Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Sleeping Hiei Part IV ( Chapter 5 )

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother's Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

More review! (does a dance) I love reviews! Thanks very much! I don't think I'm inserting any outside characters, but thank you for asking! It was flattering.

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Chapter 5

Rewind:

Botan: Don't look so smug, you! You have more singing coming up!

Hiei: (face goes strangely neutral) Hn.

Play:

The cast has quieted down to watch Hiei sing his lines. The small fire demon stays obstinately silent.

Koenma: Come on, Hiei! Don't you want me to go to sleep?

Hiei: I don't care.

Botan: Please help, Hiei! Don't worry, I'll sing with you soon!

Hiei: No.

Kuwabara and Yusuke are eagerly anticipating the downfall of the ice cream fiend who beat them earlier that day.

Koenma: Now Hiei, you know what I can do to you… do you want me to use that against you?

Hiei: Hn. (after a moment) Why do they treat me like a child?

Yusuke: No fair! He skipped his song!

Kurama: Well, what did you do with your fairy blessing?

Yusuke: That was different! My blessing was a load of crap!

Kurama: Too true.

Yusuke: At least I summed it up!

Hiei: Hn. Fine. Birds and hearts sing stupid things. Now, why do they treat me like a child?

Keiko: Um, isn't he supposed to be speaking to an owl?

Koenma: Oh yeah! I keep on forgetting about these animals. (He thinks for a moment, then claps) George!

George: (Stumbles in after running from Genkai) Y-yes, sir?

Koenma: I want you to be an owl!

George: What?

Botan: Here, George, it's easy. All you say is "who".

George: (doubting) Okay…

Koenma: Take three! Hiei!

Hiei: Hn.

Koenma: (sigh)

George: Um, who?

Hiei: My stupid fair- I mean, Aunts or something. They never let me go anywhere. (Thoughtful) Though they pushed me out the door today…

George: Who?

Hiei: I thought I told you, baka! Anyway, I fooled them, cause I've met someone. (back to sarcastic self) Lovely…

George: (getting the hang of this) Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Who? Wh-

Hiei: Shut up!

George: -o.

Hiei: (recomposed) It's some prince. Supposedly tall and handsome, though I don't see it.

Botan: (flames)

Hiei: Then we walked some, talked together, or at least he talked. Finally, when it gets to the good part where we say goodbye, he ruins it by leaping on me. Thank goodness I wake up after that.

George: (takes a breath to start again)

Hiei: Don't even think it, baka. Yep, it's only in my nightmares. Unfortunately, since I've seen it so many times, it's sure to come true.

George: (glances at script, then over at Botan) It says I'm supposed to wear your clothes.

Botan: What?! I thought this wasn't a Yusuke story!

Keiko: Well, he was pretty enthusiastic when we began.

Mini-flashback - Yusuke: Yeah! - End flashback

Botan: Oh, yeah…I guess he did approve…

George: So what am I wearing?

Botan: Well, not the clothes off my back!

Koenma: Here we go again. Okay, oni, go fetch some clothes from Botan's bedroom here.

Botan: Don't stretch them out!

George disappears for a few minutes, then comes back with a blue kimono draped over his shoulders.

Kuwabara: Why aren't you wearing it?

George: My shoulders wouldn't fit.

Botan: You already tried?!

Hiei: Well, I think you look exactly like Botan.

Botan: (grabs oar and starts charging towards Hiei)

Hiei: Baka onna. (Disappears in burst of speed)

Botan: Just you wait, Hiei!

Kurama: (singing to self) Just you wait, `enry `iggins, just you wait! [an: My Fair Lady]

Youko: (internally) What is that noise?

Kurama: (stops thinking about it quickly)

Keiko: Do you want to get on with this? Otherwise we'll be stuck here forever!

Botan: You know, oar, there was something strange about that voice. Too weird to be real. Maybe it was a mysterious being, a fire demon or an idiot...

Hiei: (growls)

Botan: (points dramatically at George) There, my clothes! Stop!

George: (runs to hide behind Hiei)

Hiei: (rolls eyes) Oh, boy. My prince. What a surprise.

George: (looks at Hiei confused before figures it out) You mean Botan? I'm not-

Hiei: Be quiet! I don't want to be forced to do this again!

