Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Knowing (My Kitsune p2) ❯ Knowing ( Chapter 4 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Knowing 4 (HongKong 11-19-02


I'm cold, I snuggled closer to the warmth surrounding
me and I would have gone back to sleep had I not felt
an arm enclose me.

I was standing on the bed and looking down at Youko
Kurama the next instant. He was sitting up and looking
left and right, alert and ready for danger, then his
eyes spotted me .

The Great Fox shook his head a soft chuckle escaped
him. "Don't scare me like that Hiei." He laid back on
the pillows a smile of relief on his lips "I thought
we're in danger or something." He threw a towel at me,
I caught it as I hopped off the bed, it's stained with
my blood and rumpled because we had slept on it. He
then pulled a pillow to himself and taking that in his
arms closed his eyes again. "How are you feeling?" he
asked his voice still heavy with sleep. I could see my
Katana on the night table behind him.

He's covered with the sheets, his silken silver white
hair was a mess on the pillows, I can see bits and
pieces of plant material in his hair within his easy
reach.

I touched my wound, there's bandages over it and what
looked like a leaf. I didn't take my dressing off
because I could feel it's not completely healed yet.
It's okay actually but, I feel like there's not enough
air in my lungs. I took a deep breath and regretted
it. I clamped the towel to my face and crumpled to
the floor as wave after wave of rib racking coughs
shook me.

When the coughing fit stilled I was dizzy and the
black clotted blood I coughed out made me sick. I
gasped for breath and realized I was breathing better.
I looked up at the bed and met Kurama's curious golden
eyes peering at me from the bed's edge his silver
tufted ears was focused on me.

"You okay?" he asked. "Your breathing sound a bit
better... "

I nodded I couldn't speak, I climbed to my feet and
fought off a wave of nausea. Taking the towel with me
I made my way to the bathroom clutching at the my
chest.

Once inside I looked at myself in the mirror. I was
pale, but otherwise I look alright. I took my Jagan
ward off and splashed my face with cold water. I
dunked my head into the sink and shook my head
sprinkling my image in the mirror with drops of
crystal. Cold water made trails down my back, I took a
towel from the rack and dried my head. I feel better,
actually I'm not suppose to feel this well.

My past expiriences with impalement told me I
shouldn't get well this fast. Specially with internal
bleeding from vital organs. I looked pass the walls of
the bathroom at Kurama who was on the phone now
talking to someone. He returned the phone to it's
cradle and stretched on the bed like a cat, arching
his back and yawning fitfully. His tail went straight
and stiff when he arched his back then fell back down
when he stood up and staggered to the mini fridge in
the corner. He had to crouch on his knees to look
inside.

He must be almost 7 feet tall. If I stood next to him
I'd barely reach his nipple line. His silver hair was
a silken veil that reached below his buttocks in
straight thick strands. His tail, that part of him
that I find curious is between his legs trying to lift
that heavy knee length robe he was in. He had a bowl
of fruit in his arms and a bottle of water in his
other hand as he left the fridge. He placed the bowl
on the night table along with the water and began
fiddling with a device that sent music into the rooms.

He laid down on the bed belly down and began chewing
on an apple, he nodded to the music and soon his tail
was wagging to the rythym.

I realized I was staring. But I can't help myself, he
is so... beautiful. I've always admired Minamino's
good looks but the Yokou had always inspired awe in
me. His sheer size, that sheen of near inviscible
silver white hair that coveres his skin, under the
full moon, that makes him look etheral, like he's
shimmering. Terrible and beautiful all at once.

Last night the city's light sent his silver hair
shimmering and the blood staining his perfection sent
goose flesh all over me then and now as I stood in the
bathroom staring at him while he's unaware of my
scrutiny.

I have this image of Kurama in my mind, that deadly
glint of gold identifying who I was, the blood and
gore on his fingers, his lips smeared with it, the
common way he treated the death he had dealt...

On the other hand, the Kurama on the bed had found a
fast paced foreign music that made him smile, his head
noded from left to right while his tail went the
oppsite direction. He bit off half the apple and the
robe he wore hitched up to reveal his buttocks because
he's wagging his tail to the music. What I imagined
was true, when the Youko is amused he does wag his
tail.

