Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Knowing (My Kitsune p2) ❯ Knowing ( Chapter 6 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Knowing 6 (Hong Kong 11-20-02)


When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you, yield to him,
Though the sword hidden amongs his pinions,
May wound you.

- Kahlil Gibran : The Prophet


I peeled an eye open, and found the red haired Kurama
sitting on the floor with his forearms on the bed, his
chin rested on them. That beautiful green of his eyes
soothed my soul, I sighed and smiled at him. The
hornets nest of questions at the back of my head
became irrelevant at the moment. I reached out to
touch his hair listening to that need in me to verify
his prescence. I was mystified by the fact that in
one being, I loved 2.

"Ohayo itoshii." he said and he graced me with that
radiant smile unblemished by any shadow of sadness or
pain. The smile I wanted to see on his face always.

I looked at the red numbers of the clock on the table
near the bed and the partially open curtains
confirming what my internal clock told me. "Gods
Kurama it's 3 in the morning aren't you going to
sleep?"

He sighed "I can't sleep, I can't get enough of
watching you sleep. What does my dream have that will
compare with this reality?"

"What?" I looked at him to see if he was serious, his
steady gaze and that same good smile told me he was. I
shook my head and laughed softly "Baka no kitsune."

I felt his fingers twine with mine he bit his lower
lip. "Gomen, I was on the other side of the bed but
you turned around so I moved here." he said with a
sheepish smile.

"Seriously Kurama?" I asked finding that extremely
odd but... highly plausible. When he nodded my brows
went up, "My mistake then, your not stupid your
crazy."

Ahhh, I think I said something bad " Kurama I-" he
smiled amused and pressed his fingers over my lips.

"You needn't apologize for telling the truth. Does
it, bother you? I mean..."

I took his fingers off my lips "No, I... it's just...
how did this happen? What-?" He looked bewildered for
a moment his eyes glazed looking at something I cannot
see.

"Kurama?" I asked.

"Hm?" he asked snapping to attention. He seemed to
recall why he was there then he looked away " I don't
know Hiei, I can't remember." And his words were
truth. He shuddered then his eyes glazed again
"It's... I don't want to go there, I don't... " then
his lids came down just a fraction and when he spoke
again his voice was a shade deeper. "There's a very
good reason why we can't remember. I can't find the
silent one, I think it's best you leave that alone for
now Hiei."

I shuddered. That was the Youko.

I saw when the Kurama I knew came back, his eyes grew
wider and his brows furrowed with a frown. "I wasn't
in distress." he said peeved at someone only he can
see.

I, stared, I couldn't help it. Then I saw his shame
when he looked at me, he turned away from me but not
before I saw the pain and fear in his eyes. I stared
at the back of his head, I didn't know what to do, I
was... it was... desperately I clung to him. I don't
know what else to do, I want to comfort him despite
this... this...

"I freaked you out." he muttered his hands over my
arms as I held on to his neck.

"Is that what this is? I fear for you but I'm afraid
of you..?"

"Sorry, Hiei, he comes when I'm in trouble or when I
feel... unbalanced. The other one comes when I'm in
deeper trouble." he said pressing his cheek against my
arm.

"Other one?" I asked.

"The silent one, he comes and goes as he please. He
never speaks but, he's like our gut instincts. He
knows things we don't." I squeezed him tight then let
him go. I tilted his face up so I can look into his
eyes.

"There's three of you?" He gave a sheepeish smile.

"This is so strange, discussing this with someone
outside of myself." He took my hand and squeezed it
tight. "Yes, only 3 of us."

Something bad happened to Kurama, something so bad
his mind.... divided itself over it. I see it now.
This Kurama is Shuiichi, the half demon we all knew,
he changed that's for sure, but he remained himself
enough that we recognized him. The other one, the
Youko, is who he was before he became Shuiichi, the
Youko Kurama I 've heard about in the Makai, he takes
over when Shuiichi can't handle things. I remembered
the wide eyed look of surprise and disbelief in his
face before it contorted into that mask of fury the
night we were attacked.

And then there's the one they called Silent. He would
be the last persona to take over I think. When the
Youko himself had given up.

Kurama what the hell have you been doing?!?

And dammit he can't answer because he can't remember!

