Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Enma's Torment Theatre ❯ One Week ( Chapter 28 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Enma’s Torment Theatre Season Two
Episode Twenty-Eight: One Week
Story: Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (script), Part Four
Msted by: Chrissy Sky (with help from Makoeyes and Kaylbunny.)

I came up with the feeding ducks idea as a homage to Good Omens, but Kayl was the one who made them fly all crazy. XD

Note on Xellos’ hair ring: Previously I said it was on his right hand. Now it’s on his left hand, for my convenience.

- Reikai -

A week later, Yuusuke walked into Koenma’s office and immediately noticed the dark look on his boyfriend’s face.

“What’s he done now?” Yuusuke asked, knowing immediately what the problem was.

Koenma sighed and laid his head down on his desk. “Xellos decided it would be funny to let loose a tarantula at a dinner party in the White House. You can imagine the reaction that got.”

Yuusuke didn’t need to. He’d seen it on TV. “So that was him too?” he laughed.

Koenma gave the teen a look. “Yes. My father thinks his pranks should fall into Reikai jurisdiction because he’s under my care. Xellos is under no one’s jurisdiction but his own, and his master’s. Of course, my father does not understand this. He says I should have put a collar on him.” Xellos was a Mazoku, not a human. Technically the Reikai shouldn’t have to take care of Xellos--but if not them, then who, his father had pointed out.

Yuusuke moved a stack of papers out of the way and sat on the edge of the desk. He patted Koenma’s hair comfortingly. “Like with Hiei?”

“Yeah, only I doubt Xellos would take as kindly to that as Hiei did.” The godling sighed heavily, leaning up into Yuusuke’s touch. “I don’t want to do this to my friends anymore…”

“Do what? Enma’s the one that’s doing it.” Yuusuke was confused.

“Not just that. Forcing all of you to do things that I’m not willing to do,” Koenma brooded.

“Shut up,” Yuusuke said at once. “That may be how you were, but it’s not anymore. You didn’t have to follow us into that cave and take on Sensui, but you did.” He forced Koenma to sit back into the chair again so he could kiss him lightly. “I’m the fighter, remember?”

Koenma gave Yuusuke a determined look. “I won’t force Xellos to wear a collar, no matter how out of control he gets. I won’t.”

Yuusuke nodded. “Alright then.” He sighed and rubbed the back of his head. “Will we have to go track him down?” It *had* been an entire week. Despite Zelgadis and Lina’s reassurances, it seemed that the Mazoku was prepared to stay away long term.

“Maybe,” Koenma hedged. “If he doesn’t come back soon. My father’s… getting impatient for the next MST.”

“Heh. Who would have guessed that Xellos leaving would give us a week’s vacation?”

“He probably did,” Koenma pointed out.

Yuusuke laughed. “Yeah. I wouldn’t put it past him.” He deposited himself unceremoniously in the chair with Koenma. “Wanna go to the movies with me?”

Koenma pulled him closer. “You mean, if I can sneak out of here long enough to?”

Yuusuke nodded excitedly. “You know you want to.”

“We’ll see,” Koenma hedged.

“Come on! It’s the new Batman movie. Guaranteed to have no nipples even!” Koenma burst out laughing. “Please, my sexy K-chan?”

Koenma blushed and put his head on Yuusuke’s shoulder, feeling too tired to disagree. “Well, who could possibly argue against no nipples?”

Yuusuke ran his fingers through Koenma’s hair some more, letting the godling rest where he was. “Exactly.”

- Ningenkai -

Zelgadis was already well into The Return of the King at this point. Yuusuke had subjected him to the movies, which he’d found just as annoying--though pretty to look at--as his new friends had. What Zelgadis was trying not to pay attention to at the moment was the fact that he took good care of Xellos’ paperback novels.

The proclaimed ‘Heartless Sorcerer Swordsman’ sat under a tree this particular afternoon, outside the temple so he wouldn’t be disturbed--as was becoming his habit. In the week off from MSTing, Zelgadis had utilized his time into more conductive activities. Or tried to. Yuusuke had an unnerving ability to cram as many movies as he could into the past seven days. Despite that small annoyance, he was rather enjoying the quiet.

Or that was what he liked to tell himself.

Zelgadis sighed and closed the book for a moment. The quiet had given him time to think, but his thoughts would usually gravitate back toward the trickster priest. When he quickly pushed it from his mind, he would then begin to think about the things Hiei had told him in this very forest.

A week later and Zelgadis still had no idea what he was supposed to do.

He was also torn--he both wanted Xellos to return and wanted him to stay away. When Xellos returned, he wanted to strangle him--or return that chaste kiss from a week ago. That last part had startled him slightly, even after that erotic dream. Which he was having more of lately, but he tried to ignore them as well.

