Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Knowing (My Kitsune p2) ❯ Knowing ( Chapter 5 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Knowing 5(HongKong 11-19-02)

"...I will never know
myself until I do this on my own
and I will never feel
Anything else until my wounds are healed
I will never be
anything 'til I back away from me
and I will break away
I'll find myself today..."

- Linkin Park : Somewhere I belong


I pushed my head against Hiei sitting on my lap, how
can I describe the joy four simple words have brought
me?

"I love you too." he said that to me. Breathless,
surprised at his own words.

"Ah Hiei." Four words I engraved into my heart.

I have his lithe bird-like body in my arms being very
careful not to hold on too tight. I was right, I was
so right. Hiei was never loved, he never knew how it
was like to be cherised and needed. The tragedy was,
he had the capacity to care.

He had needed it like the children of the fire demons
I befriended, they had laughed and played with me
hugging and kissing me in my four tailed form. Their
parents looking on laughing at our antics.

He never had a mother to run to when he scraped his
knee, he never had a father to teach him his skills
and tell him about right or wrong or to carry him
around on his shoulders, he never had someone who
didn't try and take advantage of him. Is it any wonder
why he cared for no one but himself? Is it any wonder
why he never let anybody get too close to him? I
understand now why he can be so cold, callus, and
emotionless, it's his way of protecting himself. He
had embraced the frozen heart of the Koorimes so he
can stand alone against the world.

And then that partial story he hinted at. He was
trapped but it wasn't with one demon. A lesser youkai
would have succumbed but he survived it, tooth and
nail clawed himself out of his oppression and
destroyed his captors. I am awed by his strength, his
iron will, his guts, his stubborn determination to go
on.

And he had turned his tragedies into his strength.
Rising amongst the ranks of demons to gain his
privilaged status. Mokuro's heir, Class S, the small 3
eyed one who can destroy us all. He could have done it
without us, Koenma's reikai Tantei, but he opened up
enough to include us in his very short list of trusted
individuals. His only friends as far as I can tell. It
meant that even then, this small portion of him that's
still warm with the fire demon's nature existed.

But... is it wise to teach him this human burden? Is
it wise to teach him the hows and whys of human love?

Shuiichi's heart is my greatest strength and at the
same time my greatest weakness. When I am spent and
near dead he bolsters me and gives me that last ounce
of will to go on, I can do things beyond what I knew
are the limits of my strength. But his heart is a
constant burden too, full of unrequited needs, and
pained illusions, of guilt and regret. Things I never
had in my former life.

But if Hiei understood now that he loved me then it's
too late, his journey into this might have began when
we first met before the three treasures incident...

I can't find words pass the ball of renewed tears in
my throat. All the while his eyes are dry, telling me
how surprised he was by his own discovery. I pressed
my lips to his cheek his small hands came up to touch
my face. I pulled back to look at him, at his
fascinating eyes that were like drops of blood on
snow, like rubies when they sparkle with joy. I bent
to kiss his lips, pausing for his permission, he
didn't move away, nor did the intensity of his gaze
falter.

I touched his lips with mine, just a light brush of
skin and skin but I shuddered at the electricity that
passed between us. He gasped his lips parting with the
sharp intake of breath and I took advantage, I parted
mine to take his lower lip. Sweeter than honey my
Hiei, my soon to be mate, intoxicating, highly
addicting. His lips are so innocent, as they pressed
against mine, learning as I cradled his head in one
hand.

I felt that incredible trust he had laid on my
shoulders.

I pulled away for air and left him still holding his
breath his eyes closed. He looked like a pale dream in
front of me savoring his first kiss, I was afraid that
if I moved or even breathed that he will fade away and
I would be left with this aching need in my chest and
a memory I wished was real.

He put his fingers to his lips "So that's a kiss." he
said and when his eyes flew open to meet mine it
seemed a miracle, my dream, my fondest wish has come
true. His eyes looked at me with wonder.

"Yes, and no." I said my voice thick with emotion.

"Hn?"

I smiled at his question "This is a kiss." I took his
lips this time with the tempered force of my passion.
Keeping my hands away from his sight I plundered his
mouth seeking entrance with my tounge. He moaned and
his teeth parted I pushed in meeting his tounge
coaxing him to play with me, sucking in his sweetness,
his corrupted innocence. And when he began to respond
in like I fell back and let him know me. He explored
my mouth tentatively, I licked his lips and they
parted to catch my tounge, my blood thundered in my
ears as he sucked me. Our breath mingled because we
never bothered to part for air.

