Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ When Fairy Tales Attack!! ❯ Sleeping Hiei Part VII ( Chapter 8 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

When Fairy Tales Attack!!

CoWritten by: Tuathafaerie and Nenagh24

Disclaimer: We don’t own Yu Yu Hakusho, Disney films, or the Brother’s Grimm. Note that any actual dialog taken from the movies might be interspersed without identification and that this disclaimer applies to any such lines. Please do not sue because of it.

Note: Any slandering of said Disney films or fairy tales is author intrusion and fully intentional. Enjoy!

Ps. Just so you know, this is not, and I repeat, NOT the last chapter of this story. It is only the end of Sleeping Hiei. I already have the next parody decided on, and keep in mind that I will always (No matter what it looks like) finish what I start. So, heh heh heh, don't delete me from your memory yet, 'kay?

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Chapter 8

Rewind:

Yusuke: Whahh! Why do I even open my mouth any more! (grabs a stapler) Maybe this will help!

Keiko hits Yusuke before he can cause himself too much harm.

Play:

Botan sits in the nicely furnished "dungeon cell" clinging to the pillows on the bed. Kurama is trying to get her to move.

Kurama: Come on, Botan! You have to get out of this room.

Botan: No way! I mean, look at this place! Would you give up a vacation at this kind of resort?

Kurama: (sigh) You do know it's only one room in Koenma's bedroom.

Botan: Humph! I'll take that as a no!

Keiko: Please, Botan? We really need to finish this story as fast as possible! My family will start to worry where I am!

Botan: Hmm...

Yusuke: Aw, get real! You know you want to kiss Hiei!

Botan: (glares) Making fun of me, are we?

Kurama: (internally) To make fun of her, wouldn't that mean they were right?

Youko: (internally) Go away, "Shuichi". You get the body, leave me some room in the head.

Kurama: (rolls eyes; internally) Oh, boy. The curses of not being able to walk away from a grouch.

Botan: Fine, I'll go, but on one condition!

Keiko: What's that?

Botan: I want my own house in the human world. Do you know how annoying my apartment neighbors can be when you bunch come over?

Yusuke: (groans) Don't you know how expensive it is to get a good plot of land in Tokyo?! The city's already busting full!

Botan: (stubborn) That's what I want.

Kurama: (sighs again) [an: poor Kurama. I love you!] Koenma? Do you think you can help us with this?

Koenma: Well, really, I do have some land that's not too far from your house, but we need a house to put on it. It's basically just a park.

Yusuke: Wait a minute...the park Hiei lives in?

Koenma: (shrugs) I believe so.

Botan: Yay! Me and Hiei are going to be neighbors!

Hiei: Hn. Baka onna.

Keiko: What about that house Toguro had built?

Koenma: (nods) That should work...Now get back to my play!

Yusuke: Touchy.

Botan: (bubbly self) Okay, where were we?

Kurama: You were just coming with us to escape from Genkai's, uh, dungeon... (looks around at finery with disbelief)

Botan: Sounds good. Let's go!

Kurama: (back to the script) [an: he's the only one really paying attention] Wait, Princess Botan! The road to true love may be blocked by still many more dangers, which you alone will have to face. So arm thyself with this enchanted shield of virtue and this mighty sword of truth. For these weapons of righteousness will triumph over evil. (holds up cardboard sword and shield)

Yusuke: Those lines were a load of crap.

Keiko: Our production budget must be really small for those props.

Botan: (sweatdrop) Um, is it okay if I just use my bat?

Yusuke: (snickering) The mighty bat of truth!

Botan: (Hits Yusuke with her bat) See how useful it is?

Kurama: I guess that's fine.

Genkai comes out to see Botan leaving the room. She clutches her heart in mock horror.

Genkai: Wait! You forgot to pay your bill! That satellite ain't free, you know!

Botan: Do you take IOU's?

Genkai: Not on your life! Get them, Puu!

Kurama: Watch out, Princess Botan!

Botan: (watches Puu fall to the ground) For what?

Keiko: Nevermind. Let's just get out of here!

Yusuke: I wanted to fight grandma!

Genkai: The mistress of all evil!

Yusuke: Whatever.

