Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ The Spirit Detective Show Version 2 ❯ Episode one ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]
The Spirit Detective Show Version2

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M-chan: M-chan is not pleased with FF.net right now. Not pleased at all. "The Spirit Detective Show" was deleted, and she planned to put it on MM.org. She saved it to disk and deleted it from the hard drive to free up some space. But being the stupid thing she is, she lost the disk. Now that it is deleted, she can't download the back up, either.

Youko: Stop talking in third person.

M-chan: Iie. But... She's starting a new show now, seeing as how the other one got "canceled."

Karasu: Why do I have to be here?

M-chan: Cause M-chan said so.

Hiei: Hn. Baka onna. Stop talking in third person.

M-chan: -_- M-chan feels so unloved.

Youko: May we start this poor excuse for a show now?

M-chan: Hmph. ::shoves everyone through a door labeled "set"::

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Official positions on the show:
~Youko Kurama is the official host and gokan-ma. (OHAGM)
~Hiei is the official co-host and compact youkai. (OCHACY)
~Karasu is the official co-co-host and fangirl control. (OOCHAFGC)
~Kuronue is the official keeper of the sake and mail bag and guest getter person. (OKOTSAMBAGGP)
~M-chan is the official writer and annoyer of Youko Kurama. (OWAAOYK)
~Rookie is the official co-co-co-host that doesn't really host and just does random things. (OCCCHTDRHAJDRT)
~Yuki is the official stage manager. (OSM)
~Angel is the official keeper of all things Kurama and annoyer of Shuuichi. (OKOATKAAOS)
~Miyakai is the official 'dunno...' girl and helper of Karasu. (ODGAHOK)
~Allie is the official bomb-loving kitsune torturer. (OBLKT)