I felt his sharp canines then and I kissed him deeper
wounding myself on his teeth. My blood mingled between
us, Hiei moaned and his arms wrapped around my head
trying to bring me closer as he sucked on my tounge.
Hmmmmm he likes that....

I groaned hungrily, my passion is overwhelming me, my
sleeping member is awakening.

There was a knock on the door and a man called in a
sing-song voice "Room service!"

GODDAMIT!!!

I let Hiei's lips go, I stared in awe at the wanton
look he gave me, his eyelids heavy, his breathing came
in gasps his lips swollen from my abuse broke into a
smile "Yes, I agree, I liked that one better." my guts
clenched, my core raced, his husky tone nearly drove
me to the edge of my self control. Nearly.

I grinned and growl escaped me as I crushed him
slowly to me devouring his neck with open mouthed
kisses.

"Ahh!" he cried out, in surprise.

"Sir?" the muffled voice outside the door asked.

"Fuck!" I cursed and laid my head dejectedly on his
shoulder "I'm sorry koi, I ordered food while you were
in the bathroom." I could feel his shoulders shaking
when I opened my eyes to look at him I heard his
laughter. And I was dazzled by this new miracle, his
face was bright and free of that steel edged mask he
always wore. I stared at him in awe, and when his
laughter subsided he pulled away from me.

"I'll get it." he said.

"No let me," I stood to get the door. I nearly
tripped and I had to turn around and arrange my
bathrobe over my raging erection. Damn embarrassing
erection...

"But..." he said gesturing at me.

"Fox magic, prepare to be dazzled." I winked at him
shaking my fingers out for show and tossing my hair
back from my shoulders. He crossed his arm with an
amused smile playing on his lips. The man outside does
not know how I look like, so I impressed a picture of
Minamino in his mind and made that picture my image. I
opened the door tail wagging and all and the man
greeted me with a cheery good morning as he pushed his
cart in.

"How's the weather outside?" I asked and he answered
me with a smile.

"It's pretty cold sir, last I checked it was 5
degrees Centigrade, that usually happens during
January or so. They say we're actually going to have
frost." I turned my back to him to get my wallet
showing him my tail and watched Hiei's expression of
shock. Fox magic generally do not work on people like
Hiei, with his kind, that is the psychically and
spiritually gifted, I needed a different trick.

But for this human I was Minamino in a white
terrycloth bathrobe that belongs to this hotel. The
man laid out our food and kept talking, he's Chinese
but his English is British in accent "There's these
couple of crazy Canadians who went out to play golf in
their shorts and sweaters this morning, they said the
weather is just perfect. And an Australian who said
this was a welcome break, he said there's a heatwave
in Adelaide..."

When he was done laying out the dinner I passed him a
10 USD tip. He thanked me and left with his cart.

"I could see right through you. This means your magic
dosen't work on me." he said.

"Well, not that magic at least." I said giving him a
mischivious smile. I approached him and his smile
faltered. I saw him clench his hands into fists.

"Gomen," he lowered his head "Even knowing where this
stems from it's hard to just stop it. Old habits die
hard." he added and when he looked up he had a
determined look in his eyes. He approached me until he
was a foot away, then he laid a hand on my chest
tentatively. "Dammit your big." he complained as he
brushed the palm of his hand across my chest.

So brave, my beloved, never one to run in fear.

"Sorry baby, good news is I get bigger with each
century and each tail I gain." He grimaced at my
attempt to lighten the mood. "Hiei?" I said as I
lifted my hand very slowly to take his, I have to
prove to him once and for all that I am not a threat.

"Yes?"

"Your my mate," I said as I led him to the dining
table "and as such I want to perform some of my duties
to you." I said as I made him sit down. I pulled a
chair over and sat besides him. I want to serve him
like my females used to, you know the ones I go to
behind my father's back? They pampered me and spoiled
me silly, I want to do that to Hiei, I want to indulge
his every whim.

"Duties?" he asked as he took the proffered seat,
he's still in his loose black pants from Tokyo and
the bandages I wrapped around him last night.

"Indulge me baby, I'm still trying to make myself
believe that your here with me. And you know how I
feel and that you return my feelings, I want to savor
this." I opened the first tray and the delicious smell
of the medium rare steak on the cooling hot plate
filled the room. I sliced a bite and dipped it in the
sizzled gravy before I held it out to him.

