Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Enma's Torment Theatre ❯ New Years Episode ( Chapter 15 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Enma’s Torment Theatre
Episode Fifteen: New Years Episode
Story: Hiei’s Mistake
Story by: Katyfoxdemon2 and Robin (See? I credited both of you. No worries.)
Msted by: Rose-sensei and Chrissy (beginning and end done by Rose, which accounts for the angst since I have an inability to write anything meaningful…)
Rating: NC-17 (Don’t get too happy, folks. I’m glad I got my fix too, but hold on.)

Angst? What, what? *smirks*

Thanks to Katyfoxdemon2, again, for her lemon. Forgive any insults or injury, because I know we were particularly insulting this episode, but we seriously meant no harm. We just did it for fun.


~ Satellite, next week ~

No one except for Kurama had known about Hiei's ability to speed the fermentation process of alcohol with his fire ki, but they had been happy to find out, and it was the reason all of them were going to have hangovers. Kuwabara had been so happy that he hadn't even asked what the proof was, and had fallen unconscious within seconds. Yuusuke and Koenma had taken their time after that, but it still hadn't taken long for them to get plastered--though Yuusuke blamed it on them being stuck on SODD without liquor all this time. Hiei had made *Makai* proof liquor.

They had dragged Kuwabara to his room, making sure he was on his stomach in case he threw up. Yuusuke and Koenma had eventually passed out in Yuusuke's room while talking rather drunkenly about the Lord of the Rings movies, which had been running all week. Hiei and Kurama had savored their liquor, managing to... exercise it out of their systems several times before passing out in a tangled heap of limbs and bedding around four-thirty in the morning.

It was for this reason that everyone was not very happy when a rather loud klaxon went off at 5am. In fact, they were more inclined to panic, not knowing what the alarm was for. Within two minutes they were all in some state of dress in the control room, trying to figure out what was going on. They should have guessed when they saw Rando's smirking face on the monitor, but they could blame that on their headaches later.

"Good job. You have a record time for the meteorite warning test."

Kurama's eyes narrowed. "You had better have a *damned* good reason for this.”

Rando's smirk deepened. "Oh, but I don't *need* one. However, I have one anyway. I have a new fic to introduce you five to. Into the theatre!"

They muttered obscenities at him, but trooped into the theatre, not having any other choice.

- Theatre -

Yuusuke: [yawns widely] What fic do you think he has for us now?
Hiei: Something abysmal, as usual.
Kuwa: Figures.
Kurama: Too bad we can't revolt.
Koenma: Let's just get it done as soon as possible.

>Hiei's Mistake

Hiei: I already hate it. Can we move on now?
Kurama: Doubt it.
Yuusuke: [sarcastically] Hiei makes mistakes?
Koenma: I believe his words were, "I'm not infallible." Or something along those lines.
Hiei: Hn. I bet it's a stupid thing.
Kuwa: Er... It's a fic... That's a given, right?
Koenma: Or else we wouldn't be reading it.
Yuusuke: In most cases, at least.

>Here is my newest fic!!

All: [unenthusiastically] Yay.
Koenma: [sardonic] And thank *you* for sharing it with us.
Hiei: [darkly] Tell us where you live and we'll show you our gratitude.
Yuusuke: [smirks] Good idea.

>Warnings: Hiei/Kurama Hiei/ Yusuke

Yuusuke: Shit...
Hiei: [stares] No.
Kuwa: It's just a fic.

>Yaoi, Lemons, and what ever I feel that the story needs. You don’t like please don’t read!!!

Kuwa: AHHH!! GET IT AWAY!!
Hiei: Lemons?
Yuusuke: [sinks down in seat] Graphic sex scenes...
Hiei: Oh. Right. [glares upward at the ceiling] You son of a bitch...
Rando's voice: [cackles]
Koenma: I really wish we had the choice to NOT read it...
Kurama: I really hope this isn't a lemon chapter, if it's a multi-chapter fic...
Yuusuke: You think we're that lucky??
Koenma: And I'm betting it's a Hiei/Yuusuke lemon too, knowing Randy...

>Disclaimer: Now if I owned yyh do you really think Hiei would of stayed with Muruko in the end? Nope he would be with his fox!! So as you can tell I don’t own it!!

Yuusuke: Color me confused... Don't you work for Mukuro, still?
Hiei: Yes, though it's kind of hard to do that from up *here*...
Yuusuke: I'm assuming she means that she thinks you're with Mukuro, though...
Kurama: [angrily] Over my dead body!
Hiei: The author apparently has the wrong assumption about Mukuro and I. [pats Kurama's shoulder]
Koenma: Wouldn't be the first time.
Kuwa: Who would win a fight between Kurama and Mukuro, anyway? Didn't she beat your Kokoryuha?
Hiei: [gives him a withering look] I did say something about annoying questions.
Kuwa: [defensively] I was just wondering!
Hiei: [glares]
Yuusuke: Er, not to provoke you or anything, but... Well, Kurama did say over his dead body. I mean, if there's any need for us to help you gang up on Mukuro, if it comes to that...
Hiei: [glances at Kurama] We'll take it into consideration.

>Special thanks to both of my friends who are helping me Robin and Yasmeen!!

All: [sarcastically] Thank you, Robin and Yasmeen.
Hiei: [darkly] Again, let us *show* you our gratitude...
Kurama: [softly] Have I ever told you I love your voice?
Hiei: Yes. Have I told you I love yours? [kisses him before the fox has a chance to answer]

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yuusuke: I am *not* coming up with a song for that.
Koenma: No one's asking you to, Yuu-chan.
Hiei: [snarky] No, we're demanding.
Yuusuke: [blows raspberries]

>The weather was pleasant.

Yuusuke: [fic] The birds were singing; the day was normal. Nothing to see here and the fic is over. Can we leave now?
Rando: No. Now stop asking.
Kuwa: [obnoxious little kid voice] Are we theeeere yet?
Koenma: Not even close, I imagine.
Kuwa: How about now?
Hiei: Didn't I say something last time about annoying questions?
Kuwa: Uh... I'll stop...
Hiei: Good.
Yuusuke: Kurama's being awfully quiet.
Hiei: He hasn't had his coffee or his morning shower.
Kuwa: Eeeeew...
Kurama: [sighs and rubs his temple]

>Spring had arrived and it made the kitsune’s train of thoughts even happier.

Kurama: Trains of thought.
Koenma: He can still be the grammar queen, evidently.
Kurama: Built-in editor. Go screw Yuusuke.
Koenma: [blushes furiously]
Hiei: So the tables have turned? Good job, Yuusuke.
Yuusuke: [looks at him] You mean who's going to be seme? [blushes slightly]
Hiei: My money's still on Koenma.
Yuusuke: ... It's not exactly something we've talked about yet.
Koenma: You have a *bet* going?
Kurama: More like a pool.
Hiei: You bet on us. Fair is fair.

>As the birds, children, and small animals in the park raced past him,

Yuusuke: So he's standing still?
Koenma: Or he's slow.
Kurama: At least it hasn't said I was frozen yet.
Kuwa: Is this a Batman crossover, too?
Yuusuke: A lemon and a crossover? Yup, that'd kill us.
Koenma: Shh! You'll give the git ideas.
Rando: I don't want to just kill you... [malicious laughter]
Kurama: Randy's a pervert. Ignore him.

>he was lost in his thoughts.

Kurama: Good. Hiei, come make me more lost.
Hiei: [smirks] My pleasure. [pulls him down for another kiss]
Yuusuke: Well, that'll either wake him up or get him ready for a "nap".

>His mind was focused on his boy friend.

Yuusuke: Yeah, it most certainly is.
Koenma: [softly] Yuu-chan... Don't look over there.
Yuusuke: [whines] I'm not.
Kuwa: Not what?
Koenma: None of your business.

> Hiei still worked for Mukuro,

Hiei: Nothing new.
Kurama: Sadly. [pulls him back into a lip-lock]
Hiei: [moans]
Yuusuke: [softly] I'm not looking, K-chan.
Koenma: I was teasing, before.
Yuusuke: It's not like we have to look to know what they're doing.
Koenma: [tries not to smile]
Kuwa: [little kid voice] I hafta go to the bathroom...
Koenma: [remembering his hand getting electrocuted] Go ahead, try to leave. I dare you.
Kuwa: It was a *joke*...

>but would spend as much time with Kurama as he could.

Hiei: [during a breath break] If he's my boyfriend, I'd hope so!
Kurama: [darkly] And apparently, the you-clone spends a lot of time with the Yuusuke-clone as well...
Hiei: [blinks at him] The you-clone should kill the me-clone, then.
Kuwa: You two are weird.
Both: We know.
Yuusuke: That's why we like 'em!
Koenma: Wouldn't have them any other way.
Kuwa: [sighs] Well, yeah. I was just saying...