He looks so... harmless, in fact he looked stupid, I
shook with laughter I tried to suppress, and earned
myself another coughing fit. I ran the faucet to get
rid of the clotted blood I spat out. I realized it
wasn't morning, it was late afternoon and Kurama's the
reason why I wasn't still in bed.

He shared his Youki with me. Holding me through the
night and well into the day.

If he had meant me harm he could have killed me
anytime.

He said he loved me.

I smell dried blood... I looked under the sink and I
saw Minamino's clothes. I gasped in shock, I took the
clothes into my hands and put it to my nose. Human
blood and Minamino's. I shuddered, what if.... what if
Kurama died? What if this is Kurama? What if....?

I clutched the clothes to my chest. I wasn't ready
for the wave of panic that constricted my chest. I
tried to breathe evenly and slowly. I looked through
the door at Yokou Kurama who was changing stations
again. Kurama is alive, he was wounded but he lives.
What did he say to me last night? "Minamino does not
have the strength to keep you from dying..."

He saved my life.

He was impaled too but he selflessly shared his
strength with me. And here I am... alive. How many
times over do I owe him my life?

I don't want Kurama to die, I have to protect him, I
owe him so much it's embarrasing. The sight of his
bloody clothes made me realize how important he is to
me. I have to be strong I swear that slip will never
happen again.

I almost lost Kurama. What if I didn't see that spear
coming? I stood up and let the moment of panic wash
away from me. Kurama is alive, he saved me, I am in
debted to him. I will pay it off, I will protect him.
I closed my third eye and covered it with the ward
again.

I swear I will protect him.

I piled the bloody clothes over the towel I had
ruined and opened the door. I know what I want to do
with these.

Kurama found a slow song that made him sigh. His arms
are crossed under his chin the half eaten apple in one
hand lay forgotten. His tail wasn't wagging anymore it
lay limply between his legs his ears were down too.

"Kurama?" I asked.

"Hm?"

"Why don't you change the music? This seems to sadden
you." I said.

"It's too beautiful, I want to hear it out."

"Ch." It was in English, I couldn't understand it.
The woman sang to me as I picked up my coat and took
everything to the veranda. I opened the sliding door
and without a second thought tossed the clothes into
the air and incinerated it instantly.

They were ashes before they had a chance to fly in
the air. I grunted and closed the door. He was looking
at me mouth open on a retort, then he just shook his
head and he smiled "Well, now you have to buy me
clothes." he said.

"Done. As much as you want." I stood at the foot of
the bed.

"And I hope for your sake that that went unnoticed.
Koenma's going to have a fit." He sighed as he put his
apple aside and lay there on his side like he was sick
or something. "What's the music about? Because now you
look sick."

He chuckled that bright spark in his eyes "I don't
think I should tell you." he said mischiviously. I
couldn't believe how different the Yokou's personality
was to Minamino's. I found it hard to believe they're
this distinct from each other when they weren't during
the last time I fought on his side. He's bolder, more
free with what he feels like doing and saying, he
wasn't reserved and quiet or even shy. You can see his
aggresive nature barely suppressed in the light of his
eyes and the set of his lips. But at the same time I
knew he's Shuiichi-Kurama... I don't know how to
explain this, thinking of it too much is confusing me.

"Great, pique my curiosity then say you can't tell!"
I crossed my arms and stared him down. His legs are so
long! And I could see that covering of soft silver
hair. He's on his back now the robe slightly open to
expose his similarly covered chest.

He sighed "Promise you won't laugh." he said.

I raised my brows at him "Okay."

"It's a very old love song, they keep reviving it
because it's really beautiful. I recognized the Piano
Sonata by Chopin so I stopped to listen, the words
she's singing is in English it means:

//No other love , can warm my heart
Now that I've known the comfort of your arms
No other love//

//Hold the sweet contentment
that I find with you
Everytime, everytime//

//No other lips could want you more
For I was born to glory in your kiss
Forever yours//

//I was blessed with love to love you
till the stars burn out above you
till the moon is but a silver shell
no other love
let no other love
know the wonder of your spell//(1)

Kurama looked at me without flinching throughout the
entire song. He's reciting it like poetry but I feel
like he's singing the song to me. My core hammered in
my chest my throat felt parched all of a sudden and my
hands and feet were colder and sweatier than ever. But
it wasn't fear I'm feeling it's... I don't know... I
reached out and touched his bare feet. His warm skin
sent a shock of reality through me.

