Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Knowing (My Kitsune p2) ❯ Knowing 1 ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

What was there to say? I am in awe at what these
humans have accomplished, I've seen it in the form of
the television and in the microwave oven that cooks or
heats food in seconds without a fire, in the way they
can talk to each other over miles on the phone and the
Shinkansen that travels from one end of Japan to the
other in a matter of hours.

I never really appreciated what they did to conquer
this world because I'm always immersed in it. You
can't see your hand if you put it right up to your
face but if you hold it away from you, you see the
entire picture.

Tokyo is massive. Millions and millions living in
such a tiny space, cramped and crowded into tiny
boxes. Why do human's crowd into cities? I can't
imagine the amount of resources necessary to feed all
those people when there's not enough land to grow
them. Kurama showed me the map of Japan and I felt
insignificant all of a sudden.

There's 4 billion people on this planet, most of them
crowded into these small patches of land called
cities. It necessiated innovations in trading,
communications, entertainment and interactions.

I hate to admit it, but I'm in awe of their
achievements.

Hong Kong is another massive bastion of humanity,
from the sky it is just as cramped and crowded as
Tokyo. But Hong Kong city is attached to a larger
landmass. It's China according to his map, and this
nation alone has 1 billion people in it.

The numbers are mind boggling but still, it's how
these humans made the world work for them that amazes
me. Buildings, airplanes, television, wine I couldn't
pronounce properly from a country all the way across
this planet...

Kurama is delighted by all of this. His smile is more
open, warmer, it had lost the hint of darkness and
pain that's just there, always there in the corner of
his eyes. He is happy, I want to keep him this happy
because it makes me happy. When was the last time I
felt this way? I can't remmeber, it was too long ago.

We were met by a middle aged man holding a sign with
a name on it. It was written in English, I can't read
english yet so I memorized how it looked like. I was
to learn later hat it was Kurama's name, that is
Minamino's name. I felt a surge of pure happiness from
him when he talked to the man with the sign. I looked
up to see that beautiful smile on his lips, a smile
that bared teeth and shone all the way into his soul.
A child's delight, it made me want to laugh at him .
The great fox wagging his tail. But then he looked
down at me and the grin faltered. There it was again
that shadow.

Before I could react he took me in his arms. I was so
surprised I held my breath, I could not have breathed
even if I wanted too. No one's held me like this
before, my past held no expirience to match this one,
no one dared, they wouldn't touch me without harming
me. And this is different from all the previous hugs I
got from the Fox and from the girls. His body flush
against mine is warm, I can almost hear his core
because my face is pressed against his chest and
shoulder. His arms weren't confining me, it wasn't
hurting me, they held me gently yet firmly. I feel his
need to reassure me, I feel his need to keep me right
next to him, I feel his apology and his... fear.

What does he fear? He fears he will loose me.

Gingerly I touched his back, not knowing if I was
doing this right. I can feel his need for reassurance
and this 'hug' is a purely human response from his
fear, he needed to feel me close to him. I lay my
hands flat on his back and listened to his Core
beating that eternal rythym Mokuro called the dance of
Shiva the destroyer. He stamps his feet and while he
dances the heart beats, a solemn reminder of life
being but a facet of death and vice versa.

I sighed, there isn't a god who is purely good, else
why would he condone a creature as destructive as me?
And then there's Kurama, burning me with his brand of
warmth, breaking the walls I've erected to protect
myself. What god created this feeling he is slowly
wringing out of me? It is too pure and good to be
tainted with evil. I could not deny him his need, I
just can't. Before I could pull closer Kurama and all
the good I've come to associate with him, before I
could melt into him the way he melts into me, he let
me go.

He gave me that old smile, the one shaded with the
grays of sadness and the blacks of pain. Does he still
fear loosing me? Will he do as I suspect and leave me
even if his entire body told me most effectively how
much he needed me?

Before I clould ask he gave a curt bow "Gomen Hiei, I
was exited. Let's go, we'll rest and if you want we'll
book a flight for tomorrow to America." He touched my
shoulder to turn me and we followed the man with our
luggages.

The ride was quiet, I did not want to speak, I was
afraid I'd say or do something that will add to the
dark mood Kurama is in. It seems my reassurance did
not work, I have to pay attention and find out how
it's done properly.