The three tug Botan away from the room and back in the direction of Hiei. Genkai looks after them in consternation, trying to think of a way to stop their progress for the sake of her pride as the villain of the story, when a thought catches her attention. The evil smile is suddenly back.

Genkai: (cackling) A forest of fools shall be her tomb. Born through the skies on a fog of doom. Now go with the curse and serve me well, Round the baka's castle cast by spell!

Koenma: (to self) Those weren't the words in the script...

Kurama: For a woman with such a problem with cackling, you sure do it an awful lot.

Genkai: Shut up!

From the darkness comes the noise of several people falling down. With the aid of infrared, it appears that Keiko has tripped over the dead weights of Kuwabara and Toguro, bringing Yusuke and Kurama down with her. Botan turns back to the laughing Genkai, fed up with the whole ordeal.

Botan: Okay, you asked for it!

Koenma is starting to look forward to the upcoming fight between good and evil. It reminds him of all the hours he would spend watching the Spirit Detectives on his small television screen. However, Botan and Genkai do not get into a fistfight. Instead, they seem to be heavily involved in some kind've bargaining deal.

Genkai: Okay, so I get two weeks with Toguro at the hot spa?

Botan: Yes, but you have to foot the bill for the satellite and agree not to be evil in this story any more. Oh, and I really love those pillows! Do you think I could have them for my new house?

Genkai: Well, I should ask for two tickets for Harry Potter, but I guess I could give them to you as a housewarming present.

Botan: Thanks! Okay, deal? (sticks out her hand)

Genkai: (shakes Botan's hand) Deal.

Koenma: What the heck is this?!! This is supposed to be the exciting part, where Botan stabs Genkai with her, uh, bat!

Genkai: (snorts) I wouldn't let myself get stabbed.

Botan: How do you stab with a bat? I mean, I can pound people to a pulp, and that usually works, but stab?

Koenma: Arrrgh! [an: whoa! get the blood pressure pills!]

Koenma makes a summoning gesture with his hand, and suddenly a portal appears in the room. The haze to this portal makes even Yusuke wary of sprinting towards it. But being Yusuke, he ignores that and tries to run away. Before he can fully untangle himself from the heap on the floor, a large red dragon appears in the room.

Koenma: Now fight it!

The dragon looks blankly around. Botan pokes it a few times with her bat and it turns tiny, barely the size of a palm. She picks up the crying dragon coddling it, and glares at Koenma.

Botan: Now look what you've done!

Genkai: (pointedly) He wasn't the one who poked it.

Botan: (ranting at Koenma) No, but you stole this dragon out of another world and he's just scared, depressed and lonely.

The dragon, who is currently suffering from lack of air from Botan's affections, holds up a sign.

Dragon: (on sign) I'm not that lonely.

Botan: Oh, poor dear! (let's up on the dragon) What's your name?

Dragon: (on sign) Fire. (pulls out another sign) Where's my master?

Keiko and Yukina get up from the floor and rush over to the "cutie-pie". Koenma looks on in disgust as his plan for an action scene is foiled by an incredibly verbose dragon, as long as you count the growing pile of signs on the floor. The portal, which has been left unattended, suddenly shows more activity. A girl with a very weird hairstyle sticks her head into the room.

Girl: Hey, I'm Cesia! Has any one seen a duel dragon around here? Name of Fire?

Fire: (on sign) Master's girlfriend!

Cesia: (sweatdrop) Oh, there you are. Don't let Rath hear you talk like that. He won't let you out of the sword again. (takes another look around the room) Wow. Do you know that five of you are demons? Well, at least part demon. Rath would go crazy. Guess it's a good thing he's not here. Come on, Fire.

Fire waves good-bye to the three girls surrounding him then jumps into the portal following Cesia. The room is quiet for a moment as everyone recovered from their visitation.

Yusuke: Um, Koenma? What world did they come from?

Koenma: I think some place called Dusis...

Kurama: Okay, so...where does that leave us?

Botan: Can I just say I've vanquished the dragon?

Koenma: (sigh) Very well.

Hiei: (to self) Wait a minute...Kurama, Toguro, me, Yukina...who's the fifth? (growls) Better not be that baka...

