Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Knowing (My Kitsune p2) ❯ Knowing ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Knowing 2 (HongKong 11-18- 02)
by: Baby Nyx

Disclaimer: Still borrowing them.
Discription : Kurama POV, rude awakenings and rude
interruptions.


I lept from tree to tree following that blur of black
chasing after a love that I knew was within my reach
and yet not.

But he responds!

He noted how my joy faltered with my insecurities at
the airport and he gave me a hug to reassure me in the
hotel. I didn't know if I was going to laugh or if I
was going to cry, I think I managed to do both when I
excused myself to take a shower. I was so touched by
his gesture. He cares for me, more than a friend
because he does not treat Yusuke or Kuwabara or even
his sister this way. But does he love me? I don't
know... I want to find out.

What a strange dance I found myself in, A Mummer's
dance. I love him yet I hide that fact behind my mask,
I fail at it miserably though, my self control was not
as good as it used to be. And he hides behind his mask
of anger and aloofness, brushing off anything that
tries to get too close.

But I pierced his armor, that I did. I saw the child
Hiei would have been, the child I believe he never was
just a few minuites ago. I took him to this store that
sold fine authentic swords and weapons and his smile
wasn't guarded or suspicious it wasn't a smirk or that
smile the fury of battle generates. It was the smile
of a kid in a candy store with a hundred dollars to
burn. It was so beautiful it became my soul's purpose
to find ways to get that smile back on his face.

Thinking about that hug in the hotel makes my eyes
water all over again. I brushed my tears away before
they can interfere with my need to follow that
fleeting shade of black. He is taking me to Victoria
Park, it has the best view of the city.

Thinking of losing him... hurts, it's almost a
physical pain. But... this is Hong Kong... here the
fantasy ends. I have to leave him here

I almost fell off a lampost, I stood there watching
his small shadow dissapear into the park premises.
With my mind still stunned I followed again.

Oh gods Hiei, what have I done? What have I done to
myself? What have I done to you? How could I let this
get this far?

He stopped on the highest branch of the highest tree
in the park. I closed my mind and shaded my inner
turmoil from his sensitive sixth sense. I landed on a
thicker branch a few feet away and lower down on the
tree. "Good choice." I commented fighting to keep the
quaver from my voice, to stop the pain from overtaking
me, forcing my mask on. Collecting the shreds of my
self control was like reigning in a rampaging bull, I
swallowed and concentrated on the city. I concentrated
on my breathing I forced the calmness into my being
and pushed aside the panic that had exploded a while
ago.

At this point in time I'd probably go insane if I
lose him, the grief will eat me piece by piece and
destroy me. I can't loose him a second time, life
wouldn't be worth it anymore. But... dammit I have to
go on! I can't die, I must not die! 15, 20 years, I
have to go on and live at least that long. Yomi has
that much to live when he dies only then can I
surrender myself to Enma.

But, do I have the guts to risk a second rejection?
That sent cold fear coursing through me. I have been
told I'm not exactly sane anymore, I think... I think
I will loose it completely if he rejects me again...

...it's the only way to live...

My body, my show, stay away!

This is all my fault, his innocence, his fierce angry
love. Gods why didn't I think of this before? I'm a
fool! I've been blinded by my love and selfishness.
Hiei what have I done to you? If I leave you here it
will be the ultimate act of betrayal because you love
me and you don't even know it!

What am I going to do? I'm doomed, he isn't, I don't
want him to suffer my fate. I chose this of my own
free will, to run and hide for as long as it takes.

I should never had let him come with me, I should
have denied my selfish desire to be with him. This is
an illusion, it will not survive the harsh light of
reality.

BUT!!!! I can't let him go! Thinking of letting him
go hurts so much! I love him I want him, I can't lose
him, I can't! What am I going to do? My thoughts are
tumbling over each other in a confusing blur, I'm
starting to think incoherently.

He comes, he always comes when I'm in distress. When
I'm in deeper trouble the silent one comes and by then
I have ususally lost control over everything... I need
to be calm if I am to keep hold of myself...

I forced my mind into silence and found the quiet
place in my mind. I musn't panic, I have to calmly
sort this through. I must think with my mind and not
with my heart, I have to weigh the consequences and
find the lesser evil...

A few minuites later Hiei shattered my calm with a
question "Kurama? You said you'd tell me how to get
rid of that scent that lingers on you."

Oh it's simple Hiei! All you have to do is fuck me
and claim me as your own by marking me with your body
and your mind. Just take your Jagan ward off and rape
my mind while you fuck me and mind you, I'd let you do
it because I'm hot for you!

I burst into tears. I can't tell him that! Dammit
what have I gotten myself into? I need to make a
decition, but I need to know what he feels about this.
Inari help me, does Hiei know what's at stake when I
confess my feelings to him once more?

"Hiei? What made you think I needed a hug back then?"
I asked my voice in a whisper because if I didn't
whisper he'd hear the tears.