>Things were so much easier in their relationship since Kurama had moved out of his mother’s house six months ago.

Kurama: Six months before.
Yuusuke: Odd how these things peg us.
Kurama: ... We didn't start our relationship until *after* I moved out.
Koenma: Yuusuke is concentrating on the fact that you moved out recently, though.
Yuusuke: Besides, you guys were *well* on your way to getting together at that point!
Kurama: [smiles]

>Hiei and Kurama had been together for almost a full year.

Yuusuke: How sweet!
Kuwa: Just makes Yuusuke more of a home-wrecker.
Koenma: The Yuusuke-*clone*.
Yuusuke: Yeah, I'd never break them up!
Hiei: [menacingly] Good.
Kurama: [pulls Hiei into his lap] We never doubted that, Yuusuke.
Kuwa: Well, he does have Koenma now. Why should he?
Hiei: True. Koenma has all that sucking experience...
Kurama: [softly] And I don't, Dragon? [proves his point on Hiei's neck]
Hiei: [moans happily] I never said anything of the sort, Imp...
Kurama: Good. [slips his hands up Hiei's shirt]
Hiei: [grins and tangles his hands in Kurama's hair]

>And in two months they would celebrate the night that they first learned to love each other.

Yuusuke: First night they confessed, or first night of sex?
Koenma: Maybe it was on the same night.
Hiei: [distracted] I don't do sex on the first night.
Kurama: [giggles] No, we just slept together. No sex involved.
Yuusuke: [blinks] I love how we find out amusing details like these too late to tease about it...
Hiei: [smirks gleefully] It's funny you should mention "teasing," Yuusuke. I saw you and Koenma heading for your room last night...
Kurama: [grins] And we were up for quite a while. Never saw either of you come out. Though, this morning...
Koenma: [blushes, embarrassed]
Yuusuke: [blushes also] We were talking about Lord of the Rings.
Kurama: Oh, so is that what the kids are calling it these days?
Yuusuke: Nothing happened! We just fell asleep.
Hiei: [smirks] Would you have stopped teasing us if we'd said that?
Yuusuke: [doesn't answer that]
Hiei: Exactly.
Kurama: But we'll take pity on you anyway.
Yuusuke: [looks relieved]

>Kurama had already started to plan for it.

Kurama: [disgusted] With only two months to go? Lazy me-clone! You should have started six months ago! And what about the six-month anniversary?!
Hiei: [combs one of the redhead's side-locks with his fingers] Calm, Imp... [thinks] When *is* our six-month anniversary anyway?
Kurama: [stares at him, hurt] You don't *remember*?
Hiei: [gives him a strange look]
Kurama: [somewhat sadly] We went to the Shubun no Hi carnival on September 26th. Our three-month anniversary was on Boxing Day.
Hiei: [frowns] Oh. I'm sorry. [tilts his head to the side] Is there some way I could make it up to you?
Kurama: [smiles gently] It's okay. You didn't know it was a human custom to have anniversaries, did you?
Hiei: [shakes his head] News to me.
Kurama: [hugs him] And I didn't tell you, either. It's not your fault.
Hiei: [hugs him back tightly] I'll remember now, though.
Kurama: I know. [kisses the side of his neck]


>He hoped that Mukuro would not send for his demon then.

Hiei: [himself] Sorry, Mukuro, no messenger demon ever reached me.
Kurama: Hard for it to get up *here*... Wherever we are.
Hiei: In three months, we better not still be up here!
Rando: [cackles]
Yuusuke: [pouts] I hate him.
Hiei: Not nearly as much as I do.
Koenma: We all hate him! Who cares who hates him most!
Kurama: The script's moving. Express your mutual hatred for Rando later.

>He then shifted back to happier thoughts and thought about how this year had been.

Yuusuke: Wow, Kurama... You-clone is shallow...
Kurama: And the last one was a prick. Your point?
Koenma: You're not very popular with fanfiction writers, I guess...
Yuusuke: Not counting a few obnoxious Mary Sues.
Hiei: [snorts] More like the fanfiction writers don't know who he really is, and they generally suck anyway.
Kuwa: Suck. Suck. Suck...
Yuusuke: [snorts, giggles]

>Kurama often walked home from his university or his work since they were both only a few blocks away from his house, except in opposite directions.

Kurama: That sentence is weird. Not going to bother.
Koenma: It was trying to make a point, but went off on a tangent.
Yuusuke: Good. I've always wanted to say this. "Thanks for the pointless aside, story."
Kurama: Didn't I tell you to stop stealing from Chris Rain?
Yuusuke: I've seen that other places too!
Hiei: Listen to Kurama.
Yuusuke: [slumps] Fine, fine.
Koenma: [snickers] That makes me think of a father telling his son to "listen to his mother."
Kurama: [glares]
Koenma: Well, it did.

>He felt sorry for his mate, who was at their apartment all by himself.

Hiei: Judging from the warning, I doubt that.
Kurama: [glowers at the fic]
Yuusuke: Now, remember. That is *not* me!
Hiei: If it were... [pointedly motions at his fox]
Yuusuke: I know that.
Hiei: And besides, you have Koenma.
Koenma: Yes, he does.
Yuusuke: [blushes, smiling]
Hiei: Yeah, the uke/seme thing is definitely still up for grabs...
Yuusuke: [rolls his eyes]

>Just the thought of Hiei being lonely made his legs move faster, his long red hair flying in the breeze.

Kurama: Ugh. Sap. Hiei is *not* clingy, and neither am I!
Hiei: And why would I be waiting at his house all day?
Kuwa: Yeah! You could be rescuing kittens!
Hiei: [gives him a withering look] Kittens?
Koenma: [yawns] Neko.
Hiei: Aa.
Yuusuke: Yeah, I doubt you'd have forgotten that one. It's when Kurama sort-of confessed.
Hiei: [smiles dreamily] Yeah...
Kurama: [kisses his cheek] Cute.
Yuusuke: You two keep having all these really cute moments...
Hiei: Koenma, that's your cue.
Koenma: [blushes and runs a hand through Yuusuke's hair]
Yuusuke: [flushes, leans into his touch]
Hiei: [snorts] *I'm* a cat?
Kurama: Shh. Let them have their moment.

>As he came around and entered the parking lot he spotted Yusuke’s car next to his Toyota.

Kurama: If I can walk most places, why have a car?
Yuusuke: Forget that! Since when do *I* have a car??
Hiei: Rich boyfriend.
Yuusuke: ... Point taken.
Koenma: But I doubt I'm his boyfriend in this, however.
Hiei: Shut up.

>He wondered what brought the detective over.

Koenma: Probably a romp in the hay.
Kurama: Hay? Good, I'll grab a pitch fork.
Yuusuke: I hope it's not for me...
Kurama: The you-*clone*.
Yuusuke: Okay. I feel safe now.

>No one ever came over when Kurama was at work or school,

Hiei: Wow, me-clone must lead a *really* boring life.
Kurama: Except for cheating on the me-clone.
Yuusuke: Well, if you basically coop him up all day, can you blame him?
Kurama: ... Not really. But I'm still killing both of the you-clones.
Hiei: Me-clone deserves it.
Yuusuke: Me-clone does too.

>because even though Hiei was opening up him, he was not opening up to any one.

Kuwa: That doesn't make sense.
Kurama: There needs to be a "to" in between "up" and "hi -"
Koenma: Will you stop that?
Kuwa: It still wouldn't make sense anyway.
Yuusuke: No, it's trying to say that Hiei tops Kurama, but bottoms for every body else.
Koenma: How the hell did you come up with that?!
Hiei: Moving on...

>Kurama knew that both Yusuke and Kuwabara liked Hiei as a friend.

Yuusuke: You've got a friend in me, you've got a friend in me!
Kuwa: What's the story's point?
Koenma: Maybe you and Yuusuke should take Hiei outside or something.
Yuusuke: [blinks] K-chan...?
Koenma: [explains] To get him out of the house. What did you think I meant?
Yuusuke: [a bit relieved] You should probably say -clone after the names, just so we know...
Koenma: [blinks] Oh. Forgot.
Yuusuke: S'okay.

>He also knew that the short, brooding fire demon felt the same.

Hiei: Hn.
Yuusuke: Aww, we know you love us, Hiei.
Kurama: And he knows you know.

>Someday, he hoped that Hiei would realize that there were many people who cared for him.

Yuusuke: I have a feeling the Hiei-clone has already realized it.
Koenma: I wish the fic would stop patronizing us. We know this is going to end tragically.
Kuwa: Yeah...

>He hurried up the stairs- eager to see his beloved and talk to his friend.

