Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Inside ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

Welcome to chapter three. Yay, I'm sadistic now and days for some reason. Anyways on with the fic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yuu Yuu Hakusho. I just have the characters here for my sick amusement.

 

“O god Kurama this is why I wanted you here.” Yuusuke said as he grabbed the razors and my arm. Wrapping my arm in a towel he threw the razors somewhere out of my reach, not that it mattered.

“Yusuke.” The name was chanted in my mind like a mantra before it finally slipped. He just whipped my hair out of my face and got up. I heard the water running and looked up to see him. He held out his hand and helped me up.

“Take your clothes off.” He murmured, and I blushed.

“What?!” I stuttered

“You need to clean that wound and clean your head, if you'd rather keep your clothes on I don't care but either way. C'mon.” He said as he sat in the water with his pants still on. I pulled my shirt off carefully and joined him.

“Kurama why did you do this?” He asked softly grabbing my wrist and looking over the cut on my arm. I merely shrugged and starred at the water as if something interesting was there. He pulled his hands up and moved my hair out from around my neck and concentrated on cleaning my arm. Softly he ran a wet rag over the cuts wiping away the blood, I got lost at the gentle movements. This isn't real. I told myself, just like everything else he would disappear, or he would leave. Nothing ever goes right for me. I thought. Although every time I look away he was there to look back so I suppose, no. Never for me, once in my last life not again now. When Yuusuke breathed in my ear it brought me back to reality. His head was rested on my shoulder and he'd finally stopped cleaning my cut.

“Kurama, as hard is this is you need to talk. You're starting to scare me, only because once I was you. Looking at you now reminds me of myself. I have no pity for you, that seems cold I know, but I understand you so I guess that's better. I know you're probably not listening or your condescending on me because of who you are but still. I'm here and I think I have been through enough to be able to understand you and help even if it's just by stopping you from doing this again.” Yuusuke said gently running his fingers over my wound and I winced slightly. We sat there for sometime I would have stayed like that forever but the water got deathly cold.

“C'mon Kurama.” Yuusuke said as he helped me out of the bathtub. I just allowed him to guild me out of the bathroom and into his room again. He undressed me and put me into some dry clothes before he pulled me into bed with him. To tell the truth I was freezing. I moved closer to Yuusuke and he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I smiled slightly perhaps Yuusuke could break me. All night I tossed and turned I couldn't sleep at all and the thoughts were back so strongly I wanted to vomit. Why now of all times why now? I went to get up from the bed and I couldn't.

“Kura' where are you going?” Yuusuke said disorientated. I smiled slightly.

“I just feel sick Yuusuke don't worry go back to bed.” I said and he stared hardly at me for a moment before turning over and closing his eyes. I sighed and walked out of the room, down the stairs and to the kitchen.

“Why does this happen to me, its like an urge that can never be satisfied and only grows and when I ignore it I feel like I am going to be sick.” I said aloud looking out the window of the apartment taking a sip of my tea.

“Kurama.” Yuusuke whispered, and I continued looking forward, until his arms wrapped around my waist. I turned my head to face him.

“Yuusuke, I'm lost. I don't get it; at first it was by choice now it's my body's desire; like an addiction. It's scaring me Yuusuke what if I don't know when to stop. I could die. I know that that's probably the point why some people cut their selves but to me the pain is a release, now it's just a fear of the after affects. I don't want to die, but I'm not afraid to and what makes me even sicker is that I don't fear the pain or the ideas going through my head.” I said and was about to continue until Yuusuke butted in.

“It's like there's a glass wall between who you are and what you're becoming and you're afraid the glass is going to break the wrong way.” He said hugging me close to him and I nodded. He was right he did understand me, perhaps I thought right, and he can help.

“What's on your mind Youko?” Yuusuke said and my eyes widened a bit.

“Why did you call me Youko?” I asked

“I wanna be special, everyone calls you Kurama or Shuichi. I wanna be the only one to call you Youko.” Yuusuke answered and I nodded.

“My body isn't agreeing with my mind and it's making me sick to my stomach.” I told him, and he nodded dragging me over to the couch.

“As stupid as this sounds coming from me, did you ever try meditating it away?” He asked and I shook my head no.

“It's a good idea but I doubt I would be able to with out the feeling coming back full force or me falling into a nightmare.” I answered and he pulled me to lay down with him on the couch.

“Well how bout we try, I'll be here to save you from the nightmares, try for me, I wanna see you smile like you use to.” Yuusuke said and I smiled, I could feel the blush across my face. He merely laughed and held me as I put my self in to a comatose state. I felt numb and the thoughts weren't there like I thought they'd be. I was detached from all my thoughts like I was a visitor in my own mind. I was completely isolated I just sat by and watched everything go by as I thought about every little thing that went past me. My mind was a puzzle and by doing what Yuusuke told me I was able to solve it piece by piece with out killing myself in the process. I took problems and memories, good and bad, and came to terms with them, figuring out a way I could make them better. Just as I was getting to the worst part I was pulled back to the here and now, jumping I turned my head and vomited onto the floor. With Yuusuke holding my hair back asking me questions I could at the moment barely comprehend.

 

“What shall I do pet, you're trying to break your leash.”

“Whose there?” I said aloud

“Kurama it's me, Yuusuke, what happened are you all right?” He asked and I nodded.

“Yuusuke I think someone has evaded my mind.”

“My pet you're very smart perhaps I shall reward you.”

“Kurama?”

“You heard it as well.” I stated and he nodded.

 

CLIFFFFFFFFFFFFFY Yay I updated. People who read this fic are my best friends. You shall learn the contours of me mind. Its sadistic be warned. REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW OR KURAMA WILL DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!