Okay, he needed to be honest with himself. Yes, he missed the crazy Mazoku. Missed him so strongly that the sensation frightened him, at how strong it had become. It had never been this overwhelming before. In the past, when Xellos had disappeared, Zelgadis would feel an irritation mixed with relief. Now, it was irritation, relief, and hurt.

Hurt at what, he wasn’t quite sure. He was a little afraid to realize why, too.

“You’re almost done reading the books, I see. You read very fast, Zelgadis-san!”

Zelgadis shrugged. “It helps when I’m breaking into people’s private libraries--” Wait just a damn minute. Standing abruptly and whirling on the purple-haired man leaning against the tree, Zelgadis stared at him for a long time, mind processing this sudden change.

He was back. He’d really come back.

Then the anger came.

With a growl, Zelgadis grabbed the priest’s collar and thrust him up against the tree. “You bastard!”

Xellos’ eyes were wide with shock. “Zelgadis-san!”

“You didn’t even tell me you were leaving!”

Silence fell over the area around them, disturbed only by the wind rustling leaves, making dead ones fall from the limbs above them. One such leaf fell on Xellos’ head and stayed there. The two stared at each other in mutual amazement.

Zelgadis hadn’t meant to say that. At once, he realized that *that* was why he had felt hurt at Xellos’ leaving. It was a perfectly innocent explanation, yet it said so much.

Shakily, he let Xellos go and moved away from him, swallowing hard. This wasn’t happening, this wasn’t happening…

Xellos cleared his throat and pulled something out from the satchel he wore at his waist. “I brought postcards!”

“Huh?” Zelgadis asked intelligently.

“From the places I’ve been. Would you like to see?”

Still flustered, Zelgadis just shrugged. “I guess.”

Seemingly more himself, Xellos excitedly showed the pictures to Zelgadis, announcing the name of each place and what he had done there. Zelgadis’ confused mind clung onto this, only all too quickly they ran out of postcards.

“You, um, sure went to a lot of places in just a week,” Zelgadis said hesitantly.

Xellos nodded. “I did.” He paused for a moment, thinking over the wisdom of what he had done, and then pulled something else from his satchel. He held the object--a necklace--out to the shaman.

Zelgadis took it, dazed, and looked it over in his hand. It was a rock. His first instinct was to, of course, be insulted. At last, this was his proof that Xellos was trying to make a fool of him! He was teasing him about his condition! All too prepared to throw the thing at the Mazoku’s smiling head; he almost noticed too late that there was something different about the rock. Studying it more closely now, he could feel a powerful energy emanating from it. A protective magic.

Zelgadis blinked at it, then back at Xellos. “What’s this?”

Xellos shifted, almost nervously. “It’s from one of the places I showed you just now, Stonehenge. Those rock formations are very conductive for our magic, as you can tell.”

Zelgadis nodded. “Yeah… Why?”

Xellos didn’t need to ask what he meant. “Because I wanted to.” With that, he disappeared.

“Xellos!” Zelgadis cried, feeling that same hurt rise in his chest again.

Xellos appeared again, looking concerned. “Yes, Zelgadis-san?”

“Erm… Are you staying?” Zelgadis found himself asking.

Xellos nodded. “For the time being.”

Feeling startlingly relieved, Zelgadis nodded. “Okay.”

When Xellos went away this time, most likely returning to the Temple, he didn’t see Zelgadis slip the necklace over his head and underneath his shirt.

*

“Yuusuke.”

“Grandma? Long time no hear. What’s up?”

“Your little friend is back. Koenma told me to call you when he did.”

“Really?”

“No. I just like calling you on the telephone. Makes me feel like a school girl again.”

“Er. Right, Genkai. I’ll be over in a minute.”

“Tell Koenma hi.”

“… How’d you know he was here?”

“I can hear him getting dressed in the background.”

A giggle. “Um. We’ll be over in a minute.”

Click.

*

It was around lunch that same day when Xellos decided, rather abruptly, “I want a hammock.” Abruptly he was gone from the room.

Zelgadis and Lina blinked at each other.

“What was that about?” the red-haired girl asked.

Zelgadis shrugged. “He wants a hammock.” He went back to reading his book.

“Does that mean he went to GET one?” Yuusuke asked, leaning back against Koenma’s chest.

“I guess.”

Xellos returned shortly, carrying a long cardboard box. Zelgadis, Lina, Yuusuke, and Koenma watched as the priest took a small knife from his satchel and cut the tape, opening up the box, its contents spilling out. Xellos pulled a small booklet from the mess and began to read it, humming to himself.

“Are those the instructions?” Koenma asked.

Xellos nodded, a cute little frown on his face. “Yes. Though they seem to be a bit more complicated than I had original expected.”