The lights turn back on, illuminating the pile that Yusuke and Kurama are trapped in and, on the far side, Hiei, who hastily lies back down and closes his eyes. Yusuke and Kurama remove themselves from the embarrassing situation.

Keiko: Well, come on, Botan, you've got to wake up Hiei!

Botan: (suddenly shy; softly) What if he doesn't want me to?

Hiei: (grumbling) Onna, I am tired of just laying here! Stupid ningen traditions.

Botan: (turns to Keiko) If I whack him with my bat, that will work just as well, right?

Keiko: Um...heh heh...

Botan goes forward hesitantly to peck Hiei on the lips. He, however, intent on getting some form of revenge, holds her in what is assumed to be an uncomfortable position. Yusuke, as polite as ever, takes advantage of the situation.

Yusuke: Whoa-ho! Hiei is hitting on Botan! I'd say they really will have to get married if it goes much further!

Keiko: (smacks Yusuke) Idiot! Stop ruining a good moment!

Yukina: (pretends to "wake up") Good morning!

Hiei: (finally lets go and pulls back) Hn.

Botan: (breathing heavy) WHAT?! You just pulled me in for that kind of kiss and all you can say is "hn"?!! Where's my bat??

Hiei: (smirks) Baka onna. (pulls her in again)

Yusuke: Yep. Where's the minister?

Kurama: (sigh) Things have gotten a little strange.

Genkai: (snorts) A little? You're almost as bad as Kuwabara!

Speaking of Kuwabara...

Yukina: (looks down at still knocked out form of Kuwabara) Oh dear...

Hiei: (stiffens and moves to attack the idiot)

Botan: (holds on to him) Not that kind of dear!

Yusuke: (being chased around the stage by Keiko; trips) Ah! She's gaining! Hey, what's this? (finds wand on the floor)

Keiko: Yusuke!!

Yusuke: (stumbles back to feet, then fingers wand) Hey, this might come in handy...(points wand back at Keiko) Flip!

Keiko: (skirt comes up slightly) What the-YUSUKE!!!

Yusuke: Darn, must be out of range.

Yukina: (trying to heal Kuwabara) Oh, they hit you pretty hard, didn't they?

Kurama: (notices something on the floor) Oh, why look at that, my wand.

Youko: (internally) Stupid wand. Hurt my dress in the first place.

Kurama: (internally) I think that was Hiei. He was beating up Yusuke.

Botan: (sitting with Hiei, watching the show) So does this mean you're going to stop calling me "baka onna"?

Hiei: (smirks) No, baka onna.

Botan: (smiling and fingering bat) You're incorrigible, you know that?

Genkai: (Gazes at the sleeping Toguro) Well, come on, I didn't give you that big of a dose, did I?

Toguro: ... ..... ........

Genkai: What do you mean, "it's safer on the floor"?!! I used you for a curse, did you know that? Oh, wait, that wouldn't have hurt you anyway. My mistake.

Toguro: .... ... ..... ..

Genkai: (blushes) Stop trying to sweet talk me! Who says I'm going to go to the spa with you!

Toguro: (smirks) ... . .......

Genkai: ...okay, so I did. (sighs) Well, okay, let's get this show on the road! (picks up Toguro again) See you later!

Kurama: (the only one who's listening) Bye!

Kuwabara: (struggling up) Oh, Yukina, my dove, my butterfly, my nightingale! You saved me!

Yukina: (sweatdrop) Actually, I hadn't even started to heal you. I think you woke up on your own.

Kuwabara: Only your presence could bring me back so quickly!

Yukina: I was lying next to you the whole time...

Yusuke has escaped Keiko's wrath for the moment and is looking at his wand speculatively.

Yusuke: Wasn't there something I was doing with this wand?...Oh, yeah, that's right! (points wand at Botan's dress) Orange!

Kurama: (notices streak of orange) What does he think he's doing?

Youko: (internally) My DRESS! Change it back!

Kurama: (internally) Why? Orange looks okay on Botan.

Youko: (internally; sniffs) It's a matter of pride.

Kurama: (shrugs) Black!

Botan and Hiei stare down at the dress as they notice the changing colors. The dress itself is witnessing a literal rainbow of new moods.