The music was long over and a different song is on.
"Kurama turn that thing off." I said softly never once
tearing my eyes off the silken silver down covering
his leg. Even under this artificial light Kurama's
leg looks like it's been sprinkled with tiny tiny
stars, like those stuff the Ningens put on their
Christmas decorations to make them sparkle.

He complied without a word. Then he lay back with his
hands behind his back. "Go on Hiei I know your
curious." he said softly his voice a shade deeper his
eyes told me he trusted me. I crawled on the bed and
looked at him stretched out like an offering, he
smiled trustingly up at me. "You may touch me Hiei.
Don't worry I won't bite."

I smirked at him and laid a hand on his chest. I can
feel his strong core under my palm it's warmth sent a
thrill up my spine I couldn't describe. "I want to see
your wound." I asked, he nodded his reply. I slowly
peeled back his bathrobe and saw a leaf on his belly
just under his left rib. I frowned "Anything...?"

"Nope nothing vital, thanks to you." he said "And
you? How are you?"

"I'm alright, the wound is not well healed yet but I
feel fine, my breathing got better after I coughed."

"That's good. You will need to eat meat and drink a
lot of water, your body needs to replenish what you
lost."

"You saved my life." I said.

"I saved my heart." he replied with an impish smile.
"It's a very selfish thing for me to do."

I snorted. Me? His heart? There's no way, I've been
called a selfish, arrogant, cold hearted, little
bastard all my life. He's too... kind to have me for a
heart.

Under my hand is perfection I could never hope to
achieve or even dare to want. And that perfection is
offering himself to my touch, trusting me with his
hands behind his back, my sword within easy reach.

His alabaster skin made my hand look golden, the soft
near inviscible silver fuzz under my palm is a
pleasure I can't describe. I can trace thicker groups
of it making a pale path from the center of his well
developed chest to his well defined stomach, it went
down even further but his robe obstructed my view. It
also sent arms out to lightly encircle his pink
nipples. Even the scars that trace him here and there
did not detract from his beauty. I placed a finger on
a particularly long knife wound on his right side,
over where the liver is on his abdomen, it was several
inches long and had required stitches. On his left
side just a little above the hip is a recent one,
this one had required stitches too.

There were more scars both old and new. But I
didn't find them ugly, they were the badges of his
ability to survive for four hundred years. What
bothered me was that most of them are recent.
Something strong attacked Kurama, I don't care that
he's twice my size, I still want to protect him, I
don't want him harmed anymore. I don't know what this
feeling is inside me but it's burning me. I want... I
want to be close to him, when I was asleep in his arms
I felt... safe and good and warm inside... I was just
surprised that I was in bed with another person. And
why does touching him excite me so? I never wanted to
touch anybody as much as I wanted to touch him. I
never needed anyone, I never want anyone to touch me,
but... Kurama...

I'm so confused.

Then he said he loved me. How could this beauty fall
for something like me? I have heard tales of the
legendary Youko Kurama, his prowress in battle, his
skill as a thief, he can get anything he sets his mind
to. I heard tales of his rights to a territory in the
far north where warring clans of youko are fighting
for a title he tossed aside. There are still males and
females in the Makai who had shared his bed and never
forgot his touch.

I shook my head, I have to cure Kurama's ignorance.
Just the thought of it made me wince, I could... no...
I will loose him after I tell him my past. But I
cannot bear the thought of him going into this
ignorant! He's not going to want me after I tell him
but... he has to know. I don't know if I wave the
courage to tell him this, it's going to tear me to
pieces to get this out because I never told a soul
about this, I gave him hints but... BUT!

Here's my soul on a platter then, because Kurama
deserves nothing less.

"Kurama..."