Kurama: [sweetly] Put "late" in front of both, and you'll see that's the case in ten minutes.
Hiei: [bored, starts kissing Kurama's neck] Stupid fic...
Kurama: Mmmm... Yes, stupid fic. [fiddles with Hiei's belt]
Hiei: Very stupid... [unbuttons the top of Kurama's shirt and kisses his way down]
Kuwa: Hurry, fic! Hurry!!
Koenma: It's not going to listen.
Kuwa: [pouts] This sucks...
Yuusuke: [shrugs] That's life.
Kuwa: [whines] But they're not MSTing...
Rando's voice: Good point, imbecile. Break it up, you two.
Kurama: [moans]
Hiei: [glares balefully up at the ceiling]
Rando's voice: [cackles]
Yuusuke: Stupid evil band leader.
Koenma: [sighs] It'll be over eventually.
Yuusuke: Right. [cracks knuckles] Let's mst this fic and show it who's boss.

>He unlocked the door and steeped inside.

Kurama: So he's making himself into tea?
Hiei: I'd drink that...
Kurama: [smirks]
Koenma: Of course, it is just his clone.
Hiei: I meant, if Kurama did it.
Yuusuke: Not that you haven't drank him before...
Hiei: [nods] I have. He was wonderful.
Kuwa: Erk...

>The apartment was not big- the kitchen and living room were really just one big room.

Yuusuke: Boy. Must be a bitch to clean the carpet.
Kurama: [grimaces] Great. More housework.
Koenma: You'd think that since the Hiei-clone was home all day, he'd do it.
Hiei: But the me-clone is a cheating bastard.
Yuusuke: He must be punished.
Hiei: Yes. As must the Yuusuke-clone.
Koenma: ... In the name of the moon?
Yuusuke: [stifles a laugh]

>They also had a small hallway that led to a bathroom and the bedroom.

Yuusuke: [smirks] Thanks for the second pointless aside, story.
Koenma: May we not have another?
Kurama: Cut with the description, fic. We don't care...
Yuusuke: You're just horny.
Kurama: Yes. Very.
Hiei: And he'd like that shower too.
Kurama: Let's do both.
Hiei: Hurry up, fic!
Kurama: [giggles] Yes, please do, fic...

>Kurama could not help but smile as thoughts of their room filled his mind.

Kuwa: Which one?
Both: Bathroom.
Yuusuke: [giggles]
Koenma: [puts his arm around Yuusuke, looking rather bored himself]
Yuusuke: [blushes and leans against him]

>As he came inside, he saw that the both the living room and the kitchen were empty.

Hiei: [sarcastically] How convenient.
Kurama: Slut. Doing it in their *bed*...
Hiei: Doing it at all!
Yuusuke: Bad Yuusuke-clone! Now where did I put that rolled up newspaper...?
Koenma: I blame Funimation for this.
Kuwa: I blame Funimation for everything...
Koenma: But especially for our bastardized clones up there.
Kuwa: I'm not in it.
Koenma: Neither was I. In general, I meant.
Yuusuke: Lucky bastards...

>A chill started its way up Kurama’s spine.

Hiei: Oh, look. Kurama-clone didn't trust me-clone that much anyway.
Yuusuke: That or the you-clone had the air-conditioning on.
Kurama: It could go either way.
Koenma: [announcer voice] Let's find out!
Kuwa: Let's not and say we didn't.
Hiei: I second that.
Yuusuke: You and Kuwabara *agreeing* on something?
Hiei: I want my shower sex.

>He very quietly made his way down the hall.

Yuusuke: Tiptoe through the tulips!
Koenma: Huh?
Kurama: Really old song...
Yuusuke: [pats Koenma's chest] S'okay.

>He then turned the knob on the bedroom door, slowly and silently.

Hiei: Boring. You can't turn a doorknob silently. They always click.
Kurama: Definitely boring. That shower would be much more interesting right now.
Koenma: The author is trying for suspense. Didn't make it.
Yuusuke: The clones are probably so dumb they can't hear the click.
Hiei: Besides, no one is silent during sex. Kurama-clone is deaf.
Kurama: [softly] I can't wait to hear you...
Hiei: [grins evilly and shifts] I know.
Kurama: [moans into his shoulder]
Kuwa: Hurry up, fic!

>As the door opened, he came face to face with a horrible scene.

Kurama: [breathily] It's better to say "As he opened the door." It didn't open on its own.
Kuwa: Horrible scene?
Yuusuke: The Funimation dub voice actors were sitting in his room, going through his things.
Kurama: Don't even jest of that!
Yuusuke: [grins] Sorry.
Kurama: No you're not.
Hiei: [glowers at Yuusuke]
Yuusuke: Okay, okay! I'll think of another horrible scene.
Kurama: Don't bother, the text's moving.

>His heart dropped somewhere by his feet.

Hiei: Yes! Gore! [sits up a bit]
Yuusuke: 'bout time!
Kurama: Do you two have to take everything so literally?
Hiei: No. Just for kicks.
Koenma: I think Yuusuke rubbed off on him.
Kuwa: Opposite. Hiei never got the slang at first.
Hiei: Hn.

>It lay in a thousand, shattered pieces.

Koenma: Of a puzzle?
Yuusuke: Yeah. Yugiou's puzzle.
Kurama: [raises an eyebrow] I do believe that's the first time I've heard you mention that show.
Yuusuke: [fake yawns] It's not Clamp.
Kurama: [chuckles] Of course.
Hiei: Obsessed.
Kuwa: It has yaoi. Of course he is.
Koenma: Yaoi. Swords. Cherry blossoms. Kinky sex.
Yuusuke: No, that's just X.
Hiei: [smirks] Shame it's back in the Ningenkai.
Yuusuke: [whines loudly]
Koenma: [nuzzles him]
Yuusuke: [stops, kisses him quickly]
Hiei: Oh, look. Another cute moment.
Yuusuke: [raspberry]

>His breath vanished and all he could do was watch the scene before him play itself out.

Kuwa: [quietly] Please don't let us have to watch...
Kurama: How can breath vanish? You can't see it to begin with! It's air!
Hiei: Unless Yuusuke was right about the air-conditioning.
Yuusuke: I was right about something? Unheard of!
Koenma: [giggles] Well, I remember when we first arrived on the satellite and you knew what was going on before we did.
Yuusuke: [blushes]
Hiei: Yuusuke being modest... Now *that's* unheard of.
Kurama: Only because it's Koenma dealing out the compliments.
Yuusuke: [still blushing] I remember when you did the same thing, Hiei...
Koenma: And let's not forget that you figured out how to operate the holocabana.
Yuusuke: [blushes deeper] K-chan...
Koenma: [kisses his cheek] I'm just trying to remind you you're not stupid.
Yuusuke: [hides his face against Koenma's shoulder]
Hiei: Oh, that's too cute.
Kuwa: You guys keep switching roles. Urameshi always used to say that about you. And isn't that what you said last mst?
Hiei: No, this tops last time.

>Yusuke was on their bed with his legs wrapped around Hiei.

Yuusuke: [narrator] He had Hiei in a headlock. "Kurama! Come and do a three-count!"
Kurama: [bursts out laughing]
Yuusuke: [grins] My version is probably *much* better.
Hiei: [continues narrating] But it was too late, because Hiei had already gotten out and laid the smack-down on Yuusuke.
Kurama: [is still laughing]
Koenma: American wrestling?
Hiei and Yuusuke: Yup.
Kuwa: It used to be good, back three or four years ago. Since then, it kind of went downhill.
Yuusuke: Yeah, we stopped watching it.
Hiei: Way back around the time that The Rock stopped doing his pu-tang pie bit.
Yuusuke: [smiles] Ah, nostalgia.

>His mouth was opened and moans could be heard.

Hiei: Because my headlock was a damned sight tighter than his!
Yuusuke: [gives him a sour look]
Koenma: He *is* a demon, Yuu-chan.
Yuusuke: I'm part demon...
Kurama: Hiei's *all* demon.
Hiei: [shifts] You know it.
Kurama: [moans, hands go to Hiei's lap]

>With each moan a small tear fell from the red-headed fox’s eyes.

Koenma: [narrator] Because he knew that Yuusuke would never be able to forgive this affront to his pride.
Yuusuke: Damn straight.
[Hiei and Kurama are too occupied to pay much attention to them.]

>Hiei was moaning and thrusting inside Yusuke.

Kuwa: Erk!
Yuusuke: Heh. I called it wrong. Hiei-clone bottoms for Kurama-clone, but tops everybody else.
Kuwa: [covers his eyes] Tell me when it's okay to look.
Yuusuke: Dude, they're not even really doing anything. *Them* however - [motions at Hiei and Kurama]
Hiei: [kicks at him half-heartedly] Don't look... Mmmm... Kurama...
Kurama: ... Hiei...
Koenma: [covers Yuusuke's mouth to keep him from snickering out loud]
Yuusuke: [licks his hand]
Koenma: [blushes]

>Both, not noticing that they had an audience, climaxed and called out the other’s name.