Compared to Kuwabara's car, this one is smooth,
silent, and generally bigger. Kurama says it's a
Mercedes Benz, a make of car that's expensive. He said
that if I want we can tour Hong Kong for a day or two
and the Benz will take us to the places we want to go.
I just shrug and let him decide, whatever he wants to
do is fine by me.

Yes, I feel guilty right now and I have an idea why,
I want to ask him but... how?

The place is called Island Shang-ri La and I was
dazzled by the chandeliers. I could tell it's crystal
glass because of the rainbows it sent sparkling
everywhere. The setting is rich and more of the people
that look like Kurama are around. The westerners. I
find it strange looking into their different colored
eyes, their pale hair attracted my curiosity.

When we reached our suite I was pleased by it's
apperance. The 'atrium' has a vase of red roses near
the door and the beds which I could see from the
center of the room was done in ivory silk and gold
thread, the carpet was a golden beige, the couches are
a shade lighter with little plump red pillows, the
curtains are almost the same shade as the linens the
heavy red drapes having been pulled back to reveal a
partial view of the city. I nodded in satisfaction and
moved towards the balcony door, I opened it to let the
cold air in. Part of the city lay sprawled before me
and the small sliver of ocean divided this land from
another island.

"That's Kowloon, it's still part of Hong Kong."
Kurama said from behind me. This will look beautiful
tonight.

"I want to see this island tonight," I said and I
looked up at him "my way."

He smiled at me "Can I come?"

"You'll have to keep up with me." I challenged him
with a smirk.

He lowered his eyes and crossed his arms, "I'm sure I
can keep up with you Hiei." he said "Question is will
you be able to come back here if you loose me?"

I snorted "Of course I can, I know your smell, I
won't loose you."

He smiled, his sad smile "I'll close the door and put
a sign up so they won't bother us."

"Kurama." I called after him.

"Hm?" he asked as he carried the sign out and hung it
on the door knob outside the door.

"Come here." I ordered him, arms crossed over my
chest.

"What is it?" he asked me

I put my hand on his cheek, I wanted to tell him that
I won't leave him, that he won't loose me, that
whatever it is he's running from I will be here to
watch his back.

I wanted to see that smile again, that delight he had
shown barely an hour ago in the airport, I wanted to
tell him how nice it felt to be in his arms and to
describe to him exactly how I felt, I wanted to say
sorry that I was making him sad, I wanted to ask how I
can fix that, but, I didn't know how to phrase such
words.

His skin is warm and smooth on my palm, but his eyes
stopped me from asking my questions they we're
surprised and hollow like he's seeing some other time
and some other place. If he refuse to speak, then it's
his secret and they were his to keep not mine to pry.
Did he need comfort? I think he does, he's been
through a lot, he looks more mature than the two years
he's suppose to have had. A hard life of training and
killing could do that. I remember the tension he
carried with him when we met physically again for the
first time after almost 2 years. Never mind the sharp
words, and the deliberate acts of antagonism, I saw
through that into the heart of his intentions.

He always does that, sacrificing himself for the good
of all. It's very annoying because he values his life
below ours and that's not right.

How do I comfort him? Simple, I did as he had shown
me, I pulled him to me and wrapped my arms around his
slim waist. I buried my head on his shoulder and just
held on. I felt him shudder against me and his hands
came around to hold my back and my neck he sighed and
I don't know if what I did was right, because
something in him gave way. He held me tighter and I
heard my name whispered softly to my ear.

Kurama's rich scent was almost enough to drown Yomi's
stench, I buried my nose on the crook of his neck and
took a deep breath of him. I like the way Kurama
smells, I like finding traces of his scent on his bed,
on the seat he occupied on the book he read. Can you
imagine how annoyed I am by this psychic residue from
Yomi? He tainted that smell I like.

"Hiei, why are you hugging me?" he asked, his voice
thick and unweildly.

I pulled away a little to look him in the eye. "You
seem to need it." I replied.

His eyes went misty and he looked at the ceiling, he
squeezed me tight before he let me go "Thank you Hiei,
I appreciate it very much, let me use the bathroom
because I need to have a shower. Do you want to go out
for dinner tonight?"

"You decide, I trust your decitions." I went and laid
down on one of the beds. "I want a nap. Wake me when
night falls or when you need me for something." I
closed my eyes so he won't be embarrased in front of
me. He had wanted to cry... did I mess it up again? I
felt this... this hurt in him coupled with an emotion
I couldn't name. I did not hurt him by doing that did
I? I don't feel anger from him, but then again he is
very good at hiding what he feels.