“Why do you suddenly WANT one?” Lina questioned.

“I was sitting on one in Hawaii,” Xellos explained. “Just now I realized that I rather missed it.”

“You… didn’t bring back a postcard from Hawaii,” Yuusuke pointed out.

“No, I did not,” Xellos agreed cheerfully, his expression falling again just as quickly as his attention returned to the directions.

Zelgadis hesitated a moment before reaching for the booklet. “Let me see. I’m good at this sort of thing.”

“You’re good at a lot of things, Zelgadis-san!” Xellos told him happily.

Zelgadis blushed and read the paper. After a moment he replied, “I can help with this. If you want.”

“That would be nice, Zelgadis-san.”

Once the two had gone outside, Lina, Yuusuke, and Koenma began to giggle conspiratorially. Well, at least they’d waited until Zelgadis and Xellos were out of hearing range.

“I think that week apart did them both some good,” Koenma noted.

Lina smirked. “Oh yeah.”

*

After a few moments of Xellos continually asking him what this or that meant, Zelgadis decided it would be more efficient if Xellos read the directions and *he* did the labor. Naturally he was right.

“There.” Zelgadis stood back to appreciate his work. The hammock was positioned between two sets of metal poles, which had been where most of the effort had gone. He glanced at Xellos, who was standing beside him, seemingly just as pleased. “It’s okay?”

Xellos nodded. “Oh, yes.” He sat down on his new seat, laying down in the wrong direction, his legs hanging over the side. “Try it out, Zelgadis-san!”

Zelgadis hesitated a moment, then gave in. After all, he had put it together mostly on his own--he had the sneaking suspicion that Xellos manipulated him into doing just that--so he deserved to ‘try it out.’ However, in a momentary lapse, he forgot about something. His body was not lacking in weight.

The metal poles bent and the hammock came tumbling down, the two men with it. Xellos, once reaching the ground, began to laugh hysterically. Zelgadis was mortified.

How could he have forgotten such a thing?

Xellos took pity on the blushing Chimera and helped him stand. “Don’t fret, Zelgadis-san. It’s easily fixed.” With that cheerful declaration, he waved his staff. The hammock, seemingly coming to life, tied itself in between two trees. The bent poles vanished. He turned to smile at Zelgadis. “See?”

“Xellos.”

“Yes, Zelgadis-san?”

“Why,” Zelgadis asked slowly, “didn’t you do that in the first place?”

“Er. Well, that’s…”

Zelgadis shook his head and hid a smile behind his hand. “It’s okay. I don’t need to know.”

Xellos smiled widely. “It should hold you up now.”

Zelgadis flushed yet again. “I, er, think I’ll pass.”

Covering up his disappointment, Xellos continued to smile. “Shall we return to the temple?”

“You… don’t want to stay out here?”

“It’ll be here when I get back,” Xellos told him flippantly, as if what they had spent the last thirty minutes on was no longer of importance.

Zelgadis nodded, confused, and they returned to the temple together.

- Theatre -
[sitting from left to right: Kuwabara, Koenma, Yuusuke, Hiei, Kurama, Zelgadis, Xellos, and Lina.]

Kuwabara: So, Xellos is back.
Xellos: So I am.
Kurama: Have fun?
Xellos: Tons.
Kurama: [giggles] Thought so.
Xellos: I’m rather glad to be back, though.
Zelgadis: Why’s that?
Xellos: [smiles at him] Oh, this and that.
Zelgadis: [blushes]
Yuusuke: Something in that smile tells me he either got away with something amazing....or he's just gotten laid.
Koenma: [laughs] So do tell, what amazing adventures did you get into, Xellos? Or do I not want to know?
Xellos: That's a secret! [grins wider]
Zelgadis: There he goes again...
Yuusuke: Oh, do you know something, Zel? I have the feeling you’re the reason for that smile…
Koenma: Hmm, now that you mention it.....[grins]
Kuwabara: [nonchalantly] Oh so you two finally hooked up huh?
Zelgadis: [coughs, blushes furiously] No!!
Xellos: So they didn't stop that?
Lina: Nope, we didn't.
Xellos: My... Well, if you must know, I am smiling because of Zelgadis-san, but not for *that* reason.
Zelgadis: [blushes more]
Xellos: He was very sweet and put up the hammock for me!
Yuusuke: Wow... So is that what you guys call it? Well okay...
Koenma: [giggles] Yuusuke, we shouldn't be so nosey.
Kuwabara: Hmmm...not like its a secret though. [shrugs]
Kurama: I want a hammock.
Hiei: [snickers] We'll get one later.
Kurama: [kisses his Jagan] You're very sweet as well.
Hiei: [smiles]

>[We see Gandalf and Pippin ride Shadowfax through plains and forests, making their way to Minas Tirith.]