Keiko: Yusuke? I know you're around here somewhere. (notices what seems to be a stick on the floor) My wand? (grins suddenly) Pay back time!

Yusuke: Saffron!

Kurama: Black!

Yusuke: Baby blue!

Kurama: Black!

Yusuke: (desperate for new colors) Um...Fire! (The dress goes on fire)

Botan: WHOA! Okay, time to stop playing around!

Hiei stands and pulls Botan up, trying to smother the flames with the jacket/cloak [an: or whatever that thing is] he has removed.

Keiko: Uh oh! Let's see...Water!

Botan is suddenly drenched to the skin. She keeps Hiei's coat around her for modesty's sake.

Hiei: (turns and glares at Yusuke and Kurama) Bakas!

Kuwabara: (surprised by what he has seen) Did Hiei just protect Botan? Hahaha! Hiei's got a crush on Botan!!

Yukina: I don't think that's a good idea...

Hiei: (glare moves to Kuwabara) You are going to die.

Yusuke: (trying to sneak away) Come on, Kurama, don't just stand there!

Botan: (suddenly in front of Hiei and Kurama) I don't think so. (hefts bat) You know, this bat is coming in handy quite often now...

Keiko: (joins Botan) Hey, Yusuke.

Yusuke: Keiko! Thank goodness!

Keiko: (waves the wand in front of her face) For me, maybe...

Kurama: I think it might be a good idea to take your own advice, Yusuke.

Yusuke: (looks at both girls, then grabs Kurama and runs) I'm taking you down with me, fox!

Kurama: (internally) Crap.

Youko: (internally; snickers) Serves you right. My poor dress. Y.Y

Hiei: (approaching Kuwabara) Come on, baka. Just going to stand there?

Kuwabara: (to Yukina) Ah, my darling love. I'll fight for glory for you. Don't worry, I shall triumph! [an: really, don't combine the things Hiei hates in one sentence...]

Hiei: (snapping) Fool! I think I'll kill you tonight!

The stage dissolves into fighting, excluding Yukina, who is a pacifist. [an: I would say oblivious, but she seems to have a cunning streak.] It seems the Spirit Detectives are back to what they do the best, fighting amongst themselves. The battle is protracted, but not too violent, as no weapons or spirit energy is present. When it comes to a standstill, the players retreat to their respective corners.

Yusuke: Oww! Keiko, that hurts!

Keiko: (tying bandages) If you weren't such a perv sometimes, I wouldn't have had to hit you.

Kuwabara: My princess, your charms always make me feel better!

Yukina: Well, healing does run in the family...

Kuwabara: I'm sure you're the most gifted of all!

Kurama: (internally) Why do I let myself get involved with these things?

Youko gives no answer. He seems to be sleeping. Every once in a while, a small moan of "my dress" can be heard, but that is all.

Botan: Does that mean you can heal people, too, Hiei?

Hiei: Hn. I never tried.

Botan: (sweatdrop) No, I guess you haven't.

George: So, Koenma, sir, did you enjoy the production?

Koenma: (snore)

George: Uh, Koenma, sir?

Everyone: SSHHHH!

Botan: Oh my! When did he fall asleep?

Yusuke: Maybe the brat got tired from bossing us around?

George: Actually, I think it was all the fighting. He always falls asleep when he's watching you guys on missions.

Everyone: (sweatdrop)

Keiko: So, all we had to do...

Yusuke: Was start a fight?!! What the-?

George: Well...

Yusuke: Sheesh! Whatever. (sits back down and goes to sleep)

Botan: So, we're just going to sit here?

Hiei: Hn.

Botan settles down next to Hiei and he gingerly puts an arm around her. She smiles.

Botan: Well, I guess I can't object!

The bedroom descends into silence as our heros drift into sleep, resuming it's natural place in the world to be a quarter of relaxation. The only interruption is the occasional "my dress" that drifts from Kurama and Youko, gaining voice through the subconscious. It seems they will have to wait for Koenma to wake up to return to their own houses. [an: Mwhahahahaha! Youko: Shut up! Author: Meep! Okay, but just for now. Don't think your torture is finished yet! Youko: Wierdo.]