Hiei: Mmm... Kurama...
Koenma: How appropo...
Yuusuke: No kidding. [snuggles closer]
[Hiei and Kurama stop.]
Kurama: Kuwabara, I think you can look now.
Kuwa: [opens his eyes] AH! No I can't! They're still having sex!
Hiei: [blinks] Oh. He was talking about the *fic*...
Kurama: [giggles]

>Kurama let out a small whimper much like one would hear from a hurt dog.

Yuusuke: It's Menchi!!
Kurama: [shakes his head] That poor animal...
Hiei: [grins] Then this would be *that* episode.
Yuusuke: Episode 26, yeah. The Hentai parody.
Kuwa: All I know is that the end song for that series gets stuck in my head...
Hiei: Well, you only have the brain cells to memorize a song with no words. And barking is like your native language.
Kuwa: Bite my ankles, shrimp!!
Hiei: I have more interesting things to be biting, and none of them are on your anatomy.
Kurama: [mildly] Looks like we're finally waking up...
Hiei: Well, playing helped.

>Red and brown eyes met green.

Hiei: On the floor?
Yuusuke: [red and brown eyes] How are you, green?
Kuwa: [green eyes] Pretty damned good, besides the fact that I can't find my sockets.
Kurama: What's wrong with saying, "They suddenly looked up and saw Kurama," or something? Is forming a coherent sentence that hard?!
Koenma: Kurama, you realize that this is a fanfic, right?
Kurama: [glares] So? It's no excuse.
Koenma: Why ask such a pointless question?
Hiei: Because he can, now lay off.
Yuusuke: [child] Yes, Hiei-papa.
Hiei: [gives him a withering look]
Yuusuke: [smirks] Oh, wait. Hiei-*mama*.
Kurama: [restrains Hiei] You don't want to kill him.
Hiei: [growls, struggling] Convince me!
Kurama: [turns him around and kisses him long and deep]
Koenma: [raises an eyebrow] Yuu-chan, please don't say anything that might result in you sustaining bodily harm. We don't have a healer up here, or even a doctor.
Yuusuke: [smiles] Don't worry so much, K-chan. [kisses his cheek]
Koenma: [blushes slightly] I can't help it, Yuu-chan...
Yuusuke: [leans head on his shoulder again] I know.

>Then things got so slow and fast all at the same time.

Kurama: [gasping for breath as he and Hiei end the kiss] Makes no sense.
Yuusuke: The speed on the text kept messing up. You know, like a bad tape player?
Kurama: Still makes no sense.
Hiei: [smiles lazily] Who cares?
Kurama: [smirks at his handy work]
Kuwa: This fic is taking forever... I want breakfast...
Hiei: I want my shower sex. Stop whining.

>Kurama spun around and ran out the door. In a flash Yusuke and Hiei followed- one out the window, the other the door. Both now fully dressed.

Yuusuke: No way can I dress as fast as Hiei. It just wouldn't happen.
Hiei: THIS would never happen.
Yuusuke: Touché.

>Pain shot through Kurama’s heart. It felt like someone was jabbing his chest with ice and needles.

Koenma: [mock-sternly] Now what have I told you about playing with voodoo dolls?
Yuusuke: [child] Sorry, Koenma.
Hiei: [child] We won't do it again.
Koenma: Ha.
Yuusuke: If it's ice, maybe Yukina is pissed at him about something.
Koenma: Well, since he's off sleeping with you-clone, Kurama-clone's probably made him unhappy to some degree.
Kuwa: But Yukina would never hurt anyone!
Hiei: Yeah. Stop spreading rumors about my sister.
Yuusuke: Not the real Yukina, the clone Yukina.
Koenma: Okay. The fic versions of us are to be known as the clones. Let's follow that so we don't get confused.
Yuusuke: Fine by me.

>Tears fell and he paid no attention to anyone. All he wanted was to flee.

Hiei: Wait, so the Kurama-clone didn't realize that Yuusuke-clone and me-clone were looking at him, or what?
Yuusuke: [snickers] That's a mouthful to say, isn't it?
Hiei: It was yours and Koenma's idea.
Kurama: Me-clone is a sissy. He should kill them.
Hiei: Slowly as to make them suffer.
Kuwa: Yeah. They deserve it.

>" Kurama!!" Hiei yelled
>Just the sound of his voice made Kurama run faster.

Kurama: Missing period.
Hiei: Kurama-clone is a wimp.
Kurama: Yes. Though I am surprised he can run faster than the you-clone.
Yuusuke: Hiei-clone had to dress.
Kuwa: He might not be a wimp...
Hiei: Oh?
Kuwa: Yeah. "Revenge is a dish best served cold."
Koenma: Either way, we'll see soon enough I'm sure.
Kurama: We'd better.

>He ran into the street, hearing both Yusuke and Hiei call out to him.

Yuusuke: Hello, episode one.
Kuwa: Star Wars?
Koenma: No. Our show. When Yuusuke... dies...
Yuusuke: [nuzzles his neck] Hey, I'm here now. No worries.
Koenma: [smiles and pulls him closer] I know.

>He heard someone scream. Then he felt something collide with his body. He felt his ribs break right as his body flew in the air.

Yuusuke: So is *that* what made me die? Broken ribs?
Koenma: [looks thoughtful] Possibly.
Kurama: It was probably also a blow to the head. After all, you were killed pretty much instantly.
Yuusuke: Yeah, I remember, I was there.
Koenma: [uncomfortably] Can we move on now?
Yuusuke: [smiles] Yeah. Sorry, K-chan.
Koenma: It's okay. It's just not something I want to think about...
Hiei: Well, if he hadn't died, you wouldn't have met him.
Yuusuke: He's right.
Koenma: I know, but...
Kurama: He doesn't like the thought of you getting hurt, especially if it's a mortal injury.
Yuusuke: Hmm... [snuggles even closer to the godling]
Hiei: Just get in his lap.
Koenma: [blushes]

>Hiei watched in horror as his mate was hit by a speeding truck. The driver had been careless and had run over his fox!

Hiei: [laughs] Stupid me-clone! Blame yourself and commit suicide.
Kurama: [winces] Hiei, don't mention the last fic. Ever.
Hiei: [kisses him] It wasn't you, and it wasn't me. Don't worry about it.
Kurama: [squeezes him lightly] I know, but I still don't like it.
Hiei: [gently touches his face] I know. I didn't either.
Koenma: You know, I just remembered. The author has a warning on it that it's alternate universe. It was probably OOC on purpose.
Hiei: Your point?
Koenma: Just saying.
Hiei: Hn.

>Hiei wanted nothing more than to kill the driver, but Yusuke, his secret lover, held him back.

Kuwa: Not so secret anymore.
Kurama: Kind of unnecessary to say it at all.
Hiei: The fic is pointless.
Kurama: Very.
Koenma: At least he wasn't standing in the street screaming when he got hit.
Yuusuke: [blinks] Scary Movie?
Koenma: [sheepishly] Yeah. Just suddenly thought of it.

>Kurama lay so lifeless on the ground. Hiei pulled away and went to the fox’s side.

Hiei: Like me-clone should have done in the *first* place...
Kurama: [mumbling into his shoulder] I hate this. I want that shower now.
Hiei: [leans back against him] Me too, imp...
Koenma: [sighs softly]
Yuusuke: [looks up at him] What's up?
Koenma: [smiles sadly] Like I should have done, too...
Yuusuke: [confused] Done what?
Koenma: [sighs again] When you were fighting Sensui, I just ran... I should have stayed. [And for the other bums like me who are dependant on Funimation, unlike Rose-sensei; we’re talking about when Yuusuke dies the second time. *smirks* And don’t start complaining about the spoilers, I don’t care.]
Yuusuke: [cups his face] You didn't know, and even so; I'm the fighter, aren't I? Don't blame yourself.
Koenma: [smiles at him] I know. I just wish I could have done something.
Yuusuke: [smiles back] Well, if I ever have another real mission, I don't want you doing anything stupid just because you're afraid I'll be hurt. I can take care of myself.
Koenma: [blushes] I know...
Yuusuke: [kisses his nose] Good.
Kuwa: He never promised.
Koenma: [glares at him]
Yuusuke: [glances up at Koenma] I trust him.
Koenma: [smiles brightly]

>He couldn’t understand why the fox had acted the way he did, but Hiei knew that things were only going to get worse.

Hiei: Me-clone is *really* stupid. He's like Kuwabara!
Kuwa: Hey!
Yuusuke: Fics only get worse, until they're over. Then we leave and everything's much better.
Kurama: A lot of demons don't see sex as love. I know that I didn't. [hugs Hiei] Maybe you-clone feels that way.
Hiei: [glare menacingly at the text] Hn.
Kurama: [kisses the back of his neck] I know that's not how you feel. Don't worry.
Hiei: [turns and kisses him deeply]
Koenma: [covers Yuusuke's mouth with his hand as he starts giggling]
Yuusuke: [pulls his hand away and kisses his palm, smiling]
Koenma: [blushes and leans down to kiss Yuusuke, cupping the boy's face in his hand]
Yuusuke: [moans happily, wraps his arms around Koenma's neck]
Kuwa: [mutters] Great... Now they're all making out.

