Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Destiny of Loneliness ❯ You make me angry with everyone... ( Chapter 3 )

Destiny of loneliness.

Kal Kally

Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho and its characters don't belong to me.

 Warning: Shounen ai. If you can't handle it, don't read.

 Pairing: Kurama/Hiei 

Summary: Being born a creature of loneliness didn't mean that Hiei couldn't feel love and affection. But when Fate stole Kurama away from him, he must choose between accepting his Fate and fighting against it.

  Chapter 3:  You make me angry with everyone.

"Hiei, what am I to you?" Kurama asked softly.

Hiei could only stare at his friend. The scent of roses was suffocating as every single rose in the rose field was in its fullest bloom. He was trapped in that sweet fragrance, mind numb and body immobile.

Kurama just smiled. A strong wind passed by; it became stronger and stronger until a whirlwind was born and began its destructive journey across the rose field. The delicate flowers couldn't stand such a brutal force, and soon, Hiei found himself standing in the heart of a rose petal storm. The smile on Kurama's lips didn't disappear as he held out to Hiei a crimson rose.

As if being hypnotized, Hiei stretched his hand out to receive the flower, but Kurama slowly disappeared behind what seemed like a thick wall of swirling petals.

"Kurama!!!" Hiei screamed but his scream was sucked into the whirlwind. They all fell on him. His small body seemed to be crushed under a mountain of petals. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think. The scent of roses continued to poison all his senses. It smelt… it smelt of death…

Hiei gasped and bolted up, eyes opened wide. His hands pressed at his throat as he tried to drag air into his lung. He looked around and found himself in a strange room. His instinct screamed at him to take actions, and Hiei scanned the surroundings with his Jagan. Whoever had brought him here didn't cover their ki. There were two ki outside; both of them were not very high. One he realized to be Genkai's, the other was Yukina's. This information made him relax slightly.

He wiped away the sweat that was trickling down his temple and realized with a start that his shirt was already damp with sweats. Hiei frown in annoyance as he found himself still wearing the human clothes Kurama had given him.

The door opened. Yukina stepped in, carrying a piece of wet cloth with her, obviously to replace the one that had been placed on his forehead. Her face lit up when she saw Hiei. "Hiei-san, you are up!"

"Yukina." Hiei nodded and stood up, then noticed Yukina's eyes were red as if she had been crying. "What happened?"

"No, Hiei-san." She smiled somewhat sadly. "I'm just… just…I'm sorry about Kurama-san."

Hiei frowned. "What about Kurama?"

Yukina looked like she was on the verge of breaking down again. "He has been missing. Yusuke-san and Kuwabara-san have been looking for him the last two days, but they couldn't find… what if he…"

"He's not dead." Hiei said sharply, but then his voice softened as he remembered it was his sister that he was talking to. "I'm sure Kurama will be fine. Don't worry, Yukina. Ah, I was out for two days?"

"Yes. That night, when Yusuke-san brought you here, I was so afraid. You looked so pale, and I tried everything I could, but you didn't wake up."

"Not you fault. What I was experiencing at that time was not physical wounds, but youki exhaustion." Hiei gingerly pushed himself up. "About my clothes…" he said uncertainly.

"Don't worry about it. Yusuke-san suggested I should find them at Kurama-san's house. I've bought them back and fixed them." Yukina sighed. "Mrs. Minamino is very worried about him. Kuwabara-san is, too."

"Stupid ningen." Hiei snorted. "They're wasting their time. What's the point in worrying? Kurama is a youko. He cannot be beaten that easily; he knows how to take care of himself. I'm sure he'll return soon when he finishes whatever business he's doing. All we have to do is waiting."

"But… but isn't it too cold to just abandon him like that, just... sit and do nothing about it?"

"Are you saying that I'm cold-blooded, Yukina?"

"No… It's just…"

"Look. I've known Kurama much longer than Yusuke and Kuwabara have." Hiei dared to allow himself a reassuring touch on Yukina's shoulder. "You'll see. He may come back right tomorrow and laugh his head off knowing we've been making a fuss over his disappearance." Seeing that he hadn't quite convinced Yukina yet, Hiei sighed. "Well, that might not be what he'll do, but I'm sure he'll think all of this is unnecessary as I'm thinking now."