George: (shuts up)

Hiei: You know, my aunts told me to speak to strangers today.

Yusuke: Was that Hiei's attempt at a pick-up line?

Everyone: O.o

Hiei: (glares, but sticks out a hand to George)

George: (looks at hand) I've already met you, Hiei.

Hiei: (angry) We have to dance.

George: Oh! Well…do you know how?

Hiei: No.

George: Then maybe we'd better not.

Hiei: Hn.

Koenma: Arrgh! It's easy! Just hold hands then move around!

Everyone else: (stifling laughter)

Hiei: (mutters) I can't believe this.

George: (grabs Hiei's hand and starts spinning around. Hiei stops this quickly)

Yusuke: Sing, Hiei!

Hiei: Die, baka.

Botan: Please, Hiei? I don't want to be singing by myself!

Hiei: Hn…fine.

Keiko: Did he just agree? o.o

Kurama: (shrugs)

Hiei: (very low) I know you, I walked with you once upon a …dream?

Yusuke and Kuwabara: (pounding the ground with fists as they laugh.)

Hiei: (murder written plainly across face) Fools. (Reaches for katana, only to remember it's still missing.)

Botan: What happened? Where's the next line?

Hiei: Hn.

Botan: Oh, come on! Sing it with me! (pushes George out of the way) Ready?

Botan (loudly) and Hiei (mumbling): I know you, the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam.

Yusuke and Kuwa: (barely breathing because laughing too hard)

Botan: See? That part even fits well!

Botan: (continues singing) And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem.

Hiei is currently stalking Yusuke and Kuwabara, who haven't realized their danger.

Botan: And if I know you, I know what you'll do!

Yusuke and Kuwabara are currently being beat up. Luckily, the darkness censors the violence, so this story can remain PG. For an uncensored version, watch any show with Hiei beating the crap out of someone and just replace it with Yusuke and Kuwabara, if it isn't already them.

Kurama: (screams from stage left) No! My dress! It's still on Yusuke! YoY

Botan: (desperately trying to finish her song) You'll love me at once, the way you did once upon a dream.

Hiei: (appears smirking evilly) Where were we?

Botan: I finished the song by myself, you idiot! And after I came in to help you out, too!

Hiei: Hn.

Botan: Grr! If only my oar hadn't run away!

Hiei: (still smirking) Aren't you supposed to like me in this scene?

Botan: (eyes glint before she returns to script…or at least idea) Oh, Darling! You're so romantic to beat up big burly guys on our date! Especially when you're so short!

Hiei: What?

Botan: And you're so brave to wear a sack when it makes you look like a village idiot! I just love stupid men! Oh, wait, no, I forgot, women!

Hiei: Baka onna. (backs away)

Botan: (follows intently, fingering his hair) And this…where did you get this wig? It's gravity defying properties make you look like a clown! Which I think is just delicious!

Hiei: (slightly nervous now) …hn. o.o

Botan: Oh, I must know your name so I can ridicule-I mean, praise- that fully, too!

Hiei: (takes out script to try and find a loophole; sighs) Thank goodness this onna has some common sense. (reads) I can't! Goodbye!

Botan: We're coming to the good part in your dream? Well, not anymore! (leaps onto Hiei)

Hiei: Omphf.

Botan: When will I see you again, Darling?

Hiei: (glares) Never.

Botan: (tightens hold) I don't think so!

Hiei: (struggles but can't shove Botan off) Fine…tomorrow!

Botan: (grips harder) What was that?

Hiei: (choking) Argh! To-tonight, baka onna!

Botan: (let's go, smiling) Oh, okay! I'll met you at that run down hut, hmm?

Hiei: Hn.

Botan: (waves) Goodbye!

The lights return to the hut, to find Keiko struggling vainly with a fifteen layer cake, Yusuke with a black eye and shedding pins, and Kurama looking in horror at all of his hard work.

Keiko: Well, what do you think of it?

Yusuke: It sucks.

Kurama: Y.Y My dress.

Keiko: (glares) What was that?

Yusuke: (sweatdrop) Uh, it's very unusual?

Keiko: Hopefully it will fix itself in the oven.

Yusuke: (gag) -.-

Kurama: Y.Y My dress.

Yusuke: Oh, give it up! Blame it on Hiei and just make a new one. With color this time.