I knew when I followed Kurama that I'd be getting
myself into trouble. I didn't know how much trouble it
was but I was determined to back him and now I can see
the tip of the iceberg. I moved out of the bed. I have
no words to say, the turmoil inside my own head is not
letting me get organized enough to say anything right,
but I need to get something across. This worked
before, I know it will work again.

I pushed him back so he was leaning against the bed
and I straddled him. I put my arms around his waist
and laid my head on his shoulder. I rested my self on
him trusting him letting him know I support him and I
will be with him always. His arms came around me in a
death grip and he rocked me slowly with his face
buried against my neck.

We held on to each other for who knows how long. I
didn't care, what mattered was Kurama's grip on me.
It's was along while before he loosend his tight hold
and his hands constantly roamed over me like he was
trying to verify my reality.

"It's alright, your a strong person." I brushed his
hair off his temple and kissed him there, immitating
the gestures the Youko used to comfort me. "I'm not
going to leave you, I swear I will protect you, I will
try and watch your back better."

"Shhh wasn't your fault, your warning saved me from
getting hit anywhere vital." He pulled away, so we can
see each other's faces better "I thought I trapped
her, I didn't know I killed her so I didn't expect her
to come after us. Will you forgive me for my lapse?"
he asked me and his smile held promise of the bright
one I wanted.

"Hn, stupid fox." I took his lips between mine and he
responded languidly. I held him to me, trying to
reconcile what the Youko and I did and what Shuiichi
and I haven't done.

In a way this is my first kiss with him all over
again. So I savored it, every moment of it.

My lover has two forms and three personalities that
go with them, I decided to call my green eyed human,
Kurama and my golden eyed god the Youko. In my mind
that's what I'll call them but he is one Kurama. I
haven't met the silent one, and I dred having to. If
he's a last resort then the trouble that Kurama's been
running from would have to be here to bring him out.

I wonder if he has a body that corresponds to his
personality?

We broke the kiss and went on to trace each other
faces blindly with our lips. I can feel... I can feel
things I know I've denied for so long I have no name
for them. I'm only beggining to... relearn things. I'm
learning to trust that part of me I've buried under so
much ice I thought it was gone for good. I have made
myself vulnerable to Kurama, trusting he won't hurt me
where no medicine can heal me.

I feel lost, I'm in love and I don't know what to do
with what I feel for Kurama.

The Youko is brash and quick to act, he tore down, my
illusions, my masks, my walls and gave me an
expirience that I know had changed me forever. I was
shattered by his touch, I am lost in a landscape I do
not recognize. Looking into his eyes now I feel like
I'm walking through a dense lush rainforest, I don't
know which actions will save us or which actions will
destroy us

Just thinking about what the Youko did to me makes me
feel... needy. I could feel a string of pain/pleasure
pulling itself tight between my heart and my gut. He
destroyed my self image by rendering useless my claims
to power, I was helpless in his arms I could not have
fought him even if I wanted too. If he had stopped out
of consideration for my cries and curses I would have
gone down on my knees to beg him to continue. I've
fought valiantly against my helplessness, and now at
the height of my power I found out I am as helpless as
a child against him. And what did he do when he saw me
surrender my pride and strength? He put it aside and
worshipped me.

He made my struggle for power meaningless, he covered
me with kisses and took me and my desperate need into
his mouth and swallowed my seed like it was the nectar
of the gods. He went so far as to kiss and taste my
nether mouth, which I thought was complete debasement.
But then he touched me in there, and I was catapaulted
into pleasure I could not describe even if the gods
blessed me with the gift of tounges.

When they did it to me it was nothing but pain. I
felt no pleasure in it, merely an act of savagery done
to assuage some want that burned in their eyes. I
understood perfectly well why the Koorime despised
that act and self reproduced without the aid of a
male. I put that need aside, determined not to let
anyone suffer that act from my hands. And being half
Koorime made that easy.

He destroyed that illusion too. Because now I want to
have more of it and if he'd let me I'd like to give
him that too.

He made me aware of his true form then, and made me
realize how different their ways are form what I'm
used too. Perhaps... perhaps the silent one takes that
form? I'm curious. But that explains a lot of the
things I heard and seen about youko, how they gaze at
each other when they first meet then go someplace
private to continue their introductions. That would
explain the youko I saw in my wanderings kneeling
before one of their females to press his face against
her sex, then stand up to lick her face.