He was rewarded with a smile, but there was no happiness in it. The fact that Yukina had forced a smile didn't miss on him, but Hiei wasn't quite sure how to change it, so he didn't try, only wishing that Kurama would return soon.

An awkward silence fell upon them. Hiei shifted his foot, didn't know what to do or what to say. Some comforting words were not what he was capable of, and he couldn't just make an excuse and left when he was still wearing Kurama's sweat-soaked clothes. Speaking of clothes… A thought popped up in his head.

"Yukina, could you bring me my clothes?" He asked, seeking for a reason to get out of this unnerving situation.

To his surprise, Yukina apologized for not realizing Hiei's discomfort and quickly walked out to get his clothes. It seemed she too did feel uncomfortable with the silence between them. This made Hiei wonder how much Yukina had already known, but he dismissed the thought. There was no way on Earth that Yukina knew the truth about her brother.

Yukina returned with his clothes. Hiei noticed with some kind of satisfaction that all the tears on his clothes had gone. After he finished dressing, he walked towards Yukina, who was now standing in the yard, scattering seeds on the ground. His movement scared the doves that had been gathering around her, and they all whooshed up into the sky. Yukina startled and turned around.

"Where will you go, Hiei-san?" She asked.

"Anywhere I want to."

Hiei winced inwardly as he read the disappointment on Yukina's face. Yukina looked down for a moment, then looked up to meet his eyes. "Why don't you stay here for a while?" She said somewhat uncertainly. "It takes time for your wound to heal. Hiei-san, stay here, would you?"

Those words were so familiar. After all, he had heard them many times before, just from another person… His heart clenched for some reason he didn't even know. "My wound is fully healed, Yukina." Hiei refused.

"I know. No, I mean we don't know for sure about it. What if you aren't really feeling well yet? You really should rest and what if--"

"Yukina." Hiei cut her off. "I'll stay, but only for three days. Is that fine?"

Yukina's face brightened with happiness. Somehow, a little of that happiness seeped into Hiei's soul as well, and he felt himself forming a smile, tiny and barely visible, but still a smile.

* * *

"Hiei-san, would you like some tea?" Yukina asked as she brought in a tea tray.

"No. It's the seventh cup of tea I have this evening." Hiei snapped, but then lowered his voice guiltily. "I'm sorry. It's just that, you know, it's not necessary to make me drink this fluid every half an hour."

"I…" Yukina looked terribly sad. Hiei groaned inwardly. Not this again. "I only want to make you forget your worry for a moment. And they say tea is good for people who lost…" She choked on her words and ran out of the room.

Hiei grimaced at the last word, then looked down and frowned when he saw Yukina had left the teacup on the floor. He thought of throwing it away, but realized he couldn't since it was something Yukina made only for him. So he lifted it and drank the whole cup in one gulp.

Yukina had been like this since she heard the full story of that day. Hiei knew he couldn't blame her for feeling like that. Kurama had been missing for four days. There was no sign of him, no phone call, no letter and no trace of ki. Yusuke and Kuwabara had tried very hard to search for him everywhere.

There were footsteps approaching. Hiei tensed, his instinct demanded him to stay alert, ready for a fight, but it was only Yukina. He studied her face, seeing the damp eyes, and immediately knew that she had been crying. Yukina sat down before him, her hands folded on her laps.

"Why are you acting so calm, Hiei-san?" She asked with a confused and sad voice. "Everyone has been driven sick with worry, and I know you're also worried. I… I just don't want to see you like this."

"I told you. I am not worried for I know he would be fine."

"But…"

"Besides, what happens to him is none of my business." Hiei suddenly exploded, feeling too fed up with these kinds of conversation that had constantly taken place in the past few days between him and mostly everyone he knew in the Ningenkai. Why was everyone acting this way? Surely what happened to Kurama wasn't, and would never be their business. After all, wasn't that the way youkai lived?