He snorted and took the bite off the fork. I grinned
and fed him all the best pieces of the dishes I
ordered. I paid attention to every mouthful I fed
him, knowing his taste and the balance he wants,
feeding myself occasionally. There's a sushi plate
with fresh moguro, toro, tako, ebi, kani, tamago, ika,
something that tasted like Hamachi and ikura maki. The
serving sizes we're a bit big specially the ika sushi,
I had to cut them into 2 and Hiei ate from my fingers.
He nibbled delicately on these and the amount of
wasabe he put in the soy sauce was enough to make me
teary eyed. I made sure he had several bites of the
foi gras and the liver steak before I fed him desert.

For desert I asked for the wickedest chocolate cake
they had and strawberry sorbet to wash it all down.
The Chocolate Sin was true to it's name. Rich moist
layers of cake filled with fudge caramel and dark
chocolate topping decorated with leaf gold. The bottom
part was damp with fine smooth cognac.

Hiei loved it.

"Damn it Kurama you fed me full before this?" He said
holding on to my hand as he licked the chocolate off
them.

"It's dessert Hiei, a treat, it's junkfood."

"Pocky is junk food, Reese cups are junkfood, this is
junkfood, how come all the good stuff are junkfood?" I
kissed him because I couldn't resist it, his lips are
driving me mad, so much sweeter now smothered in
chocolate.

I remmebered how he devoured the Reese cups I gave
him at the airport waiting terminal, I only had one
from the first pack. He finished it and went to get 2
more from the candyshop/magazine store. I thought 11
Reese cups in 20 minuites was enough so I found a seat
away from the newstand.

He pulled away from my kiss his eyes blazing, using
his fingers he tore a bite sized chunk from the cake
and fed it to me, then he kissed me, while his fingers
were still in my mouth.

My insides melted and my mind turned to mush. He's
learning fast, gods I've created a monster!

I feel this heat building around us, his breath is
hotter, near fevered as he exhaled into me. I wanted
so much to have him, I want to take him but I can't,
this is for him, not me. His fingers stroked my tounge
before latching themselves to my lower teeth as he
sucked the chocolate off me.

Ah Hiei, my aching need is sweet agony! His hot
little tounge darted into my mouth licking the roof,
it made me fall from my seat kicking it away from me
and for the 2nd time in 24 hours I kneeled before him
again. I moaned as I went between his legs his heated
skin under my hands made me smile, the air around us
grew warmer and warmer, this is what I was waiting
for, the surest sign of a fire demon's arousal. Fever
hot skin, the red flush and the rise in ambient
temperature. I let him plunder my mouth, his taste,
his heat, his daring, his strength, his will, he has
enslaved me!

Yomi could never make me kneel before him. I avoided
him actually because in my Yokou form I dominated Yomi
and it pissed him off enough to harm Minamino later,
and he lets him.

"Ahhh Hiei!" I let his lips go and struggled with my
need. He's not ready for that yet, these things take
time. And I'm really too big for him. Perhaps as
Minamino, I can give him that pleasure, but as Yokou
I'd only hurt him. It's too soon.

But I can't stop tasting his skin, I can't keep
myself off him for too long, I parted my lips to lick
salty sweat off his neck, I kissed his collar bone
pausing to nibble there, down his arm. I licked the
crook of his elbow and nibbled on his wrist. I didn't
spare his palm from this attention I laved his palm
before taking his fingers into my mouth again. I
sucked on his two middle digits, swirling my tounge
between them and sucking strongly as I pulled them
out, I looked at him.

He was in distress, sweat beaded his brows, he was
breathing hard and a question was burning behind his
eyes. "Hiei?" I held his cheek lightly. He shivered.

"Kurama." he said and the huskiness of his tone made
me want to kiss his throat over and over. He looked
down I saw his need tenting his pants. "I need to..."
he looked at me "Sumimasen..."

"Let me." I smiled, then I devoured his lips again, I
put my hand over his crotch. He gasped I let his lips
go and proceeded to torture his nipples well aware
that in the future he will do this to me.

"Hnnn!" he said suppresing his cries as his entire
body tensed. I let his nipple go, gasping he looked at
me with wild need and pure trust.

"Let it out itoshii, cry my name if you want, curse
me if you need to, the sounds you make let's me know
if I'm treating you right." slowly, I have to slow
down, he's definitely aroused but he's recalling
things and it's making him tense.

"Kurama.... I'm... I'm afraid." he said in a bare
whisper.

That Hiei said that was a catharsis for him. I was so
touched I almost cried again, gods what an onna I've
become, how many times has he made me cry within the
past 24 hours? "Hiei it's alright to be aftraid, I'm
never going to hurt you, if you want me to stop just
tell me and I will. Trust me that I will never hurt
you. Let me help you," I kissed the center of his
chest "I will have only what you are willing to give
me itoshii." I smiled up at him as I released his need
from his pants. He's bigger than I expected him to be,
I smiled pleased that he inherited the girth and
stature of his paternal ancestors. And he's not even
completely aroused yet, but this I can definitely
remedy. "Let me give you relief hm?" I asked.