Lina: [Shadowfax] Ow... My ass is going to be sore until next *year*...
Yuusuke: Because Gandalf brings new meaning to the term...hung like a horse...that's just so wrong...
Koenma: I think what's even worst is that even the hobbit is getting in on it, and he's less than the size of the horse's leg. Talk about a broken animal...
Hiei: *Why* are they so into the horse fucking joke?
Kurama: Denied bestiality?
Hiei: [snickers]
Koenma: Hey! Yuusuke may be a beast in bed....but I don't like animals!!!
Yuusuke: Oh well...I don't mean to brag but....[grins boastfully]
Koenma: Maybe I'm being too generous....[pokes Yuusuke in the ribs]
Yuusuke: [laughs and kisses Koenma's cheek] Hey! I'm only kidding...

>Gandalf: "We've just passed into the realm of Gondor."

Yuusuke: So is that what they call a person's umm...opening? Interesting....
Koenma: [laughs] At the rate Gandalf and Pip are going, the realm of Gondor will be expanding pretty far...
Kuwabara: Whoa...you two ARE bad....[laughs loudly]
Kurama: [giggles] They're certainly more... frisky than usual.
Koenma: [looks innocently] We are? Whatever do you mean? [rests his head on Yuusuke's shoulder]
Yuusuke: [smiles and holds Koenma's hand] Well of course I am rubbing off on you. And you are far from innocent Koenma...[chuckles]
Koenma: [blushes]
Yuusuke: [kisses his hand] But of course that is why I love you...hehe.
Hiei: Humph. Cute moments.
Kurama: [nuzzles his cheek] And we don't have any?
Hiei: [kisses his chin] That's not the point.
Kurama: [fiddles with Hiei's belt] Then what is the point?
Hiei: That had better be a rhetorical question.
Kurama: What if it wasn't?
Hiei: Imp.
Kurama: Yes?
Hiei: [shifts]
Kurama: [gasps]
Koenma: [glances over at Hiei and Kurama] Hey....let’s take a note from those two...[runs his hand over Yuusuke's lap and smiles]
Yuusuke: Wow...exhibitionist much? [leans over to Koenma and licks up his neck to his earlobe]

>[They ride up a hill and finally the White City stands before their eyes.]

Xellos: [sings] Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road...
Kurama: That was the *Emerald* City.
Xellos: Still works though.
Yuusuke: Koenma? Is something wrong with me?! I even see a perverted joke in that!!
Koenma: No...I just think you're a product of a desensitizing and hyper sexualizing society... Or you could just be horny. [grins and pokes him]
Yuusuke: Hmm... A little from column A, a little from column B.

>Gandalf: "Minas Tirith - city of kings."

Hiei: And drag queens.
Kuwabara: And freaks in black, billowing robes who shriek like their balls are being put in a meat grinder...
Yuusuke: You think Lorena Bobbit's husband got type-casted for one of the nazgul?
Koenma: Who knows...anything goes in Hollywood....
Xellos: [giggles] Tell me about it...
Kuwabara: Hey, you speak as if you had experience!
Xellos: [smiles mysteriously] Well, I *did* travel the world. [pulls out a postcard of Hollywood and shows it to them]
Koenma: Wow...where didn't you go?!
Yuusuke: Hmmm...Zel's pants? [is nudged hard by Koenma] OUCH! Did I say that out loud?!
Koenma: Yes, Yuu-chan. [giggles]
Zelgadis: [blushes furiously]
Xellos: [blushes slightly] Well, I tried to get into Area 51, but they have some white magic wards around it...
Kuwabara: Notice how he tastefully ignores the question....
Yuusuke: Astute observation Detective Kuwabara! My word!
Hiei: [is having a fit of giggles]
Kurama: [smiles, pets Hiei's hair]
Yuusuke: So, Xel...are you saying you had much more trouble getting into Area 51, than Zel's pants?!
Koenma: Well I would hope so... That wouldn't be any fun...
Zelgadis: Will you *shut up* already? Stop obsessing about my pants.
Hiei: Yeah, 'm sure Xellos does that enough on his own.
Zelgadis: [blushes furiously] Shut up!
Yuusuke: Aww, but we LIKE your pants! Where did you get them?! [laughs]
Koenma: You know...sometimes I really worry about you Yuu-chan...such corniness should be against the laws of ningenkai. [shakes head]
Yuusuke: Well...are you gonna lock me up...and throw away the key? [grins]
Koenma: Oh you wish! [laughs and jabs him in the ribs]
Yuusuke: Ouch...my pride...

>[We see beautiful camera shots of Gandalf and Pippin riding through the streets of the seven-tiered citadel.]
>Gandalf: "Make way!"