Unfortunately, Yukina didn't think so. "But Kurama-san is your best friend. We can't just abandon him now when he needs us."

"It's not the matter of abandoning or caring, Yukina. I'm not his babysitter. Kurama surely doesn't need any of us to help him. He's a youko who can live on his own, who knows this and understands that I know this. Friends or not, it's all the same."

"How could you say that?" said a male voice. "You're the one who kept crawling back to him and now, he's been missing for just several days and you've already denied his friendship?"

Hiei turned to the opened door and saw Yusuke and Kuwabara step in, both looked like they hadn't slept for days. Anger swelled in him as he recalled Yusuke's words. "In case you don't know, " he said with malice, "I don't have to care about every youkai who took care of my wounds. Kurama or any other youkai is not really different. It's just that it being him provides me security."

"You little shrimp." Kuwabara lunged forward. Hiei sprang to his feet, expecting a fight. However, Yusuke had stepped in between them.

"For that, at least you should care for him enough to be worried." Yusuke said, then mocked. "Oh, I forgot, youkais like you know nothing about caring."

"Right. I'm a youkai. I know nothing about caring. Youkai have their own way of living, ningen."

"Even if it means being heartless and abandoning your comrade when he needs you most? Do you have a heart?" Kuwabara screamed.

"What? Heart? What's a heart?" Hiei laughed. "I don't have one. How many times do I have to say this to make your dumb head understand? Kurama is a mature youko who can deal with whatever fate throws at him. And if he can't, it's his own fault to mess with danger from the start."

Hiei heard a soft gasp behind him. "He did that for you, bastard!" Yusuke roared. At the same time, his punch landed hard on Hiei's left cheek, making the youkai's head snap to a side. The next blow came, but Hiei jumped back to dodge. Reiki flared in the small room from both his two friends, or were they his once-used-to-be friends? Energy cracked around Hiei as his youki rose up to match with the hostile ki.

Using his thumb to wipe away the blood on his torn lips, Hiei growled. "Do you want to die, ningen?"

"Hiei-san, why…" Yukina's tearful voice broke the tension. Hiei turned to her and froze as he saw her horrified expression. In a flash of black and white, he disappeared through the window. Kuwabara and Yusuke's angry curses behind him couldn't make him forget Yukina's words.

Bracing himself on a tree, Hiei breathed heavily, trying to drag air into his suddenly too dry throat. Why did he have to say all of those stuff in front of Yukina? The sight of Yukina's eyes seemed to crave into his soul. The sadness and shock in their depth tore his inside more efficiently than any sharp razor. He was dimly aware that Kurama might never forgive him for what he had said too. Suddenly breathing was too painful. His fingers dug into the rough surface of the tree hard.

"You're returning to Makai, aren't you?" Yukina said behind him.

Hiei turned around to face her. He was afraid to see the anger direct at him, but painted on Yukina's face was only some kind of compassion. "Yusuke and Kuwabara are still in there?" He asked.

"Yes. Don't be angry with them. They need time to get over what happened to Kurama-san."

"I said that Kurama would return."

"I know." Yukina smiled, or rather - tried to smile. "So why don't you stay here until he returns?"

"No. There's nothing that needs me to be here. I'll return to Makai." Hiei said and turned to walk away.

"But… but what about…"

"About what, Yukina?" Hiei looked back.

Yukina only stared down. "Nothing," she whispered. The next moment, he had gone.

* * *

Jumping from trees to trees, Hiei crossed the forest until he stopped on one lower branch of a tree that looked like the tallest tree in the forest. Looking up for a moment, then he started to make his way up. He stopped at the top of the tree. The small branch easily supported his weight. His eyes flew close as he tried to calm himself.

The cold wind ruffled his hair and kissed his cheek softly. It had changed its direction. The headband was tossed carelessly into the air and the Jagan opened. A crimson aura covered Hiei as he sent his power out to all directions, searching for a familiar ki. He didn't put up any mental barrier on his power as usual, and immediately received the answer of thousands and thousands of existences. Sadness and passion, hatred and happiness… ki that were powerful, ki that were weak, but pure, ki that were tainted… all seemed to mix together. Like a strong wind blowing at his face with full force, the auras and emotions he picked up made him feel dizzy.