He nodded but I could see he had no idea what I was
going to do. He thought maybe I will jerk him off
because when I bent over to taste him he cried out and
tried to pull away. I put my hands on the chair to
keep him from toppling over.

I knelt there between his legs waiting for him to
gather his control over himself. This is a very
physical experience he's going through and it's that
body we are trying to convince I am harmless to him. I
could see the surprise in his eyes but no fear. I
think what happened to Hiei in that tent put this
barrier between himself and his physical needs, he
said that the mask took control of his body away from
him. I'd feel pretty betrayed if I was in his place,
my body reacting to a rapist's touch...

There's the dash of cold water I needed to cool my
passion.

My instincts tell me it would be unwise to stop this.
He needs this, I tell you he's going to want me to do
this sooner or later anyway. It's who he is. But I
have to slow down and cool off, this is for him, not
for me.

I bent to kiss his knee and lay my head on it, I
brushed the sweat off my forhead and temples on his
thigh, loving the way his strong muscles rolled under
my cheeks. I waited until I felt his hand on my head.
He brushed my damp hair back away from my face, then
fondled one of my ears between his fingers. "Hmmmm,
that feels so good..." I hummed my pleasure at his
touch, letting him know one of my weaknessess. I
looked up at him and he's pleased with himself.

"It's okay..." he said. "I didn't know what-"

I put a finger on his lips "You've done this before?
Relieved yourself?"

He blushed and looked away "It, rarely happens and
when it does I just ignore it. It goes away. I've-I've
never needed it this bad before."

Dammit to hell I want to kill those bastards again! I
swallowed my temper.

"K-Kurama?" he asked sensing my anger.

I sighed "I'm not mad at you baby, just wishing I
could kill a certain group of already dead demons."
his fingers stilled then resumed their caress he
grunted I kissed my sweat on the cloth of his pants
"Your aroused baby," I said, I leaned closer to his
ear watching the shame and disgust in his face. I
chose not to address it, words don't work as well as
touch. I kissed the pale pink shell of his ear and
willed myself to focus on the moment "Let me show you
the benefits of having me as your pet ne?" I winked at
him our eyes so close my lashes brushed his. I waited
for him, pressing gentle kisses on his cheek, tasting
the salt of his sweat on his temple, when he nodded I
smiled and caught his eye. I want him to look at me
while I do this, I want him to know it's me, I lowered
myself and without taking my eyes of him swallowed him
whole.

"Hahhh!" he gasped I went down pressing him tight
between my lips, my touge twirling on the underside of
his need until I reach his nest of fine dark curls. A
deep breath of his manly scent made me want to linger
and nuzzle. But his hips were trying to push up into
my mouth so I sucked on him as I pulled up. He was
moaning and clutching my hair with his hands he pulled
hard then let go, he graduated to clutching the
chair as I repeated the motions pausing to stab his
tip every now and then. I knew I was doing right
because I feel like I'm in front of a fireplace.

He was whimpering incoherently, sobbing his pleasure.
I could taste his precum, the source of that rich
addicting, intoxicating scent, that is uniquely his. I
groaned deep in my throat loving the taste and feel of
him, and he responded in like, because I have him to
the root.

But I want to do something, I want to break the chain
of his dark memories. I let him slip pass my lips and
his dissapointed groan almost made me want to finish
him off. Is it too soon for this? I don't think so,
Hiei is the kind who faces down his fears, there can
be no halfway measures but I think a compromise is in
order. He would associate this act with pain and
violence, and I want to change his view of that. I
want to pleasure him, I want him to know that it
dosen't have to hurt, that I will never hurt him. This
is a prelimenary so to speak I will not take him even
if he begs me to, because that will only harm him.

"Shhh patience." I reached over at the table for the
steak knife. I cut the nail off my index finger and
middle finger though I doubt I'll use that, then I
swiped them in the butter dish.

He was panting, sweat sheened his upper lip as well a
his forehead, his chest heaved and his erection was
purple with need, dripping with ambrosia. I'm more
than pleased with him, he has all these angry veins
cording his girth. I want him inside me but I don't
think he has the stamina for that yet. It's only been
a day since his impalement and he lost a lot of blood.

I pulled his pants completly off and placed his knees
over my shoulders. I couldn't resist, taking a lick
off his littler head sucking and nipping playfully. I
got a helpless moan for that so I took his balls
between my mouth and carefully rolled them on my
tounge.