>--

Yuusuke: [pulls away from the kiss, grinning] Like a bolt out of the blue, fate steps in and sees you through. When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true...
Koenma: [smiles back, a little breathless]
Hiei: [irritably] What stars? Those are dashes.
Yuusuke: [defensively] So? Got any songs with dashes in them?
Hiei: That's your job, not mine.
Yuusuke: [blows raspberries at him]

>Two hours later
>Hiei was pacing the floors in the waiting room. Kurama’s human mother, Shiori, and his family where out of town.

Hiei: How convenient, again.
Kurama: So this means the me-clone is still alive?
Hiei: I guess. Not even a shadow to you, though.
Kurama: [smiles]

>He looked at everyone that came. Kuwabara, his sister Yukina, Keiko, and Yusuke were all waiting for news. No one knew what the cause for Kurama walking in the street was.

Yuusuke: Er... He ran into the street after seeing Hiei-clone fuck me-clone...
Koenma: Maybe your clones are too embarrassed to say anything.
Hiei: Maybe the author is a brainless moron.
Kuwa: I'm going for number two.

>What Hiei and Yusuke shared was only sex and meant nothing to them, but it just might have cost Hiei the only being that truly loved him.

Yuusuke: [sings "It's Just Love"] Mae bure mo naku yobidasu no tenki ga ii kara. Watashi wo machi bouke sasete nani you no tsumori.
Koenma: So it's not quite what you predicted, Kurama. But close.
Hiei: My clone is still an idiot.
Kurama: [kisses him]

>Tears welled up in his eyes but he refused to give in to such a weakness.

Yuusuke: Sometimes tears aren't a weakness.
Hiei: I don't cry.
Kuwa: What if Kurama or Yukina died?
Hiei: [glares sharply] I can. I just don't.
Koenma: He's probably just curious about the tear gem thing.
Kurama: [hugs Hiei] I'm never going to give him a reason to cry, so don't hold your breaths.
Hiei: [smirks and leans back against him]
Yuusuke: Well, just curious, but... Have you ever?
Hiei: [shrugs]
Kurama: Leave it alone, Yuusuke.
Yuusuke: [sighs] Fine, fine.

>Once again he paced.
>Once again he looked around the room.
>Once again his mind replayed every detail of his mate’s face.
>Once again he heard the sound of that perfect body hitting the front of that truck.

Hiei: Once again, this fic is annoying.
Kurama: Once again, I wish this was over so we can have our shower.
Hiei: [sighs] This is just boring. Pathetic.
Yuusuke: You could always have another make-out session.
Hiei: If we have another one, we're not going to hold back with just making out.
Kurama: [giggles, kisses the back of his neck again]
Kuwa: Hurry up, fic!!
Yuusuke: [sing-song] It's not listening.
Koenma: [plays with Yuusuke's hair]
Yuusuke: [grins and fiddles with Koenma's pacifier]
Hiei: [smirks] How interesting that he sucks on that all the time.
Yuusuke: [winks]
Koenma: [blushes slightly]

>He saw the red hair fly out behind him like a cape. He heard the bones breaking. Every detail replayed in his mind. Hiei just knew that it would haunt him until the day he died.

Kuwa: Yeah, if that happened, it probably would.
Hiei: It wouldn't have. *My* Kurama isn't stupid enough to walk in the middle of traffic.
Yuusuke: [flushes slightly] Depends on the reasoning.
Hiei: [sighs] I didn't mean *you* were stupid. You tried to save a little boy from being hurt. Kurama-clone wasn't.
Kuwa: Yeah, but if something happened where Kurama was hit like that...
Hiei: What do you want out of me, a sorrowful lament?
Kuwa: [shrugs] I was just saying that seeing something like that probably would haunt.
Hiei: [glowers] I don't want to talk about this anymore.
Kurama: [kisses him gently and glares at them] Leave him alone.
Yuusuke: [defensively] Kuwabara started it!
Kurama: I don't care, just quit.
Koenma: [whispers to Yuusuke] Yuu-chan, if they started upsetting me about something like that, how would you feel?
Yuusuke: [softly] Like hitting them. [to Kurama] Sorry.
Kurama: [hugs Hiei] It's okay. Just stop it.
Yuusuke: [nods]

>A doctor walked over to the group. Soon everyone gathered around to hear what he had to say. Everyone had tears in their eyes, and even older tear tracks could be seen.
>On everyone’s face was sadness and hope- hope that Kurama would be all right.

Hiei: Just get *on* with it, already!!
Koenma: The author keeps trying to sound melodramatic and just comes off as awkward.
Yuusuke: She should remember Xellos' motto. "Simple is best."
Hiei: Break it down, Koenma. Kuwabara doesn't know the meanings of half those words.
Kuwa: Oi!!
Yuusuke: Well, he had to get you back for the crying and getting hit by a car remarks.
Hiei: Just wait. You're next.
Kurama: He apologized, dear heart.
Yuusuke: [bites lip] Actually, I just apologized to you. [to Hiei] Sorry, man.
Hiei: Hn.
Kurama: They don't know how to translate your hns, Dragon.
Hiei: ...Apology accepted.
Yuusuke: [smiles]

>Everyone was prepared for the worst- at least that is what they thought.
>The doctor then told them that Minimino-san would recover with only four broken ribs. The doctor said it was a miracle that he only sustained those injuries and nothing else. It truly was an act of God.

Hiei: [snickers] No, Koenma would have been keeping Yuusuke's ass nice and busy. No act of god here.
Koenma: [chokes]
Yuusuke: [blushes] I apologized...
Hiei: [blinks] That was just riffing the fic...
Yuusuke: Oh. Well then, carry on.
Kuwa: Aren't there any other anime series where people get hit by cars?
Yuusuke, Koenma, and Hiei: Excel Saga.
Kuwa: Ohhh, yeah. There was the Menchi thing earlier, too...
Kurama: Another conspiracy, do you think?
Yuusuke: Who knows...? All I know is that the opening theme is stuck in my head now.
Kuwa: [mutters] At least it's not Menchi's song...

>Hiei glared at the doctor," Can I go see him?"
>"One at a time," the doctor answered.

Hiei: Me-clone only asked if he could go see Kurama-clone.
Kurama: There's more than one me-clone?
Hiei: There is?
Yuusuke: More fun for you, though.
Hiei: Clones aren't worth even a fraction of the real thing.
Kuwa: Bet Lucas wishes he knew that.
Yuusuke: Yeah. And I just gave myself the disturbing image of Gendo fooling around with Rei's dummy plugs.
Hiei: [gives him a strange look] Ew.
Koenma: My boyfriend, the hentai.
Kurama: [mildly] You sound proud.
Yuusuke: [smiles at Koenma] I'm really your boyfriend... [sighs contentedly]
Koenma: [kisses his cheek] Yeah.
Hiei: [mildly] Another cute moment.
Kurama: Very.

>With that, Hiei followed the doctor to Shuichi’s room. On the bed lay the redheaded fox demon. Hiei went and stood next to his mate. Both Kurama and himself had made a lifetime commitment to each other. That was the way they had both wanted it. They were each other’s other-half.

Yuusuke: Uh-huh. And that's why Hiei-clone cheated on him. Riiiight...
Kurama: [rubs his temple again] Trite...
Hiei: [scowls]
Kurama: Utterly ridiculous. Does this author have any comprehension at all of love and commitment?
Hiei: Probably wouldn't even get it if it dismembered her.
Kurama: Mm. Good idea.
Koenma: And here you used to defend authors.
Kurama: [shrugs]
Hiei: When they start pulling this kind of shit [waves at the text] he stops caring.
Koenma: I just meant there are more riffs we could try than ones directed at the authors themselves.
Yuusuke: They'd probably be more creative, too.
Koenma: Aa.
Kurama: Whatever.

>But Hiei had betrayed Kurama. Now Kurama lay in a bed in a human hospital. It sent shivers down the fire demons spine.

Yuusuke: In antici...
Koenma: Why don't you just sing the whole song?
Kurama: I bet you'd enjoy watching Yuusuke prance around in fishnets...
Koenma: [considers] Actually, that might be fun...
Yuusuke: [blushes brightly]
Hiei: And here I thought Yuusuke'd jump at *that* idea.
Kurama: In seven days!
Hiei: And seven nights!
Yuusuke: [pouts] I *am* a man already...
Koenma: [starts giggling softly]
Yuusuke: [mock glares] Well, if I'm in the fishnets, you're in that gold speedo.
Koenma: [blushes]
Hiei: It should probably be the other way around, if you think about it...
Yuusuke: [sighs] Great. Now I have even *less* to wear. Thanks, Hiei.
Hiei: [shrugs] Koenma should probably be thanking me, though.
Koenma: [blushes further]

>Kurama opened his eyes. When he saw Hiei, he gasped." Get out!" he whispered.

