Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Losing My Will. ❯ Facing Memories and getting rid of things. ( Chapter 2 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]
Another chapter another round! I just hope that you all like this!! THank you so much everyone for taking the time out to read and review..
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The light hit my sore swollen eyes and and woke me up. I get up and dressed. I can't stay here. I need to return o my apartment. I go and wash my face hoping it will hide the old tear tracks down my face. I place on my good son mask and go downstairs to join my family.
My mother hugs me and both my step father and step brother keep giving me pitying looks. It is the last thing i can handle right now. I tell my mother i am going to return home. She smiles a worried smile at me then i bid her goodbye.
My heart feels as if a case of ice has been casted over it. My chest feels empty and i have a headache. I pass lovers and children and i pull my arms tighter around myself. My gaze lands on trees and a wishful feeling feels me.
As i climb the stairs to my apartment dread fills me. THe first time i walked up these steps i was happy and excited we would have a place of our own. Were we can love, talk, and just be ourselves. THen it hits me. Hiei was never truly himself. Not since after the Makai Tornament. He changed. He was no longer mine. Tears form to spill forth. I don't let them fall.
I quickly go up the stairs and hear another door open. I go inside and shut the door my back to it. My eyes look inside Just that little bit and my grief over flows through me.
Nights of love and passion replay over and over. Betrayal flows out of my mouth with a cry. My back to the door i fal to my knees then my hands move to my hair. Hair he always said he loved. He used to play with it before, during, and after making love. I grip it tight and pull it.He loved my hair!! I pull and pull as fresh tears spill and sobs come out. I rest my head on the door and just sit there and cry.
How long have i been siting here? One hour,Four, or have i been here all night? I slowly get up. My legs are wobbily and my chest hurts. My stomach hurts from a lack of food. Food something i really don't feel like. I go into the livingroom and walk to the wooden tv stand. I go over all the pictures on it. I then grab onto one and punch it. Then annother till all the picture frames with him in it are broke. THe glass cuts into my knuckles. but it really don't hurt. Its like the pain in my heart is keeping all my other pains away.
I then go inot the kitchen and take out all the ice cream i kept stocked in there and throw out about 30 american dollars worth. Then i get rid of any food he liked. Any thing he said he loved. It all gets thrown away. I then take the garbage out.
I pass a couple and just stare at my feet. I throw it in the garbage bin and the lid falls on my hand. It's the same one that i had cut. It hurts but..I don't care. I just don't anymore. I get my hand lose and tear some skin off my palm.
I head back to my apartment and a car that was coming in the drive almost runs me over. He stopped. I really don't care. If he had hit me it would end my suffering. It would end the life of Minamino SHuichi and Youko Kurama. It would free me.
I go back inside. Tears forming once again. I then go into the bathroom and run a bath. Yes a hot bath would soothe me. As i begin to soak in it. I can remeber us making love here. Me Washing his tore bloody body after a fight.
I close my eyes and cry. Then i say to him even though he can't hear me." Hiei, I thought it was you. I thought we were supposed to be lovers till we died. I thought you loved me. I really thought you loved me. You told me you did. Oh hiei..I thought it was you. "
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Reveiw please!!