K'so this is harder than I thought...

"Alright, I guess I'll have a nap too after I
shower." I heard the door to the bathroom click shut
and soon the sounds of water running. I slept lightly,
I heard Kurama leave the bathrooom, I felt his
prescence close as he took my shoes off and loosened
my belt. He covered me with a blanket, I bet if I
slept on my tummy he would gave taken my coat off to
make me more comfortable. So I guess he's not angry, I
did not hurt him. But... I still don't understand what
that was all about.

I heard the other bed creak as he laid down. I
listened to his breathing as it slowed and went
deeper. I want him to rest, Yukina said he needed it
and he needed to eat well. I forced myself up and went
to his bed, he's in dream sleep I can tell from the
hazy rainbows of dreams simmering just under his
forhead and the rapid darting movements of his eyes.
He's frowning, he looked exhausted, weighed down and
... and depressed. I laid my hand over his forhead and
sent my youki into him.

I smiled when I saw him ease into deeper sleep. I
watched him for a few moments, his damp crimson hair
spread on the white pillow like a blood stain. He's
wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt I think, I
didn't check.

I leaned against the bedboard and closed my eyes.
When next I opened them it was full dark and Kurama is
sleeping heavily next to me. He's got an arm over my
thigh and his head is resting against my hip. He's
having nice dreams because I can feel his contentment.
I decided not to disturb him.

I left the balcony door partially open, the room is
cold. But I am warm enough for us. Perhaps that's why
he seeked me out in his sleep.

That was stupid of me. He's in his underwear and I
left the doors open to the cold. I frowned then gently
lifted his arm from my thigh, so I can fix my mistake.


But I was right! The city is beautiful at night...
and there across the span of lights is the dark slash
of ocean dividing this massive city from it's sister.
The lights of Kowloon reflected across the waters in
long sparkling streaks and ships with their gaudy
lights passed slowly here and there.

"Hiei?" Damn! I took too long, he must have gone
cold. "Hiei?!"

"Here Kurama, give me a minuite." He turned the lamp
by the bed on as I closed the balcony doors. Then I
let my youki out in a burst of heat to warm the room.
"I forgot to close the balcony doors."

"I left it open, I felt warm." He said, I found him
sitting up, the sheets pooled around his waist. He
looked sheepishly at me "Sorry, I slept this long,
it's almost 8 pm. You said I should wake you by
nightfall."

I waved it off "Dosen't matter, you needed the rest.
How are you feeling?" I sked as I approached the bed.

"Better." He smiled wanly at me.

"Ch, my ass." I sat on the foot of the bed and stared
at him.

"Well give me a minuite I just got up ne?" he said
shaking his head smiling broader at my assessment. "I
just need supper, I am hungry"

"Right, get dressed, you said we're going out." He
nodded and got out of bed. I watched the warm spot he
vacated wanting to smell the rumpled sheets. But then
I will smell Yomi and I was pissed. Is it approproiate
to ask him now? I want that smell off him, I don't
want to get used to it.

He's in the bathroom getting dressed. Odd, he used to
dress in front of me. I made a mistake about the
underwear too, he's wearing his pyjama bottom.

I stood on the railings a few minuits later, the
sound of the faucet running was all I could hear, and
the sounds of traffic beneath me. I breathed in the
air that smelled like the sea and the many
contaminants man has put in it. I can smell cars and
factories and millions of people packed into these
tiny islands. If it wasn't for the sea this place
would smell bad. When Kurama finally appereared fully
dressed I merely smiled at him and took off from the
building.

I could sense him following me, he was keeping up as
I lept from building to building following my nose. I
stopped on a low building where I can see a street
with restaurant after restaurant crowding each other.
He landed lightly right next to me and wrapped my
scarf around my neck. I forgot that...

I looked up at him and nodded my thanks. "Well?
Anything interesting?" He shook his head in amusement
and pointed out the restaurant he wanted. We got down
from that building his way, through the fire ecape.
Then we walked pass the crowd talking in their own
tounges and into the brilliantly lit happy looking
restaurant.

I can't read english and dammit these people took the
kanji like writing to an extreme. There are more lines
per character than I'm used too. I couldn't make heads
or tails out of most of them. We were seated and
Kurama explained to me the choices.