That would also explain Kurama's teasing about
himself getting bigger in size as he grows stronger.
Their silver haired, two legged manifesttions is not
their true form but a reflection of their youki. I
felt dismay. As it is the Youko is a giant compared to
me.

But not this Kurama. Not my red haired Kurama.

I like the feel of his body against me, his lips
nibbled gently on my ear, I stretched my neck offering
it to his lips. I want to feel his skin next to
mine...

I knew before I faded that I was his slave more truly
than those captors ever were. I'm bonded to him with
invicible chains I could not have broken with what
little will he left me. My tempestous kitsune took me
apart, tossing my illusions left and right, taking my
walls down, breaking my masks until he found the real
me. And here I am trying to figure out what I've been
left with.

I hissed, Kurama has found my nipple and I arched
into his lips arms around his head. "What have you
done to me?" my words came out in a voice tight with
want.

"I made love to you." he whispered against my skin
"Are you alright itoshii?" he asked, guilt tinged his
tone, his brows furrowed with worry.

"I'm... lost." I whispered not used to this beautiful
human weakness I am wallowing in. He pushed my face
into this, forcing me to name my feelings for him.

I find this... debilitating and the same time
glorious. I was so happy I named what I felt, I was
sure of where I was and where I stood, and now I don't
know what to do... I'm lost.

"Your right here my beloved." he said with a hand
over his heart, "I've found you at last." He bent over
to me and gave me a kiss that reached into the depths
of my being. In his kiss I found the truth of his
words, he took me into his arms and I knew I cannot
stand alone anymore. I have become a part of him, and
he has become a part of me. I am not lost, I'm right
here, in my kitsune's arms.

I will never be lonely again.

I opened my mouth over his throat and felt the pulse
of his blood on my tounge, his moan vibrated from his
throat into mine. I grazed my teeth lightly over his
wind pipe.

What brand of magic is Kurama made of? He sent waves
and waves of warmth to wash over me, and I knew in my
heart that I could tell him anything and he'd
understand. His lips we're gentle but thorough
teaching me a different kind of lingering kiss that
did not burn as fearsome as the Youko's kiss.

My Kurama is a warm fireplace where I can hold my
hand out and take whatever warmth I needed or craved.
My Youko is a blast furnace that will immolate me if I
stray too near.

It was a tempting offer, I have never feared fire my
entire life, fire is my friend. My need stirred
between my legs, I pulled way from his throat.

"Will you forgive me itoshiii? Somehow when I'm Youko
I don't have as much self control." He whispered in
apology while kissing my lips, his tounge reaching out
to curl with mine.

Would I have had it otherwise? I think the Youko is a
good judge of character.

Hell he told me to curse him if necessary. And I did.

"Kurama I am lost because I don't know what to do
with the love you gave me." I spoke my lips still
caressing his "I have no expirience in this." I let
his lips go and looked down at his lovely emerald eyes
"Teach me Kurama." I asked.

He smiled and nuzzled my nose with his "That's my
reason for being now, itoshii."

We must have spent nearly an hour just basking in
that warmth we shared. I needed it, I needed to feel
as much of him as possible as close to me as possible.
And he needed it too, his hands stroked my hair
fingers raking my spikes, while his other hand brushed
flat across my back.

I am still naked from last night and Kurama's in his
sleeping clothes. I pressed him as close to me as I
can and rested my head on his shoulder, he has his
arms around me stroking my back, scratching my scalp,
as he pressed gentle kisses on my neck and shoulders.

It seemed ages I clung to him, sweat built between
our bodies but I didn't care he hummed softly to me
and all I could do was sigh and close my eyes. He knew
exactly what I needed.

I must have dozed, I blinked and realized I did fall
asleep. The pale winter sun was shining between the
drapes in the red hues of sunrise. I am in bed now and
under me is a sleeping Kurama. I didn't move, I rested
my head over his core and listen to little Shiva
dancing to a slow, even, sleeping song. There's
sticky sweat between us and I could smell the scent
the Youko left on me. I smiled, I let Kurama sleep.

But a few minuites later he stirred. I looked up at
him, his eyes squinted and blinked then he pulled me
tighter into his arms. "What's the time?"

"7:30."

"Damn." he whispered.

"Hn?"

"I booked us a flight for New York at 10 am today. Is
that alright? If you want to stay a bit longer we can
cancel." he yawned pushing me to one side and made it
his turn to snuggle.