Hiei: So Kurama-clone grew some balls. Took him long enough.
Kurama: Hm. Good thing I'm not a clone.
Hiei: Yes. That would have been rather awkward.
Yuusuke: [falls over laughing]
Kuwa: [sighs] Too much information.

>"Nani…?" Hiei said, unsure if he just heard what he thought he heard.

Koenma: So in addition to being a complete prat, he's deaf?
Hiei: No, he heard him. He's just an idiot who does not comprehend his crime.
Kurama: And the punishment is death.
Hiei: Yes.
Yuusuke: Yay! Death!

>Kurama sat up. His eyes grew cold and distant- the look he used with his enemies.

Yuusuke: [blinks] Hey, we could be right! Awesome!
Hiei: Go for it, Kurama-clone.
Yuusuke: You know you wanna.
Kurama: Yes. Do.

>Kurama ran a hand threw his hair.

Kurama: [bored] Through.
Koenma: [mildly] Grammar queen.
Yuusuke: And this author seems to have a thing with your hair.
Hiei: [snorts] She'll never be able to run her hands through it.
Kurama: [smirks] My possessive little Dragon...
Hiei: Damn right.
Koenma: Yeah. With reason, if these fangirls are any indication. Though I doubt Kurama has eyes for any of them.
Kurama: Hell no. [hugs Hiei tightly]
Yuusuke: You two still have cute moments.
Koenma: They probably will forever.
Kurama: We plan to.

>Then green eyes stared into crimson.

Hiei: [annoyed] They're *gold.*
Kurama: Well, it never said he had turned into Youko. It just said he was staring at Hiei-clone coldly.
Hiei: ... I thought it said "turned"...
Kurama: Oh. Well then, they should be gold.
Yuusuke: [snickers]

>No emotion was on that gorgeous face-nothing was.

Yuusuke: [busts up] Kurama's become Mr. Potato Head!
Koenma: [suppresses a laugh]
Hiei: No wonder he has such a big-
Kurama: [claps a hand over his mouth] It doesn't matter. I'm not uke.
Yuusuke: [snorts, giggles]
Hiei: [flushes, and pushes Kurama's hand away] *Thanks,* imp.
Kurama: [frowns worriedly] Hiei...
Hiei: [shrugs] Don't worry about it. [kisses him]
Kurama: [hugs him again, hiding his face in Hiei's shoulder]
Hiei: [whispers in his ear] I looked up the homophobia thing a while back, imp. Men think worse of uke... And Kuwabara...
Kurama: [winces] I feel awful, Hiei. I wasn't thinking.
Hiei: [hugs him] It's not your fault. I should have talked to you...
Kurama: No, I'm the one more familiar with ningen customs, I should have realized...
Hiei: [kisses him] No more blaming. We'll deal with it...
Kurama: [sighs] Okay.
Yuusuke: [whispers] You two okay?
Hiei: It's nothing you need to worry about.

>"I want both you and Yusuke to leave. If I ever see you two again you will find out how my death tree feels," he said without a hint of emotion.“No, no, no, no, no, no, no!!” kept running threw his head. This couldn’t be happenning.

Kurama: You deserve it, Hiei-clone. And through and happening are misspelled.
Yuusuke: [snickers] I guess those man-eating plants will be going after your clone, Hiei.
Hiei: Hn.
Yuusuke: What's up? You love that joke.
Hiei: Don't worry about it.
Kurama: We'll talk later, maybe.
Yuusuke: [uncertainly] Okay...
Hiei: I said don't worry.
Kuwa: We can't help that. You're acting upset for some reason.
Hiei: [blinks in surprise, then shrugs]
Koenma: We're your friends; we worry.
Hiei: [doesn't answer]
Kurama: Everything's definitely okay. [kisses Hiei's neck]
Yuusuke: If you're sure.
Hiei: [smiles slightly] Yes.

>Kurama thought of him as the enemy! “No!!!!” Hiei left, then, going back into the waiting room- still shocked. Everyone came over to him and started to ask questions.

Hiei: Coward. Accept your fate.
Yuusuke: Man-eating plants?
Hiei: Yes.
Yuusuke: Cool.
Hiei: If you think about it-
Kurama: [puts a hand over his mouth] Hiei, we still have a lot left of this fic. Don't.
Yuusuke: [grumbles to Koenma] What is it with you seme and wanting to cover our mouths?
Hiei: [moves Kurama's hand] I win. He admits to being uke.
Yuusuke: [blushes] Will be. I've resigned myself to my fate. [winks at Koenma]
Koenma: [blushes bright red]
Kuwa: [sighs] Damn. I could have used that money...
Yuusuke: What? You thought I'd be seme?
Kuwa: [shrugs] Yeah.
Kurama: [chuckles] He mostly just bet the opposite of Hiei.
Kuwa: [sheepish] Yeah...
Yuusuke: [shrugs] Well, it would've been a sorry bet if he'd had no one to bet against, right, Hiei?
Hiei: Plus Kurama and I were both rooting for you as uke.
Yuusuke: [bows mockingly] You're too kind.
Kurama: [shrugs] Well, you're more prudish than Koenma. That kind of clinched it.
Yuusuke: Okay, okay...

>"Is Kurama ok?"
>"Is he awake?"
>"Is something wrong?"
>"Hiei?"
>"Shrimp?"

Hiei: I know who said the last bit, but who said everything else?
Yuusuke: Clones. That's all we need to know.
Kuwa: It's not like they don't all die in the end anyway.
Koenma: When the Death Star explodes.
Yuusuke: They were on it?
Kurama: [shrugs] One of the two times it exploded they must've been.
Hiei: Or we'll find out in Episode Three.
Yuusuke: [sighs] Forgive me if I'm not looking forward to it.
Kuwa: Neither is anyone else. Only the real morons.
Yuusuke: Here, here.
Kurama: I mean, how he *ever* thought that Jar Jar was a good character. [shakes his head]
Koenma: It's simple. Jar Jar and Anakin were marketed toward child audiences. Young Obi-Wan to teenage girls. Padme to teenage boys. And so on.
Hiei: The growing up market thing.
Kurama: Same thing Rowling is trying--and failing--to do with the Harry Potter books and movies.

>Even though everyone surrounded him, all he could see and hear was his mate saying that he wanted to kill him…his fox really wanted him dead.

Hiei and Yuusuke: [cheer] Yay! Death!
Kurama: [to Koenma] Do they ever worry you when they do that?
Koenma: Startle, but I wouldn't call it worry.
Kurama: Only startle... [shrugs]

>Hiei calmly reported that Kurama was awake. He looked at Yusuke, calmly indicating that he wanted to talk outside. He left without another word.

Hiei: That's rich. He can't hear them but he answers anyway?
Koenma: The fic likes to make no sense.
Yuusuke: It, too, must be punished.
Kuwa: Plot holes. They pull you in.
Hiei: There's that Space Balls opportunity again...
Yuusuke: [snorts, giggles]
Kurama: I think it speaks for itself.
Hiei: Yeah...

>Outside, Yusuke found Hiei up a nearby tree. “Hiei?”
>“Kurama doesn’t want to see you,” Hiei says, his voice devoid of emotion, “Or me- ever again.” Hiei turns to look down at him. “Do yourself a favor and tell Keiko what happened.”

Kurama: As if we needed more proof that it's badfic, the prose changes tenses...
Yuusuke: Forget that! How the hell could me-clone do that to Keiko-clone? [no one answers]
Kurama: [tentatively] Er... Yuusuke, does Keiko believe that you're together?
Yuusuke: [doesn't speak for a long moment] K-chan, can I move in with you?
Koenma: [shocked speechless]
Hiei: [softly] Yuusuke, you have to face her and talk to her.
Yuusuke: Dude, I didn't even know until I got up here!
Kurama: And if Botan reads these, and if she's told her -
Yuusuke: I'll talk to her! ... From a distance...
Koenma: [holds him close, not speaking]
Yuusuke: Besides, I can't very well talk to her while I'm stuck up here. [looks at Koenma curiously]
Koenma: [smiles at him] Just remember that I'm right here with you, if you need support.
Yuusuke: [grins wryly] Cool. You can come with me when I face her.
Koenma: [pales slightly, but nods]
Yuusuke: [kisses him] But we won't have to do it right away -
Kurama: Yuusuke.
Yuusuke: Okay, okay!
Hiei: The sooner the better, Yuusuke.
Yuusuke: [glares, annoyed] I know that! Take your own advice!
Hiei: [blinks] What?
Yuusuke: Mukuro.
Hiei: That's completely different.
Yuusuke: How?
Kurama: She's not expecting a relationship.
Hiei: [softly] At least, I don't *think* she is...
Koenma: [thinks] Well, if Mukuro asked where you were, and my father told her, then she might ask for frequent reports on your condition...
Hiei: [pales] He wouldn't give her a link to the MSTs, would he?
Koenma: Depends entirely on the threat she used.
Hiei: [looks ill] I'm screwed...
Kurama: [grimaces and hugs him tightly]
Hiei: [snuggles against him] You're worth it, though...
Kurama: [smiles] If you think it'd help, I'd go with you...
Hiei: [is quiet for a moment] I don't know, imp. We'll talk later.
Yuusuke: [guiltily] I already said, if you need us...
Hiei: [nods] And as I said, we'll take it into consideration.