The mixed sensation grew as Hiei pushed more power to his Jagan. Dizziness started to become discomfort, but Hiei still couldn't make out Kurama's existence among millions ones. It was as if Kurama had never existed. The Jagan continued to glow until nightfall and it became only a red light in darkness. In the end, the owner of the light simply gave up, and the light faded, leaving darkness to its complete rule.

* * *

"What are you doing???" Hiei nearly screamed as he burst into Mukuro's chamber.

"What am I doing?" Mukuro asked, surprised at Hiei's sudden outburst.

"What's the meaning of sending away half of your troops for just a request from Yusuke?" Hiei growled.

Mukuro studied the fire youkai in front of her carefully. She had never seen Hiei in such an unstable state. The temperature in the room had risen up a little, as Hiei's youki wasn't controlled and even visibly swirling in the air. As Mukuro looked closer to it, she could only see blind rage. Sweats were trickling down his temple, but she doubted Hiei acknowledged that.

"Answer me. Damn it." Hiei's hand automatically flew to his sword, his ki rocketing.

Her own ki was aching to rise up as her instinct screamed at her to act against the danger, but Mukuro tried her best to keep her calmness. The last thing she wanted now was to make Hiei fully lose control. "I think you must have known the answer by now." She said. "Yusuke has sent messages to both Yomi and me, requesting help to find a youko named Kurama."

"You don't have to follow his order. Withdraw yours."

"Why? I thought Kurama was your friend?"

"It's not the matter of being friends or not. Kurama can return on his own. You have nothing to do with his business. Withdraw your order, Mukuro."

Mukuro frown. She had known that Kurama and Hiei shared a very close relationship, but now, she wasn't very sure of it. Hiei was talking as if he hated Kurama with passion. "I can't do that. Yusuke is a Lord of Makai. One of my allies has asked for my aid, and I can't turn my back against it. We might be youkai, but even youkai have their own morals. I thought you understand it more than anyone else?"

The hand on the sword's hilt tightened, and Mukuro stayed alert, preparing for the the worst. However, Hiei took a deep breath, then said through clenched teeth. "Fine, do whatever you like, but don't let me see it. Or else… or else I don't know what I'll do." After that little speech, Hiei left.

Sadness reflected in Mukuro's eyes. At the moment when Hiei turned away, she had caught a gleam of emotion flickering in his eyes, and it made her understand. Looking at Hiei's retreating form, she sighed. `Poor Hiei. He takes it hard.'

* * *

That was close. Hiei stood shakily by a huge window in the hallway. His grip on the frame was so tight that his knuckles almost went white. The sky was carrying its usual crimson shade or he was looking at the world through a red haze, he didn't know. All he could do now was trying to calm the hot-boiling anger within himself. Breathe in, breathe out. Nothing happened. It was nothing, nothing at all, he repeated silently to himself again and again, even though his mouth tasted blood as his teeth accidentally bit his tongue, even though the steel mullion in his hand had been bended into an awkward angle.

Anger wasn't something new to him. He lived with it. He upgraded it into hared and draw a part of his strength from it. Anger was his soul's flame. Hiei groaned, clutching the steel mullion more tightly. It snapped. For a moment, he looked stupidly at the piece of steel on his hand. So destructive, this anger was flame too, but he had always hated things that he had no control over.

His head snapped up as he heard sounds of footsteps coming. Two youkai were walking towards him. The shorter one he didn't know, but he realized the taller one to be one of Mukuro's commanders. Quickly, he regained his cold, indifferent façade and dropped the piece of steel to the door. Then he walked pass the other youkai.

"What was this time about, I wonder. Look at the rat. Bet Mukuro kicked his ass out again." The shorter youkai whispered to his companion.

"His slut of a lover left him. He's just so mad over that." The other replied in a mocking tone, but kept his voice low so that Hiei wouldn't hear it. Unfortunately, Hiei's sharp ears did catch the brief conversation.