"Ahh! Goddam you Kurama!" he cried. "What the fuck
are you doing to me?!"

I wanted to retort but then again I did say he can
curse me right? "I'm loving you Hiei." I poked my
tounge behind hid balls then and made a line for his
little rose bud. The groans and the series of curses
pouring from his lips were music to my ears. He's
fighting his fear with his anger, now that's much
better ne?

I tasted him there teasing his entrance with my
tounge, letting him know what I meant to do, then
slowly I pushed into his nether mouth slicking his
entrance, teasing that part of his body that had been
violated in the past.

"K'so! Ahhh, Hnnn! Dammit Kurama! D-Don't! St-stop!"
But I couldn't pull away because he was holding my
head firmly and his knees are on my arms now because
he had parted his legs wider. A classic mind against
body confrontation. This is good because now his body
wants me. But did he mean don't stop? Or don't do that
stop? I decided to listen to his mind, never hurts to
be sure, and I want to be careful with Hiei. I stopped
what I was doing and kissed his inner thighs.

He's small, we are going to have problems in the near
future. And if I know Hiei he's going to want me to
erase that part of his past by making me take him.
"You don't want me kissing you there koiishi?" I asked
as I rubbed my sweaty cheeks on his fevered inner
thigh.

He groaned grabbed my hair and pulled me up to his
flushed face " Take me but don't do that! Don't demean
yourself to me." he panted.

I was bewildered, then I understood, I chuckled
"Hiei, I'm a youko, this form you see is a reflection
of my youki, but my truest form is that of four
tailed, four legged, silver fox." His eyes went wide
in understanding I nodded "I want to know every inch
of you, and that includes this." I touched him with
my buttered digit and he nearly jumped out of his
seat. "I don't find this demeaning, baby I'm knowing
you." when he didn't protest I resumed what I was
doing.

He moaned and groaned and when I pushed my finger in
he cursed me. I had to stop at every knuckle because
he was that tense and that tight. I didn't take
offense when he cursed me, in fact I encouraged him.
Besides, his hands and his body, contary to what his
mouth was saying, was encouraging me to go on. His
eyes and this burning heat from him is telling me that
I've made the right choice and that I'm doing it
right. He is facing his demons, my brave little thief.

I took his length back into my mouth, he groaned deep
in his throat. He whimpered so pitiously I almost
stopped again. He sounded like he was sobbing when I
began stroking his insides willing him to relax by
reflex. I looked up at him and found him looking hard
at me his eyes burned me with their need and their
trust and their... fear. He nodded at me but I can see
that he's pushing himself. He's expecting pain, he's
waiting to get hurt.

I felt around for my target then pulling out a little
I prodded it as I pushed back in.

"Ahhhfffuck!" he cried I felt the tremors shake him,
I looked at his eyes that were wide with surprise,
his breathing was ragged and his core was so loud I
could hear it from where I was, hammering away
threatening to break out of his rib cage. His need
warred with his memories, wanting me and waiting for
the pain I will never give him. I prodded that sweet
spot again and he groaned in a deep raw voice his body
jerking forward so close our faces almost met, he drew
in a long ragged breath and slowly looked at me. I
saw in his face the surrender I needed, and the
strain of this excertion. I decided to end his
torment, he's near the end of his endurance.

I bobbed up and down on him while I jabbed him in
time with my finger. Incoherent helpless moans and
groans was all I could hear, he sobbed my name once or
twice, his heat suffocating me, it had stripped away
what sweat would have come to cool me off. I'm getting
dizzy from it, I thirst terribly. His hands tore at my
hair before I felt one let go, that hand found the
chair, and he rose. He held me firmly by my hair and
began moving his hips, thrusting himself into my mouth
and pushing down on my finger. I let him find his
pace, I didn't hold him back.

"Kurama! Ahh I'm... Kurama!" he exploded into my
mouth. I put a hand on his waist to keep him from
trying to pull out and to support him as he collapsed,
I swallowed his juices savoring his rich bittersweet
buttermilk. I sucked him dry, licking him for good
measure when I looked up at him, he was limp on the
chair and his eyes were closed. I listened to his
vitals, they we're okay.

He fainted.

Dammit!

Then I started laughing at myself. Serves me right
for torturing a virgin of love. I looked between my
legs and decided Minamino would be better suited to
this situation.

I sighed, I'm hurting bad from my unrequired need,
but I'm happy beyond words. I bent to nuzzle his spent
need, finding myself paying homage to him the way our
women or men would after having the privilage of
bedding a superior.

I have it bad.

I let go.