Lina: Kinda hard for them not to, with that big horse...
Yuusuke: [laughs] Oh I think he made way alright...that staff Gandalf carries makes a pretty bold statement right there...
Koenma: Apparently...even viagra has made it to Middle Earth...go Pfizer!

>[Finally they reach the top level. Pippin notices the White Tree, now dead.]

Kurama: The poor thing...
Hiei: [pets his hair]
Yuusuke: So Gandalf and Pip reached the 'top level' huh? Must've been a helluva orgasm...What about the horse though?
Kuwabara: [quotes] "...The White Tree, now dead."
Koenma: It seems Kuwabara is comparing the Tree to the horse phallic symbol, which would mean that the horse is now spent, beyond belief. [says grimly] The orgasm was just...more than poor Shadowfax could bear...
Yuusuke: THEY KILLED SHADOWFAX!
Kuwabara: YOU BASTARDS!!!
Zelgadis: I think I feel another headache coming on...
Xellos: [pats his shoulder]
Zelgadis: [glares at him]
Yuusuke: Yeah...I seem to have that affect on people… I don't know why...
Koenma: Not everyone has been inoculated to 'Yuusuke humor' Yuu-chan...[pats Yuusuke's head]
Yuusuke: [leans into his touch] s'pose not.
Koenma: Do forgive him, Zelgadis...he gets this way when he hasn't been 'serviced' in awhile...
Yuusuke: Oh I do? Wait...of course I do. You should service me soon, K-chan! [kisses him and grins]
Hiei: And *we're* the weird ones?
Kurama: [giggles] Let them have their fun.
Kuwabara: Oh they're having fun alright... Oodles.
Koenma: Hey! We're being good! At least... the best we can be, considering the circumstances...
Kuwabara: What 'circumstances?'
Yuusuke: Ummm... Sitting next to each other?
Kuwabara: Oh.

>Pippin: "It's the tree! Gandalf! Gandalf!"
>Gandalf: "Yes, the White Tree of Gondor. The Tree of the King."

Kurama: [Pippin] Does that mean Aragorn's dead?
Hiei: [Gandalf] Don't tease.
[Yuusuke and Koenma laugh]

>Gandalf: "Lord Denethor, however, is not a king. He is a steward only; a caretaker of the throne."

Koenma: So… basically he’s a seat warmer?
Yuusuke: Is it strange that I think even *that* sounds perverted?
Koenma: Well, you’ve always been a very unusual young man, Yuu-chan.
Yuusuke: Gee. Thanks, K-chan.
Koenma: [kisses his neck] It’s one of the things I love about you.
Yuusuke: [smiles] Oh.

>[As they stand before the doors of the throne room, Gandalf stops and looks at Pippin.]
>Gandalf: "Now, listen carefully: Lord Denethor is Boromir's father. To give him news of his beloved son's death will be most unwise."

Yuusuke: Um.
Zelgadis: [coughs]
Yuusuke: Yeah. My thoughts exactly.
Xellos: Did you enjoy the books, Zelgadis-san?
Zelgadis: Huh? Er. Yeah. They’re very interesting.
Xellos: [smiles] I thought you’d like them.
Zelgadis: … How did you know?
Xellos: To give them to you?
Zelgadis: Yeah.
Xellos: That’s a secret!
Zelgadis: [growls] Stop that!
Xellos: Well, I can’t give away all my secrets, can I? It’s hardly fair.
Zelgadis: [grumbles]
Yuusuke: [snickers] A lover’s tiff?
Zelgadis: And you can just shut the hell up, Urameshi.
Yuusuke: Touchy jerk.
Lina: S’what I’ve been saying for days now.
Kurama: You’ve been unusually quiet today, Lina-san.
Lina: I’m leaving the teasing up to Yuusuke today.
Zelgadis: [glares at her]
Lina: What? I know that teasing won’t help. Like Kurama said last week, the two of you really need to just talk.
Zelgadis: Shut. Up.

>Gandalf: "And don't mention Frodo."

Kurama: [Gandalf] He owes Denethor money.
Hiei: [Pippin] Him too?
Yuusuke: [snickers]

>Gandalf: "And say nothing of Aragorn either."

Yuusuke: [Pippin] He slept with *him* too?!
Koenma: [Gandalf] There’s no one in Middle Earth that Aragorn hasn’t slept with.

>[Gandalf is about to enter, but stops and once more, turns to look at Pippin.]
>Gandalf: "In fact, it's better if you do not speak at all, Peregrin Took."

Kurama: That part actually made me laugh.
Hiei: When?
Kurama: Well. The first time.
Hiei: Heh.
Kurama: Yeah. [nuzzles Hiei’s neck]
Hiei: [smiles]

>[Pippin nods and they enter through the doors. Inside the hall sits Denethor, his face lowered, the broken Horn of Gondor in his hands. Gandalf walks towards him.]