The words hit Hiei like a hard rock. He spun around, his youki flared. "What did you say?" He screamed.

The two youkais were startled, and then turned pale as they realized they had been heard. "No, we didn't say anything." One of them held his hand in front of him, trying to explain.

"You didn't say anything?" Hiei growled. A fire bolt formed in his hand, and a second after, the poor youkai was engulfed in black flame. Even though he was one of Mukuro's commanders, the attack was too sudden, and from a too near distance for him to dodge. "Then you don't have to say anything." Hiei finished, satisfied. The dying scream and the smell of burning flesh had cooled him down a little.

A whimper caught his attention. He shifted his eyes to look at the remaining youkai who was now pressing his back against the stonewall. He wore the expression of pure terror, and his body was shaking. The youkai let out another whimper as Hiei's' attention now focused on him. He was shaking so badly that he could barely stand even with the wall's support.

Hiei's lips quirked up into a cruel smirk and the youkai went rigid. All thoughts thrown out of the window, he fled.

Hiei just stood there watching the other's retreat, arms folded. A prey, just when he needed. The other youkai must have thought he could escape, but that moment ended too quickly. Hiei caught up with him easily. "You called me rat? Let me show you who is the rat here." He said into the terrified youkai's ear, voice low enough to be a whisper, but hard enough to be a sneer. His sword had slashed at the youkai's shoulder even before he finished his sentence.

The youkai screamed, clutching his bloody shoulder and staggered a few steps back. To his horror, his assailant was standing in front of him, murder in his eyes and blood dripping from his sword. The youkai let out some incoherent begs when Hiei grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down to his eyes' level. "I don't like to have to look up when I talk with you." Hiei said with disapproval. Before the other youkai could say anything, Hiei kicked hard at his knees, sending him to the ground.

"No, please…" The youkai begged. "I didn't mean it. Please spare my life, Hiei-sama."

"Should I?" Hiei thrust his sword into the wound he caused earlier and twisted the blade.

The other youkai screamed. He couldn't help trembling, even though this meant more pain for him. "No! Don't kill me!" He begged between sobs while clutching Hiei's leg.

Hiei snorted in disgust. "You want my mercy? Then tell me again. Who is the rat?"

"I am… I am… I'm an ugly, dirty rat… Anything you call, just don't kill me…"

"Disgusting coward." Hiei pulled the sword back and looked at the youkai indifferently, even as the youkai scrambled away and started to run.

A random thought crossed his mind. `Kurama had never been such a coward.' A surge of rage flooded through him. Hiei leapt into the air. "Sorry, I've changed my mind." He said before his sword drove straight down into the other youkai's head.

Alone in the hallway, Hiei looked at the two corpses. What a mess, but thankfully, his anger had subsided almost completely. He heard the door open behind him and turned back.

"So, have you calmed down yet?" Mukuro asked.

"Hn."

"Good. If you want, I'll send you more youkai. Now, I think you should go back to your room and rest."

"I don't need to rest." Hiei protested, but he followed Mukuro's advice anyway.

The next few days continued with the death and disappearance of several dozens of youkai, friends and foes alike. Anyone foolish enough to say anything that related to "Kurama" and "Youko" to Hiei was found dead, or just vanished without traces. Rumor spread fast, and morphed Hiei into a half-crazed youkai who was one of many victims of the Legendary Thief Youko Kurama, who hated youko Kurama so much that he tracked down and killed anyone who dared to say the Youko's name.

A week after the day Kurama had disappeared, the words `Kurama' and `youko' became forbidden words that every youkai in Mukuro's territory was afraid of saying.

For that, Hiei was glad. He was sick of hearing others mock him, or worse, try to comfort him about Kurama's return. They didn't understand anything. He didn't need mocking that he couldn't keep Kurama, for he was not the youko's babysitter. He didn't need comfort that Kurama would return, for he had already known that.

Without anyone mentioning Kurama's name in his presence, Hiei relaxed. Too absorbed in his training and fighting, the event of that fateful day slowly disappeared from his mind.

TBC...