The set:
There are eight black chairs around a mahogany table with a large vase of dark red roses. The background is crimson-ish.

~~~~~

Youko: Irasshai.

Hiei: Hn.

Karasu: .........

Rookie: ^_^

M-chan: ::takes a flower out of Karasu's hair::

Karasu: O.O What was that doing in there??

M-chan: ::points to Rookie::

Rookie: ::tries to look innocent:: Nani?

Youko: Ahem. I would like to start the show now, if that's ok with you three.

Karasu: ::goes and sits beside Hiei:: Keep that onna away from my hair, or she might have an "accident."

Rookie: ........... ::puts the flowers in Youko's hair instead::

M-chan: It's my job to annoy Youko!! ::shoves Rookie off stage:: ::takes the flowers from Youko's hair and starts braiding it::

Rookie: ::lands on Kuronue:: @_@ May I butter your sock?

Kuronue: @_@ Nani?

Youko: -_-

Hiei: This cast is dysfuntional.

Karasu: ....Can I blow someone up?

Hiei: Hn. ::points to Rookie::

Youko: No! NO BLOWING UP ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!

Minna: @_@

Karasu: Why do I have to listen to him?

M-chan: .....You don't actually. I'm the writer, so you have to listen to me.

Karasu: .........

M-chan: As long as they're not a member of the cast, have fun. ^_^

Karasu: ^_^ ::trace eyes appear around the audience::

M-chan: Just make sure there are a few people left to watch the show...

Youko: O.O

Hiei: ::amused::

Rookie: At least it's not me. ^_^

Kuronue: Or me. ^_^

Audience: O.O ::run for their lives::

Karasu: ::evil grin:: Mwhaha!

[Thirty audience members later]

Karasu: ^_^

M-chan: That was entertaining.

Rookie/Kuronue: ::nod::

Hiei: ::smirks:: I'd have to agree with that.

Youko: O.O You killed off thirty audience members!!

Karasu: Your point?

M-chan: Since when does Youko Kurama care about baka ningen fangirls...? ::poke poke:: Are you really Youko?

Youko: ::ear twitches::

Hiei: .......Again, I agree. That doesn't seem like something Youko would care about.

Kuronue: Yeah.

Youko: ::ear twitches again:: ::sits:: Oh look, it's time for a guest. Kuronue?

Kuronue: ::gives him a weird look and goes to get the guest::

M-chan: Who's the guest? Hm, hm? ::bounces around the set::

Youko: Not telling. ::smirks:: ::gets hit with a brick:: @_@

M-chan: That's what you get for being mean!

Youko: ::growls:: ::ties M-chan to a support beam::

M-chan: -_- Not fair! Rookie should be tied up too!

Rookie: Nani?

Youko: ::ties Rookie to another beam:: There. Now you can't interfer with me trying to run a somewhat organized show.

Karasu: Wanna make a bet? They'll find a way. They ALWAYS find a way.

Hiei: ::nods in agreement::

Youko: They move from the beams, they go boom. Understand?

Karasu: ::smirks::

M-chan/Rookie: O.O;

Kuronue: ::comes back with Justin Timberlake::

Minna: O.O;

M-chan: WTF!?! Untie me! Untie me now!! I must kill the fag guy!! Untie me!!

JT: Hey, yo, who you callin' a fag?

M-chan: YOU!! Untie me!! He must die!!

JT: Don't you be talkin' to me like that now girl.

Youko: O.O' Uh...who the fuck put him on the list as a guest?

Minna: ::shrugs::

Youko: Oh well. ::shoves JT into a seat:: Might as well get this over with.

JT: Now don't you be shoven' me.

Youko: .........So, you're a guy....that sings?

Kuronue: ::shakes his head and goes backstage to the sake room::

Hiei: ::looks disgusted that JT is within ten feet of him::

Karasu: ::trying not to make him go boom::

Rookie: ::yelling different curses and names at JT::

M-chan: ::chewing the ropes::

JT: Yeah, I sing.

Youko: Real discriptive.

JT: You got a problem dog boy?

Youko: ::twitch:: I am a fox.

JT: Yeah, wuteva'.

Youko: ::mutters:: And you are a fuckin' fag.

JT: You say sumthin'?

Youko: No, no, I said nothing. So, tell us about yourself.

JT: ::starts rambiling about his forty dollar hair care products::

M-chan: ::chews the last rope:: Success!

Karasu: ::does nothing::

Rookie: What about me?

M-chan: ::pays her no mind::

Karasu: I don't like you. You get loose, you go bye-bye.

Rookie: -_-

JT: ::still rambling::

Youko: ::looks like he would rather die::

Hiei: ::pulling at a loose string on the chair::

M-chan: ::pulls out three CD players:: First step: Drown out his rambling. ::puts Ra, AFI, and Linkin Park in them and turns it up full blast::

Youko: ::falls over:: @_@ My ears!

JT: @_@ What's that crap?

M-chan: ::pulls out a flame thrower:: Second step: Kill him!

JT: O.O ::gets set on fire:: :runs around and falls into a bottomless pit that appeared out of nowhere:: That's so not cool yoooooooooo.... ::pit closes up::

M-chan: Third step: ^_^ Congradulate yourself on a job well done.

Youko: ::twitching:: My...ears...turn it off...

M-chan: ^_^' Oopsies. Gomen Youko-sama. ::turns the music off::

Youko: ::sits up:: I would usaully hurt you for not staying put, but you saved as all from the horror, so whatever. ::sits M-chan in a chair:: Now don't get up.

M-chan: -_- I save you all and I get sat in a chair and can't move. You're so grateful.

Youko: ::sweatdrop:: I suppose we should go to a commercail....

[Commercails]

The voice: Today's show is brought to you by the word: Gaki

Kuwabara: ::walks on screen and reads from a card:: What does Gaki mean, you ask? Well, that's what I'm going to tell you. Gaki can be roughly translated as "Brat" or "Punk." Now Hiei will show us an example of this word being used in a sentence.

Hiei: ::walks on screen and throws his card aside:: Repeat after me. "Kuwabara is a Gaki."

Kuwabara: You little- ::gets knocked out by the penguins of New Guinea::

Penguins: ::point to Hiei:: It's the almighty! ::bow down::

Hiei: O.O;

~~~

The knowledge of the almighty M-chan:

M-chan: ::walks on screen:: ^_^ Remember, All electronic equipment is out to get you. ::glances around and runs off screen::

[End commercails]

Youko: Could those really count as commercails?