>He disappeared.
>Yusuke wondered what had happened to cause Hiei to act so strangely. He stared at the spot where he had been for a while, then returned to the hospital to encounter Kurama.

Yuusuke: And me-clone is definitely heading for an early grave.
Hiei: [snickers]
Kurama: Plot-less, pointless trite...
Kuwa: [yawns] In other words, typical fanfic...
Kurama: Very. Is it over yet?
Koenma: Sadly, it looks like there's more... A lot more...
Kurama: What?!
Hiei: Not that much, Koenma. It just seems that way.
Kurama: [is hiding in Hiei's shoulder again] Please, please don't let it be much longer...
Hiei: [pets his hair] There, there...

>--

Yuusuke: [sings] Are we in space? Do we belong? Someplace where no one calls it wrong? And like the stars we burn away... the miles...
Koenma: [smiles]
Kurama: Strangely appropriate. Who sings it?
Yuusuke: [grins] t.A.T.u.
Hiei: Too bad you had to waste it on dashes.
Yuusuke: [shrugs]

>A few miles away
>Hiei calmly folded a note and placed it on Kurama’s pillow. He hesitated before placing his favorite picture- one of himself and Kurama on the nearby beach- inside the folded note.

Hiei: [interested] Suicide note?
Kurama: [groans]
Hiei: [blinks] Sorry, Kurama...
Koenma: Is the note on a bench nearby? Or is the bench in the picture?
Yuusuke: Dunno. Could be either.
Koenma: [sighs dramatically] Well, most of the fic has been confusing. Don't know why I expected the rest of it not to be.
Kurama: [yawns against Hiei's shoulder]

>He put the small knapsack that had his belongings in it near the trash can, knowing they would end up there anyway. The only things he kept were the tear necklace around his neck and his sword.

Kuwa: Looks like Hiei's probably right.
Hiei: Maybe, but why would I keep my sword?
Yuusuke: Well, *you* keep talking about knowing how to slice off your own head. Dunno about the clone though.
Kurama: [holds Hiei tighter]
Hiei: [winces] I kind of need those ribs, Kurama...
Kurama: [loosens his grip] Sorry... I just hate this particular subject.
Hiei: [turns around and cups Kurama's face with both hands, looking into his eyes] Kurama, I am *not* suicidal. I am *not* going to kill myself or go out looking for death.
Kurama: [looks away] I know that. I still don't like hearing about it though, even in passing jest.
Koenma: Just like I don't like hearing about Yuusuke getting hurt...
Kurama: [nods]

>He took one last lingering look around their- no- Kurama’s apartment and leapt out the open window, closing it behind him.
>If Kurama wants me dead, then so be it.

Kuwa: Wow. Hiei was right.
Hiei: [smirks slightly] Of course I was.
Koenma: Apartment? Wasn't it a house before?
Kurama: [quietly] It said house once, and then it talked about it being an apartment...
Koenma: [sighs] I hate this more than Queer Eye for the "Strait" Demon...
Yuusuke: [snuggles against him] I hated that one Sailor Moon crossover more.
Koenma: And this one?
Yuusuke: [shrugs] I hate this one on a different level. I'm not like that. *I* know the hang up over sex.
Koenma: [smiles and runs a hand through his hair again]
Yuusuke: [leans into his touch]

>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yuusuke: Okay, this deserves Weiss Kreuz. [sings] Kumo ga kiete hoshi ga mieru. Kaze ga tomari tori ga utau. Umi ga hikari sora ni tokeru. Yoru ga owari kimi o kanjiru...
Hiei: Does this mean it's almost over?
Kurama: Thank *Inari*.
Kuwa: Shh! Let the rest of the text come up!
Yuusuke: Bring it.

>Now what will happen to Hiei? Is Yusuke going to tell Keiko? What about our favorite red-head? Guess you will have to stay tuned to find out!! Please Review also to let me know what you think!! Feedback is always helpful!

Hiei: [laughs sarcastically]
Kurama: You really want to know what I think of this? Don't tempt me.
Hiei: [kisses him thoroughly so they don't have to hear it]
Kurama: [breaks the kiss and pulls Hiei out of the theatre]


~ Satellite ~


Something was wrong. Hiei could feel it in the urgent way Kurama was kissing him. They had managed to get back to their room before the lip-lock and slight tussle in the bedclothes began, but only barely.

Hiei finally pulled away. "Kurama-" His mouth was immediately invaded again by Kurama, and the fox began pulling at his clothes. Hiei broke the kiss again to help him with the clothing--they didn't have much up there, and ripping something would not be a good idea.

They quickly yanked the clothing from each other's bodies, and then paused for a moment, panting, before Kurama pounced, ravishing Hiei's chest with a barrage of tongue and teeth. Hiei was almost lost in the mixture of pleasure and pain, but in the back of his mind he knew that this was not going to be love-making. This was going to be frantic sex, probably a bit rough. There would be no gentleness. He mentally prepared himself for that, wishing he could prepare himself physically, though he was sure Kurama would prepare him. The fox needed to get this out of him, and then they would talk, and Kurama wouldn't be able to hide behind a mask.

But Kurama gave him no warning before he suddenly lifted the fire demon's hips and slammed into him, un-lubricated, in one quick movement. Hiei barely managed to bite back a scream of pain. That *hurt*, and he was no virgin! He was given no time to recover before the fox began moving, thrusting deeply, his movements desperate and frenzied, giving Hiei a little pleasure but not much--not enough to take him away from the shooting pain that accompanied each thrust. All Hiei could do was hold on, trying not to dig his nails into Kurama's back as he waited for it to end.

It wasn't a long wait. Kurama came quickly and then collapsed on top of Hiei after pulling out. The fire demon winced, trying not to gasp as his aching lower back and bottom were pushed against the bedding-covered metal deck by the fox's weight. "K'rama..." he winced at the strangled sound of his own voice.

The sound brought Kurama to his senses, and he quickly got off Hiei. "Hiei... I'm sorry... I-" The fox stopped as he ran his eyes over his lover. "I hurt you..."

Hiei reached up and made him lay down next to him, curling against the fox. He winced slightly as his movements hurt a bit, but didn’t stop until his head was resting on Kurama's shoulder, with him halfway on top of the fox. "It's okay, I'll be fine." He studied his lover's face. "What's wrong?"

Kurama wasn't paying attention to him. His attention was drawn somewhere else, beyond him. Hiei glanced behind him and winced as he saw the smear of blood on the part of the sheet he'd been laying on. "You're bleeding..." The fox hugged him tightly. "I practically *raped* you..." His voice was filled with anguish.

"Kurama." Kurama didn't look at him. Hiei took the redhead by the chin, forcing him to meet his gaze. "Imp, you did *not* rape me. I could have taken control if I had chosen to. But I didn't." Kurama's eyes were filled with tears. "Fox, please... Tell me what's wrong."

Kurama turned onto his side, pulling Hiei with him, hiding his face in the fire demon's hair. Hiei winced as his aching muscles complained, but simply waited. "I don't know... You were talking about death, and then there's the Mukuro thing, and we're stuck up here... I just lost control. I'm so sorry, Hiei..." The fox shook slightly, and Hiei knew he was crying.

He pulled away, reaching up and wiping the tears from Kurama's face. "Don't. Don't cry." He should have stopped him. He shouldn't have let Kurama do something that he would regret. It was Hiei's job to protect him. The fire demon leaned his head against Kurama's chest, feeling guilty that he had only thought of forcing Kurama to talk to him. He hadn't even considered his lover's feelings. He'd hurt Kurama. "Please don't cry..." He felt tears threatening to overcome him, and forced them back. He wouldn't cry. It would only make Kurama feel worse.

The fox held him tightly. "I won't. I'm sorry, I'm making things worse..."

Hiei shook his head. "No. I didn't consider your feelings... I... I didn't think it would hurt very much, so I didn't stop you. I thought maybe it would be easier for you to talk afterward, but... I screwed up, Kurama..." He hadn't been able to even court Kurama without asking for advice. He felt the tears pricking at his eyes again, and he just didn't feel like fighting them.