"I don't know any of these, just order something
recognizable for me." He's amused as he nodded.

"Yakiniku sounds good?"

I nodded beef is good. "With rice, nothing fancy, I
didn't like the rice that went with the fish we had
last time."

"Beef bar b que and white rice. Sounds good." He
called for the lady serving us and ordered.

I shan't bore you with the details of our meal,
Kurama ordered more than one kind of main dish, we had
noodles, soup, fish (he really likes fish and I"m not
really that fond of it), vegetables in a sauce with
nuts that I found surprisingly good. We ate well and
had ice cream with chocolate syrup for dessert. I had
one glass of beer and left it at that.

Needless to say we ate too much. I was stuffed and
all I wanted to do was nap somewhere. He paid for our
meal and we decided to walk it off.

These people have a thing for red and gold. I find
their style of decorating a bit superflous compared to
the simplicity of the Japanese style. Like Instead of
one or 3 flowers in a single vase these people put a
dozen or more in one creating an abundant array that
distracts you from one blossom to the next. Yeessss,
Kurama stopped at a flower shop, I wasn't surprised
and you shouldn't be either, it's his thing. We stayed
there for quite a while because the shop had a green
section for potted exotic plants.

The way his face lit up was enough to convince me
that we'll be spending most of the night here if he
can help it.

I was content to follow him around because I know
he's happy as he turned a leaf here and picked a stem
there. He had this pleased grin as he kneeled in front
of a vine with many purple flowers on them and pinched
a curling clinger off.

He apologized when we've spent more than an hour in
that one shop and I waved him off "This is who you
are, you and these plants, I really don't mind, go on
and do your thing." I told him as I stared at this odd
plant with water in it's center and a weird flower
that looked plastic. He old me it's a bromeliad from
south America and in it's watery center frogs
sometimes lay their eggs.

Ch, life must go on.

He bought a couple of small plants covered with an
upside down plastic cup that had dew on it's sides.

Once he bought them he pinched off a specific part of
the plant he called a Venus fly trap, and the roots of
the other one he called a sundew. He said they're
carnivorous plants, and will be very useful. He threw
the pots away in the same store.

We walked looking at the little stalls of souvenirs,
we ignored the many foodstalls selling anything from
soups to full course meals to different kinds of deep
fried takoyaki like things. We stopped at a souvenir
shop that sold weapons and I stayed there for quite a
while admiring the steel of this or that blade, the
chinese swords with their broad ends and tasseled
handle, the European ones that are slim and long some
with a hilt that extends all the way to the hand to
protect it. The numerous daggers and dirks, spears,
polearms, axes, maces, steel armors...

I was in heaven and Kurama let me spend as long as I
want in there beause I knew he understood that this is
my interest. My thing.

He bought a Ken Tanto, a double edged dagger with a
simple black saya inlaid with a mother of pearl sakura
motif. It was beautful, the blade was engraved with
the makers signaiture. He told me it was from the
Gendai mono swordsmiths and is authentic as far as he
could tell. It was expensive but I like it. He showed
me a strange tanto then a Hachiwara, it was slim but
thick and had a notch near the tsuba or hilt. It's
used as a sword breaker, I wanted it, it's...
beautiful and very useful. It's saya is black wood
inlaid with a small gold dragon. The blade itself is
of high quality steel, the sound of it as I flicked it
with a finger told me so. I felt like it was made for
me, that it's been waiting here for it's master all
these years and I have found it. With the right amount
of Youki I could break swords with this really easy.

When I heard the price I wanted do just that and use
this dagger on the merchant's neck and see if I can
snap it in two.

Kurama warned me with a light touch on my shoulder,
he asked me to look around while he talked to the man.


I looked at the polearms and spears on the wall while
he haggled with the merchant. I looked at the shiny
blade of a yari in front of me and saw the face of the
merchant on it, I touched his reflection and told him
gently to give in.

We left the store with my Tanto tucked right next to
my Katana, and his Ken tucked in his belt behind him.
Kurama was surprised at his haggling skills so I
didn't tell him I pushed the man into giving in.

It was getting late and I told Kurama I wanted to
tour the city my way now. He nodded his agreement and
we made our way to the top of the nearest building.