Keiko: (trying to lift cake) Uh, Yusuke, some help here?

The cake resists the efforts of Keiko and dissolves into a goopy mess all over the counter.

Yusuke: Great. We're really on a roll. (sighs) Do you think we can use magic now?

Kurama: Y.Y My dress.

Yusuke: I'm taking that as a yes. (turns towards bed) Koenma! Can we get some magic here?

Koenma: That's not really legal…

Yusuke: And locking us up is?!

Koenma: Fine! Look in the cabinet above the stove.

Yusuke removes the wands and tosses them out to everyone.

Keiko: Finally! (waves wand and goop turns into a baked fifteen layer cake)

Kurama: Y.Y My…what's this?

Yusuke: A wand. Now use it!

Kurama: (rolls eyes) Touchy! Oh, well, I guess we must. (waves wand to pull dress back together and sew)

Keiko: Hey, do you think I can have one of these to take home with me?

Koenma: No!

Yusuke: (Watching Kurama) Black, again? It should be blue! (waves wand and dress turns blue)

Kurama: Yusuke, Hiei will pitch a fit. Black! (Dress turns back)

Hiei: I don't pitch fits. Hn.

Botan: Suurre.

Yusuke: No fair! Orange!

Kurama: (annoyed) Black!

Yusuke: Mauve!

Kurama: Black!

Yusuke: Olive! (dress turns into actual olive) Whoops! I mean, Burnt Sienna! (turns into brownish dress)

Kurama: Black!

Keiko: Hey, do you hear something?

Yusuke and Kurama listen to silence for a few moments, then turn to each other in mock horror.

Yusuke: Hiei!

Kurama: Hide the wands.

Yusuke: Maroon!

Keiko: Enough of that!

Kurama: Black!

Hiei: (strolls calmly in)

YKK: (Quickly throw away wands)

Koenma: Watch the goods!

Hiei: What's going on here?

YKK: Uh…Surprise!

Hiei: (turns around to view cake and dress) Is that an ice cream cake?

Keiko: (sweatdrop) …no.

Hiei: (eyes pop) And I have to wear that?! I don't have the figure for a strapless!

Kurama: But I worked so hard!

Hiei: No.

Botan: Can I wear it then?

Hiei: Go ahead.

Kurama: Y.Y (sigh)

Hiei: This is turning out to be the worst day of my life. First your ridiculous surprise, and later I have to see him again.

Keiko: Him?

Yusuke: Hiei! You didn't tell me you were gay!

Hiei: (covers eyes with hand) I mean, her…no, Botan's being a guy, so that makes her a him…hn.

Keiko: So you were picking up strangers.

Hiei: No. Unfortunately, we've met before.

Yusuke: Where?

Hiei: In my nightmares. (examines cake moodily) When do I get to eat this?

Keiko: She's in love.

Yusuke: (smirking) Oh, no.

Hiei: Where did you get that idea, baka onna?!

Keiko: Um.. I didn't. It's right here in the script.

Hiei: (reads) I'm in love with Botan?!

Botan: Ha ha! I knew it!

Yusuke: (grinning) Seems so! I didn't know you had it in you!

Hiei: (grumpy) Hn.

Kurama: (also smirking) This is…kind've interesting.

Hiei: Don't I get a choice in this?

Keiko: On top of that, you're already betrothed.

Hiei: Is everyone attracted to me?!

Silence descends again and Hiei freezes. He amends his statement.

Hiei: In this play?

Keiko: (quickly) Oh, no! Just Botan.

Hiei: So I've got a loveless marriage ahead of me, hn?

Yusuke: You care?

Hiei: (just as fast) No.

Kurama: Well, it's not that bad. You're marrying a Prince.

Hiei: Great.

Yusuke: (prompting) And that means…

Hiei: …

Yusuke: That you're…

Hiei: …

Yusuke: A PRINCESS! Do I have to spell it for you, retard?

Hiei: Baka. I knew that.

Everyone: (pratfalls)

Hiei: Wait, does that mean I don't have to meet Botan tonight?

Kurama: Uh, sure! No sweat! Just go get ready to meet your real parents.

Hiei: Hn. Whatever. (Leaves, without dress, to backstage)

Keiko: Whew! That was easier than I thought!