"Stop changing the subject fox I asked first." he
snapped at me. I flinched a little and to hide it I
looked down under the tree. I decided to move the
conversation on to level ground.

"There are certain things I need to know before I
tell you." I leapt down through the leafless branches,
twigs snagged at my hair and my coat I landed as
quietly as a cat. "Come down Hiei." I asked looking up
at his silhouette.

The pale cast of the quarter moon hung low in the sky
obscured by the light pollution created by Hong Kong
proper, there were hardly any stars and the bushes
shaded what light the city lent to our little tableau.
This is it, I'm tired of this masked ball, I have to
know how he feels about me, in his own words, I cannot
force him or influence him in this. I need to make a
decition, I... I need to know something before I can
make a decition.

He leapt from the tree with a graceful slow
somersault, and landed several feet away from the
winter hibernating oak he chose for our perch. "What
is it?" he asked as he approached me. Words will not
get the answers I need from him, so I followed the
dictates of my heart.

I held my arms out to him asking him for a hug, but I
hesitated his arms are crossed, his brows furrowed, I
lowered my hands and felt my cheeks burn. I saw him
lower his head and then he closed the gap between us
and gathered me into his arms. The relief I felt was
like cold fresh water after a day of hard labor under
the burning sun. I wrapped my arms around him, I
nuzzled his neck, pushing back the folds of the cream
cable knit turtle neck he wore, parting my lips to
plant a kiss just below his jaw line.

I felt him shiver against me, and his arms tried to
press my body closer to his. My desire pounded within
my chest, it awakend the member of my body that thinks
of nothing but itself. I kept my hips away from his, I
pressed my lips to his ear and nibbled gently on it,
he gasped and I could almost hear his core hammering
in his chest.

Well, now I know, I have my answer. Hiei desires me!
My heart swelled and plummeted at the same time. I
pressed my lips to his silken cheeks and tried to look
him in the eye, I have a confession to make. I need to
unburden my heart.

Then the yielding warmth in my arms went rigid and
the slowly awakening passion in his eyes went ice
cold. Ah! And here's the answer to my other question,
and I had hoped it was all a product of my
imagination or surprise on his part. Oh Hiei! How can
I let you go now? How can I break you when I haven't
even properly made you whole yet?

I laid my head on his shoulder. Hiei was abused as a
child, he has that subconscious fear of people bigger
than he is. This is why Kuwabara annoys him so much
without him even trying. I am taller now, almost as
tall as Kuwabara, he fears my size. But I can't do
anything about that, hell the only thing I can do is
get even bigger in my Youko form. What can I do?

There's only one thing I can do. I can give him what
I have, I can give him the truth, I can give him
myself.

"I would never harm you Hiei. I love you, I would
rather die than hurt you." That confession cost me, I
fell to my knees, and clung to him. It will cost me
more in the next few minutes, I braced myself for
whatever answer I will recieve.

"W-what did you say?" I barely heard his question.

I repeated my confession and apologized because I
could sense his distress, he tried to hold me closer,
stammering apologies then he said something that
stabbed me "You shouldn't love me." I asked "Why not?"
the pain stopping me from putting any real force to my
voice and every answer he gave sent more shards of
glass into my heart.

"I'm not worth it."
"You can't love something like me."
"You don't even know me."
"Don't waste your affections on me."

I was stunned, he's rejecting me because he thinks
he's not worthy of me? How angry did that make me? I
was so angry I was speechless. Is this why he rejected
me the first time? Is this where all my wrong
decitions piled one over the other to create this mess
that's me started? This! This is not Hiei's fault! He
was a helpless child! I wanted to kill whoever did
this to him a hundred times over!

"It is not wasted!" I shouted at him I climbed to my
feet his back was turned away from me, as he turned
towards me I pushed him against the tree "How can you
think so little of yourself? How can you say your not
worth it? Yomi is a beast compared to you!" And I let
that beast fuck me and mark me because I needed
whatever form of affection I could get. A semblance of
love, if I can't have the real thing, that someone
actually needed me, wanted me. Gods I'm pathetic! I
opened my mouth to tell him that it is I whose not
worthy of him but then we got interrupted.

"KURA-!!" instinctively I tried to dodge and the pain
in my chest magnified a thousand-fold I gasped and
looked down, a wooden spear coated in my blood pierced
Hiei's chest just a few inches above his heart and
pinned us to the oak. The force of the impalement had
closed the distance between us from an arms length to
a few inches. I pulled away my mind reeling from the
suddeness of the attack. I grasped the spear and saw
Hiei bite his lip to stop himself from crying out, his
sharp intake of breath caused him to cough.

Hiei's blood splattered on my face and trailed down
his chin, his lung was punctured, he's going to drown
in his own blood. My mind blacked out with the fury
that swept through me, I screamed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ahh-!" Kurama said and he looked down surprised at
the spear that pinned us. I gasped in pain and
instantly regretted it, I coughed and the pain
magnified, I couldn't cover my mouth and Kurama's face
was only inches from mine. I shut my lips tightly
together and looked at his blood splattered face.