I have a destination in mind that will command a view
better than the one we have at the hotel. I followed
the scent of trees, the cold air whipped my cheeks I
wrapped the scarf securely around my neck thanking
Kurama again in my thoughts. When the buildings became
impossible I started hopping from one lampost to
another moving fast enough so the many Ningens still
awake and walking around won't notice.

When I reached the park I lept from tree to tree
looking for a nice secluded place that will let me
admire the sparkling lights of this city without other
people to be wary about. I stopped at the highest
point of the park on top of a tree and waited for
Kurama. He was just a few leaps behind me and he
landed on a thicker branch a few feet away on the same
tree.

"Good choice." he said softly his hands in his coat
pockets.

We stood there for a long time just looking at the
city and it's people. The bright lights shimmering on
the ocean. Yesterday I was with Yusuke and Kuwabara
and my sister Yukina and all the others in a party at
Yusuke's place. It seemed ages ago, their faces are
still there in my mind, and they are now somewhere out
there, so far away I won't be able to return to them
physically without taking days of travel. I felt sad.
An errant wind brought Kurama's prescense to mind,
then I remembered something Kurama promised me.

"Kurama?"

"Hm?" he said looking up at me.

"You said you'd tell me how to get rid of that scent
that lingers on you." he looked away from me.

"Hiei?"

"Aa?"

"What made you think I needed a hug back then?" he
asked.

"Stop changing the subject fox, I asked first." I
said my tone firm.

"There are certain things I need to know before I
tell you." he said then he lept off the tree branch. I
looked under the tree where he stood "Come down Hiei."

I leapt and did a somersault because I felt like it,
I landed a few feet away from him. "What is it?" I
asked. It was dark I could feel him looking at me but
I can't see his eyes. He came to me slowly and
hesitantly held his hands out, I don't see how this
will answer my questions. His arms lowered at my
delay, I sighed and responded to his unspoken
request, I took him in my arms and I felt him sigh
into my embrace, melting into me.

I felt his lips on my neck warm and moist, it sent a
shiver up my spine so I held him tighter. His lips
moved to my ear his breath washed over me and
suddently my core is pounding in my own chest, I
gasped as he nibbled on my ear, I wasn't even thinking
of stopping him, because this did not feel wrong, it
felt good. His lips parted to kiss my cheek and then
his face loomed before me, his eyes were heavy with...
want.

I felt my body go rigid, It knows something I don't.
I forced myself to calm down, this is Kurama, he's not
going to harm me. Then I saw that look of pain in his
eyes, he sighed and pressed his forhead on my shoulder
like a defeated man. "I will never harm you Hiei, I
love you, I'd rather die than hurt you."

I was stunned. I looked at his head on my shoulder at
his bent back. He knelt before me then like all his
energy was suddently gone and hugged my hips tightly
his head rested on my abdomen. I touched his head his
words ringing like a bell echoing all the way to my
soul. I can hear things shattering in there, my own
warning bells went off in my head.

"W-what did you say?" I asked my voice barely above a
whisper. The airport, that other feeling from him, in
the taxi when he kissed my cheek, the look in his eyes
when he took care of me while I was wounded...

"I said I love you, I'm hopelessly in love with you,
I'd rather die than hurt you. Hiei, I'm sorry." he
said.

I clenched a fist over his head because I can't bring
myself to touch him, then I brought him close with my
arm anyway "I... I don't know what to say. You don't
have to be sorry, it is I who must apologize, I'm...
you shouldn't love me." I pushed his head away. I
remembered Kissaki.

"Why not?" he looked up at me and I realized he was
crying. His eyes were red and his voice was barely
above a whisper.

"I'm..." I stopped myself from saying dirty and
fouled. It would give too much away. I told the truth
as I saw it right then "I'm not worth it." I pushed
away from him. "You can't love something like me. You
don't even know me." I snapped at him, he remained on
his knees he wrapped his arms around his chest and
looked at me stunned. I brought the steel clad side of
my face up to the front and suppressed the wail of
lost that had began within me. Calmly I said "Don't
waste your affections on me." I turned around to head
back to the hotel.

"It is not wasted!" he shouted I was taken aback by
the vehemence in his tone, I turned back to look at
him. He was on his feet then and he backed me up
against the tree "How can you think so little of
yourself? How can you say your not worth it? Yomi is a
beast compared to you!" I shuddered he was too close
too big. And then I saw it.

"KURA-!!" was all I could say before a spear bright
with Youkai pierced his back, went through my chest
and pinned us to the tree.