"Shhhh, no need to say anything love." he said
softly, his brows furrowed with worry. He called me
love, he called me his heart, I told him not to waste
his affections on me and he does it anyway. He's so
stubborn! But he's been following the play of emotions
on my face so he seems to know what's going to happen.

"I need to tell you something."

"I need to tell you something too." he added. He
reached out to the nightstand and took the bottle of
water, he opened it and handed it to me.

I was staring at his hands. They are huge and his
long pale graceful fingers seemed longer because of
his long ivory nails. I hesitated from taking the
water from him, I think he saw this because his eyes
held that same look of sadness I always see in
Minamino's

"You fear my size." he said matter-of-factly.

I took the water and turned away from him, it would
be easier to tell this story if I pretended he's not
there. I was surprised at my thirst because I drank
more than half of the liter bottle. I put it down and
began my tale.

"You know I was cast away as an infant with nothing
but the wards that made up my swaddling clothes and my
mother's tear gem. Even then I can remember that old
hag condemming me and that lady Rui who was in tears
as she let me fall into the world. I did not
understand what was happening but as I fell into the
river I realized I have been rejected. I cried, then
and my crying saved me from drowning because a band of
thieves found me. The one who found me would have left
me had he not seen the tear gem in my fist. And if it
wasn't for the leader of that band, they would have
just cut my arm off and left me for the wolves.

"They took me in but I had to fight all day every day
while I was growing up. I had to fight for scraps, for
clothing for anything, and getting beaten is ususal
when your small. I have to survive, I learned to
defend myself, but it took me years and years before I
was really strong enough to earn their fear.

"They feared me because while I was helpless they
took advantage of it. They beat me to force me to do
things, when I do wrong, or more commonly to make me
cry so they can use my tears to buy or trade for
things. Sometimes... sometimes they beat me so bad I
felt like I was going to die. One day, one of the
demons tried to... tried to take advantage of me in my
weakened state. I trusted him and I thought he was
there to help ease my pain as he usually did.

"He did bandage me and salved my wounds but
afterwards he touched me in my intimate places and
tried to rape me. I killed him with his own dagger
before he could go too far. But I stopped trusting
anybody, my first taste of power taught me a very
important lesson. I have to be strong to stop my
tormentors. No one can help me but myself, I had cried
out and called for help but no one came even if I knew
they were close by. I am alone. I need to be strong so
I can stand alone.

"I stayed with that band for as long as necessary, I
grew stronger and stronger and soon they feared me and
tried to leave our group. I didn't need them anymore I
have become more powerful than any of them. So I
slaugthered them. I lost my Hiruseki during my
wanderings, I fought against this demon who managed to
cut my mother's gem from my throat. I told you this
story right? I went to Shigure and asked for a jagan
so I can look for my Hiruseki, my twin sister, and the
land where I came from.

"I also told you how I left while I wasn't strong
enough. Getting the Jagan had greatly diminished my
power. I was a class A and right after the operation I
was a weak class C. I wandered about secretly looking
for my mother's tear which empowered me in ways hard
to explain, I need it be more powerful, to be
stronger.

"The Jagan required constant attention. I was almost
always exhausted by night fall, and even deep sleep
was denied me because the eye would take over and use
me. Only now that I'm stronger can I have that deep
restful sleep people take for granted.

"I went to sleep on a tree, hidden from most demons,
but Kissaki, a slave caravan master found me. He
captured me easy and bound me to the central pole of
his tent. He placed this mask on me that took my
control over my own body. Warded thus and chained I
couldn't escape. Do you understand what happened to me
Kurama?"

I took a drink of water. "I became the camp past
time. That lasted for... months, I couldn't count time
it was all a blurr." I finished the water and wished
it was something stronger so I can pass out and not
have to remember what they did to me. "I bore it, I
survived it. I became strong enough to break the mask
they put on me and I killed every last one of them,
and burned them to ashes afterwards.

"Kurama, I'm not worth it, I've been used so many
times I lost count and... well I'm filthy. You deserve
better. Don't waste yourself on me."

There was a long silence behind me, I lost him, I
know I did, how will he tell me he dosen't want me
anymore? How do I make it easier for him? How am I
going to get back to Japan, this was fun while it
lasted, I haven't had this much fun since... I can't
remember having this much clean fun at all...