Minna: ::shrugs::

Hiei: why do I have to share a "educational moment" with the baka?

M-chan: So you can disreguard what the card says and insult him.

Hiei: ^_^

Minna: HE SMILES! ::scream::

Hiei: O.o;

M-chan: ^^;; Well, now it's time to introduce the rest of the cast.

Hiei: More people? Why people? They su-

M-chan: ::covers his mouth:: Yes, but that's not very polite to say....when they can hear you say it.

Hiei: ::bites M-chan:: Why should I care what they think?

M-chan: O.O Itai! ::smacks Hiei:: Because they'll do that!

Hiei: @_@ Ok....

Youko: Hahaha. ::gets hit in the head with Rookie:: >@_@<

Rookie: @_@ Oi!

M-chan: ^_^

::suddenly someone runs across stage and tackles Karasu::

Karasu: @_@ Nan da yo!?

Allie: ^_^ Will you blow up the invisable pixies? Onegai?

Karasu: O.O Nani?

Allie: The invisable pixies. I want you to blow them up.

Karasu: .........

M-chan: ::pulls Allie off of Karasu::

Allie: Hey!! ::tries to attack M-chan::

M-chan: O.O Tasukete!

Hiei: -_- ::takes Allie and drags her to a chair::

Allie: -_-

M-chan: @_@ Well, that's one of the other cast members...

::a girl walks on stage holding about thirty Kurama plushies and a crate full of Kurama pictures::

Minna: o.o;;

Angel: ::blinks:: Nani? I am the keeper of all things Kurama...

Youko: Lucky for me she likes my ningen form better....

M-chan: Lucky for her too...

Youko: .......O.o

M-chan: ^_^; Uh...er, I mean, oh look. It's Yuki.

Minna: ::looks at Yuki::

Yuki: ::glares at minna:: Stop staring at me!

Minna: o.o

Yuki: ^_^ ::sits next to Kuronue:: Hello.

Kuronue: .......I'm in trouble, aren't I?

M-chan: Probably.

Yuki: ::grabs Kuronue's arm:: ^_^

Kuronue: -_-;

M-chan: We're still missing someone...

Miyakai: ::wonders on stage::

Youko: What took you?

Maykai: Dunno.

Minna: ::anime fall::

M-chan: So, now that everyone is here, we can bring out another guest.

Youko: No more fag pop stars.

M-chan: But I wanted to get Britney Spears on the show.

Yuki: Why in the Makai would you want to do that??

M-chan: Cause I wanna set her on fire too. And throw darts at her to see if anything will pop.

Allie: Darts! ^_^

Youko: -_- Baka. Just get a guest.

Kuronue: Could someone do that for me? I can't do my job, seeing as how I'm stuck. ::points to Yuki::

Yuki: ^_^ Nonsense. You can do your job. ::gets up and drags Kuronue backstage with her::

Kuronue: -_-

M-chan: Poor Kuronue.

Rookie: ::buliding a model of a Diablo out of toothpicks and glue::

M-chan: .......Why are you doing that on the show?

Rookie: Cause I do random things.

M-chan: ::stomps on the Diablo:: So do I! Wasn't that random? ^_^

Rookie: T_T ::pokes M-chan in the eye::

M-chan: X.O Is that your answer to everything?

Rookie: No...attacking with rabid potato salad helps too.

Minna: O.o

M-chan: ::pushes Rookie into a chair:: Suwaru.