But Kurama pulled away and saw before they fell. He wiped them away. "No. No more blame. It happened. It was a mistake. It won't happen again. I don't want to find out if you cry tear gems."

Hiei smiled slightly at that, turning to lie on his stomach. While he still hurt in that position, it wasn't as bad if he didn't use a pillow. He didn't notice Kurama take something from his hair and put it in his mouth. "I heal quickly, imp. I'll be fine. You're worried about a lot of things, and we need to talk about them."

"Not right now..." Kurama settled down next to him, cuddling him as close as possible. "Rest, Dragon." He kissed the fire demon deeply.

Hiei realized only after he'd swallowed that the fox had kissed him for a calculated reason. "Kurama...?"

The fox ran a hand through the fire demon's hair. "It's a pain-killer. It'll put you to sleep, but it also helps with the healing process..."

Hiei frowned, a bit hurt by the fox's sneakiness, though another part of him felt he deserved it. "Next time ask, I would have taken it willingly." He blinked several times, suddenly looking completely exhausted. The plant had kicked in immediately. He looked at Kurama suspiciously. "You'll stay with me, right? You aren't leaving?"

Kurama nodded. When he had chewed the leaf, he had consumed a little anyway. "I'm not going anywhere. When you wake up, we'll get that shower." Hiei gave him a stern look, and he smiled at him, ruffling the fire demon's spiky hair. "And we'll have that talk."

Hiei's eyes slid shut. "Good." He was asleep soon afterward, and Kurama covered them with the blanket and listened to his lover's even breathing as he fell asleep as well.

*

Yuusuke watched as Hiei and Kurama hurried from the theatre, a bit jealous. He knew he wasn't ready for the relationship between him and Koenma to progress to sex yet, but he was envious of their closeness as well. He was embarrassed about last night, but it had really been nice to sleep with someone he cared about. Even though they'd had to get up and run from the room to figure out what was going on, he'd been happy to wake up in Koenma's arms.

He blinked as Koenma squeezed his shoulder. "Are we going to go now?"

Yuusuke sat up, blushing slightly. He hadn't noticed Kuwabara leave the theatre. "Yeah. Let's get some breakfast."

Koenma touched his shoulder as he rose. "Yuu-chan... Did you want to talk...?"

Yuusuke closed his eyes momentarily, feeling a bit ill as he thought about Keiko. He nodded, then cleared his throat and attempted to talk normally, wincing as he heard the strained quality of his voice. "Yeah... Let's get something to eat and we can go to my room. Okay, K-chan?"

Koenma nodded, concerned for Yuusuke. As they left the theatre, he hesitantly took Yuusuke's hand in his, relieved when the boy smiled at him. Kuwabara was nowhere to be seen when they entered the kitchen, though it was obvious that he had fixed himself something to eat as the items needed to make sandwiches were strewn across the counter. Koenma rolled his eyes. "He either left it out for us, or it's lucky we came along to keep it from spoiling."

Yuusuke nodded, and his smile disappeared. "I think it's probably the first one. He remembers what we went through to get it. Randy better be giving us more for the stunt he pulled this morning, too, but I'm not counting on it." He sighed. "We have enough left to last a few more days, and then we'll have to get more..."

Koenma squeezed his hand gently, smiling at him reassuringly. "We'll deal with that when we get to it, Yuu-chan. Don't worry."

"You're right." Yuusuke smiled at him. "Let's make some sandwiches."

Ten minutes later, they were in Yuusuke's room, sitting on his bed with a plate of sandwiches. Koenma waited a few minutes before saying anything. "You're worried about Keiko's reaction."

Yuusuke froze, mid-chew, for a few seconds before nodding. "I've been friends with her forever, K-chan," he said after swallowing. "Like, since we were little kids. When we were older it was pretty much expected that things would become romantic." He set his sandwich down. "It still hasn't, really. I mean... I don't know what she thinks, but I've had a hard time seeing her as anything but a friend." He stared at his half-eaten sandwich. "I don't know what she expects at all."

Koenma touched his hand. He knew this was hard for Yuusuke, that he was torn. "Whatever you decide to do, I’ll support you."

Yuusuke suddenly looked horrified. He shoved the plate out of the way and hugged Koenma tightly. "I am *not* making a choice, K-chan. There's no choice to make." He pulled back and looked at Koenma, who was shocked that Yuusuke had realized what he had been worried about. "I just don't know how she's going to react, and I don't want to hurt her..."

He looked absolutely miserable, and Koenma put the plate on the floor and scooted closer to him, enfolding the teen in his arms and just holding him. "Yuu-chan, you can't change how she'll react, and we don't know what her reaction will be, so we can't really do much about it."

Yuusuke lay down and Koenma went with him, still holding him, offering reassurance. "I know, K-chan. I just... worry. I just hope she'll be okay..." The boy buried his face in Koenma's chest.

Koenma held him. "She's a strong person. She'll be fine, Yuusuke." Yuusuke said something in reply, but it was too muffled for Koenma to make out. "What?"

Yuusuke looked up. "I know she's strong. I'm also worried... that I'll lose her..."

He looked so vulnerable... Koenma pulled him closer and then kissed him gently. "She cares about you, Yuu-chan. If it happens, it would only be temporary."

Yuusuke relaxed and smiled. "Thanks, K-chan." He yawned suddenly. "Man, we didn't get much sleep. Stupid Randy..."

Koenma chuckled. "We can sleep. It's not like we have anything else to do today."

Yuusuke looked shy suddenly. "Well... er... Would you mind... staying?"

Koenma kissed him, this time lingering a bit. "I'll stay."

They had settled down when there was a knock on the door, and it opened. They sat up to find Kuwabara standing there, looking rather embarrassed. "Er... Sorry. Never mind."

Yuusuke stopped him. "No. What's up?"

Kuwabara looked even more flustered, if that was possible. "Well... I wanted to talk to you, but it can wait..."

Yuusuke frowned. Kuwabara looked agitated. "We were actually just going to take a nap, since Randy didn't let us get any sleep. But it'll wait."

Koenma stood, picking up the plate of sandwiches. "It's probably a good idea if I clean the kitchen up a bit anyway." He headed toward the door and, after passing Kuwabara, mouthed, "I'll be back later" to Yuusuke.

After the door closed behind the godling, Yuusuke scrutinized Kuwabara. "What's up?"

Kuwabara sat on the floor, looking rather uncomfortable. He didn't answer immediately. "You four are... busy all the time." He scowled. "If we were in Tokyo, I could go places, but here I'm stuck."

"You feel like a third wheel." Kuwabara nodded, and Yuusuke winced. "Shit. I wasn't thinking, Kuwabara. Things've been so fucked up lately... We'll figure something out. Like maybe some of us can goof off in the holodeck; you know, like me, you, and Hiei..."

Kuwabara nodded. "I wish we knew when we're getting out of here..."

"I don't know," he said aloud, then mouthed, "I'll talk to Kurama later."

"It's just really boring up here. Plus I'm worried about Shizu... and Eikichi. And definitely Yukina..."

"I know. I'm worried about Mom and... and Keiko, and Kurama's worried about his family. And Hiei's worried about Yukina, too..."

They sat in silence for several minutes before Kuwabara got up. "Thanks, Urameshi."

"No problem, Kuwabara." Kuwabara let himself out and Yuusuke sighed. He hadn't even realized that they'd been pretty much ignoring him. He wasn't being a very good friend... But that would change. He didn't want to be someone who ignored his friends because he had a boyfriend. He wasn't going to do that anymore.

The door opened suddenly and Koenma peeked in. Yuusuke smiled at him, but not before the godling saw the morose expression on his face. After closing the door behind him, he sat beside the teen. "What's wrong?"

Yuusuke sighed. "We've all been ignoring Kuwabara. I think he's feeling left out."

"And you feel guilty." He nodded, and Koenma touched his hand. "Now that you know, you can change it. Things will get back to normal."

Yuusuke nodded. "We also need to talk to Hiei and Kurama again."

Koenma nodded, knowing immediately what he was talking about. Then he sighed. "Dad's probably going to ground me for forever when we get back."

"Why?" Yuusuke's brow furrowed.

"For getting kidnapped. I mean, that one time he was mad, but this time it's worse."

Yuusuke hugged him. "As you said about Keiko, we'll deal. We have time to think about what to do. Anyway, all of us were kidnapped--even Hiei and Kurama. I'd say that means whoever did it was really professional. And we can talk to Hiei and Kurama about arguing with Enma, if we have to."

"Thanks, Yuu-chan." Koenma kissed him. "I'm really glad that..." He trailed off, blushing.

"That you have me?" Yuusuke finished for him and then yawned. "I'm glad I have you, too." He smiled slightly. "Anyway, let's take that nap..."

And as they lay down to take that nap, snuggled in each other's arms, each of them knew how lucky they were, and they both felt loved.