Kurama: You know, you’d think that being reborn--
Yuusuke: --naked--
Kurama: --that Gandalf would be a little smarter than before.
Hiei: When really he’s the same old responsibility shirking wizard.
Kurama: Yeah.
Xellos: That’s why I like him!
Zelgadis: We don’t doubt why, Trickster.
Xellos: [eye twitch] I’m getting really tired of that.
Zelgadis: Of what?
Xellos: Of you insulting me in order to make yourself feel better.
Zelgadis: That’s not what I’m doing!
Xellos: Yes it is!
Lina: Whoa, guys. Chill out.
Zelgadis: Stay out of this, Lina.
Hiei: [so only Kurama can hear] This isn’t good.
Kurama: [nods slowly]

>Gandalf: "Hail, Denethor son of Ecthelion, lord and steward of Gondor."
>[Denethor remains silent and stares at the broken horn in his hands.]
>Gandalf: "I come with tidings in this dark hour."

Yuusuke: [sings] Fa-la-la-la-la--
Kurama: Not those types of tidings.

>Gandalf: "And with counsel."

Kurama: From you? He’d be better off with a crystal ball.
Hiei: Or a magic butt plug.
Kurama: [giggles]

>[Finally Denethor looks up.]
>Denethor: "Perhaps you come to explain this."

Yuusuke: [Denethor] My son’s broken horn!
Koenma: Take that in whatever context you wish.
Yuusuke: [snickers] Yeah.

>Denethor: "Perhaps you come to tell me why my son is dead."

Yuusuke: See, that’s what happens when you’re shot with three arrows in the chest.
Kuwa: Funny how you remember that.
Yuusuke: Fanboy?
Kuwa: [snorts]

>[Pippin sees the broken horn and remembers how Boromir died to save him and Merry.]

Yuusuke: You know what series does really good flashbacks? Xena.
Kurama: Heh.

>Pippin: "Boromir died to save us; my kinsman and me."
>[Gandalf glances down at Pippin.]

Kurama: [Gandalf] Oh crap.
Yuusuke: [snickers]

>Pippin: "He fell defending us from many foes."

Zelgadis: Unlike a certain shirker that I know…
Xellos: [darkly] Zelgadis-san.
Zelgadis: [glares dangerously] What? Going to kill me?
Lina: Guys! Calm the fuck down!
Kurama: Really, I wouldn’t expect this from you, Xellos-san…
Yuusuke: Here I thought they were improving.
Zelgadis: Well you were wrong!
Xellos: [sighs] They’re right.
Zelgadis: Huh?
Xellos: [much calmer now] We need to talk, Zelgadis-san.
Zelgadis: Fine. Once we get out of here--
Xellos: --one or both of us will chicken out. We need to do this now.
Zelgadis: Whatever.
Xellos: But not here. [grabs Zelgadis’ hand, and suddenly the two of them vanish]
Yuusuke: … Okay.
Lina: [shakes her head] You know, it’s nice to see Xellos get his backbone back, but this is nuts. I’ve never seen him that mad before.
Kurama: Zelgadis hurt his feelings one too many times. A being like Xellos won’t stand for that. Especially when he knows for certain now that Zelgadis does feel something for him.
Hiei: [quietly] I hope they do talk…
Kurama: They have a lot to work through.

>Gandalf: "Pippin!"

Hiei: Oh, just kill him. Stupidity like that doesn’t deserve to exist.
Kurama: [kisses his neck]
Hiei: [smiles lazily]

>[The hobbit walks to Denethor and kneels before him. Denethor watches him with a serious face.]
>Pippin: "I offer you my service, such as it is."

Kurama: [Pippin] Five dollars for hand job, ten for oral.
Yuusuke: [snorts] That’s a really cheap whore…
Koenma: The bargain prostitute. Buy one, get his cousin for free.

>[Gandalf closes his eyes, but doesn't interfere.]
>Pippin: "In payment of this debt."

Koenma: [Denethor] Funny, that’s what Aragorn said…
Yuusuke: [Pippin] Ew.

>[Denethor stares at Pippin and finally Gandalf knocks the hobbit with his staff.]

Yuusuke: [snickers] No wonder Xellos likes Gandalf. They have so much in common…
Lina: His staff hurts!
Yuusuke: You didn’t seem to mind last week though.
Lina: [shrugs] They were getting along so well, I didn’t want to spoil it.
Koenma: I hope they’ll be alright…

>Gandalf: "Get up!"

Kurama: Just a thought--if you’d wanted him up, you shouldn’t have knocked him down.

>Gandalf: "My lord, there will be a time to grieve for Boromir."
>Gandalf: "But it is not now."
>Gandalf: "War is coming."