"We need to go?" I asked, he draped a leg and an arm
over me, resting his head on my shoulder. I couldn't
help it, I was looking for signs that he was other
than Kurama, I know, it's not right. I should accept
him as he comes.

"I want to avoid Yoshira, after her host dies she is
usually weak for 4 or 5 days, I want to be out of here
before she can follow us."

"Why don't we just kill her and get it over with?"

"It's not that simple Hiei." he said softly now
saying my name.

"Last night you said you wanted to tell me
something." I looked at the top of his head my fingers
playing with his thick red mane. It wasn't like the
fine long silk of the Youko, but it's no less of a
pleasure to touch, like thicker strands of silk in
bunches and curls and... that smell...

I didn't notice it on the Youko...

But Kurama is hesitating, I could feel his need to
tell me but I could also feel his need for haste. He
wanted to get out of Hong Kong.

"Hiei..."

"Never mind Kurama, you can tell me later, you booked
the flight already. You have your reasons, I trust
you'll tell me when your ready." I sat up and pressed
my lips to his in an abbreviated version of the kiss I
learned from him last night "Let's get ready, we're
suppose to confirm our tickets 2 hours before the
flight right?"

Kurama's eyes misted he lowered his head "Thank you
Hiei."

I went to get clothes from our suitcase.

"Ano... Koi?"

"What?" Fleece, I like this material, nice, soft and
warm...

"You need to shower." He said and I can tell he had a
hard time getting that out.

"Why?" I gave him my attention holding on to the
sweater I wanted to wear.

He bit his lower lip "You smell like... sex,
Itoshii."

"So?" I don't want a bath! I like the Youko's scent
on me!

"We don't go around smelling like that." He came
closer and bent over me. He nuzzled my hair and took a
deep breath "I like my scent on you too but, humans
don't advertise their personal scents. And we musn't
either if we are to mingle with them."

"Fine." I pushed my sweater at him and made my way to
the bathroom. What is it with these humans and their
obsession with hiding their natural scents?

I took a quick shower, I didn't bother to close the
doors. I've had a shower before in Kurama's place in
Tokyo, the plumbing looks different here but it works
the same. I loathe to wash up but we don't have time
to argue and I regretted not being able to use the big
tub in here. There are places to sit on and hot water
for soaking. That would have been better than a shower
because to me, showers feel incomplete.

But, we have 1 and a half hour to get to the airport
and from my view of the city last night the traffic
will have to be accounted for.

Ch, I sound like a Ningen...

When I was done I wrapped a towel around my waist and
went out to find Kurama has everything packed and
ready. He had also laid out some clothes that go well
with the sweater I had chosen, he's holding a black
tube of something and as I approached him he squeezed
some on his hands and taking mine began stroking the
stuff on. It smelled nice and clean, very masculine.

An artificial scent created by humans to mask their
pheromones. I shook my head at their oddities. But
Kurama is right, if we are to blend in then we have
to do as they do.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Just some lotion, I don't want your skin getting
dry, itchy, and scaly. The air in the airplane will be
very low in humidity."

"Hn."

He went down to rub more of the stuff on my knees and
lower legs, he made sure to rub some on my soles. It's
a sensous expirience actually and I realized this is
his way of showing his love for me. He's taking care
of me.

"Done. My turn for a shower." he pecked my cheek on
his way to the bathroom.

I was done dressing when breakfast came. I realized I
burned my coat last night, I really liked that coat,
the leather jacket is okay but I definitely need a
long coat to keep my legs warm and to hide mt katana.
I can withstand extreme cold, thanks to my Koorime
half, but I don't really like it. I'd rather be warm.

I felt around for a bill and found the money clip
Kurama gave me, I had nothing but 20's so I gave him
one. The human seems very happy, I think I gave him
too much.

I waited for Kurama to finish his shower. When he
finally came out of the bathroom he headed straight
for his clothes and started dressing. His hair is damp
but not dripping wet, still it left a damp spot on the
back of his white shirt.

That won't do.

I went to the toilet to fetch a small towel. I placed
this under his hair to keep the rest of his back from
getting wetter. "Change your shirt before we go, it's
cold out there I can feel it. And don't feed me, we're
on a rush." I sat besides him.

"Yes love." he said with a small smile that was
almost the one I wanted, "Eggs?"

"Yes please."