Damn what will I say to Yusuke? Leaving Kurama would
be a betrayal of his trust. Have I lost the only other
friends I have? What will Mokuro say? No, I will
follow him even if he rejects me. I will watch his
back from afar if necessary. I swore an oath to myself
and Yususke entrusted him to me. I cannot leave
Kurama. I owe this demon too much.

But I feel like I betrayed him. He's been wanting me
all these time and I have decieved him all these years
not letting him know what I was. A slave, the camp
whore, had I weakened they would have killed me and
dumped me for the birds, but I had to survive because
I haven't found my mother's tear yet and my twin
sister, I had questions I needed to ask my mother and
the lady who cast me from their island in the sky.

I felt that familliar disgust at myself. I swallowed
and shoved my feelings away. This is something that
wasn't meant for me. I wrapped my heart back into it's
iron glove, I was determined not to feel any of this.

I worried when the silence stretched and tried to
sense his emotions. I turned around and saw Kurama is
back on his belly, his shoulders were shaking and his
fist were clenched so tight his knuckles were white.

"Kurama?" I asked.

He looked up at me and I saw the tears marring his
beautiful face, his ears were flat against his head.
He held an arm out and slowly wrapped it around my
waist pressing his wet cheeks to the small of my back.

He's crying for me but he still doesn't understand I
was impatient with him when I said "Kurama, you
musn't, I will be your friend, I will watch your back
and face this thing your running from but you can't...
your beautiful and perfect... and..." I turned away
from him at a lost for words.

"What?" he asked his voice breaking.

"I've- I've always admired your beauty, your grace
even as a human and the way you are as a Youko. Your
beautiful, your like the moon, I don't want you
getting dirty..."

"You can't imagine how much you wounded me with your
words." he cut me off.

It was my turn to ask "What?"

He sat up and moved so he was right in front of me
then he wrapped his arms around me "I don't give a
damn what you were, I don't give a damn what you did
to survive, I don't give a damn what you feel about
yourself! I love you! I don't care if you think your
filthy or your leftovers Hiei, in my eyes your spun
gold! Your MY treasure, my dammed stupid heart. Your
the most beautiful thing in the world to me. I meant
it when I said I was being selfish when I rescued you,
because I can't live without you anymore dammit! I
know I'm not sane anymore too but, I would have
completely lost it if you had died last night!

"Don't you understand Hiei?" he very gently took me
into his lap and immediately I was flooded by his
desperate need to hold on to me. "Your my joy, my
love, the master thief who stole my heart." he buried
his face in my hair lifting me up to cradle me in his
arms. "Even if you don't want me to love you I will
do it anyway, I can't lie to myself when it comes to
you. Hiei, I will love you no matter what."

I didn't know what to say, he's rocking me back and
forth and I felt like a child in his arms, but there
was no fear, they never held me like this he wasn't
taking from me, he's giving. His hand on my back is
gentle supporting me and not confining me, I could
have escaped if I wanted to.

And everything he said reflected what I felt for him.
I care a lot about him, his safety, his happiness. He
had this same deep need to hold me and be held by me.
What I felt when I saw his bloody clothes came back to
me and the fury in his maddened eyes when he destroyed
that human shell shook me once again. What he said
about me being his treasure made my heart swell.

No one has been this nice to me, no one's cared for
me like him. No one's called me the most beautiful
thing in the world.

No one's said to me that he can't live without me,
and cried on my shoulder as though he was losing me.
And I felt the same way about Kurama. And he said he
loves me.

Gods! I love Kurama ?

Something in me shattered, something I've held on to
for as far back as I can remember. And I didn't care
because what ever it was, I didn't need it anymore.

I pulled away from him and looked up to his golden
eyes, they were wet and swimming in tears. My mind has
never been clearer my heart never been more sure of
what I have finally come to realize "Kurama?" I asked
my voice shaking.

"Yes my love?"

"I just figured out something." I said, I brushed his
tears off with cold numb fingers.

"What is it my love?" he asked.

"I-I love you too."

_________________________________
(1) Norha jones - No other love