Yuusuke and Koenma: [sing] War! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing!
Kuwa: Good god, ya’ll.
Yuusuke: That song’s in one of the Xena musicals.
Kurama: That would mean that there’s more than one.
Yuusuke: Two.
Kurama: Why?
Yuusuke: Because they’re fun!
Kurama: Hm. But that song does work for that show.
Yuusuke: [nods]

>[Denethor remains silent, his face lowered.]
>Gandalf: "The enemy is on your doorstep!"

Koenma: [Gandalf] And they’re not wiping their feet!
Kuwa: You *would* think about feet.
Koenma: [blushes]
Yuusuke: Oi. Leave my boyfriend’s feet outta this. What’d they ever do to you?
Koenma: My poor, defenseless feet…
Yuusuke: [snorts]

>Gandalf: "As steward you're charged with the defence of the city! Where are Gondor's armies?!"

Kurama: [Denethor] At the Gondor orgies.
Yuusuke: [Gandalf] Ooo. Where?
Kurama: [Denethor] What about the war?
Yuusuke: [Gandalf] Screw that! Orgy!

>[Denethor stares at Gandalf.]
>Gandalf: "You still have friends. You are not alone in this fight."

Yuusuke: [Gandalf] Oh wait. Yes. Yes, you are alone. See ya!

>Gandalf: "Send word to Théoden of Rohan. Light the Beacons."

Koenma: [Gandalf] And the disco ball. I feel like randomly strutting to Staying Alive…
Kurama: In a John Travolta mood?
Koenma: Not really. Yuusuke brought over Xena, and well… He *did* mention the musicals just now.
Kurama: [raises an eyebrow] Xena strutted to Staying Alive?
Yuusuke: Joxer. And Gabrielle was doing this lolita thing--
Kurama: Never mind. I really don’t care.
Yuusuke: Aww. Mommy’s being mean, Daddy!
Kurama: [growls]
Yuusuke: Yipe!

>Denethor: "You think you are wise, Mithrandir."
>Denethor: "Yet for all your subtleties, you have not wisdom."

Kurama: Being cryptic isn’t the same has being subtle.
Yuusuke: Ouch.

>Denethor: "Do you think the eyes of the White Tower are blind? I have seen more than you know."

Yuusuke: [Denethor] I have a pair if those see-through glasses!
Kurama: [Gandalf] Can I see?
Yuusuke: [Denethor] No.
Kurama: [Gandalf] Meanie.

>Denethor: "With your left hand you would use me as a shield against Mordor! And with your right, you seek to supplant me!"

Yuusuke: Makes Gandalf sound like a pimp, with a Denethor on each arm…
Kurama: More like a Hobbit on each arm.

>Denethor: "I know who rides with Théoden of Rohan."

Lina: The flying monkeys.

>Denethor: "Oh yes, word has reached my ears of this Aragorn son of Arathorn, and I tell you now: I will not bow to this ranger from the North!"

Kurama: [Denethor] No matter how much he pays me for a blowjob!

>Denethor: "'Last of a ragged house long bereft of lordship."

Yuusuke: Bit of a dominatrix too.
Kurama: Heh.

>Gandalf: "Authority is not given to you to deny the return of the king, Steward!"

Lina: Ohh, look, the movie title.
Yuusuke: Yay.
Kuwa: Can we go yet?
Koenma: Ever notice how someone eventually asks that?
Yuusuke: It’s a sign that the writers are getting bored.
[the room shakes]
Kuwa: Urameshi!!
Hiei: Idiot Yuusuke.
Yuusuke: [laughs nervously]

>[Denethor jumps up from his chair.]
>Denethor: "Rule of Gondor is mine and no other's!!!"

Koenma: [Denethor] See, I wrote my name on the chair!
Kurama: [Gandalf] Nice…
Yuusuke: [Pippin] Isn’t that what Sauron did?
Kurama: [Gandalf] No, that was his monogram. ‘For a good time, call the dark lord.’
Hiei: [snorts]

>[Pippin stares at Denethor, bewildered. Gandalf truns to leave and walks away.]
>Gandalf: "Come!"

Yuusuke: [Sanzo] Hurry up, Goku!
Koenma: [Gojyo] Yeah, you stupid monkey.
Kuwa: [Goku] Don’t call me a monkey, you pervy water sprite!
Kurama: [Hakkai] My my…
Lina: Er. Dare I ask?
Hiei: Saiyuki. Yuusuke’s new addiction.
Kuwa: It’s been out for five years and you’re just *now* getting into it?
Yuusuke: I was kind of busy!
Kuwa: Doing what? Skipping school?
Yuusuke: Shut up!

>[Pippin follows the wizard out of the throne room.]

