overwhelmed with joy, that I don’t even give him a chance to finish his sentence, as I swoop down upon his lips like a predator.  His lips are warm and pliant, and he returns my attentions with as much ardor as I am giving him, and I no longer care about Yusuke or Hiei or anything but the red-haired kitsune avatar who’s held my heart for so very long.

~End Part 2~