Rookie: -_- First you ruin my model, then you shove me into a chair and tell me to sit. Wait, wasn't I tied up?

M-chan: .......? I thought Karasu was supposed to keep you from getting lose?

Karasu: ::points at Allie:: It's her fault for distracting me.

Allie: ::points to Rookie:: She's a moron.

Rookie: What does have to do with anything?

M-chan: So, you're saying you are a moron, but that has nothing to do with you not being tied up?

Rookie: T_T

Kuronue: ::runs past:: There's the guest. ::points behind him::

Yuki: ::runs after him:: Kuronue!

ShishiWakamaru: ::walks on stage::

Rookie: ^_^ Shishi! ::glomps him::

Shishi: O.O Get it off!

Hiei: Hn. Yes, keep him and stay away from me.

Allie: Yeah. ::glomps Hiei::

Hiei: -_-

Karasu: ::snickers:: Better you than me.

Allie: ::grabs Karasu and glomps them both::

Karasu: -_- Damn.

Kuronue: ::is getting glomped Yuki::

Youko/M-chan/Mayakai/Angel: O.O;

M-chan: Code eleven!

Mayakai: Nani?

M-chan: A code I just made up.

Angel: ....For what?

M-chan:: ::points:: The glomping. ::gets a water hose and sprays cold water over Rookie, Allie, Yuki, and the bishies::

Minna: o.o;

M-chan: ^_^;

Yuki: O.O

Kuronue: ::runs backstage and locks himself in the sake room::

Yuki: T_T

Rookie: Water! ^_^ ::splashes in the puddles on the floor::

Allie: ::growls::

Hiei: Hn. ::jumps to the rafters::

Karasu: ::backs away from Allie::

Shishi: My hair is messed up! I need a mirror!

M-chan: ::shoves Shishi into a chair:: Youko, interview the guest while I go and hide.

Youko: From what?

M-chan: ::points to Allie::

Allie: ::has a knife:: Baka!!

M-chan: O.O; ::runs backstage and locks herself in her office::

Allie: ^_^ ::throws the knife at a random person and sits next to Karasu::

Random person:: O.O Gah, my heart! ::dies::

Minna: o.o

Youko: Anyways, the next guest is ShishiWakamaru.

Shishi: I'm on TV? I'm famous! *_*

Minna: O.o;

Shishi: I always knew I would be famous! People love me and my good looks!

Angel: Kurama is better.

Shishi: Me.

Angel: Kurama.

Shishi: Me!

Angel: Kura~ma!

Shishi: Meeeeee!

Angel: KURAMA! ::throws M-chan's trash can at Shishi::

Shishi: @_@

Kuwabara: ::runs past:: NOT THE TRASH CAN!!! ::runs into a wall:: @_@ Remember Sweden! X.x ::falls over and gets trampled by a random heard of penguins::

Minna: o.o

Penguins: ::salute Hiei as they run past::

Hiei: O.O What is up with that??

Rookie: You could take over Canada with them!!

Hiei: O.o Uh....what's a Canada?

Rookie: Um, my sock drawer?

Hiei: ........

Angel: ::is stomping on Shishi:: Kurama is better! Kurama is better!!

Youko: O.O ::grabs Shishi and throws him into the audience before Angel kills him::

Mayakai: That wasn't too smart. ::points::

Rabid Shishi fangirls: ::are mauling him:: SHISHIWAKAMARU!! WE LOVE YOU!!

Minna: O.O

Youko: ::sweatdrop:: I see nothing....

Yuki: ::sweatdrop:: Yeah, what are you pointing at Mayakai?

Mayakai: ......Must have imagined it......

::bell rings::

Youko: Well, that's all the time for today. Thank Inari. Ja matte ne minna-san.

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M-chan: Yay, all done. ^_^ Reviews would be nice. You can put questions and stuff in the reviews and the cast will answer them... Review or be destroyed!! Mwhahaha!!