Hiei: Like a good little monkey.
Yuusuke: Oh come on. Goku’s way cooler than the dimwit.
Kuwa: Is it over?
Kurama: So it would seem.
Koenma: That was short.
Kurama: Your father must be feeling generous.
Koenma: Guess so.
Lina: I wonder what those two fruitcakes are doing…

- Meanwhile, back on the ranch… -

“Where are we?” Zelgadis asked.

The space they were in was both dark and cold. It chilled the Chimera straight to the bone. At the same time, it was an exhilarating coolness. As soon as he asked the question, he immediately realized the answer.

“Is this the Astral Plane?”

Xellos smiled. “How astute of you, Zelgadis-san! Yes, this is where all dark energy originates; the plane with which Mazoku truly exist.”

Zelgadis looked around. The air swirled nauseatingly with creepy light and magic. Yet somehow he could see himself and Xellos clearly. That was when he realized something.

He and Xellos were still holding hands.

“Irk!” As he pulled his hand away he noticed something. A hard object on the Mazoku’s finger. He pulled the hand back into his grasp immediately, curiosity outweighing his embarrassment. “What’s this?”

Xellos stifled a rush of panic. “What’s what?”

“This. Under your glove.”

Zelgadis was holding his hand gently. Xellos could easily pull away, escape this situation; but the Chimera might has well have been holding him in a vice grip. “It’s nothing. Really.”

He met Xellos’ closed eyes. “I don’t think it is.”

“My… Are you trying to figure me out, Zelgadis-san?”

“I think I am,” Zelgadis whispered, as if it were obvious.

“You think a lot,” Xellos commented.

“Maybe too much.” He tugged on Xellos’ glove. “May I see it?” he asked carefully, aware--somehow--of the unease Xellos felt. But the Mazoku merely nodded once, shortly.

Zelgadis had assumed already that it was a ring. When he slid the glove off, it took him a moment to realize exactly what it was. It was a silver ringlet, delicately curled around one finger in no real semblance of design. The hand itself was a sharp contrast to the space around them. It was pleasantly warm, and slightly sweaty from being inside the glove. The skin felt like real skin. He hadn’t expected that either. Zelgadis stared at the signet exclusively until he realized--it was the same color as his hair. Touching the wire confirmed this.

It took him a moment to find his next words. This verified everything, that it wasn’t just teasing or a Mazoku plot, because of one simple fact. “… You didn’t want me to find this.”

“No,” Xellos agreed softly. He stared down at their entwined hands, face expressionless.

Zelgadis hesitated, then reached underneath his shirt and pulled out the stone necklace. Wordless, he waited for Xellos to see.

Violet, cat-like eyes blinked in shock.

“It… seems we think alike.”

“Great minds,” Xellos murmured.

Zelgadis’ lips twitched and he let go of Xellos’ hand. The Mazoku, self-consciously, slipped his glove back into place.

“I never expected you to…” Xellos trailed off, seeing that Zelgadis was still smiling ever so slightly.

Zelgadis shook his head. “Neither did I. For you to, I mean.”

“Mm.”

The shaman hesitated before reaching up. He had spent enough time being afraid of this. Now, he would face it head on, like he had his whole life. When his grandfather had put this curse on him, he could easily have become a hermit, living his days out in isolation. Instead he’d chosen to try and find a cure. This, too, was what he’d chosen.

He touched Xellos’ short hair for the first time, feeling the texture before reaching the back of his neck. Zelgadis pulled him down gently until he could press his lips to the taller man’s.

It was quick, just as chaste as Xellos’ own kiss a week ago. When Zelgadis pulled back, his face was burning and Xellos still looked surprised.

“Well,” Xellos said.

Zelgadis laughed softly, nervously. “Yeah.”

That was when Zelgadis saw something white and fluffy fly past Xellos’ head. He looked around them once more. In the air there were now ducks. All kinds of ducks swam by through the air, in different directions--some vertically, some horizontally, some upside-down.

“The fuck?”

Xellos suddenly laughed, his uneasiness now gone. “Oh. This sort of thing is quite normal here.”

“… Right.” It seemed he still had no idea what was going on inside of Xellos’ head.

He moved away from Zelgadis, walking over to a park bench and taking a seat. “Join me?”

Zelgadis shrugged and sat beside him. “I think that decision was made a while ago.”

Xellos blinked, confused. “Oh?”

Zelgadis smiled. For once he was the one being cryptic. “Yeah.”

Xellos studied the young man for a moment before deciding to let him have that one. He pulled out a plastic bag from his satchel and held it open for Zelgadis. “Bread crumbs?”

“Huh?”

“For feeding the ducks.”

Zelgadis stared at him before chuckling. He took some bread crumbs and began throwing them toward the ducks, who began to swarm around them in earnest. Xellos smiled brightly and followed suit.