Gods I don't ever want to see the look that contorted
his face ever again.

His scream pushed me against the tree, hurting me. I
pulled out my tanto to try and break the spear but
then I heard it crunch and splinter. Kurama broke the
spear with his bare hand crushing it between us, the
sheer strength it took to do that registered in my
mind as well as the change that happened to him.

He wasn't the Kurama I knew then, his hoarse cry
deepened and his eyes turned golden, he turned away
from me spear sticking out of his back and screamed a
name in a voice so twisted with fury it didn't sound
like his.

"Yoshira!" His hair whipped behind him and turned
silver white before I saw him fade and dissapear.

I could feel the blood filling my left lung, a little
lower and I'd be dead. I tried to pull the spear off
but I hadn't the strength. I gritted my teeth and
braced myself. Using my sword as leverage I pulled
myself away from the tree and off the spear. When I
was free I realized that the internal bleeding IS
going to kill me. I was drowning in my own blood.

I took my scarf off and bound my chest as best I
could, I applied presssure to it with my right hand
and gathering my energies started running after The
Yokou. I haven't gone far when I smelled the scent of
too much blood in the air. It was still in the park
and I was thankful there weren't any people around
when I saw the mess the Yokou's fury created.

It is an image I will never forget.

The Yokou was standing silhouetted by the city's
lights his white clothes drenched in blood. His arms,
his face, his hair, and even his tail was splatterd
with it. In his right hand he held the face of what I
recognized as a human because of the scent of the
blood. The mess was unrecognizable and he was
tearing at it one bone at a time with his clawed left
hand.

"Kurama!" I shouted at him. He didn't hear me, I came
as close as I dared and shouted his name again
"Kurama!"

The Yokou stopped and cocked his head to look at me.
His eyes were bitter shards of gold his lips were
smeared with blood.

"It's dead Kurama." I said all my senses focused on
him. He might attack me and in my present state I
couldn't fight him and win.

He looked back at the corpse and squeezed hard. I
heard bones crunch before the head popped like a
melon. "Fuck!" he cursed in a voice deeper than his
normal alto. He wiped the mess on his pants and turned
to look at me. "Bitch got away. This is the second
time I've killed her!" he clenched his fists "How dare
her!" He said growling in anger and frustration.

I backed away from him. I didn't want to admit this
to anyone even to myself but... the Yokou scares me.
Fear, an emotion I have known long ago and lost as my
powers grew returned to clench my gut and drain what's
left of my Youkai.

He turned to look at me again and I prepared myself
for battle. I dug my left foot in and tightened my
hold on my katana.

"Hiei?" the ice in his eyes melted, I heard concern
in his voice. He took a step towards me and I backed a
step. "I see." he said, and if it wasn't for the
blood, the golden eyes and the timbre of his voice, he
was my Kurama. The way he lowered his head, to hide
the sadness in his eyes, the way he said those words.
He backed away from me his hands limp besides him.
"Yoshira is a demon in spirit form, she takes
possession of other demons, humans and even animals
and amplify their powers a hundred times over. He was
possessed by her, I should have tried to contain her
but I was so angry, I lost control." he gestured at
the mess "I tore the body to pieces and I don't think
I would have stopped had you not called me."

He turned to me "Hiei I need you to burn the remains.
The humans must not find him." he said softly. "I can
burn this up but you'd do it cleaner because your fire
burns hotter and better."

It made sense. I put my right hand to my lips and
using my teeth partially opened the ward that covered
my black dragon. But if I use this I will lose more
energy even if I don't call on the dragon and just
partially use it's fire, it will still drain me bad
enough to make me helpless in front of him.

I put my hand back to my wound and licked my blood
from my lips. I have only met the Yokou several times
and in those times he had proven himself trust worthy.
"How long do you have before you change back?" I
asked.

"I can change back anytime I want and I can remain a
Yokou for as long as I like." He knelt then and
staring me straight in the eye he said. "Minamino does
not have the strength to heal you Hiei, because I am
wounded too, I have to remain in this form to stop you
from dying." He lowered his head and vainly tried to
wipe the blood off his face and hands "Will you let me
heal you? Please?" he asked.

He looked up at me all violence gone from his eyes,
his cheeks were stained pink so were his hands, his
long nails were dark in the partial light of the moon.
I looked at the unrecognizable gore he created several
feet away from him. He tore that human limb from limb
with his bare hands because it's occupant harmed me.

The fury I saw in his eyes was because someone hurt
me, and now he's begging me to heal my wounds. I
wanted to laugh at myself but I couldn't the act of
breathing was taking all my strength, I feel like I'm
drowning, my blood bubbled between my fingers, I was
getting faint. Either way, trust him or not, I die. I
chuckled despite the blood and focusing on the gore
sent my fire out to cleanse the dirt. I made it burn
only the pieces of flesh and blood keeping the dirt
unscorched, it took all my focus and by the time I was
done I only had enough strength to say 1 thing to
Kurama.

"I trust you." and the darkness took me.